Chapter Nine
The sky grew as leaden as the silence between them as Lowri rode behind Cullen.
Scarcross had quickly dissolved into the trees at her back, and every stride of her horse took her further from safety and Fellscarp.
After hours of riding, any familiar landscape was left behind, and she found herself on a rough track through a forest of towering, mossy pines spilling down a steep hillside.
Out to the south, she could just make out a grey ribbon of the Solway Firth lurking beyond farmland.
She spotted small villages dotted here and there.
But the huddles of cottage roofs were growing few and far between.
She was being led into the wild with an unpredictable stranger.
She was alone, with only her wits to guard her against Cullen.
It grew colder as the day wore on, and so did he.
Her unwanted husband has spoken not one word to her since their departure.
Cullen offered her his back, and she preferred it that way.
Her head began to loll with tiredness. She dearly longed to stop, to still her heart that had been galloping since her capture, to close her eyes, just for a moment, and feel safe.
But most of all, Lowri wished she did not hate herself so much for believing a Macaulay lie.
‘I did not know my father was going to go back on his word.’ Cullen’s voice jerked her wide awake. Her horse had come level with his. There was still anger in his eyes. ‘I told you, he is ruthless,’ he said.
‘I don’t believe you had no part in this.’
‘As you like.’
‘And you’ve no need to talk to me, Cullen, for we have nothing worth saying to each other.’ Lowri turned away.
‘So, are you going to spend the rest of our married life ignoring me?’
‘As I see it, you are ignoring me.’
‘I suppose, I was, lass. I’ve a fair temper on me, and I was waiting for it to cool.
’ His grey eyes met hers and held some honesty as he said, ‘I am angry that I let my father slide my head into this noose.’ His face twisted in contempt, whether for her, his marriage or his father, Lowri could not tell.
Cullen gazed out at the rolling hills, and Lowri took the chance to get the measure of him.
She had not really looked at him before, as his anger and her peril had prevented her from doing so.
In the cold light of day, she had to own that he was not unappealing in looks.
Cullen was tall and bulked with muscle, in a lean kind of way, not a big lumbering oaf like his brother, Allard.
The wind caught his hair and blew it about his face.
It was thick, an ordinary brown, but that face was not without beauty, especially his eyes, which were grey and bright with intelligence.
He looked nothing like his father – his eyes were wide and clear, not small and rodent-like.
His lips were full and sensuous, not a sneering gash in his face, and they were framed by stubble that had a hint of red in it.
Unlike his black-haired brother, Cullen was no lump of ignorant muscle.
He spoke with authority, but not cruelty.
He had not hurt her, save for when he had snatched her virginity away, and he had not revelled in her degradation, so he must have a scrap of conscience.
Maybe he could be worked upon. That was something to give her hope, surely?
Cullen frowned at her scrutiny. He must do that often, for there was a line between his brows. ‘Tell me something, Lowri, are you sitting there thinking, ‘I can take my chance and run, when he drops his guard?’
‘No.’
‘You think my father will just release those two useless lads, and then you can go running back to Peyton. Well, think again. He wants your belly swollen with a Macaulay heir before he does that, otherwise, where is his revenge? When he sets a trap, it does not fail. There is a reason that I haven’t been home in years. ’
‘But you and I agreed to consummate the marriage just that once, to make it stand.’
‘Just once? Did we?’ He frowned. ‘I don’t recall it.’
‘Are you saying I have to suffer that mauling again?’ she cried.
‘I don’t know what I’m saying. Do not press the subject, if you know what’s good for you.’
Perhaps if she was softer with him, Cullen might relent. ‘Last night…well…you didn’t hurt me beyond doing what was necessary, and I am grateful for that.’
‘I owed you that kindness at least.’
‘So we need not do it again.’
He just shrugged.
‘But can we not lie about a bairn coming? Then we could be free of each other.’
‘Aye, we could. That may be the way.’ His brow furrowed.
Then he said, ‘But if you had a bairn with me, that would tie you to the Macaulays, would it not? You seem like a hard lass, but you would hardly abandon your bairn to run back to Peyton. And my father would not let you take the bairn away, nor would I. It is a cruel but clever way of holding onto you, to make your brother’s suffering greater. ’
He was right. She would be trapped forever by her love for her child. ‘So every time I suffer to lie with you, I have more chance of getting a bairn, more shackles coiled around me,’ she said, choking back tears.
