Chapter 16
SIXTEEN
DAEMON
On Friday at work, I was somewhere else entirely. Physically present but mentally miles away, running worst-case scenarios on a loop.
What if Elevate escalated? What if they went after Nadia's family? What if something happened at one of her events and I wasn't there to stop it?
"Daemon, are you gonna do something with that?" Tyler's voice cut through my spiraling thoughts.
I blinked, realizing I'd been standing motionless in the middle of the job site, holding a two-by-four while the rest of the crew waited.
"Yeah. Sorry." I moved to position the board under the drop saw, but my measurements were off. Tyler caught it before I could make the cut.
"Hold up." He checked my mark. "What the fuck? Can you get your act together before you screw up big time?"
"Sorry. Just distracted."
"Clearly." Tyler studied me. "You've been off all day. What the hell is going on?"
"Nothing. Long night."
But Tyler wasn't buying it. He exchanged a look with Malakai, who was working nearby. One of those silent conversations that happen when you've known someone long enough.
I knew what was coming. Still, when Ethan called end of shift and everyone headed to his place for Friday drinks, I couldn't think of a good excuse not to go.
Ethan and Lindsey's clifftop Victorian was impressive without being showy. Big enough for the entire crew to spread out, with a veranda that looked out to the coastline in both directions.
Lindsey appeared long enough to say hello before disappearing upstairs to her office in the tower. "Writing deadline," she explained. "You boys play nicely."
The crew filtered in. Ethan grabbed beers from the industrial-sized fridge and handed them out before claiming the rattan couch. Cole settled into what was clearly his usual chair. Chase and some of the others, including Zac and the Kendrick brothers, stretched out on the veranda.
I sat on the front steps and tried to blend into the background, but Tyler and Malakai had me cornered within ten minutes.
"So." Tyler handed me a beer. "You want to tell us what the fuck is going on, or do we have to play twenty questions?"
"Nothing's going on."
"Bullshit," said Malakai. "You've been somewhere else all day. Made three mistakes on measurements, nearly dropped a sheet of drywall on Zac's foot, and checked your phone every five minutes."
"I'm fine."
"Also, bullshit." Tyler propped his hip against the ornate railing that fronted the veranda, his gaze locked on mine. "Is this about Nadia?"
The name alone made my chest tight. "What about her?"
"That's what we're asking." Malakai studied me with an intensity that made me twitchy. "You were good when the two of you got together. Now it's like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop."
"I'm not—"
"You are," interrupted Tyler. "And we get it. New relationship, big feelings, scary stuff. But if you don't deal with whatever's eating you, you're screwed."
I took a long pull of my beer, buying time. Further along the veranda, the Kendrick brothers were arm wrestling to resolve their latest argument. Zac was laughing at something Ethan said. Normal. Easy.
Everything I wasn't feeling.
"I'm going to fail her," I said finally. "Like I failed my mom."
Silence. Then Malakai moved to sit next to me, his voice quiet but firm.
"That's not the same thing, and you know it."
"Isn't it?" I turned to face him. "I made promises I couldn't keep. Told her I'd take care of her, that everything would be okay. Damn it, I was doing time when she died alone. What'll happen when Nadia needs me and I'm not enough?"
"You can't protect her from everything," said Tyler. "You pull that crap, and you'll smother what you're trying to save."
"I'm not trying to smother her—"
"Not yet. But you're heading that way." Tyler's expression was serious. "Look, I get it. You want to keep her safe. But Daemon, she's a grown woman who ran military logistics. She can handle herself."
"Those Elevate assholes are trying to destroy everything she's built."
A snort from Malakai had me turning, ready to counter whatever argument he was about to throw at me. "Yeah, they're trying to do a number on her, but she's fighting back. Sure, you're helping, but she's leading the charge."
Malakai crossed his arms, expression closed. "The question is, are you helping her win, or dealing with everything because you're scared?"
The words hit harder than I expected.
"I almost lost Amelia," Malakai continued. "I was so busy trying to keep her safe that I forgot to trust her. Forgot she's capable and doesn't need me to fight all her battles."
"But what if something goes wrong?"
"Then you deal with it together." Tyler's voice was matter-of-fact. "That's what partners do. They don't protect each other from life. They face it as a team."
I wanted to argue. Wanted to explain that my situation was different.
