16. Date
Chapter sixteen
Date
L uerna paced her father’s office. Her cheek stung from Rurik’s hit. Her right eye was a little blurry, telling her she probably popped a blood vessel. She twisted her hands, walking back and forth in front of Yakov’s desk.
When the door opened, she spun on her foot to find Adrik entering. The way he eyed her made her bow her head, keeping any words from escaping.
Adrik sat in the big leather chair behind the desk and was silent. Luerna sat with a stiff back, sitting on the edge, staring at her toes, waiting for whatever reprimand was on his tongue. She shouldn’t feel so inferior. She was ten years older than her brother, but she respected him and couldn’t speak to him like she spoke to Rurik.
Plus anything she did he didn’t like, Adrik could report it to their father.
“Where’s Rurik?”
“He left,” she whispered.
“He pissed me off. That old fuck better learn to shut his mouth.” Adrik took up a blunt, lighting it. His gaze landed specifically on her eye, and he sat and studied it as he blew smoke out. Luerna bowed her head, trying to hide it with her hair. “He’s gotten bold in our absence. Does he hit you often?”
She shook her head. It was a lie, of course, but her brother didn’t need to know.
“Does father know?”
“Adrik, it’s fine. I’m fine.”
He clenched his teeth, his cheek muscles flexing. “I’ll get a little payback.”
“Please don’t. I think it’s deserved.”
Adrik held the smoke in, letting it burn. She was lying to him. How bad was it? How bad did it get? He was trying to see what Levka saw. Was his sister in need of help? They all did their part for the family, and sacrifices were painful, but was it affecting her deeper than it should?
“Levka’s on his way home.” He watched her reaction, noticing the way she stiffened. The popped blood vessel in her eye boiled him. He was going to make Rurik suffer a little. Perhaps make him do some cardio. “This mishap was in my favor. I wanted to partner with Levka and now he can’t say no.” Adrik smiled, hoping to take the weight off her shoulders.
Luerna nodded. “Thank you. I’m sorry I put you in that position.” She bowed her head, shame weighing on her.
When Rurik rushed back into the house with a funny grin, talking about Levka coming in the secret tunnel, Luerna’s expression hadn’t been covered. Rurik saw it. He took his gun out, touched her forehead with it, and asked her why Levka was on his way. She shook her head, claiming to not know. But the damage was done.
As Rurik searched the dungeon for Levka, Luerna called Adrik, begging him for help.
“I lied,” Adrik admitted. “I told him you didn’t know about the security.”
Tears burned the back of her eyes, and she bit her lip, trying to suppress them. She didn’t cry in front of others. It was shameful, yet she couldn’t find the will to get up and leave. She felt heavy, immobile, falling down a black hole.
Was she self-sabotaging? Was she losing her mind? Why had she set him up to fail?
Luerna liked Levka. She wanted him to want her. She wanted him to love her. And most importantly, she wanted him to try to free her.
But she was terrified of him being successful.
Did that make any sense at all?
“Luerna,” Adrik called, and it must have been the third time because he had nearly shouted.
She blinked rapidly, sniffing, wiping the wetness from her cheeks, and giggling softly, “Sorry, I don’t know what that was.”
Adrik chewed on the inside of his cheek before he decided. “I think you need a break. I’m sending you on vacation.”
“What?” Luerna stiffened, pushing to the edge of her seat. “Vacation, what are you talking about? I just started learning about charity work. I wanted to get started as quickly as possible.”
“I want you on the plane in an hour.”
“I can’t get the kids ready in that time–”
“You’re not taking the kids.”
Panic was increasing with every passing second. “Who will watch them?”
“I’ll hire someone–”
“I haven’t had anyone else care for them since they were born.”
“They’ll be fine.”
Luerna struggled to comprehend. How could he act like she was so easily replaced? How could he think separating her from her children was the best course of action? Was he that dumb? “I’m not leaving,”
“Luerna, this isn’t a discussion. This is an order-”
“Fuck your order.”
Adrik snapped his head up. She knew she had overstepped, but she wouldn’t back down.
Luerna stood, stepping up to the desk. “You don’t get to come in here and make demands–”
Adrik stood and put his hands on the table. “I do. And I will. You can either go on your own, or I can have someone carry you.”
Her tactic changed, and she whimpered, “Adrik, please.” She knit her brows, beseeching. “I’ve never been away from my kids. Don’t punish me. I know I made a mistake with Levka, but it won’t happen again.”
Adrik sighed as he watched her. Her erratic behavior was so evident that he was disappointed. How long had she been mentally unsound? Why hadn’t Rurik told him sooner? Did their father know? What would he do when Adrik tells him? Adrik came around the desk. She whispered and pleaded, but he took hold of her arms, comforting her. “I’m not punishing you, Luerna. I’m trying to help.” He kissed her cheek and hugged her briefly. Then he pulled away. “My decision is final.” Adrik walked out, giving her privacy to break down.
Tears were endless as she lay curled on the couch of the private jet. Luerna held her daughter’s blanket against her face. It was soaked with her sobs. It was the ugly kind of cry that was loud, painful, and full of snot.
