Chapter 21 Penny #2
“Let’s see what there is.” I hop off the sofa and wander to the pine wardrobe in the dining room, throwing it open only to see that nothing has moved.
It’s like a time capsule of my childhood.
The day I perused this house—I didn’t get far.
I certainly didn’t open this wardrobe that appears like it would lead to a magical land, because I was certain things would fall out. I wasn’t wrong.
“Holy shit, did Nan seriously not get rid of anything in here?” I swipe a finger across a dirty board game as stacks of cards fall onto my slippered feet.
Fia slowly gets off the sofa and comes to stand next to me, hands on her hips. “Nope.” She shakes her head absentmindedly. “She was so sentimental about our childhood stuff.”
That’s an understatement.
I also don’t see how this doesn’t bother Fia. Her baby could open this and an avalanche of board games would come down. When do infants even start crawling?
“No way! She kept my special edition Monopoly!” Fia squeals, reaching for the box. She precariously pulls it out. The game hasn’t been played since we all lived under this roof together, I’m sure of it.
“This was your and Danny’s favorite game. Do you remember how you two never let me play with you? It was for adults only,” Fia teases, but I look away.
“Yep. I remember.”
“I was thinking…” Fia twirls her hair, the board game tucked under one arm. “Maybe we can call him on Christmas, since we’re all here. I know it would make him so happy.” She smiles, and my stomach drops.
“Please…let’s not go there right now.” I offer a tiny smile.
Her face falls, and now I feel like a bitch.
Fia’s always respected my distance with Danny; she never pushed it. I know I have to face our brother, sooner than later. But I need to figure that out on my terms, not with her.
Especially when I’m going there to convince him to sell this house.
“That’s like a four hour game, are you sure you really want to play it right now?” I change the subject, trying to lighten the mood that I just ruined.
“Yes. I do.”
“Fine,” I resign.
Jesse’s already clearing the coffee table, and Fia’s kneeling to set up the old board game. I hope I don’t regret this, but then again, everyone’s in a good mood. Maybe I can finally get Fia to talk about the house.
“Who wants hot chocolate?” I ask, remembering that I brought a hot chocolate kit with me from my house. God only knows why I even had one to begin with, but Fia and Jesse both smile like little kids.
Tank follows me to the kitchen while I heat up the milk and fill the space with the scent of sugary marshmallow and chocolate.
Sifting through the cabinet, I find three Christmas mugs.
Nan was a mug collector. There must be fifty in here.
It would be insane for two people to live here with fifty mugs.
I even fill a plate with Christmas Oreos, using a fancy tray, and walk to the living room. Jesse jumps up from the floor to help me.
“I got it, thanks,” I say and set it down. I offer him the reindeer mug with a small smile.
I sit next to him but slyly call Tank over to sit between us on the floor. A buffer, if you will.
Fia’s about done setting up the game, a chocolate cookie in her hand and a smile on her face, and I decide this is the best time.
Because I have to try.
“You know, we could do a big estate sale after the holidays with all this stuff. Did you know Nan has like fifty mugs, and that’s just what’s in the cabinet.
If you sold even half the stuff, you’d have money for the baby.
You could probably furnish a whole nursery.
” I smile, but Fia shrugs, like I suggested that she pick a different game piece or something trivial.
Not like the well-being of her unborn child.
“If you sold all the stuff in the attic, all those antiques, that might even be enough for a down payment on a car.”
Jesse casts his face down but glances over at me, giving me a knowing look.
I know what he’s thinking. He thinks I’m pushing my luck. But when the baby comes, and I’m back to a busy work schedule, it will be ten times harder to get anything done.
Something has to give.
Fia takes a sip of hot chocolate. “Wow, is there peppermint in here? This is so good.”
Trying to butter me up with compliments. Of course, there’s peppermint; I know how to make a drink.
“Honestly, Pen, money would be great, but that sounds like so much work right now. Plus, I can’t even imagine living anywhere but here.”
I stay silent, and Fia finally looks up at me, continuing. “This is my home.” Her voice is clipped.
In Nan’s will, she specifically stated that anything that happened with the house would have to be agreed on by a majority vote. The will was drafted after Danny was in prison and I hadn’t spoken to him in years. It’s like Nan had a plan all along, knowing this house is what would tie us together.
