Chapter 6
Chapter Six
A fter dinner, I curl up on the double bed in Cat’s spare room with my phone and dial Lottie through FaceTime. As the video call connects, I feel an unpleasant churning in my stomach at the thought of having to say the words out loud.
‘Emma, how lovely to see you.’ Lottie’s kind but timeworn face appears on the screen. ‘Are you feeling better? Golly, you’re looking quite pale.’
‘I’m fine, Aunt Lottie.’ I force as natural a smile as I can. ‘I have something to tell you. It’s the reason I’ve been unwell.’
‘Oh?’
‘I’m sorry, I should have said before but I didn’t want to burden you with my problems.’
‘Why, Emma? Because I’m old?’ Lottie appraises me over her spectacles, making her look like an old schoolmistress.
‘No…’ I cringe.
‘Young lady, I might be getting on a bit and unable to do a lot of the things I used to, but I also like to think that I’m wise. Wise enough not to shoulder other peoples’ issues at the expense of my own wellbeing. And wise enough, perhaps, to offer some helpful guidance and support to the younger generation. If you take that away from me, you may as well starting digging—’
‘Don’t say that. Of course, you are. I’m sorry, I guess… I wanted to protect you.’
‘I can understand that, even if I don’t agree with it. Now tell me, what’s happened?’
‘Dave broke up with me.’ My eyes sting with emotion and I swallow thickly to keep my composure.
‘Oh, darling girl.’ Lottie’s gentle voice becomes heavy with concern. ‘I’m so very sorry to hear that. You invested a lot in that relationship.’
‘I did.’ I sniff, losing my battle as an army of tears advances down my cheeks. ‘I really did, Aunt Lottie. I thought we were going to get married.’
‘I know you did. And I don’t think it was unreasonable to have that hope, particularly with David’s extravagant and very public displays of affection.’
‘Me neither.’ I nod miserably. ‘Although… having had time to think about it, there weren’t many of those over the last year or so. He spent money on me, but he was emotionally distant, and I failed to notice. I’ve been really stupid and na?ve.’
‘No, you haven’t. You’ve been in love,’ Aunt Lottie consoles me.
‘Amber always hated him. Like really hated him. Did she see something I didn’t?’
‘My love, I’m not sure it will do you any good to analyse it. You won’t come up with any definitive answers, and it will only extend your suffering.’
‘But I need to know, Aunt Lottie. It’s been driving me up the wall. Please. As you quite rightly pointed out, you’re wise, and I really need some of that wisdom right now. Even if it means you end up slagging Dave off.’
‘All right,’ she says. ‘Although I’m not sure being wise is about “slagging people off”. David is… very showy, Emma. He likes nice things, so having a pretty young woman like you on his arm would have suited him. However, I never got any real sense of depth from him.’
‘What do you mean?’ I wipe my nose and give it a soft blow.
‘Every time I saw him – which was not often, bear in mind – he had a new and expensive item that he would draw attention to. Like a car or a watch or piece of designer clothing. David’s view of the world, and his ability to discard and replace his possessions so easily, well… it may have crept into his personal life.’
‘You mean he just saw me as another “possession” that could be thrown away?’ I frown in response to my own question.
‘I wouldn’t go as far as that, but he perhaps doesn’t possess the emotional depth to create a lasting bond with you.’
‘You know, you’re right.’ I rub my forehead in realisation. ‘I remember he once said that his parents told him the most important thing in life was to make money, because wealth meant power and a nice life with nice things.’
‘Well, there you are. There might be some truth in what I say. Although it’s just an educated guess, Emma. Don’t take that as fact. One can never know exactly what’s going on for other people.’
‘Of course. It’s just been so hard to accept, you know? And things at work have been really tough too.’
‘I understand, my love. And I really wish I could take the pain away. What I can say, is that, although it will take time, you will get over this. And sooner than you think. Believe me, all wounds, no matter how deep, are capable of healing – to some extent at least.’
As she says this, I’m flooded with guilt. Here I am, thinking my partner ending our relationship (which it appears everyone but me knew was doomed anyway) is a near apocalyptic disaster, when Aunt Lottie has had to endure far greater pain in her life. This realisation is enough to kick me back into the gear I reached earlier with Cat.
‘You’re so right. I need to suck this up and move on.’
‘Just don’t push yourself too hard,’ Aunt Lottie warns me. ‘If you do, you’ll only knock yourself back.’
‘I won’t. Thanks, Aunt Lottie. You’re the best. Oh, I forgot to ask how you’re doing. Is everything OK? Do you need me to do anything for you?’
‘I’m fine, my love. For now, put your focus on getting back on your feet.’
‘OK, but I’ll be round to visit really soon, I promise.’
‘I know you will.’ She smiles warmly.
‘Bye.’ I blow kisses at her until the screen freezes and she disappears, then I wander through to the living room, where Cat is lazing on her corner sofa watching the latest reality dating show on Netflix. I settle down next to her, but I struggle to pay much attention to the TV because I’m stuck in my own head.
‘I think I need to reassess my life,’ I philosophise.
‘What makes you say that?’ asks Cat.
‘Well, my relationship’s gone down the drain, I have nowhere to live, my boss is a bully, who constantly threatens and belittles me. And I’m desperately trying to build a career for myself that – at this rate – I’m never going to achieve.’
‘Well, when you put it like that…’ She throws me a sympathetic look and mutes the TV. ‘OK, let’s talk about it. Th e best way to solve a problem is to break it down, so we’ll start with the easy bit. You do have a home. Right here with me. You can stay as long as you want.’
She may be my best friend, but I’m still bowled over by this gesture. ‘Gosh, thanks, Cat. Are you sure? You have no idea how much that means to me.’