‘Don’t fash, Lowri Macaulay. I’m not that much of a pig, and besides, I don’t want to conceive a bairn in bitterness, nor lie with a lass who was forced upon me, though it would be no chore to do it.
’ He gave her a look that made her clothes melt off her body, a look she did not like, a look that frightened her.
Cullen sighed. ‘Lass, we must wriggle out of this trap somehow.’
How could she trust anything this wretch said?
Lowri’s heart sank like a stone in a well, down to very black depths, as she imagined a grim future.
All Cullen had to do was grit his teeth and get her with child, and then she would be tied forever to a clan she hated.
If she ran from him, he could come and claim her, like stolen cattle.
By marrying her, he had put a brand on her that marked her out as his possession forever.
In the eyes of the law and God, Cullen Macaulay had rights over her body, and as a man, it would only ever be his choice to shun the marriage bed, not hers.
Lowri eyed the dirk shoved into his belt. If she stole it, she could slit his throat in his sleep, but that would not recover Donnan and Rory, and, anyway, she was no murderer. She could never kill a man in cold blood, no matter how much she hated him.
‘If you do not want me, and you do not want to be married, why bring me along with you?’ she asked.
‘Would you rather I left you at Scarcross to endure Allard’s attentions? His blood ran hot for you.’
‘No. But you haven’t answered my question.’
‘Alright. Here is an honest answer. I don’t know why I brought you along.
I just felt like I had to. Sometimes, I do not know myself, lass.
I do not know why I do what I do. It would have plagued my conscience to imagine you on a ship to the colonies or swinging from a rope, just as it plagues your conscience to think of those lads locked up. ’
All the fight seeped out of Lowri. Like his father, Cullen had a way of finding a weak spot and poking a knife in it.
‘Lass, there is still hope that they will eventually be free and off your conscience. Be thankful for that much at least.’
‘I am, even though your company is unendurable.’
‘Ah, lass, you can tolerate all manner of ills in this life if you put your mind to it. And here comes one now.’ Cullen looked up as the heavens opened and fat raindrops began to plop down. ‘There is shelter up ahead. Come, let us make haste.’
***
Cullen’s idea of shelter turned out to be a large overhang of rock protruding from the hillside, almost swallowed by the dense trees.
It meant they were out of the worst of the gusting rain, but not warm.
Darkness crept in by the time Cullen had gathered wood and set a fire, and though its glow gave some comfort, it did little to melt the ice that hardened around Lowri’s heart.
Cullen had given her bread to eat, but it was hard to swallow, and she could not stop her teeth chattering as she kept wary eyes on him, squatting opposite and holding his palms out to the flames.
The smoke blew her way, making her eyes water, but she gave no complaint.
Her captor would not care if she did. Captor, aye, for she could not think of him as her husband.
It was too horrible to contemplate. How she longed to push him over onto the fire.
Serve him right if he was seared like a side of pork.
Cullen rose and came over to her. ‘You are cold, lass. Sit closer to the fire.’
‘No, I will catch the wind that way.’
He sat beside her, hips touching, and she shied away. But Cullen took hold of her about the waist and pulled her back against him as if she was nothing, taking a swathe of his plaid and putting it around her shoulders.
‘There, that’ll cut the wind a little,’ he said.
‘Why make yourself colder for my sake?’
‘The cold does not bother me, lass. I run hot.’
‘Like the Devil with Hell’s flames licking him?’ she said.
He laughed from his belly. ‘Aye, just so. You have the measure of me, Lowri. But you must tolerate the Devil being this close, for your own sake, not mine.’
Lowri wondered if the more distance Cullen put between his father and Scarcross, the kinder he got. He’d fed her, not laid a finger on her, and now he was trying to keep her warm. Oh, but it was useless to hope for kindness from a Macaulay. Only a fool would do that.
The wind gusted over the fire, and Cullen’s arm tightened about her shoulders.
Lowri could not help but lean into him, because the scrap of warmth he gave was welcome.
Beyond the glow of the fire, the night was pitch black, and the trees groaned in the wind.
There was something dreadful about the forest. Were Rory and Duncan out there somewhere, suffering the cold more than she?