Now, it was hours without them. Luerna wrote a list of things for the nanny: like how Irina needs her Peanut Butter and Jelly cut up into tiny squares, and Dasha and Kolya need to spend their crazy energy or they end up doing bad things, or how Maria is quiet and easy to forget, but she loves to snuggle, and her eldest, Rurik Jr, loves to ride his horse for hours but she needed to make sure he showered when he got in and not to let him sit on the couch. Luerna kept writing, but the soldiers were pulling her away. She couldn’t even say goodbye because they were sleeping.
Adrik wanted to think he knew what was best, but he was a man. He didn’t get it. He will never know the connection between a mother and her children. To separate her, he had severed her arms, her heart, her soul. She was empty without them. Not a person at all, but a shell of one.
What enjoyment was she to have? Watching TV without screaming in the background? Taking a bath without interruption? Eating food without having to share? What did any of that mean, really? None of it was important.
Luerna thought of revenge. It was silly, she knew, but she wanted him to feel as she did. But what could she take away from him? His cars? His favorite gun? She sneered at him. She hated him and all men currently for believing they knew more than she did.
The plane landed, and she was ushered into a limo. She didn’t care where she was. She had no plans of leaving the bed. She’d show Adrik that she needed nothing but her children’s love.
Looking out the window, she realized she was in Paris. The Eiffel Tower was a dull sight even though it was lit in an array of purple lights. She was far from caring if he thought to impress her with the location.
Her hotel room was a luxury suite in the city. She didn’t bother sitting on her balcony. Instead, she shut the blinds and sunk into bed.
The quiet ate at her, and she was in and out of sleep for hours. She watched the clock, knowing when her children would wake. Her twins were always the first to wake, eager to start the day and cause trouble.
A knock on the door and a servant entered, explaining their purpose. Adrik had hired a personal servant to fill her days with distractions. The first up was breakfast. She wanted to protest, but she was conditioned to follow the rules. Servants were innocent bystanders. If she had a problem, she needed to go to the source, but as Adrik hadn’t allowed her a cell phone, she was stuck following the servant’s directions.
In the restaurant, she sat at a two-person table. There were no guards around her. No care for who she was. She was immersed in normal society. The rich part, but the anonymity of commoners. No one greeted her or cared that she was sitting there. It was nice to be ignored; for the first time, she people-watched, sipping her tea.
It explains the clothes. Luerna looked down at herself. The servant was specific in their choice. Jeans and a blouse. But the most awkward thing was the white tennis shoes. She couldn’t remember the last time she wore sneakers. If ever.
Luerna hadn’t done her make-up, her eyes too puffy to fix, and she wrapped her long blond hair in a bun. It was her only rebellion. If forced to go out, she wasn’t going to look good doing it.
Luerna saw him when he stepped into the restaurant. The morning sunlight amplified right where he stepped like it was set up precisely for this moment. Levka took off his sunglasses, roaming his eyes around the room until they landed on her. His face relaxed, every muscle seemed to ease, and a beautiful smile stretched on his lips. For the rest of her life, she knew in this moment she’d never forget it.
But she didn’t smile back.
Luerna could see the wounds on his face. There was a bruise on his lip and one on his temple that expanded into his eye, and a cut on his cheek that was patched up with stitches. When he moved toward her, he limped and held a hand against his ribcage.
A hand went to her mouth, and his smile drifted momentarily. He took a deep breath and regained the strength to greet her with a classy grin. “Hey, sunshine.” Levka leaned down, groaned in pain, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “I’m alright,” he assured. But she watched as he sat, careful of his ribs, sitting stiffly like a board.
Luerna was aware she was in public. She kept her tears tight behind her eyes. But the horror of expression didn’t change. And she continued to stare.
Levka ordered a coffee, and as soon as the waiter walked away, he cackled. “I’m not that bad, sunshine, don’t look at me like that. I’ve definitely had worse. This is just the first day. I’ll be better tomorrow.” He removed a pill case and popped two, winking as he sipped water. “Helps being toasted, though.”
Luerna’s attention broke when the waiter came back with the coffee. Levka was polite and thanked the man, even complimenting him on his timely response. She took a sip to clear her throat and finally spoke. “What are you doing here?”
“Your brother-” Levka began, “-is an ass,” he finished with a smile. “But he loves money. We will be working together for a bit while he’s here for the next few weeks.”
“He told you where I was?”
“I asked him to send you here.”
Luerna shifted uncomfortably. All her anger toward Adrik seemed misplaced, but being angry at Levka wasn’t possible. “Why?”
Levka leaned up on the table with a silly smirk. “To take you out on a proper date.”
A giggle snuck through her throat. “A date? What are we in high school?”
Levka took a sip of his coffee. “I believe adults date. Pretty commonly, actually.”
That was true, wasn’t it? Why did it feel ridiculous? She was married and thirty-four. She didn’t go out on dates.
“You look beautiful. How are you?” Levka questioned. “Being without your kids?”
The mention of them brought a fresh wave of tears, but she blinked them back. “It’s hard.” But there was a good reason now, and she could justify it. In fact, she was pleased to be here with him.
“I’m sorry. But this was the only way.”
