Chapter 33
33
W alking into the foyer of the mansion for the first time since the night at Lilith House, I fidget a little with my dress. I’m due in Hawke’s office any minute now, having received my first summons since the night of what will now be referred to as the spanking-induced orgasm incident , and as of this moment, I’m silently praying for my cheeks to return to a normal color.
The past couple of days have been spent almost exclusively either in Angel’s arms, tangled in his bedsheets, or much of the same with Grey. At night, the three of us have been wrapped up together, not just in bed, but also in mundane, quiet moments like eating meals and watching movies. While I absolutely know we’re avoiding the obvious questions about my future, there’s been a silent understanding between us all that we’re using this time to escape into a world where nothing else exists but a brief opportunity to feel good.
Maybe that’s not the healthiest coping mechanism, but it sure as hell is one that my slightly sore pussy is absolutely floating on cloud nine about.
Beside me, the man responsible for my current state of disarray chuckles wickedly. Grey caught one look at me earlier, and instead of driving me to Noire House, he simply bunched my dress up, pulled my panties to one side, and fucked my brains out on the hood of his car.
Then, drove me here.
So, now I’m about to walk into my lessons with Hawke Calliano feeling more than a little fluttery, aching in all the right places, and still immensely turned on. One solitary orgasm hardly feels enough when I know what this man is capable of doing to my body.
“This is entirely your fault.” I hiss and re-adjust the material for the tenth time.
“Who cares what your dress looks like when all you have to do is go in there, kneel on a cushion, and stare at the floor pretending to be some meek little thing.” He brushes his palm over my hip and allows that touch to slide around and linger at the small of my back for a moment. “Besides, at least this way, you’ll have something to think about. Namely, how good my dick looks being swallowed by your pussy.”
I nearly stumble at the vividness of that image. He made me watch every inch disappear as he shoved oh, so slowly inside.
As we reach the point where he’ll continue on to his workshop, and I’ll turn down the corridor to make my way toward Hawke’s office, there’s a moment when it feels as if Grey is about to say something. He pauses to tug me into him using that hand previously settled on my spine. A firm grasp snakes around my waist and my blood sings beneath his heated touch. I’m breathlessly caught by his hazel gaze and all that effortless charm when he pulls me against his front with a leisurely movement that is far too seductive, far too suave.
Is he going to kiss me?
Will this moment right here be the first time he bends his head and lets that guard drop for a brief taste of my lips?
Is this finally happening? The pulse-pounding second when he might reveal a tiny glimpse of what deeper emotion lies beneath that wicked tongue and slight curve to the corner of his mouth whenever he stares down at me?
We’ve fallen into bed together in the most natural of ways, but there’s still an unscalable wall surrounding this man’s inner workings. A reinforced and fully guarded fortress protects whatever secrets lie within my mischievous Grey .
I dart my tongue out to wet my lips, and his eyes swoop on that small movement. As his fingertips curl against my lower back, he gives me one of those crooked smiles that absolutely kills me.
He could hit me with that look and ask me to do anything. I’d be the absolutely besotted fool who says yes without question.
Instead, his tattooed fingers come up to my face. Grey takes his time to softly hook some loose strands behind my ear, and then strokes his thumb over my bottom lip.
My heart is about to leap straight out of my throat.
“Be good, little flower.” Is all he says before nudging me away, tucking both hands in his pockets, and strolling into the depths of the mansion. Giving me an incredible view of his ass in those dress slacks he wears like a second skin.
Leaving me standing, swaying on the spot, and entirely disoriented, because how on earth am I supposed to focus on anything during this session under Hawke’s instruction when I’m stranded here fantasizing about all the ways I want Grey to cup my jaw and allow our mouths to sink together.
But I can’t linger here. The sooner I get this shit over with, the sooner I can escape these oppressive halls.
Throwing my shoulders back and taking a deep breath, I march straight up to the heavy-set wooden doors and knock. To be honest, I don’t fucking care if Hawke calls to allow me inside, I push through and make my entrance without pausing for permission .
One thing I know is that as much as I’ve been blissfully consumed by attention from Grey and Angel, this man has been an itch in the back of my mind. Maybe it’s annoyance with him for showing such indifference? Perhaps my ego is still bruised after the way he’s avoided me since that night.
Either way, I’m not exactly skipping in here to see his stupid blue eyes, immaculate jaw, and tanned skin. No, if anything it will be a relief to look him square in the face and smile sweetly and kneel on his ridiculous cushion and then get the hell out of his presence.
