Chapter 12 #2
“Would you like to go shopping today?”
Her eyes flashed with excitement. “Of course. Where were you thinking?”
“I remembered how you insulted my boring gray furniture. So, I thought we could hit up a home decor store and find some pillows and other decorations to spice it up. Maybe even a new picture to replace Jesus hanging in the living room,” I suggested, my hopeful smile more of a grimace.
Her jaw dropped, and she gasped. “My grandmother gave that to me. It’s an heirloom from the church my mother was baptized in.”
I stared blankly, not bothering to argue.
She snorted and rolled her eyes. “Okay, let’s go shopping. But no promises about replacing Jesus.”
“A man can dream.”
Her laugh rang through the apartment, and I smiled harder, liking how it sounded like home.
Just before we reached the store, Aspen’s phone rang.
“Grace is calling you?” I asked, seeing the name on the screen.
“Yeah. Why?” she said, distracted by adjusting her phone to answer it.
“I just didn’t know that you guys talked without me. What do you talk about?” Had they talked so much that Aspen might have let something slip? Had she said something that contradicted what I’d already told Grace, giving away our arrangement?
“Well, Lucian.” She fluttered her lashes over falsely innocent eyes. “I call her up every morning and vent about our horrible agreement. And then, she tells me another one of your dirty secrets that I can use against you.”
She laughed at my annoyed stare. “You’re not funny,” I deadpanned.
“I’m hilarious,” she said, shrugging and picking up the phone.
I tried to piece together what they were talking about, but Aspen gave quick answers, followed by frowns and pensive stares up at the blue sky, which didn’t give me any clues about what Grace was saying on the other line.
“Oh, no. He didn’t tell me that.”
Despite her short phrases increasing my anxiety, I avoided looking at her, trying to hide how intently I listened.
“I’m not sure I can make him agree to that.” She laughed. “Yeah, Lucian does love making agreements with people.”
Between the word agreement and not knowing what the hell they were talking about, I snapped. “All right, why don’t you put her on speakerphone?”
Aspen looked at me like I’d asked her to do a cartwheel, but caved and put the phone between us, rolling her eyes. “Grace, you’re on speakerphone because Lucian is being a busybody and can’t handle not hearing everything we’re saying.”
Grace laughed. “That’s so like him—always needing to be in control. Hello, Lucian.”
“I don’t always need to be in control,” I objected.
“Mmhmm,” she said doubtfully.
“Tell Lucian I said hi,” Felix said, his voice sounding far away.
“Oh, for the love of God,” Grace huffed. “If we’re all joining in, then I’ll come stand by you so we can hear each other.”
Aspen laughed and leaned close to the phone. “Don’t let her bully you, Felix. I love talking to you as much as I do Grace.”
“You talk to Felix, too?” I asked, my face pinched, earning me an exasperated look in return.
“She’s going to be our goddaughter-in-law, Lucian,” Grace admonished. “We’re allowed to talk to her without your permission.”
“Yeah,” Felix cut in. “We tried to get her to stay for dinner the other night when she stopped by, but she claimed she had to get home to you.”
“You stopped by?”
“Are you just going to parrot everything we say, Lucian? Or are you going to join the conversation with some actual input?” Grace asked.
Aspen gave me a look that clearly stated what she said before explaining her visit. “I happened to stumble upon the variety pack of tea that I knew Felix liked, so I bought a few and dropped them off on my way home. It was nothing.”
“Nonsense,” Grace objected. “It was unbelievably kind of you to think of Felix and go out of your way to bring it over.”
“She’s a keeper,” Felix chimed in.
“It’s a shame you couldn’t have found her years ago,” Grace added.
“She would’ve been a child if I found her years ago,” I muttered, earning a snort from Aspen.
“Life has a funny way of bringing people into our lives at the right moment,” Felix said.
I studied Aspen and—still determined to brush aside the increasingly intense emotions—reasoned that life presented her to me now because I needed a wife. Nothing else.
Yet, something still forced me to acknowledge that I appreciated having her by my side.
And maybe she hadn’t come into my life just for me.
Maybe she was also there for Grace and Felix.
Between her consideration for my godfather, without prompting or any personal gain, and the nights we attended family dinners when I watched her inspire a brightness in Felix, my heart raced as if it would fly out of my chest. Especially when I remembered the way she made him laugh and never treated him like he was sick.