‘This discomfort is only for one night, so you must bear it as best you can,’ said Cullen.
‘I have slept in the open before. I am not some soft, useless lass,’ she replied.
‘Aye, not soft, and time will tell if you are useful,’ he replied, gazing into her face. ‘You know, when you are not spitting your wrath at me, you are very bonny indeed, Lowri Macaulay.’
‘Stop calling me that.’
He smiled. ‘Perhaps it is the firelight.’ His gaze roamed to her mouth and rested there.
When their eyes met again, his were hungry.
She had seen that look on men’s faces before - her cousin Eaden’s, Donnan’s, and some other lads around Fellscarp.
Her cheeks flamed, and not from the fire. Cullen’s mouth came closer.
‘Where are we going? Do you have a home somewhere out here,’ she said quickly.
He jerked away and leaned to put more wood on the fire, seeming as unsettled by that shared look as she was. ‘I have a place, far from here, but we are making a stop on the road first. I must visit my cousin, Seamus. He bides a day’s ride from here at a place called Graywell. He is recently wed.’
Lowri frowned. The name was familiar.
‘Seamus wed Jasper Glendenning’s sister, Maeve. So he got an alliance with a powerful family, land, wealth and a bit more besides.’
‘I heard about it. They wed in haste, and there were rumours about Maeve Glendenning’s condition at her wedding that were not flattering.'
‘Say it aloud, lass. There is no one around to be scandalised. Maeve bore a swollen belly to the altar, and not on account of Seamus. Aye, and the union surprised everyone in the West March, for the Glendennings always looked down their noses at the Macaulays.’
‘With good reason.’
Cullen narrowed his eyes. ‘It was no love match, just like us, for my father had a hand in it, and everything he touches is tainted.’
‘Did he force your cousin to marry?’
‘Aye, but not in the same way. Lured, is more the word, and it’s not as if Seamus’ heart was given elsewhere.’
Lowri wondered if she had a rival, well, not rival, but someone who wanted Cullen, longed for him. He was a man who any lass would look twice at. Until now, it had never occurred to her that other women might desire the man who had been forced upon her.
‘Is your heart given elsewhere?’ she asked. He did not answer, and Lowri’s stomach clenched at the thought of Cullen loving another and being forced to take her. It was so utterly humiliating. How he would despise her for it. ‘Is that why you detest this marriage?’
‘Listen, lass, I don’t have a heart to give, and I do not detest this marriage or you. It would be easier if I did.’ Again, that hot look, his eyes searching hers.
He swiftly turned the subject back to his cousin. ‘Seamus’ nuptials were quite the scandal. He was bribed into taking Maeve, what with the bairn in her belly and all. And ‘tis said she was reputed to be a little free with her favours.’
‘Then why did he do it? He is a man, so I am sure he was given more choice than she was.’
‘Seamus is a clever, ambitious too. Why not marry for advantage, if you can, and word has it, Maeve Glendenning is comely enough to tempt a man?’
‘So, if a woman is an ornament and has a fat dowry, then her character and reputation can be set aside?’
Cullen sighed. ‘Aye. But I’ve never set much store by reputation. What lies in a heart is more important. And a man can forgive all manner of ills if he likes the look of a lass. We are weak creatures in that way.’ He shrugged. ‘I suppose, in time, I might come to forget you are a Strachan.’
‘I will never forget that you are a Macaulay,’ said Lowri.
He was silent for a while, and there was just the cackle of the fire, then he said, ‘And what of your heart, lass? Did you give it away to that Donnan lad, or someone else?’
‘No.’
‘As he was dragged away after his beating, he was shouting that he loved you.’
‘Well, he does not, so there it is.’
‘And Black Eaden? What was he to you?’
Shame heated her cheeks. She threw off Cullen’s plaid and eased away from him. ‘I will not speak of him.’
He did not press her on the matter. Instead, he stared at her for a while, as if his eyes could bore into her head and dig out all her shameful, dirty little secrets. Did he think she was unchaste, like Maeve Glendenning? Did he despise her, even though he said he did not?
Cullen turned away to put more wood on the fire, and so the night dragged on, in coldness, exhaustion and silence. Lowri had never been so lonely and helpless in her life. And if she gave in to sleep and lay down in the darkness, what was Cullen Macaulay going to do to her?