Chapter 7 Chicken Soup for the Soul
Elijah Wright was bored out of his ever-lovin’ mind, but he wasn’t about to budge. He’d been hanging out on a bench in Jackson Square for three hours, waiting for the beautiful Bella Cummings to jog by. Elijah didn’t know if he could survive the weekend without seeing her. He wondered if she knew how cruel it was to disappear from his life for two whole days in a row.
He’d had to suffer even longer than the week Bella got suspended from Troy High. People were saying she’d started some kind of rebellion just by wearing spaghetti straps. Elijah definitely wouldn’t put it past her. Bella was smart as hell and she could do a split better than anyone he’d ever seen. He had to bite his lip just thinking about it. Damn, that girl made him crazy. So what if there were a few years between them? Maybe in high school three years made a difference, but when they were older, wouldn’t nobody blink an eye. Of course by then he’d be filthy rich and famous from playing in the NFL. Girls would be throwing themselves at him right and left. He’d be swimming in so much cooch he’d need a snorkel. But he would never love anyone the way he loved Bella Cummings.
Even back in middle school, he’d been besotted. That’s what his older brother, Isaac, called it. Elijah had looked up the word to make sure it fit—and damn, if it didn’t. Isaac and Bella had been best friends since kindergarten, and soon they’d both be graduating and heading off to college. Elijah had always wondered why Isaac never made a move. Bella liked guys who were book smart—and everybody said his brother was the town genius. When Elijah had found out why Isaac wasn’t interested, his first reaction had been sheer relief. He didn’t need any more competition. As far as Elijah was concerned, it was as simple as that. Since then, things had gotten a lot more complicated.
Now Elijah was sitting on a park bench with a book he’d borrowed from Lula Dean’s library. Isaac would be pissed as hell if he heard that Elijah had gone anywhere near the crazy lady’s house. The shelves at the high school library were half empty now, thanks to that “book-burning barbarian,” as Isaac called her. Elijah wasn’t quite as quick to condemn Lula Dean. He supposed she thought she was protecting them all by hiding the books about sex and such. It was kinda sad and a little bit funny, truth be told. She and her crew seemed really concerned that kids might learn about butt plugs. Like every other boy he knew, Elijah had been secretly watching internet porn since the sixth grade. If Lula Dean had seen even half the stuff he had by age twelve, butt plugs would have been the least of her worries.
If they were planning to refill the shelves with books like the ones in Lula’s library, they might as well ban reading altogether. Elijah had stood in front of it for a full fifteen minutes. He needed a book to read so Bella wouldn’t think he’d been sitting in the park just waiting for her to run by. But Bella was never gonna believe he’d pick up a book by some pasty politician named Newt. He skimmed the back cover of The Art of Crochet before he put that back, too. Everybody at school knew he’d flunked art class. It almost got him kicked off the football team. Finally, he pulled out a copy of Chicken Soup for the Soul. It promised inspiration and everyday miracles, and the whole Wright family was desperate for a bit of both.
By noon, it was hotter than hell, and Elijah had pretty much given up on Bella running by. Still, he stayed put on the bench he’d come to think of as his own. He hadn’t slept well the previous night, he’d left his wallet on his dresser, and all his friends had taken off for the lake. There was nowhere for him to head but home, and that was the last place Elijah wanted to be, even if he would have killed for a nap. It seemed like his mother had been crying for three weeks straight. His father never shed any tears. He just sat on the back porch and fumed in silence. The preacher was there half the time, talking in hushed whispers with one of Elijah’s parents or attempting to counsel his older brother, who was polite as ever, but showed zero interest in the man’s advice.
“I am exactly as God made me,” Elijah heard Isaac inform the preacher. “I will not question God’s wisdom and neither should you.”
Elijah hadn’t been the only one eavesdropping when he said it. Their mother let out a sob when she heard and locked herself in her room for the rest of the day.
At first, he figured his parents were pissed ’cause Isaac was everyone’s favorite. Their hopes and dreams had always been pinned to his brother’s perfectly ironed sleeves. They probably thought Isaac would grow up to be a rocket scientist, marry a supermodel brain surgeon, buy them a vacation home somewhere with mangoes, and give them lots of bougie grandbabies. Now that Isaac was gay, they’d just have to be happy with Elijah and Bella’s kids. And they weren’t gonna be some crappy consolation prize, either, dammit. They would be gorgeous badass geniuses. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind.
Then the preacher pulled Elijah to the side, and he learned that being gay was far more dangerous than he’d ever imagined from watching Felix and Will make out on The Walking Dead. The gay lifestyle could lead to disease, drug addiction, and debauchery. Elijah figured that, along with the butt sex, could ensure Isaac spent eternity in hell. No wonder his mom wouldn’t stop crying. She had to know all the misery that was waiting for her oldest son. And to be honest, Elijah hadn’t slept well after his chat with the preacher, either. There had been quite a few nights when he’d lain awake imagining Isaac burning when he would have much rather been thinking about Bella Cummings. He joined his parents in begging his brother to get some help for his condition. The preacher said there were programs specially designed for kids like him. Isaac refused to consider the option. You couldn’t cure being gay any more than you could cure being white, Black, or Brown, he argued.