‘Totally sure.’ She grins. ‘What could better than flat sharing with my bestie? Now, onto the next… your breakup with Dave. It has been painful and a huge shock, but you’re over the worst of it. In fact, I’m willing to bet that in around six months’ time you’ll barely think about him anymore.’
‘Probably true. You’re good.’
‘Maybe for others. But not for my own issues.’ She rolls her eyes in a self-deprecating way.
‘We all have our areas of challenge. Keep going.’
‘So, that leaves us with your boss and your career. I think Amber’s right, Karla will probably never fire you. That would leave her exposed. She needs you but she also knows you’re a threat, so she’s keeping you down.’
‘But it’s unbearable, Cat. If Karla will never actually fire me, at what expense do I stay there?’
‘Hold on, this is a process. What was the feedback you got from your interview again? Why is it that Karla got the job over you?’
I sigh. ‘Because apparently, I lack the “coat of armour” that she’s got… whatever that means.’
‘Well, what do you think it means?’ asks Cat.
‘Does it matter?’
‘Of course it matters. If you don’t understand your weaknesses, then how do you ever expect to overcome them?’ She gives me an affectionate nudge with her foot.
‘I hate to admit it, but you have a point.’ I suddenly feel a bit sheepish for not trying harder to solve this one myself. ‘ OK… well, I think it’s to do with avoiding conflict. I’m reasonably confident day to day and I’m damn good at my job. But when it comes to difficult or aggressive people, those who think that their opinion matters more than mine, even if I know I’m right, I just seem to buckle and step aside. And I let them get to me.’
‘There you go. That wasn’t so hard, was it?’
‘I guess not, but it doesn’t really help me. Maybe Amber’s right. I am a wuss.’
Cat ponders my words. ‘No, I don’t think so, honey. But if you really want that career move, you’ll need to work on that area. Do you think Karla would treat you the way she does if you made it clear it’s not acceptable?’
I shrug. ‘Maybe not.’
‘And do you think Dave would have spoken to you the way he did if you’d held you own that night – or even throughout your relationship? It did seem like he was a bit self-centred at times, making sure he got what he wanted. If you never stood up to him, you made it easy for him to do that.’
‘You never said anything.’
She hesitates and seems to choose her words carefully. ‘It wasn’t necessarily a deal-breaker in itself. And you seemed happy. All couples have issues of some kind – so I’m told.’ She looks pained for a second. ‘Anyway… the point is—’
‘I could transform more than just my career if I can turn this weakness into a strength? Or maybe just get better at it.’
‘Yes.’ Cat grins at me. ‘Exactly that. You see, sometimes we just need a little steer to find a way forward ourselves.’
‘Cat, you’re a total genius .’ I launch myself on her with a huge hug. ‘I mean, I’ve no idea how I’m going to do it, but at least I know where my opportunity for a happier life lies. No wonder you do so well in your career. Maybe we should apply the same logic to your love life?’
‘Whoa, no thanks . ’ She holds up her hands as if to ward off my idea. ‘That one is best left alone. It’ll happen when it happens.’
‘Seriously, though.’ I hug her again. ‘Thank you so much – for everything. I’m going to come back from the gutter, and I really will return the favour one day.’
‘There’s no need.’ She sighs. ‘You’ve bailed me out of more than enough dating blunders over the years.’
Settling back on the sofa, I feel lighter, and not just because I’ve had some wine. I know that something’s changed. I’ve accepted things and I can now start the process of moving on.
A few hours later, while I’m getting ready for bed, it dawns on me that I’ve turned Cat’s spare room into a dumping ground. I start picking things up and putting them away, and as I see the progress I’m making, it becomes almost compulsive. The tidier the room becomes, the further my mood lightens and my sense of new beginnings grows, and in not much time at all the room looks inviting again. Pleased with my work, I’m about to jump into bed and snuggle under the duvet, when I notice something sticking out from under the divan frame. Reaching down to pick it up, I discover it’s the missing lottery ticket.
‘Hey, Cat, I’ve found that lottery ticket,’ I call to her.
‘Oh, fab.’ She appears in the doorway. ‘Are you going to check it then?’
‘May as well, eh?’
I fire up my laptop and find the right web page .
‘It wants me to select the date of the draw and enter the numbers on my ticket,’ I inform her unnecessarily.
She comes into the room and sits on the end of my bed, while I add the numbers and click the ‘submit’ button. To my surprise, the refreshed web page informs me that I’ve won a prize.
‘Ooh, I’m a winner. Maybe I’ll get that twenty quid after all.’
‘Well, good,’ says Cat. ‘You deserve a break. Whatever you win, you have to treat yourself, OK?’
‘Defo. I’ll buy us a round in the pub, or a meal if it comes up good. To celebrate my new beginning.’ I click through to view my prize. ‘So, it seems…’ I study the information in front of me. ‘ What the …? That can’t be right.’
‘What? What is it?’
I blink at the screen, checking and rechecking the numbers I’ve entered.
‘ Tell me! ’ Cat loses her usual self-restraint.
‘It says I’ve won…’ I shake my head in disbelief. ‘Seven-hundred and eighty-four thousand, five hundred and sixty-three pounds and forty-seven pence.’
‘Very funny.’ She makes a face and sticks her tongue out at me. ‘What have you really won?’
‘I’m serious, Cat. That’s what it says here.’
‘Let me see.’ She clambers across the bed to get a look at the screen. ‘Oh… my… goodness. Oh my goodness! Emma, that’s the second top prize. One more number match and you’d be a multi-millionaire.’
‘Aww… what a way to burst my bubble,’ I joke, but I’m tingling all over. I turn to her in disbelief. ‘Cat, I’ve just won three-quarters of a million pounds.’