Chapter Thirteen #2
My eyes snag on one comment and then just one phrase. Cellular memory.
I toss the phrase around in my mind for a few seconds. The commenter goes on to say that scientists theorize that the cells from the donor actually contain memory and can influence the recipient either through memories, taste or personality traits.
What the hell? Is this dude saying people have entire personality changes?
My pulse picks up as I quickly open up another browser tab and type the phrase in. There’s much more information on cellular memory. I gulp when page after page comes up. I don’t know how to make sense of what I’m reading, though.
Cellular memory is a well-proven scientific process. But there’s nothing here about how those cells behave when they are literally pulled from one body and placed in another. Is it possible that whatever I’m feeling is all stemming from my donor heart?
That can’t really be possible can it? I switch back to the thread tab and keep reading.
There are a few other accounts of weird taste changes or suddenly liking smells that all seemed to be linked to donors, at least superficially.
There’s nothing describing what I felt, like my body was out of my control.
I haven’t had any cravings that would be out of the ordinary or really anything weird.
Besides the dreams of a little girl and her best friend that seem so familiar but you've never met them in your life.
I swallow thickly as I remember the episode in the ice cream shop and how I reacted at the smell of orange cream soda.
My stomach twists uncomfortably. But just the same as the panic attack this evening, the events involved feelings more than anything else.
It isn’t as though I now love orange cream soda when I didn’t before. No, it was more like I was transported to an entirely different place than the little shop on Main Street. I could feel warmth on my face and I was happy. Which is so unlike the feelings I had tonight.
Is it possible that somehow all of this is related to whoever my donor was?
I toss the questions around in my head. But the thing is I have no idea who gave me their heart. And there’s no way to answer those questions without knowing.
My doctor told me that if I was ever interested in knowing I could submit paperwork with my transplant coordinator and if the donor’s family was open to communicating, we could do so anonymously.
Reaching out to the donor’s family isn’t really something I’ve thought about up until this point. I’ve been too focused on healing and recovery, but I never dismissed the idea. I think my biggest concern is I don’t want to cause any harm or open a wound that’s still fresh for the donor’s family.
I look at the clock and realize it’s almost two in the morning and I have to be up at six to get ready to go in and work at the volunteer housing unit by seven. I groan, knowing that I’m going to be dragging butt in the morning if I don’t go to sleep soon.
Sleep that most likely isn’t going to come easy.
I shut off my computer and kick off my shoes. Then I shimmy out of my pants and crawl under my covers. Wondering if another dream will find me and provide answers to all the questions swirling in my mind.
“Don’t you think we should stop and think about this?” I ask breathlessly. My legs are burning and my lungs feel like they’re being scorched in their own kind of hell.
“Just a little further, I promise.”
Anna is forever the optimist. Even when failure is smacking her right in the face. “That’s what you said a half hour ago,” I grumble because I’m freaking tired and very much over our little adventure that I once again let Anna talk me into.
“It’s for real this time. Just around the bend. Can’t you hear it?”
I roll my eyes so hard I’m sure they’ll be sore later. I’m not even sure if that’s a thing but it feels like it is. “Yes, I can hear it but at this point I’m not sure if it’s my imagination playing tricks on me out of pure exhaustion or if there actually is a—”
My sentence comes to an abrupt ending when we finally reach the top of the bend. Just as Anna predicted the most beautiful and majestic waterfall stands before us.
“Wow,” I mumble in awe. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
It must be at least forty or fifty feet high and just as wide.
We’re standing at the base of the plunge pool.
The water is a tranquil color with the tiniest hint of blue.
It feels otherworldly, like it’s too pretty to be of this earth.
Anna is giddy with excitement. She bounces on her toes before reaching back and grabbing my hand to pull me closer. “We should go swimming.”
I smile, shaking my head as I start to laugh. “What are you crazy? The water has to be freezing this time of year.”
“Haven’t you heard of those cold plunges? They’re supposed to be good for you.”
“No way. Then we would have to walk back wet! And it’s like at least five miles back to the car.” Anna just recently got her driver’s license, which is how we made it out to the waterfall without our parents knowing we’re here. I’m exactly three months younger than her and can’t drive yet.
“It wouldn’t be so bad!” She’s already taking her shoe and sock off to dip her toe into the water.
I laugh hysterically when she yanks her foot back so fast, she almost falls over. I raise my eyebrow as to say I told you so without saying it out loud. She hates when I do that.
“Fine, maybe it’s a little cold.” She frowns at the offensive water which only makes me laugh even harder.
Suddenly her head pops up and she looks up to the top of the waterfall. Uh oh, I know that look. It says she’s about to come up with an even stupider and more dangerous idea than the last.
“No,” I say firmly, knowing I’m not going to like whatever comes out of her mouth.
“Come on, Lucy! You don’t even know what I’m going to say!” she whines.
I shake my head and cross my arms, trying to appear more firm than I feel.
Anna’s eyes light up, the radiant smile she’s known for makes an appearance. She knows how much I hate that smile because I always end up giving in to her irresponsible plans when she breaks it out. “We should go just a little bit further.”
When my eyebrows pull together in confusion, she points to a tiny ledge that’s barely visible from where we’re standing.
“No, absolutely not. We need to head back. Our parents are expecting us by dinner and it’s going to take until sundown to hike out of here.” I try to talk some sense into her, knowing that even if I agreed to her plan, we don’t have time for it.
“Please, Lucy! It’s not much further. We’ve already come this far.” Her bottom lip starts to wobble and that provides the first crack in my defense.
“We’ll go extra fast and we won’t stay long once we get up there.” She’s begging at this point and I’ve always been terrible at telling her no.
“Fine! But you have to promise that we’re heading back down in an hour tops. Even if we haven’t reached the spot.”
“Yes! I knew there was a reason I loved you so much!” She pulls me into quick hug before releasing me and turning towards the small but worn-in path to the side of the plunge pool.
I dutifully follow behind her, all the way to the ledge.