Luerna nodded and gave a soft, understanding smile. “This is sweet.”
The giddiness in his gaze was reduced by the cut on his cheek. It would leave a scar on his face. And she knew it was because of her. She couldn’t keep going with the guilt. She didn’t want him to keep trying when she was a ticking time bomb. “I have to tell you something,” she whispered with a bowed head.
Levka shook his head. “It’s okay, Luerna.”
“You don’t even know what I’m gonna say.”
“Whatever it is, I forgive you.”
The words were absurd, and it pissed her off. “Why? What if I don’t deserve it?”
He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”
She scoffed, and she crossed her arms. “You aggravate me so fucking much. You think I’m this perfect person–”
“No, I don’t,” he whispered.
“I come from a shitty family. If you think I haven’t done things to deserve payback, you’re delusional. Maybe it’s your age. You see this damsel in distress, and like the macho guy you are, you want to come to my rescue. Well, I put myself in this fucking tower and I can climb down when I’m good and ready.”
Luerna wanted to take off, to give a dramatic exit, but causing a scene was not what ladies do, so instead she sat there and sipped her tea with a fake pleasant face, hoping no one heard her lash out.
“So why don’t you?” Levka asked, sitting back with the coffee cup in his hands. He stared with bored aggravation. It was the first time she saw such a look. “Why don’t you climb out?”
“Because I’m fine,” she nipped back.
A condescending chuckle hid behind his drink, and he darted his eyes elsewhere.
“What?” she provoked.
He shook his head, looking around the restaurant. Anywhere but at her.
“What?” she asked again.
“I’m a child; what do I know?”
She sneered. “Oh, don’t act like I hurt your feelings.”
Levka turned his head toward her. “You are so used to fighting you don’t know how to stop. I will be your punching bag, Luerna. Until you feel in control.”
Luerna wanted to rip his face off. He didn’t understand anything, and to sit there and take the high road was a dick move. She dug her nails into her palm, trying to stop herself from lashing out. But it was building, like a boiling pot. Before she embarrassed herself, she stood. “Excuse me,” she whispered.
Luerna didn’t stop walking till she made it back to her room. All the anger seeped out of her like a popped balloon, and she sagged against the door with a hand against her mouth. Why was she such a bitch? Levka was being a sweet man, and she was pushing and pushing. Why did he keep sticking around? She was nothing. Why couldn’t he see that?
Luerna went into the bedroom, but it was empty and she was alone. She wanted to hug her children, to feel loved even when she didn’t deserve it.
The door clicked shut, and she could hear Levka as he approached.
Luerna sat on the bed, facing him, and he leaned against the doorway with his hands in his pockets.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
He shook his head.
She hated how he forgave her, and the tears broke through. “Why are you doing this, Levka? Why are you here? I’m not what you want. There’s nothing left of me, can’t you see that? I’ve nothing left.” Luerna cried into her hands, humiliated and defeated. She didn’t care what he saw. She couldn’t suppress the misery. This was her, the part of her that existed when no one was around. It’s why she was constantly moving. She was constantly involved in her children’s lives because, with them, she could ignore the emptiness. She could forget her pain.
Levka sat down beside her with his elbows on his knees. She watched the way his jaw clenched as he stared straight ahead. He rubbed his knuckles, bruised and a little torn.
“Luerna,” he began softly. “I’m in love with you. There is nothing that you can do or say to stop me. Believe me, I’ve tried. It would be easier and safer for both of us if I could move on and forget you. But I can’t; I just want to stop fighting it. Can you at least meet me at that point?”
Luerna nodded, hoping she could but unsure what that would require of her.
“Accept it, sunshine. I’m not going anywhere. No matter how much you push me away. How you try to convince me you don’t deserve it. I won’t go. Every day, I want only to breathe the same air you breathe.”
Luerna blinked the tears out of her eyes before she rested her head against his shoulder. “I’m sorry,”
“What I want in return is not what you think. It would be amazing if you felt the same way. If you wanted me the way I wanted you. Of course, that’s always a hope.”
There was a pause there, and Luerna knew it was the moment she should share her devotion to him, but she found herself speechless. She didn’t know what she felt.
“What I want, Luerna, is for you to be happy.”
Her brows knit, and another wave of tears attacked her like a tidal wave, and she slapped a hand against her mouth to keep it from exploding.
“Five years you have been struggling, and you keep telling me and everyone around you that you’re fine.” Levka wrapped an arm around her, pulling her body into his chest so she couldn’t run. “But you’re not, sunshine. And I’m sorry to tell you, you’re not. I know you better than anyone. So please, I need you to get help.” Her sobs overtook the room, and he held onto her like she could slip away. Her body shook with every sound, and he didn’t move, his chin on top of her head and his eyes on the wall ahead. He didn’t want to do this; he didn’t want to push her over, but she had been denying what was going on for too many years. He kept thinking that if he could get her out of hell, she’d be happy, but the more he spoke to her, the more he realized it wasn’t just the surface. It was deep, like melanoma cancer, sinking its roots around her heart and slowly killing her. She was the only one who could dig it out, but she had to want to. The only thing he could do was wait.
Even if it was painful.