“There is no gay in my DNA,” their father said. “You chose this for yourself.”
“Was that Mr. Minter involved?” their mother whispered once when their father wasn’t around. Mr. Minter was a beloved music teacher at the high school who’d been fired after someone from Troy saw him exiting a gay bar in Atlanta. “Did he recruit you before he left town?”
“It isn’t the army, Mom,” Isaac had replied. “No one gets recruited. By the way, why hasn’t anybody asked how Mr. Concerned Citizen just happened to be in the parking lot of a gay club at three o’clock in the morning when Mr. Minter came out?”
Their mother had gasped, one hand to her chest. “I don’t even want to think about what you might be suggesting.”
“Sounds to me you don’t want to think at all. You just want to believe everything you’re told. ’Cause if you sat down and thought it through, you’d know that I’m right. I haven’t changed one bit since the day I was born.”
But their parents refused to believe it was providence. At night, as he lay in bed sleepless, Elijah listened to them speculate about the cause of Isaac’s condition. Their father, a fan of talk radio who’d long leaned a little to the right, threw out Isaac’s soy milk and had the water tested. Then Lula Dean discovered the dirty cake book that Elijah’s friend Mack had slipped into the library. She and her committee showed up at the high school library a few days later and started yanking books off the shelves. Turned out a few of them had “homosexual themes.” Elijah’s mom recognized one of the covers. Isaac had brought the book home at the start of the school year. Finally, their dad had his answer. He knew why his son was gay.
Isaac and their parents stopped speaking after their dad began spending time with the book-banning buffoons. Only a few months earlier, their house had been one of the happiest in town. Now family dinners were silent aside from their mother’s sniffling. Their father spent most evenings with Lula’s committee. Isaac joined the small group of protesters dedicated to fighting them. And Elijah was tortured by dreams of his beloved brother burning in hell. It was hard to believe it was all happening just because Isaac liked dudes. For the two thousandth time, he closed his eyes and let God know he’d do anything—anything—to bring his family back together.
It was so hot on the park bench that Elijah couldn’t find the energy to open his eyes when the prayer was over. He nodded off for a second and Chicken Soup for the Soul slipped off his lap and landed open on the ground beside him. As he bent over to grab it, a single word caught his eye.
Penis.
Elijah snapped back up and left the book spread open on the cobblestones. Of all the words in the world, why had his eyes landed on that one? Is this how it started? Was this the slippery slope? Eventually curiosity overtook his fear and Elijah leaned over again and scanned the page for the word. Maybe it had been used in some harmless, personal hygiene kind of way. He took Jaylen’s penis into his mouth.
Elijah sat bolt upright, eyes wide. His whole body was burning. Were the flames he felt licking him a preview of what was to come? A mysterious figure appeared on the other side of the park, and Elijah knew for a fact that God was reaching out to him at that moment when he recognized Lula Dean and her dog. She was prancing straight toward him, a pink cupcake of a woman with a dollop of marshmallow fluff trotting beside her. Elijah reached down, snatched the book off the ground, and held it open in front of his face, hoping she’d walk on by.
Instead, Lula stopped right in front of Elijah, the fumes from her perfume wrapping his head in a choke hold. “Elijah Wright. Did you get that out of my library?” she demanded to know.
“Yes, ma’am,” Elijah replied, knowing he’d just been outed.
“Such a wonderful book, isn’t it?” Lula practically glowed with excitement. “I know your family is going through a rough spell. I sure hope you find what you’re looking for.”
She moved on, leaving Elijah frozen in terror. What the hell did Lula Dean know? What was she trying to tell him?
Elijah turned back to the book and found himself staring right at the title page. Rivals and Lovers. It wasn’t Chicken Soup for the Soul. It was that book Isaac had brought home from the library. God was speaking to Elijah through Lula Dean. He swiveled around in his seat and watched the woman stroll out of the park.
When Elijah looked back down at the book in his lap, he saw it for what it was: a test. It had to be. He’d just told God he’d do anything to bring his family together. Now the Lord was calling his bluff. He wanted Elijah to put his money where his mouth was. Fine, Elijah told God. If reading Rivals and Lovers was what it would take, then so be it. He closed his eyes and took a moment to remember Bella’s spaghetti straps. Then Elijah Wright flipped to page one, knowing deep down in his soul that by the end of the day, he’d be homosexual.
The heroes of Rivals and Lovers were two dudes named Jaylen and Julio who met their junior year of high school in Brooklyn. Captains of opposing debate teams, they hated each other at first sight. Jaylen was out and proud, while Julio was still stuck in the closet. Then one night after a particularly heated debate on the subject of capital gains taxes, they shared a secret kiss in the subway.
