Chapter Twenty
Rowan
Ihad to get out of there, away from her tantalizing scent and far far away from her alluring eyes.
I was so freaking close to leaning in and taking her lips with mine.
I wanted so badly to taste her, to own her.
And I would have to if it weren’t for Luka’s voice in the back of my head saying how I was a goner and didn’t even know it yet.
That was enough to snap me out of the trance Millie St. James put me in.
The quiet girl with wild curly hair and honey brown eyes that I could stare at for days and never tire of looking at. The girl that has completely and totally captured my attention with her sly humor and sweet smile. The one that I can’t stop thinking about, even when I want to.
I’m having thoughts that I don’t want to be having, ideas in my head that I have no business thinking.
Especially after what she just told me. She’s more fragile than I ever imagined, her heart deserves to be protected and cherished and I’m not the right guy to do that.
I’ll end up hurting her and that’s something I can’t stomach even the thought of.
So I took the coward’s way out and ran. It was all too much, the way she was looking at me. The way my heart was beating out of my chest when she told me about her transplant. How pretty she looked under the light of the full moon. But mostly how damn badly I wanted to kiss her.
“Rowan! Get over here and take a shot with us!” I’m almost relieved at the idea of drowning my thoughts in alcohol tonight.
I go straight to where Nash is standing with a shot of clear liquid in his outstretched hand.
I grab for it without hesitation but with more than a little guilt when I look over to Millie.
Her eyes bore into mine, begging for answers that I can’t give her.
I turn away and take another shot. Without looking at her, because I can’t fucking risk drowning in her inviting eyes again, I ask, “You want one?”
She doesn’t say a word as she comes up beside me and takes the little plastic shot cup out of my hand, downing it just as quickly as I did mine, except the biggest difference is she immediately starts coughing.
I drop the third shot I have in my hand and slap my hand across her back several times in an attempt to help. “You okay?”
“That freaking burns. Why does it burn so much?” she says between coughs.
“Because it’s nasty, cheap liquor. It’s not gonna go down smooth, Daredevil.”
“You made it look so easy!” She slaps me across the chest in protest.
I laugh because she’s so damn cute when she’s all riled up. “That’s because I’ve had some practice. You apparently haven’t.”
She reaches for another shot and downs this one just as quickly as I did.
Suddenly I feel stupid for giving her shit she shouldn’t be putting in her body.
How can you be so fucking dumb, Rowan? She shouldn’t be drinking after a damn heart transplant.
I reach for the empty shot cup and pull it from her hands, “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea. ”
“What?” she asks, deceptively quiet.
The words are out of my mouth before I even have time to think about the implications, or how she may perceive them. “Should you be drinking?”
Her face hardens as she watches mine. “Don’t do that.”
Her command takes me by surprise. “Do what?”
“That’s not why I told you.”
I rub my sternum; an uncomfortable and overwhelming feeling starts to consume my chest. I need to make sure she’s okay, I want to protect her. “I know.”
“Then don’t do that.”
My eyebrows pull together and my chest tightens even more, “I can’t help it.”
“You think I can’t take care of myself? That I don’t know my limits?” she seethes.
I’m fucking this all up, she’s so mad her cheeks are turning pink. “I don’t think you can’t handle yourself, Daredevil. I just—”
“You just what? You wanna fix it all for me, Pierce? You want to be my knight in shining armor?” Before I can answer her, she’s stomped up to me. Her petite and dainty finger is trying to poke a hole straight through my chest.
“I don’t need saving. I don’t need a prince to ride in on his white horse, and I certainly don’t need a friend acting like my father.”
I practically choke when she says the last part because that’s the last thing I’m trying to do. I’m not trying to be her father, but I do fucking care about her. “It’s not like that and you know it.”
I can’t seem to get the right words out, the ones that say everything that I’m feeling deep inside my chest, the ones begging to be set free but refusing to pass through my lips.
I wrap my hand around her finger that’s still trying to dig its way through my flesh.
Her eyes flare at my touch and her body sways towards mine, softening ever so slightly.
Just when I think she hears me, really hears all the things I’m silently trying to tell her, she yanks her hand back and turns around and walks away.
And I can’t even bring myself to call after her. I watch as she disappears into the crowd, my chest growing tighter with every step that leads her away from me.
Millie
This was a mistake. It was a mistake to come here and it sure as hell was a mistake to tell Rowan Pierce about my heart.
I close my eyes and all I can picture is the look on his face when he took that shot out of my hand.
Like pity and judgement, all rolled up into one metaphorical slap in the face.
It was the reality check I needed. I was starting to grow feelings, the kind that have no place for guys like him and girls like me. We don’t fit and it would never work. I see that even more clearly now.
I have my head down as I try to navigate my way out of the crowd towards the front door; it’s considerably more packed now than it was when we first got here.
It’s hard to move through the bodies and I’m not entirely sure I’m headed in the right direction but the thought of stopping and giving Rowan a chance to catch up to me has my feet moving even faster.
I don’t really have a plan on how to get back home but I’ll figure that out as soon as I get out of this stupid house.
It’s so hot in here with all these people and the music is so loud my ears have officially hit the ringing stage again.
It’s starting to feel a little claustrophobic.
My heartrate doubles in speed. I know because my fingers have been glued to my pulse point ever since I started yelling at Rowan and ran away.
Counting the beats is doing little to calm my racing heart.
