Chapter 2
Chapter Two
‘ F reedom! ’ my long-time friend, Amber, whoops when I join her and my bestie, Cat, in Blue Bar on Bread Street – a stylish wine bar and favourite after-work watering hole of the local office workers.
They’ve clearly been here for a while.
‘Yes, and thank god. This week couldn’t end soon enough.’ I hug Cat while Amber ducks away from me, not one for shows of affection.
It’s actually Thursday. We’re having a long weekend to celebrate my birthday – a bit of a tradition I have with my three closest friends, one of whom will be even later than me.
‘Cheers.’ I clink their glasses once Cat has poured me a glass of Merlot from the open bottle on the table. ‘What time did you two get started?’
‘About five-thirty.’ Amber’s tipsy grin and burgundy-stained upper lip are proof of this. ‘We messaged you.’
‘You mean you messaged her,’ says Cat.
With a wry smile, I pull out my phone and scroll through the dozen or so unread messages, all from Amber. They start with a simple ‘what time will you be here?’ and progress to borderline verbal abuse as drinks evidently flowed and my continued absence was noted. Amber, being pint-sized, with freckles and long wavy auburn hair, may look cute and innocent, but she’s got one hell of a mouth on her and the self-assurance to match.
‘Emma, you need to sort out that bitch boss of yours,’ she says. ‘Keeping you in the office ’til seven p.m. on your birthday weekend is bang out of order.’
‘I know.’ My shoulders slump. ‘She has no idea it’s my birthday though – despite regularly pulling my employee file to see if there’s anything she can use against me.’
‘What an evil cow.’ Amber scowls.
‘Tell me about it. She knows nothing about my life. Not even that I’m good friends with the CEO’s PA, more fool her. I’m never going to get any credit for anything I do while I’m working for Karla.’
‘Oh, Emma.’ Cat gives my shoulder a sympathetic rub. ‘It hasn’t gotten any better then?’
‘ Nope . She shamelessly sits in front of the Board taking full credit for every piece of work I produce. A lot of it work that she’s meant to do herself. Sara tells me every time and it drives me insane. I can’t decide whether having a friend on the inside is a good thing. I mean, at least I know what’s happening, but I’m worried that I’ll eventually lose my shit and get fired for bawling her out.’
‘ Ha , that I’d like to see.’ Amber scoffs. ‘You’re a total wuss, Emma. There’s no way you’d do that.’
Knowing Amber’s right, I’m momentarily transported back to the hopelessness I felt in the office.
Cat puts an arm round my shoulder and pulls me in for a much-needed hug. ‘Hey, chin up honey. Don’t let her ruin tonight as well. ’
‘You’re right.’ I let my head rest on her shoulder and attempt to ward off the impending tears. ‘It’s just not that easy when I’m made to feel useless and incompetent every single day.’
‘So, quit,’ says Amber.
‘I can’t. I have bills to pay.’
‘Oh yeah, that’s right. Tell me again why you’re paying rent to your rich boyfriend who owns his Quartermile apartment outright?’
‘It’s not rent as such, it’s… complicated. I don’t want to be a freeloader.’ I look away as Amber eyeballs me.
‘ Anyway …’ Cat saves me from an uncomfortable exchange. ‘The important thing is that, until you can escape Karla, you need to find a way to get on with things without snapping. Everyone has their breaking point.’ She throws Amber a look, but Amber just snorts and turns to me.
‘If there’s one thing she won’t do, it’s fire you. Then who would do the work? You both went for the same job and she won, but it was close, so she’s keeping you down. You’re her biggest threat.’
‘I suppose you could be right.’ I shrug, not entirely convinced. ‘But even if she won’t fire me, she’ll make me suffer big time. It’s so frustrating. That job should have been mine.’ I grab my glass and take a large medicinal swig.
‘Do you know when Sara’s joining us?’ Cat says, in a clear attempt to move the conversation on.
‘Oh... Sara . What am I like? Here I am complaining when poor Sara’s still in work – at the Board meeting – and that goes on ’til eight-thirty.’
‘That’s different. Sara loves her job. She also gets treated well and paid for the extra hours – you don’t.