No.
It wasn’t her creating that light-as-air sensation.
It came along because Felix looked more alive than he had in months.
It wasn’t affection or something stronger that she stirred in me.
It had to be the hope that this wedding would help my godfather’s health and inspire him to change his decision to not treat it.
“Well, Aspen,” Grace said, cutting into my thoughts.
“Since the boys have interrupted our conversation, maybe we can have our phone call later to go over those wedding details. I can go ahead and send you the information about the florist and wedding cake designer that my friend from the club recommended. Her daughter used them last year and couldn’t stop gushing. ”
I blinked and almost laughed. While I’d imagined Aspen ruining our plans, she’d been planning our wedding.
In the next second, the laugh died in my throat, twisting into self-loathing. Ever since Aspen told her father about our engagement, she’d been nothing but all in, and I still let cynicism and doubt turn me into an asshole.
No. Daria turned you into an asshole. Daria planted that cynicism.
The reassurance rang hollow.
“That sounds perfect. Thank you, Grace, for everything.”
“Of course. We’ll talk soon.”
Aspen hung up the phone after we said our goodbyes and headed into the store.
She drifted along the shelves, and I watched.
The same cool composure she’d greeted me with still framed her features, but somewhere along the way I’d started noticing the warmth beneath it. The softness she tried to keep hidden. Even knowing it was there, she still managed to surprise me.
She lifted a small figurine, glanced at the price, and huffed under her breath — scandalized by whatever absurd number the store had slapped on it.
A faint smile tugged at her lips as she ran her fingers over pillows and folded blankets. She barely paused long enough to really look, but she touched everything — like texture alone was enough to delight her.
It was all so effortless. Unaware.
So perfectly her.
I hadn’t realized my face pinched as I studied her until she caught me staring. “What?” she asked, her own brows pulled tight.
“Nothing.” I shook my head and relaxed my features, diverting my attention.
I picked up a crushed blue velvet pillow that reminded me of a photo I saw of her couch in her old apartment and wondered if she’d like this around our home.
Even hearing the words in my head—our home—sent my thoughts fumbling before coming up with an excuse to be staring so intently.
“I just never expected you to go out of your way for my godparents.”
“Why not?”
“Because…” I put the pillow down and considered my answer.
The reality was that I compared every woman to Daria, and she would never have gone out of her way for my family. That kind of caring was something I had always hoped my wife would do when I’d imagined my marriage.
But I couldn’t admit—even to myself—any connection between Aspen and the woman I dreamed of marrying when I was younger.
“Because it wasn’t part of our agreement,” I claimed instead, my words harsher than I intended. “All you needed to do was pretend to be my wife. Not make the rest of my family fall in love with you.”
Her head jerked back as if my words landed a physical blow, with features pulled into a frown.
But then…she did that magical thing I’d witnessed time and again—her face smoothed into cool indifference.
The problem was that now I saw past her false control and knew that a myriad of emotions from hurt to anger brewed beneath—and knew it was my fault.
“I thought you said that this was a real marriage, and I was a real wife.” I opened my mouth, but she cut me off.
“And it’s not like I’m trying to make them fall in love with me.
I’m just being a decent human. And, just because you’re so averse to loving someone doesn’t mean everyone else is,” she snapped, successfully calling me out for my shit before walking away.
I sighed, knowing I should follow her. It was just that watching her interact with my family increased the heat simmering under my skin, a heat I kept trying to ignore.
On top of that, witnessing how much they cared added a whole new layer of guilt.
I hadn’t expected them to accept her and become so close.
As if lying to them hadn’t weighed on me enough, the thought of their reaction when Aspen left in five years banded around my chest, constricting the air to my lungs.
“Lucian?” a familiar voice called, flooding me with the usual rush of anger that coiled around my muscles, pulling them tight.
I drew a deep breath and borrowed a page from Aspen’s book, sliding on a mask of cool indifference. There was no way in hell I was letting her see how much that voice still affected me.
Because it didn’t.
I gave my head a sharp mental shake and reminded myself how much better my life was now than when I’d been a na?ve romantic. I turned, taking in the same face from almost fifteen years ago. A little older, but still smoothly polished like the perfect trophy she always wanted to be.
Except…