14. Secret
Chapter fourteen
Secret
L uerna stood on the bleachers, watching her children in the rink. She left the two-year-old with Silvia, something she usually did because the toddler was too young to skate. The others were professionals by now. She started them all at the age of three. Her twin five-year-olds didn’t even need to hold anyone’s hand. Her two older kids were in the center of the rink, showing off with bunny hops and spins.
Luerna rung her hands in front of her in her nervousness. Levka was here, in the building. The very thought of it suffocated her. She could think of nothing else. She was barely paying attention, searching the crowd for his face. She knew he wasn’t in the rink. He was waiting for her in a secret meeting spot, like a mistress.
I’m having an affair, aren’t I? It’s a crazy thought; a ridiculous thought because she didn’t do things like that. She followed the rules and obeyed her father and husband like she was supposed to because they promised it would make her feel fulfilled. But after thirteen years and five kids, when was she supposed to stop wanting more?
Society told her Yakov had lied to her, her whole life. Society said women were more than cattle, bed warmers, or baby-producing machines. Maybe if she ever got to college, she’d be smarter by now, capable of fighting against the role she’s playing. But Yakov had told her she didn’t need college. ‘Once you give your husband an heir, we’ll discuss it again.’ But they didn’t talk about it again. In fact, her father never seemed to have time.
Two guards, one at each entrance, were in bulky coats to blend in with the crowd. It was one of her requirements with the guards. She never wanted them to be so obvious. Nothing says ‘I’m important, you want to kidnap me’ then to have two musclemen in suits walking behind you.
A minute later, she was darting for the bathroom. A side door between the bleachers brought skaters straight to the locker room. It was only designated for professionals and hockey players, but she slipped right in without anyone caring. It was free-skate day, opened to the public. There wouldn’t be anyone important here. She texted her guard so he wouldn’t come looking for her. She made up a story about tacos, hoping to give her at least fifteen minutes.
As it said in the text message, there was a hallway to the right, and at the end was a door marked ‘Employees only.’ With a single knock, it opened right up, and she slipped inside.
Levka stood in a long-sleeved shirt and jeans. His jacket was off, hanging over hockey equipment. He greeted her with a smile, but Luerna wasn’t interested in pleasantries.
Luerna stood for a moment, indecisive, because if she moved the way she wanted, she’d be a harlot. She’d be condemned by God, by Yakov, by her family. She’d be written off and tossed aside. But for the life of her, she couldn’t stop herself.
She dived into his arms and kissed him. Levka chuckled against her lips, holding her hips. But it didn’t take him too long to respond with just as much passion. A hand slipped into her hair, holding her as he deepened the kiss, his tongue parting her lips and swirling with hers.
He pulled back. “I thought–” Luerna had her lips on his neck, and he nearly groaned. “I thought you wanted to get to know me.”
“This counts.”
Interest piqued, and Levka tried to suppress a smirk. “Will I be graded on this? I wish I’d known. I would have come prepared.”
Luerna stepped back, and he watched with a hooded gaze as she unbuttoned her jacket. It was terribly slow and yet ridiculously appetizing. The moment she tossed it, Levka snatched her arm and pulled her back to him, recapturing her lips. His hands slid down her back, cupping her asscheeks for a moment before sinking further. He gripped the back of her thighs and lifted her up. Her legs wrapped around his hips, and he turned her toward the discarded desk. He pushed off old hockey pads and sat her down on it.
Luerna’s hands were under his shirt, gliding along his spine, up his back, and her nails dug into his shoulders. It brought a wave of pleasure, and he thrust against her hard, wanting her to feel everything she was doing. He pressed his cock against the apex of her jeans, despising all the clothes that separated them.
When her fingers went to the button of his pants, Levka pulled back, panting, watching her fingers with his arms at his sides. “Baby, we don’t have that kind of time.” He rested his hand on hers, stopping her progress.
“I’ve got ten minutes. How much do you really need?”
Levka had his lips on her neck. “It’s not about how much I need,” he whispered against her skin as his hand cupped her breast. “How much do you need?” His thumb rubbed over her hard nipple, but it was covered in a wool shirt and a thick bra. He wanted to feel her flesh, to see her tits, and lick the perfect nub till it was painful. “Can you cum on my face in ten minutes?”