‘Maybe she gets treated too well.’ Amber winks.
‘ Amber ,’ I scold her. ‘You have no proof Sara’s seeing her boss – it seems to be nothing more than a figment of your overactive imagination – and there are people from my work in here, so watch what you’re saying.’
‘ Come on ,’ Amber protests. ‘Those extravagant pieces of jewellery? She might love expensive gear, but there’s no way she could afford all that on her salary. And she’s always working late .’ She air quotes those last two words for effect. ‘He’s her CEO sugar daddy. No doubt about it.’
With neither me nor Cat biting, there’s a lull in the conversation, so Amber engages in her favourite pastime of scrolling through Instagram reels with the volume turned up – all for the purpose of irritating other punters she considers too ‘up themselves’.
So, our celebratory weekend starts in the same way they always do. Too much wine, and only remembering to eat when a passing member of staff takes exception to Amber’s boisterous nature and politely suggests we move on.
We get that much-needed fuel at a cosy pizzeria on Lothian Road, and I notice while we’re eating that Cat seems a bit distant.
‘You OK?’ I ask her, when Amber takes her second trip to the ladies.
‘Eh… yeah, I’m fine.’ She swallows the mouthful of pizza she’s eating, straightens herself in her seat and gives me a bright smile.
‘It’s not Amber, is it? I know she can be hard going, but she doesn’t mean any harm.’
‘No… um… it’s… I know she doesn’t. In some ways, I’m actually a bit envious of her. Like, she has an amazing husband and she doesn’t care what anyone thinks. Don’t you sometimes wish you had her level of self-assurance?’
‘Totally.’ I nod. ‘It would help solve my problems at work.’
‘And maybe I’d have something resembling a successful relationship instead of a string of failed romantic liaisons.’
‘Aww, Cat. That most recent one lasted for, what – four dates? That’s not so bad.’
‘It’s not good either, though, is it?’ She chews her lip with an apprehensive expression.
‘You need to believe in yourself.’ I give her a meaningful look. ‘We’re not in high school anymore. I know those scars still run deep for both of us, but look at you, you’re a grown woman with a successful career. There are no braces or nasty nicknames…’
‘For being an “immigrant hiding behind a British name”? It’s OK, you can say it. It’s how it was.’
‘They were cruel little shits, Cat. Firstly, they were wrong, and your British-Asian heritage is something to be proud of.’
‘I know that, and I appear to “fit the mould” enough these days to avoid the hate, but you’re right, those scars do run deep.’
‘Well, I think you’re gorgeous. Inside as well as out.’
‘Thanks.’ Cat gives a weak smile and I clutch her hand affectionately.
‘Your perfect man will turn up and he’ll see what a catch you are, I just know it. Hang in there.’
‘Don’t worry, I will. But I’m not sure how long my self-esteem will hold out.’
We laugh and then fall silent. Cat stares off into the distance, her dark-brown, poker-straight hair framing her hazel eyes and cute button nose. It’s something that I really can’t understand – why someone as amazing as Cat can’t find love. I cross my fingers that she’ll meet the right man soon.
‘So, you’re all right?’ I ask again.
‘Yes… fine. Just tired today. ’
‘OK. But you know I’m always here if you want to talk.’ I let the matter drop. Not because I believe her, but because I know she’ll tell me when she’s ready. ‘So, I’ve got Lottie using FaceTime now.’
‘Honey, that’s great.’ Cat perks up on hearing this. ‘I meant to ask how she’s doing. That will be so much better than chatting on the phone.’
‘Yup.’ I take a sip of water. ‘I worry about her spending so much time alone. A cat is not a replacement for real people and relationships. And she’s really getting old now. It actually scares me a little.’
‘I know what you mean. I felt the same about my nan. She was the matriarch in our family, and then suddenly she was so small and frail. She barely recognised us anymore. It was horrible.’
‘Of course. You know exactly what I’m talking about.’
‘What are you losers wallowing over now?’ Amber surveys us woefully on returning to our table.
Cat and I exhale heavily, then start laughing. Amber’s indelicate observation is exactly what we need to snap out of it.