I turn left after seeing what I think is the top of the crown molding for the front door out of the corner of my eye but I’m not positive this is the right direction because nothing else feels familiar.
This shouldn’t be that hard should it? All I want to do is find the dang exit.
“You lost?” I feel someone come up to my side, placing their hand on my elbow gently to stop my movement. I look over to find Beau, a sweet but tentative smile on his face. I see his lips moving but I can’t make anything out over the obnoxious music.
“Huh?”
He smiles once more, leaning forward so his mouth hovers just over my ear. “I asked if you need help. You look lost.”
I turn my head so he has half a chance of hearing my reply. “I am. Can you tell me how to get out of here?”
Relief fills my chest when he says, “I’ll do you one better, follow me.
” His hand slides down my forearm as he takes my hand in his and starts leading me in the totally opposite direction I was going.
Damn, I was way off I realize as he takes me around the corner and down a long hallway before going through a set of doors that leads to the outside.
As soon as we clear the crowd he lets go of my hand. It doesn’t escape me that there’s no warm and tingling feeling to accompany his touch, unlike another handsome hockey player I know.
I thought this heaviness in my chest would lift as soon as I got out of that house, but it hasn’t gone anywhere. At least my ears aren’t ringing anymore. I look back, wondering for the millionth time if I overreacted to his question.
“Hey, you okay?” Beau’s question pulls me out of my spiral of self-doubt and back into reality. A reality where Rowan Pierce didn’t bother to come after me.
“I’m fine.” My words are sharper than I intend.
But Beau only smiles and says, “Sounds like it. You know when my sister says she’s fine like that it usually means she’s anything other than fine.”
“Maybe you should believe her.”
Beau clicks his tongue, “You and I both know that’s not true.” He reaches out and gently grabs my elbow, just like he did inside and starts guiding me away from the crowded and loud house. “Why don’t we go somewhere a little warmer and we can talk about how fine you are.”
His words could be misconstrued, and probably would be if we were surrounded by all his hockey buddies but for some reason I know he really just wants to make sure I’m okay.
Maybe it’s the gentle way he’s still cradling my arm or maybe it’s the sincerity I’m reading in his eyes or maybe it’s something else entirely.
Whatever the reason, I seem to trust him.
He leads me across the street and towards an older but well taken care of truck.
It’s the total opposite of Rowan’s. His being newer and shiny, decked out with chrome and all the extra trimmings, while the paint on Beau is faded but you can tell he washes and waxes it regularly because it’s shiny in its own right.
When he opens the door for me I’m surprised at how clean the inside is. There isn’t a discarded candy wrapper in sight, nor a random article of clothing or any empty cups piled in the center console. No, it’s squeaky clean in here.
“Some reason your mouth’s hanging open like that?” he asks as soon as he slides into the driver’s seat. Then he’s cranking the car and turning on the heat.
My mouth snaps closed before opening again to say, “It’s so clean in here.”
He laughs, “Don’t be that impressed. I just cleaned it out this afternoon.”
I laugh, “That makes so much more sense.”
“What? You expected a pigsty?”
I purse my lips, not wanting to offend him but also suspecting that it probably takes a lot to offend Beau. “Yes. That’s exactly what I expected but also, I didn’t expect to end up in your truck tonight, so I guess life is full of little surprises.”
He chuckles, “That it is, because if I was a betting man, which I am, I would be on a losing streak tonight.”
My eyebrows pull together because I’m not sure to what he’s referring. “What do you mean streak?”
“Nothing.” He answers quietly before he looks back towards the house, his eyes lingering in one spot longer, like he sees something or someone. I look over my shoulder to see what he’s looking at and find a hulking figure standing midway in the yard, staring directly at us.
My skin tingles and my breath halts. Rowan.
“Do you want to stay?” Beau asks, his voice low with hesitation. Almost like he’s scared of me saying no.
Rowan doesn’t make a move towards us, he stands there staring daggers into the dark cab. “If I say no, will you be mad?”
“Why would I be mad?”
“Because your captain looks ready to beat your ass. And I assume it’s because I’m in this car with you. Would that be an incorrect assumption?” I’m really not good at stuff like this, that is reading people, or maybe it’s just people my age.
The way Rowan is staring us down has my palms sweating and my heart racing, something about being in this car with Beau feels forbidden, even though it shouldn’t be. I don’t belong to him. I can be in any car I want, with anyone I want.
Beau softly chuckles, “Not wrong but I’m willing to deal with the consequences.”
My eyebrows pull together as I finally break eye contact with the brooding man, still standing in the middle of the yard. “Consequences?” I practically choke on the word. “You’ve got to be joking.”
Beau only smiles, “You worried about me, darling?”
The way he says darling is playful but not possessive in any way.
“Something tells me you can handle yourself, besides there’s nothing to have consequences over.
” I huff, frustration over this whole night and situation settling on me like a heavy blanket.
“I would like to go home. That is if you don’t mind taking me? ”
“Your wish is my command.” He puts the truck into gear and just as he’s pulling away from the curb, I chance a glance back to the man still standing in the middle of the yard, alone and brooding. Rowan takes a step towards the truck like he’s going to come after us, but he hesitates.
That hesitation tells me everything I need to know. Rowan Pierce doesn’t care if I’m going off with another guy and he sure as hell doesn’t see me as anything more than just a friend.
Which is fine. Totally fine.