Chapter 9
Iwake to hands gripping my hair. My eyes fly open, and I spot a nurse in front of me with a scowl on her face. She pulls me down to the floor, as I glance up at her and try to figure out what the hell the problem is.
“I said, get up. You want to eat? Then get moving.”
Climbing to my feet, I open my mouth to yell, but stop when I spot Heather in my open doorway. She shakes her head no. The expression on her face appears to be a warning, so I heed it and keep my mouth shut, while wondering how the hell this place can treat people like this, and get away with it.
The nurse aggressively pushes Heather out of the way as she walks out the door, shoving her into the wall.
Heather loops her arm around mine.
“Come on, Bestie. I’ll show you the ropes.”
“The ropes?” I ask, as we start walking.
“The do’s and don’ts. Who you have to watch your back with. You have to be careful around Nurse Sheila. I’ll explain everything while we eat. The halls have ears.”
We make it into the main hall, and she points some of the patients out, as we walk into the dining room.
“That’s Amanda. Don’t bother talking to her.
She’ll never respond, because she’s too busy talking to herself.
And Crystal. She has the eye patch, because she got into a fight with Nikki.
They’re both crazy, I guess, but Nikki has big issues.
She has D-I-D and, well, you never know what or who you’re getting. ”
“D-I-D?” I ask, because I don’t have a clue what she’s talking about.
“Multiple Personality Disorder, basically. There’s a few of those here, and Nikki has four personalities that I know of.
One is a sweet child, another is a middle-aged woman that seems okay too, and then there is a teenager that always causes trouble.
But the worst is a twenty-year-old. That bitch is violent and thinks everyone is the enemy, so it’s better to keep your distance. ”
She nods to a large bald man, and speaks low.
“That’s Darren. Stay away from him. He eats people. If he does well in therapy, they let him go to the basement with a person.”
I don’t know what that even means, but I walk beside her and grab a tray after she does. We walk into the small kitchen area, and she smiles sweetly at the grumpy looking older lady working with food that looks less than appetizing. The smell might be worse than the appearance.
“Looks delicious, Mabel. We’ll take one of everything. We’re so hungry.”
I give her a strange look, and again, she shakes her head no, telling me to shut up. I do as she says, and follow her to a table.
She takes a seat, and I sit across from her. The tables are like you’d find in a school lunchroom, except these are bolted to the floor.
I whisper, “I thought you said not to get the mush.”
Shaking her head at me, she responds, “No. I said not to eat it. I did not say you shouldn’t get it. Mabel takes great offense to anyone not wanting her food. She makes everything here, with the exception of the pudding, and if you upset her, you get extras you don’t want.”
I glance down at my plate, wondering what the extras are she’s talking about. None of it looks appetizing, other than the chocolate pudding and apple sauce. The ham looks dried out, like it’s been sitting for days. And the mush, I’m not even sure what it is, but it has burnt eggs in it.
Heather shrugs her shoulders. “The ham isn’t as bad as it looks. Try it. You need the protein. One of the big punishments here is lock up. They lock you in your room, and you don’t get meals. It’s important you stay well fed for when that happens. It will eventually.”
I take a bite of the ham and chew slowly. She’s right, it’s not terrible, but it is a little on the chewy side.
“I have a question.”
Heather nods slowly, as if she expected as much.
“Is there someone that can actually help? My doctor raped me, and,” I swallow hard, “Raven, too. I’m afraid they’re going to kill me.”
She pushes her blonde hair behind her shoulders, as she finishes the food in her mouth. Her blue eyes focus on me as she flashes me a sad expression.
“You’ll get used to it. There is no one to help you, Bianca.
Screaming rape here will do you no good.
Your doctor is a bad man. His female patients tend to disappear after a few weeks.
There are rumors, but none of us really know what happens to them.
The men get different treatment. He sends them to the basement with Dr. Halstead.
Jimmy,” she nods to a man across the room, sitting like he’s in a world of his own, “he had a lobotomy. His behavior is no longer a problem. He’s a walking zombie. ”
“A lobotomy?” I gasp, “they haven’t done those for a long time.”
Heather laughs, but there’s no humor behind it.
“Procedures long thought inhumane and ineffective are routine here. If you want to live long enough to get out, just do what they want.”
Raising an eyebrow, I say, “You said no one leaves.”
With a grin, she says, “One day, if I have to do it myself, this fucking place will burn to the ground.”
“You don’t seem insane. Why are you here?”
“Religious trauma,” she says, as if it’s no big deal.
We both eat our pudding in silence, when I spot Raven sitting two tables over, eating his with his eyes on me, and a shiver runs down my spine.
“Have you ever heard of the ‘Servants of Christ’ group?”
I nod, focusing on her, doing my best to ignore the eyes penetrating me nearly to my soul.
“I saw something about them a few years ago on the news.”
She takes a sip of her water, before setting it beside her tray.
“It’s a cult, and I was born into it. After I escaped, I went on a killing spree, and ended up here. I’m not really insane. I’m just pissed.”
I won’t ask what they did to her, much like she hasn’t asked what Sullivan did to me. If she chooses to tell me on her own, I’ll listen, but I won’t pry. One thing is clear. We are both victims. I didn’t kill my husband, but I wish I had. At least then there’d be a reason for me to be here.
Out of my peripheral vision, I spot Raven licking at his spoon while he eats his pudding. I hate that I’m attracted to him.
It was still rape, Bianca. You said no. You begged him to stop.
I’m relieved when he rises from his seat and leaves.