Hawke wants me to prove that I can be a submissive worthy of the assholes who have claimed me? I’ll use every second of my time spent with my head bowed at his feet to come up with plans for my escape.
Only, his knack for gaining the upper hand is unmatched. When I step into his office, there’s no sign of the man. Although I see the offending cushion I’m due to perch on for the next hour or so, sitting prominently on the floor beside his empty desk chair.
For a moment, it catches me off-guard.
Has he had someone else in here right before me? If I were to brush my palm over that soft fabric, would it still be warm to the touch from some other sub’s knees? Will it hold her fragrance?
The thought sends a surge of that same unfamiliar energy racing through my limbs as that night, in the breath right before I asked him to spank me. I don’t know what the fuck it all means that I keep feeling this intense disdain for him, yet I feel protective over who else might be indulging in time with him inside this office.
I’m standing in the middle of the room, glaring at a goddamn cushion, when the man himself emerges from a hidden doorway on the far side of the room. Well, it’s not exactly secret, it's one of those panels that has been sunk into the wall to disguise its presence.
As Hawke steps into his office, it’s his appearance that captures me. That normally immaculate presentation is ruffled. His hair, which I’ve never seen out of place, is slightly tousled as if he’s been running his fingers through it, and the way those dark strands fall haphazardly makes him look like he’s just rolled out of bed. My already revved-up hormones, thanks to Grey’s misbehavior, are instantly oohing and ahhing and swooning over his slightly disheveled look.
I mean, the man is still encased in the formal attire he seems to live in—a black collared shirt matched with dress slacks—but even those look more relaxed. His sleeves are pushed to his elbows in a way that is far more casual than on other occasions when I’ve watched him methodically fold that material on itself.
No. No way in hell. I’m not allowing myself to be captivated by this man. I’m not going to get hung up on his corded forearms. I’m in no way seeking out the sight of his strong, veined hands and picturing them slapping my bare ass.
“You can take up your position, as we practiced last time.” His voice is a little rougher than usual as he strides in the direction of his desk. Rather than sitting down, he pauses at the front and collects some files, which he begins to flick through.
That’s the summary of this man’s interaction—no greeting or even a simple hello ? That’s all he’s going to say after what happened in the club?
Heat races up the back of my neck.
“You didn’t have the guts to tell me I’d been given to them.” I walk right up to where he’s standing. All the visions of Angel’s scar and the awful presence of his brother gather in my mind’s eye. “Lilith House? Are they the ones who I’m to become an obedient little pet for? ”
Hawke doesn’t look up from the papers he’s thumbing through. “Why do you care?”
“Don’t you get it? I want to stay here.”
“Not possible. This was always how it was going to be.”
My heart pumps harder as I feel that torrent of something unfamiliar start to bubble up. “What about what I want? You give me all this bullshit about learning the proper way to behave as a submissive, that supposedly my lessons are taking place right here in this room, but you know what? I’ve searched enough online on my own. You’re breaking all of that. You’re refusing to build trust, and you’re exactly like those other assholes who won’t respect the power dynamic, even though I know you know better.”
Hawke towers over me, and I hate that I have to tilt my head back so far to take all of him in.
“You’re right.” He tosses the folder down on his desk and folds his arms. “I am an asshole. I’m a creature this place has created, and I don’t care about anything but my own agenda. I fucking have to. There’s too much at stake.”
“That’s bullshit. I’m not buying it.” I shake my head at him. This man might think he can push away anyone who dares challenge him, and I’m not in the fucking mood for his crap. “You know what I think? I think you’re in on it. I think you’re one of Noire House’s good little soldiers who does exactly as he’s told because you don’t have a brain of your own after following orders your whole life, clinging to the Anguis to tell you what to do and where to go and what to think—”
My tirade is abruptly cut short when Hawke lunges for me. One big palm wraps my arm, and I nearly trip over my own feet as he drags me across the room. I don’t know where we’re going, but his grip is punishing as we exit his office through that wooden panel in the wall.
We step through, the door automatically swinging shut behind us, and I don’t even have time to really take it all in. It’s cramped and dim in this space and is filled with a masculine scent of him . Hawke doesn’t pause but pushes me ahead of him into a small bathroom. There’s hardly room in here for the two of us, forcing our bodies to bump against one another as he immediately flips on the faucet and the shower and flushes the toilet, all while still maintaining that firm hold on my upper arm.
Just when I truly think he’s planning on shoving my head under the shower stream to start some form of waterboarding torture until I bend to his command, he pulls me tight against his frame, and his mouth presses to my ear.