But maybe she forgot how stubborn her three grandchildren were.
We start the game without another word, and I push the frustrations out of my head the best I can. It’s nearly Christmas, and I don’t want to ruin every waking moment with my nagging reminders that reality is a bitch.
So we sat around the coffee table for the next hour, playing Monopoly.
And I decide to let today just be today. I won’t talk about the house.
I do steal glances at Jesse, however, who I can’t help but laugh at with the reindeer mug in his giant tattooed hand.
The gravity of this moment isn’t lost on me, and my stomach is riddled with anxiety. We aren’t kids anymore, Jesse isn’t afraid of returning to an unsafe home, Nan isn’t in the kitchen making dinner, Danny’s not coming up with new ideas that will get us all in trouble.
For a moment, I let myself imagine it. A happy family.
But that’s ridiculous.
Fia’s having a baby, and Jesse is simply passing through. He’ll leave, onto something bigger and better, and it will go back to being Fia and I.
“I can’t believe next Christmas there will be another little girl here.” Fia places a hand on her belly, smiling. She’s glowing, really.
It’s surreal to think about, and before I can catch myself, I’m pouring salt on the wound.
“You know, if you need my help, I’ll be two hours from you.” I frown, because the idea actually does make my heart twinge.
“You could look at it the other way around, too,” Jesse adds coolly, even though I wasn’t talking to him.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“What if you need help, and we are both two hours away?” he asks, and my breath stills in my lungs.
We. Like he’s part of this family.
“You talk like you’re staying around.” I laugh, but my heart is skipping beats, waiting for his response.
Jesse leans back, his hands behind his head, biceps flexing.
“Who said I’m leaving? Like Fia said, this is home.”
This house? This city? Where? A million things I want to say rush to mind, but Fia smirks, her green eyes glinting at me. “You’re outnumbered, sis. Sorry.”
As I sit on the scratchy woven rug, in a house that’s a time capsule of my childhood, and watch Jesse and Fia laugh over a game, Audrey’s words come to mind.
What would happen if my sister knew the truth? What if she knew the complicated past of her sister and the guy she looks up to like a big brother?
I hate keeping things from her. I tell my sister everything, but this is different. She needs me now more than ever, and if I tell her, she might not trust me. I can’t risk fracturing our relationship.
I consciously have to keep pulling my knees back to my chest, so my foot doesn’t accidentally brush against his, and I know I’m reaching my limit. How many more times can I hear his laugh and not stare at his face like he was the sun and stars at one point in my life?
How much longer can I bite my tongue until I taste blood to keep the words from clawing their way out? Confusing and painful words that have every fiber of me begging to decipher them before I do something stupid.
Because everything about Jesse makes me feel like I’m walking a tightrope.
And I know that eventually Fia’s going to see it. I can’t keep this charade up forever.
“Earth to Penny, it’s your turn.” She waves at me, and I roll the dice quickly to save face.
“Sorry, still a bit out of it,” I apologize, though the hangover has nothing to do with my dilemma.
Jesse’s phone sits face up on the table and begins to vibrate during my turn. He quickly grabs it before I can read the name of the caller—not that it’s any of my business.
“Sorry—gotta take this.” He stands abruptly, staring at the screen with a bewildered look in his eyes.
“Okay…” I murmur as he walks to the foyer.
“I accept.” He talks in a hushed tone, like he doesn’t want anyone to hear. I strain my ear to listen, but the front door opens and closes behind him.
I can’t ask Fia what that’s all about without raising suspicion.
“I need another snack anyway, want anything?” She stands, and I do too, walking to the front of the fireplace to warm up. I step up on the brick hearth, not to get closer, but so I can see out of the window in the front dining room.
“I’m good…” My voice trails off as I stretch my neck. Jesse’s slowly pacing back and forth on the front porch, hand in his pocket, grin on his face.
Probably a girl. Why else would he jump like that? It’s the only thing that makes sense.
I feel like Fia would’ve mentioned if he was seeing someone, but that’s only if she knew. Maybe he’s keeping it hidden. My heart lurches like it’s dropped into my stomach.
It wouldn’t be the first time he hid something from me.