Chapter 28
I’m completely aware he thinks I’m nuts.
It’s not normal to feel like you’ve lost everything because you lost your pet cockroach.
It’s not normal to have a pet cockroach.
None of this is typical behavior, and I don’t think I could ever explain to him how I was feeling, when I saw Marie skitter across the floor.
While the worst thing that happened to me should have been eating a human heart, it wasn’t.
The isolation was the worst experience of my life.
It broke something inside me, that I fear can never be repaired.
I sit holding Marie, and feel the heat of Raven’s gaze on my face.
“Don’t judge me. I was lost, and I don’t expect you to understand, but she was the only thing that kept me going.
It was like my entire mind was dark, but she was the slightest glimmer of light.
I know this might not even be the same cockroach, but I’m telling myself it is, because right now, I need to believe that. ”
Raven strokes his fingers down my cheek, and I lift my gaze to his.
“No judgement, Bianca. You’ll never get that from me.”
He stands up and holds his hand out for me.
I take it and we walk outside to the buses.
Number thirty-one sits there, with a driver that seems to pay no attention as we climb on.
I follow Raven to the very back, and sit beside him.
He drops the black bag between his feet.
I know we’re in a small town, but I’m surprised there are no other people onboard.
I grab the toothbrush, and toothpaste, and head to the bathroom.
I already know he’ll be waiting on the other side of the door.
Is it because he thinks I’ll take off running, with only a toothbrush and a cockroach?
I wouldn’t make it long on my own. After brushing my teeth, I open the door and he motions to a seat.
I sit down and he takes the spot beside me.
The seats have a cupholder, so he puts Marie in the one on his armrest near the window.
I sit back and close my eyes, as I exhale a long exhausted sigh.
“Are you ever going to let me go?”
“No,” he answers quickly, as if it requires no time to think.
“Why?” I ask.
He takes my hand in his, and I open my eyes to his intense gaze on me.
“I’ve been called insane my entire life.
Nobody has ever understood me. I’m fucked up, baby.
In a way nobody gets. When I’m inside you, that’s the closest I’ve ever been to normal.
It’s the one time I feel whole. If I never get to have that again, I’m not sure I could continue to breathe.
It’s like eating bologna sandwiches all your life, and then having filet mignon.
How could you possibly go back to that cheap meat, after a steak so tender, with such flavor? ”
I giggle at his ridiculous analogy, but also appreciate it in a weird way.
“I’m really glad I wasn’t the bologna in that little story.”
Raven takes some of my hair between his finger and thumb, and stares as if he’s mesmerized.
He’s insane and I know that, but the way he looks at me is powerful.
Like I’m worth something. No one has ever done that.
Not even Sullivan. Not in the beginning, and definitely not at the end.
It doesn’t matter though, because I can’t forget the past. I ignored all the warning signs with my husband, and married him anyway.
I’ve also seen firsthand what this man is capable of, and I can’t live with it, but also can’t seem to get away from it.
Leaning down, he runs his lips over the side of my neck, and groans against my skin.
“Stop thinking so much. You’re mine, and nothing else matters.”
He darts his tongue out and licks at my flesh, causing a moan to slip out of me.
“When did I say I was yours? I’m not.”
Moving his lips to my ear, he chuckles softly, before taking my earlobe between his teeth and biting gently.
“Your tight cunt whispers the truth. You want to be owned. My name, falling from your lips, says you’re mine.”
Running his tongue up the center of my neck, I shiver from the feeling of his hot tongue. He notices, and stops to stare into my eyes. I swear I could drown in the darkness of his gaze, and maybe for a moment, I want to.
“Tell me you don’t like it when I touch you, pretty girl. Lie to me the way you lie to yourself, and say you don’t want this.”
“You’re violent,” I say.
He shakes his head. “Not with you.”
“You kill people.”
“Never you,” he says in a deep husky voice.
Sliding his tongue over my bottom lip, he whispers and his breath fans over my skin, causing more chills to roll down my spine.
“I’ll protect you, Bianca. You’re mine. I won’t be a perfect man. I’m flawed, but I won’t hit you. If anyone dares to hurt you, I’ll rip the skin from their bones.”
Every voice in my head is screaming ‘no, he’s dangerous’. He’s a serial killer, and in some ways worse than Sullivan was. Yet, this monster is the one that saved me. So when he slides his hands up my arms, I don’t push him away. My body craves every depraved thing he’ll do to me.
He moves the arm rest separating us. Grabbing my waist on either side, he lifts me and sets me down on his lap. I spread my legs so I’m straddling him, and he presses his hand to my face, before moving it into my hair, and pulling my head closer to his.
“You’re beautiful, baby. A gorgeous, perfect girl.”
Sliding his hand under my shirt, he moves it up my stomach, and cups one of my breasts.
“Raven, we are on a bus.”
He chuckles low as he lifts my shirt up, exposing me to him, and swipes his tongue over one nipple, and then the other.
“Do you think being on public transportation would keep me from touching you? Nothing could keep my fingers from this sweet little body.”
Cupping the back of my head, he closes the gap between us, and kisses my lips softly.
“Or my mouth.”
Holding my head firmly, he pulls away briefly before slamming his lips to mine, and coaxes my mouth open with his tongue.
I should hate him for not giving me a choice, but I don’t.
As he swipes his tongue against mine, I feel it in my core.
His touch is like fire. It lights me up from the inside out, threatening to engulf me.
This should be a warning. I’m going to lose what’s left of me to this man if I’m not careful.
But this kiss is different from before. It’s filled with a passion that confirms his promise before.
He’s never going to let me go. At least not willingly.