After eating, we head to another lively bar near the Grassmarket. We’re finally joined by Sara, who’s been part of our friendship group since she moved to Edinburgh a few years ago and I met her at work.
Strutting up to our table as if on a catwalk, causing all (straight) male eyes in the room to follow her, she greets us in turn with her signature European-style air kisses. She then collapses into the seat beside me, sighing dramatically while piling her long, thick, glossy blonde hair on top of her head. This reveals the discreet tattoo on her slender neck, further raising the testosterone levels in the room. She’s the personified goddess every woman longs to be.
‘So, girlfriends…’ Her green eyes twinkle in the half light. ‘What have I missed?’
Despite having worked a fourteen-hour day, Sara is pristine, her glamorous makeup perfect. She’s also later than expected, further fuelling Amber’s suspicions.
‘Late finish for the Board, Sara?’ She asks with a devilish grin.
‘No, actually…’ Sara seems wise to Amber’s game ‘I had some… essential tasks to see to.’
Now well inebriated, Amber misses the cues in Sara’s reply. She turns to Cat and me, wide-eyed, and we shake our heads despairingly.
‘Good night so far?’ Sara asks again.
‘Eventful.’ I nod my head in the direction of Amber. ‘Sorry you’ve missed most of it.’
‘Comes with the territory of being an Exec PA.’ She shrugs, inspecting her perfectly manicured nails. ‘Anyway, what I’m looking forward to is our chill time at the spa tomorrow.’
‘Oh, me too.’ Cat adopts a dreamy expression.
As the night passes, I can’t help feeling slightly envious as I watch how Sara has to fend off one guy after the next. There’s almost a production line of them, each leaving like forlorn puppies when their advances fail. I suppose it could become irritating after a while, but to be that desirable – what a confidence booster.
A bit later on, the conversation turns to matters of the heart. That is, matters of my heart.
‘So, what’s the royal Dave up to tonight?’ asks Amber.
‘Please don’t,’ I reply automatically .
‘ What? ’ She feigns innocence. ‘I was asking a simple question.’
‘You so weren’t.’ Sara raises a perfectly arched eyebrow at her.
Amber tries to protest, but she’s not sober enough to cover it up. ‘Fine. The dickhead deserves it. Has he apologised for leaving you stranded in the pouring rain last week?’
‘That was a mistake.’ My eyes flit to hers and away again. ‘He lost track of time, and he did buy me flowers. That’s as good as an apology.’
‘ Bullshit. ’ Amber scoffs. ‘That’s as good as a guilty conscience. He’s got you whipped, but you’re so obsessed you can’t see it. He’s one hundred per cent selfish.’
I shift uncomfortably in my seat.
‘Amber, quit having a go at Emma.’ Sara comes to my defence. ‘You may not like Dave, but that’s your opinion.’
I shoot Sara a grateful look, but she’s already become distracted by a new male admirer who has ‘accidentally’ bumped her chair when passing our table. Her supportive words give me a boost, nonetheless.
‘He’s a good guy, Amber.’ I fiddle with the stem of my glass. ‘You just don’t know him well enough. The other week he surprised me with a pair of designer jeans—’
‘Buying your affection once again.’ Amber folds her arms and scoffs.
‘He’s also taking me to France for a long weekend for our four-year anniversary.’
‘Touché,’ she says. ‘And he’s probably using your rent money to pay for it.’
‘ No, don’t say that .’ I’m desperate for Amber’s approval of Dave, but equally uncomfortable with this exchange. ‘He’s put a lot of thought into it. We’re going to this seaside town I’ve always wanted to visit, and he’s booked an amazing restaurant. We’re even doing a vineyard tour. The whole trip is organised around things I like. That’s not buying my affection.’
‘Ignore her.’ Cat, who’s been distinctly absence from this exchange, tries to soothe me. ‘Amber’s had too much to drink.’
Amber starts to correct Cat on that point, but a waiter’s approach miraculously silences here – to everyone’s relief.
We put in our drink orders while I search my friends’ faces, insecurity oozing out of me. Sara glances over and gives me a little wink, Cat seems to have drifted off again, and Amber changes the subject, so I decide to label that a success and move on with the conversation.