"It is different," said Cole from across the veranda, seemingly out of nowhere.
He hadn't moved from his chair, hadn't raised his voice, hadn't looked up from his beer until now. The others went quiet. Cole didn't speak often, but when he did, rooms listened.
"Your situation is unique because you already did what you're afraid you'll do to her.
Let someone down when it counted. You know what it cost. These two," he nodded toward Tyler and Malakai, "are telling you not to be afraid.
I'm telling you something different. I'm telling you that you already know how bad it gets when you fail someone, and you rebuilt yourself anyway. That's not nothing."
He took a pull of his beer. "The question isn't whether you're capable of failing her. You are. We all are. The question is whether you're the man who gets back up when he does."
He looked at me directly then. "When I first met you, you were the angriest person I'd ever met. You had every reason to stay that way." Another mouthful of beer. "You didn't."
"So, what do I do?"
"You talk to her," said Malakai. "Tell her how you're feeling. Stop pretending you've got it all handled when you're obviously drowning."
"That's not—"
"Yeah, it is." Tyler's tone left no room for argument. "And if you don't deal with it now, it'll blow up in your face. Probably sooner rather than later."
As I concentrated on peeling the label from my beer, their words circled in my head. The logical part of me knew they were right. The terrified part was already building walls, preparing for when I inevitably let Nadia down.
Saturday afternoon arrived all too soon. The Romano christening was being held at Our Lady of Sorrows Catholic Church, a beautiful old building with stained glass windows that had my criminal record weighing even heavier.
I'd been to exactly two churches in my adult life.
Both times were for funerals, and neither of them was my Mom’s. When I should have been crying over her coffin, I was beating the hell out of a big mother who wanted to be top dog in the exercise yard.
The only plus about this afternoon's event was that it was being held in the hall next door and not in the church itself.
Despite this, walking through the doors of the hall with Nadia felt like announcing to God and everyone else that I had no business being there.
"Are you okay?" Nadia asked as we carried equipment from her van.
"I'm not big on churches."
"Because of your past?"
"Because of my everything." I hefted a folding table. "Pretty sure lightning's going to strike me down the second I walk in."
She laughed. Actually laughed. "Daemon, you're helping cater a christening. I think you're safe from divine retribution."
"You don't know that."
But she was already moving, coordinating with her staff. I set up chairs, arranged tables, and followed Nadia's directions, on edge the whole time.
"Sofia Ferrari!" An older woman's voice cut through the preparation chaos. "Is this your risotto?"
I turned to see a church matron grabbing a fork and helping herself to one of the dishes. Sofia appeared from the kitchen area, wiping her hands on a towel.
"That's Nadia's version," Sofia said, pride clear. "Better than mine, no?"
The matron's eyes narrowed. "You never shared this recipe with the church ladies."
"Because it's Nadia's recipe. She created it." Sofia's smile was pure mischief. "Perhaps you should ask her for it."
"I certainly will." The matron huffed before taking another bite, seemingly oblivious to the daggers Nadia was staring at her for digging in before the event had even started. "Though I still say you're holding out."
It was harmless. Friendly bickering between old women who'd known each other for decades. Nothing to worry about.
So why couldn't I relax?
The event went perfectly. The christening was apparently beautiful, and the food was excellent. Despite that, I was wound tighter than a spring, hyperaware of every small thing that could go wrong. A dropped fork. A guest who looked unhappy. A door opening too quickly.
"Daemon." Nadia appeared beside me during cleanup. "You've been tense all day. What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I wanted to make sure everything went smoothly."
"It went smoothly. You saw that, right?" She studied my face. "This isn't about the event, is it?"
"It's all good."
"No, it's not." She grabbed my arm. "Talk to me."
"Later. Let's finish up."
I saw the hurt flash across her face before she hid it. Saw when she decided not to push.
That should have relieved me. Instead, it made the guilt worse.
Back at my place that evening, the tension between us was thick enough to cut.
Nadia was quiet, moving around the small space, careful to keep a distance that said she was giving me room. Waiting for me to explain.
I should have talked to her. Should have told her what Tyler and Malakai said, admitted I was struggling, opened up about the fear eating at me.
Instead, I pulled her close and kissed her. Hadn't sex always solved my problems in the past?
She responded immediately, her body melting against mine. This I could do. This I understood. I could give myself over to the sensations and forget about my screwed-up life.