Luerna bit her lip, closing her eyes with her head thrown back. Those words had never been said to her. It was only in her fantasies, in her wildest imagination. To hear it out loud awoke a deep hunger she thought she disposed of long ago.
She watched as Levka lowered to his knees, kissing her chest, her stomach, her thighs. He unbuttoned her pants as he looked up at her from the floor, a devilish, excited glaze over his eyes that made him look amazing between her legs. But the conversation with Rurik about her vagina took this moment to revisit her memory. There was no letting him see her. Not with bright lights anyway.
“Come back here.” She pulled at his shoulder.
Levka stood, kissing her, enjoying every moment her lips and fingers were on him. Moments with her were like an eclipse, rare, fleeting, and fucking amazing. She ignited every inch of him, and he was desperate to be alone with her for a long enough time to devour her. But now was not one of those times.
“I’ll find a way,” he promised her. The frenzy fire was fizzing out as the realization that time was not on their side. He kissed her softly. “You could sneak out when Rurik goes out of town. Or perhaps on nights he visits his whore. But me sneaking into your house is impossible.”
Luerna rested her head against his shoulder. His arms encircled her and were perfectly tight and secure. He felt safe, and protective, like no harm could reach her in his embrace.
Here, in this moment, she fully believed he could take on her family.
“How are the kids?” He asked and was happily given a long-winded report. He loved listening to her. She acted like she hated her life, but there was so much she loved about it. She just couldn’t see it with the shroud of Rurik destroying everything he touched. If he could get her away from him, her happiness could finally escape from the dungeon she kept it in. It was buried, but there inside her.
When his phone beeped, alerting them it was time to go, Luerna didn’t know how to let go. There was something about him that made her feel like a different person. One that could defy the odds and escape.
“There is a way into my house,” she heard herself say. “Our escape route, in case the house was ever attacked.”
Levka stepped back. “Tell me.”
It would mean betraying her family. It was a secret she was never supposed to expose. If he was using her to bring down the Morozov Empire, this would be the way to do it. She could be potentially handing over her family to the jaws of wolves.
But she told him anyway and prayed he was the savior she hoped he was.
Returning to the house, Luerna felt like she was in a daze. She was a cheater and on top of that, she revealed her family’s secret to an enemy. It was surreal, something she would never imagine herself doing and yet, the guilt wasn’t terrible, but it was still there. What would her father say? She couldn’t possibly imagine. He had never been disappointed with her.
Luerna walked around the house barely conscious. The kids were all in bed, and she should be too, but she stared out the window, wondering if Levka was forming an attack. The reality was she didn’t know him as much as she should. If anything, he had a real reason to seek vengeance and what better way than to go through the family’s weakest link?
What woman put her children in danger for sex? It was the stupidest thing she’s ever done.
“Luerna,” Adrik’s voice echoed in the emptiness.
She had passed her father’s office, and now she stepped backward till she stood in the doorway. Adrik sat at the grand oak desk, looking like he belonged there. He fit their father’s shoes effortlessly. Since they were young teens, Luerna always thought that Adrik would be better for the role of heir. Alexei just didn’t have the same amount of patience or care, and Gil was adopted, ineligible for the role, though that wasn’t why he wasn’t chosen. He thought more with his dick than his head.
Adrik gestured for her to come in and she obeyed, sitting in a leather wingback chair. She hadn’t sat here in years, but every memory she did have was of great disappointment. Luerna always waited for some kind of recognition of her dedication, but all she got in return was more burdens.
Luerna knew she should tell Adrik what she’s done, but he would likely report right back to their father.
Adrik was their father’s shadow, and as if to prove that point, Yakov’s painted portrait hung above Adrik, like the shadow of a devil.
Adrik leaned back in his chair. “I’ve been reading over everything Levka’s been doing. And I’m impressed.”
The tone of his voice relaxed her, and she nearly smiled. She was proud of Levka. But she had no right to be, and she pushed the happiness from her face. “Oh?”
“He’s a strategist. An important skill to have for what he does. The way he has rebuilt in the last few years is nothing short of talent. But he’s rash. Impatient. He needs to let some of these businesses grow. He’s picking the fruit before it’s ripe, as Papa would say. Papa would also blame it on his age. Of course, no one runs the mafia better than old shits with saggy balls.”
Luerna giggled, adoring her younger brother’s way with words.
“I’d like to have him over. You think he will meet with me? Levka and I didn’t get off to a good start. But I’m not as immature as I used to be.”