“Listen to me fucking carefully, Poe.” The cacophony of running water makes it hard to hear his raspy whisper. “I’ve spent my life protecting children from the evil that lives inside Andreas Noire and his followers. If I die, if I make one single wrong fucking move, who is going to save them? Who is going to intercept trucks, raid bunkers like you were taken to, and destroy their empire from the inside?”
His fingers flex against my skin, as goosebumps fly down my arms upon hearing the desperation in his voice.
“I’m only ever one misstep away from failing, and I’m sorry I cannot save you from whatever is coming your way, Poe, but I have had to make my devil’s bargain.”
He pulls back, and those blue eyes, once seeming so terrifyingly cold and calculating, are ablaze.
I stare back at him, mouth agape and the rushing of water is mirrored by my own pulse in the side of my throat.
This time, when he leans forward, his mouth brushes against the shell of my ear as his lips move. “My brother and I survived so that we could tear down the world that the Noire estate runs in secret.” His voice is low and steady, but there’s far more emotion there than a second before. “You think you know shit about me? Well I’ll tell you now, you know nothing of what actually goes on. When those halls and VIP rooms are full of Household members chasing their fetishes and fantasies, that’s when Andreas preys on the most vulnerable. He uses those events to disguise everything, and it’s only by playing the game that I’ve been able to tear it apart piece by piece.”
He pauses, and this time, carefully removes his hand from my body. His fingers, which had been wrapped so firmly to prevent my escape, now ease their hold.
“And I’m sorry, I truly am, but if I even stop for one second to try and change this course that you’re bound for, it could all fail, just when we’re getting closer to finding a way to erase every last drop of poison.”
He doesn’t look at me, but instead steps back and shuts off the streams of running water. As soon as he does so, the space echoes with the suddenness of the quiet we’re surrounded by.
Hawke runs a hand through his hair, still keeping his eyes averted. It’s like the man can’t ever bear to look at me. “We’ve got your lesson to complete, and then you may go.”
With that he walks out the door, expecting me to follow behind his heels after all that he’s just unloaded. As if it all needs to neatly be folded up and put away, not left to hang lingering in the air.
I’m a mess of turbulent, frothed-up seafoam where my emotions should be. It’s like there’s been wave after wave pounding the shoreline, and every inch that violent surge of water touches threatens to tear me apart.
My feet carry me after him, but I can’t put all of that down and simply ignore what he just said. The words come out of me with vehemence as I chase after his broad shoulders into the office he occupies like a throne overlooking this manor of terror.
“Don’t you feel anything? You just live your life cold and calculating, is that it?”
Hawke whirls on me, and I damn near collide with his solid frame. With a snarl on his lips, he swipes my hand in his calloused palm and shoves it against the front of his trousers .
“Feel that.” His voice is a dangerous, low growl. “Does that seem like I don’t feel anything? Do you know how much self-control it takes when I’m around you? I hate every second of doing this because I don’t want it.”
Those words slap me. Even more so because the evidence is right there, hard and pressing forward beneath my fingertips against his fly.
“Fuck you.” I try to wrestle my hand free. “I fucking hate you for bringing me here.” I hate him for all of this chaos and torment and the way I’ve ended up caring for these men. And they’ve shown care for me for the first damn time in my entire life when no one else ever has, yet everything could get ripped away in a heartbeat.
With my free hand, I shove against his immovable shoulder.
“Keep that up, and you’re asking to be punished.” He doesn’t let go of my hand, and I feel the throb of his cock beneath the fabric covering his groin.
My lips curl, and I thump his shoulder again. Because fuck him, fuck this place, and I’ve lost my sense of self-preservation. Maybe I want to be punished because maybe that’s all I deserve since everything is out of my control, and I can’t seem to find any way out of this mess I’ve landed in.
I shove again, harder, and Hawke makes a gritty noise in the back of his throat. He pounces on me. He picks me up, and as I struggle and rage against the way he constricts my arms and manhandles me, I hear the crash of items sliding off his desk. Within a series of galloping heartbeats and curses I spit out, he shoves my stomach onto the wooden surface.
One hand plants in the middle of my back, forcing me to submit to his punishment, and cool air hits the backs of my thighs and ass as the fluttery fabric of my dress is pulled up around my hips.
Hawke kicks my ankles wide, and just when I think he’s about to rain down blows across my flesh, exposed by the tiny thong I’ve been provided to wear as part of this little arrangement, the man behind me pauses.
All I can hear over my frantic breathing is my pulse, and as my fingers claw at the scattered papers across the desk, I think I know exactly what he’s seeing.