Damn, this is boring, Elijah thought. They should add an alien invasion or something.
But he couldn’t stop reading—and he didn’t really want to. Sure, Jaylen and Julio were dorks, but the whole thing was still kinda sweet. He wondered if Isaac was making out with any guys at school.He fucking hoped not. Nobody in Troy was good enough for his brother.
The heroes end up going to Columbia University, where Jaylen is super popular and getting busy in secret with the captain of the basketball team. Julio focuses on his work and pines for the boy he kissed back in high school.
Ho-ly shit. Get to the drugs and debauchery already, would you? Elijah checked his phone. It was two o’clock and he was about to keel over from hunger. As soon as his boys hooked up, he’d head home and eat everything in the fridge.
They finally got busy on page 122. That’s when the penises came out. After all that workup, it was a bit of a disappointment, to be honest. I mean, he was happy for them and all. But the penis-in-the-mouth bit was as raunchy as it got. There weren’t even any butt plugs involved. If this was someone’s idea of debauchery, he sure hoped they never typed cream pie into Google. Elijah flipped forward to page 212, hoping the story would get a bit saucier.
Jaylen and Julio now shared a fabulous apartment in Manhattan. Julio was stressed out from his pediatrics residency and Jaylen, who designed athletic wear for a European luxury brand, worried their relationship might be losing its spice. He knew there was a handsome doctor on the staff at the hospital who had his eye on Julio. So, one night, over an excellent bottle of Falanghina, he surprised Julio with a dream vacation to the Amalfi Coast. The reveal did not go as planned.
You’ve got to be kidding me, Elijah chided Julio. It’s the Amalfi Coast! Take a week off and focus on your relationship!
Annoyed by the character’s lack of gratitude, Elijah flipped forward another fifty pages. Jaylen had forgiven Julio for his brief dalliance with a coworker. What? I can’t believe I skipped that part. Now the two were married. They were searching for a surrogate to carry their second child, but they still hadn’t settled on whose sperm to use.
Oh my God. This is going to be an absolute nightmare. Jaylen made the first kid, Julio should make the next!
“Hey there. Whatcha reading?”
It was like an angel had spoken right in his ear. Elijah shrieked and fumbled the book, which slipped out of its cover and fell to the ground. When Bella Cummings picked it up, he knew his life was over.
“Rivals and Lovers. I think your brother read this, too.”
The sun was setting but it was still hot, and Bella was sweaty from running. It drove him crazy when she wore her hair in a ponytail.
“I know,” Elijah said. “My parents think it turned him gay.” Damn, that came out wrong.
Bella cocked her head and grinned at him. “Interesting,” she said. “Did it just make you gay?”
Elijah checked. “No.” His heart was pounding, his stomach fluttering, and his body tingling. He was just as besotted with Bella Cummings as he’d ever been.
“Figured,” Bella said. “Books don’t work that way. Where’d you get it?”
He pointed across the park. “Lula Dean’s library.”
Bella snickered. “That Lula. Spreading tolerance and understanding right here in Troy, Georgia.” When she took a seat beside Elijah on the bench, he closed his eyes and savored the moment. This was quickly becoming the best day of his life. “Well, what did you think?”
I think I love you even more than Jaylen loves Julio. I swear I will treat you like the goddess you are. And someday when I’m quarterback for the Falcons, I’m gonna buy you a trip to the Amalfi Coast. Wherever the fuck that is.
“What did you think of the book?” Bella clarified, as though she sensed some confusion.
“Honestly?”
“Of course.”
“It’s boring as hell. Even worse than Old Yeller.” He flipped through the pages. “Is this really what it’s like to be gay? I mean, there’s like a single blow job before they get married and start popping out kids.”
“I guess it’s one way to be gay,” Bella said.
Elijah nodded. For the first time in weeks, he felt something like hope. “Then I absolutely loved it,” he informed her.
Bella laughed. “You just said it was boring!”
“Yeah, but nobody’s going to hell for anything in this dumb book. I don’t understand why the committee would even bother to ban it.”
That cracked Bella up. “You really think Lula Dean read Rivals and Lovers?” she asked. “Or any of the other books on her list?”
“You’re telling me she didn’t?” The second the words came out of his mouth, Elijah realized how stupid they sounded. “Holy shit. She’s been lying to everyone, hasn’t she?”
“I bet Lula hasn’t read a book in thirty years. She just wants to scare people. She’s figured out that’s how to get their attention.”
“Damn. That’s diabolical.” Elijah had spent fourteen years living in the same town as a supervillain, and he’d never even realized it.
“Yeah, well, don’t give her too much credit. She didn’t invent it. Using fear to control people is about as old as time.”
Elijah thought of his mother. “What if you showed them there’s nothing to be scared about?”
“You could do that,” Bella said. “But first you have to get them to read a book.”
Elijah knew who needed to read Rivals and Lovers next.