“Immature? Never,” Luerna mocked, earning a look of annoyance that she smiled at. To soothe his ego, she added, “You have changed, Adrik. But a wife and a daughter will do that to you.” The look her words received confused her. The flash of pain on his brow was hidden as he leaned over the papers on his desk. “Did I say something wrong?”
He was hesitant, but forced out, “I suppose you’ll hear about it eventually. Mama plans to visit for the holidays.” Whatever he had to say was difficult, for he stared at the table before him, not really seeing. His hands rolled into fists. “Katia was cheating on me.”
Luerna was frozen, in disbelief, hurt on a different scale. She didn’t know what to say at first but wondered why Katia was still alive. She wanted to hurt the woman herself. “That’s bullshit,” Luerna bit. “And I’ve been fucking nice to her. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
Adrik gave a weak smile as he sat back in his chair.
Luerna stood, enflamed by it. She paced the floor, cursing Katia’s name and saying many damaging words that Adrik simply listened to. She didn’t want to talk to Katia or even have her in the same house. But this was Yakov’s house, Adrik’s house, and what she wanted didn’t matter. He was staying with that terrible woman for whatever reason, pretending, enduring because that’s what family did. He’d be unhappy for the rest of his life, but that’s the sacrifice one makes to be a Morozov.
It hit her hard, and she sat back down, realizing the significance of her actions. What gave her the right to seek happiness when her little brother was putting up with a cheating harlot as a wife? She was selfish and wretched.
And a hypocrite. That thought tasted bitter in her mouth.
“The contract that was compiled requires twenty years,” he admitted with defeat. “Papa won’t approve a divorce.”
Luerna sagged in the chair. It was depressing to see Adrik, a man capable of almost anything, cave to their father’s will. If he couldn’t get out of Yakov’s hold, what could any of them do?
Adrik changed the topic. “Have you been alright here?”
With a breath in her lungs, she pretended and said what was expected of her. “It’s lonely without the family, but we’re fine. Everyone’s happy.”
He nodded, watching her, as if he could read through her. And she knew he could. He had that annoying ability to notice the little things. Luerna looked away.
“Rurik has told me things, Luerna.”
Her eyes snapped up. She already knew what Adrik was going to say and yet she asked anyway, hoping it wasn’t what she thought. “What kind of things?”
“That you tried to kill yourself a while back.”
She sneered. “It was postpartum depression. I didn’t really have much control. He’s an ass for even saying anything.”
Adrik nodded, but it was a patronizing nod. Luerna quickly added, “I’m better now. We are done having kids. I’m on birth control. Everything’s good. I’m fine, Adrik.”
Adrik leaned up, setting his arms on the table. “I’m not Papa, Luerna. You don’t have to convince me. But what I was thinking was if you wanted a bigger role in the family. Besides, you know, breeding.”
She snickered, hating it and yet cherishing his straightforward honesty. “Like what?”
“I would, of course, have to get it approved by Papa. But I was thinking of charities. Or you could do something with horses if that suits you better. We could use the PR. My uncles are too obvious in their endeavors. If we have nothing positive to contribute to Russia, someone might have a problem with us.”
“Rurik won’t–”
“I’ll deal with him. Would it be something you would like to do?”
A smile twisted on her lips. A job. An actual job that didn’t require her on her back. She could contribute to the Morozov name in more ways than one. And she could make a name for herself that wasn’t entirely based on who she married or whose daughter she was. Though she had no experience or education to aid, Luerna jumped at the chance. “Yes. A thousand times, yes.”
She listened to every idea, and excitement bubbled up, encouraging her own thoughts about what she could possibly do to bring some positive light to their family. For an hour, she went on, writing down everything she thought of and bouncing ideas off of Adrik. He was brilliant in his thoughts, and she couldn’t help but think she was, too. She was impressed with herself. A spark of who she could have been. A wisp of hope of who she could still be.
But it only worked if she stayed in the family.
If she ruined this by getting caught with Levka, she’d never be able to salvage it.
Luerna was walking out of the room with her notebook in hand, and for one moment, a spark of a thought froze her. She should tell Adrik about Levka. He could fix it.
She turned to him and stalled. Yakov’s eyes burned into her from over her shoulder.
Adrik questioned, “Anything else?”
The words caught in her throat, and she shook her head and left him.