Chapter Eighteen
Lowri was standing beside the fireplace when he entered, and she quickly got behind the table.
‘What is it between you two?’ raged Cullen.
‘Nothing. I encountered that man on the coastal path. He just appeared out of nowhere.’
The way Lowri stumbled over her words only served to raise his ire. The lass always had the courage to fight back, but now she seemed fearful, almost apologetic. What had she done? She rushed to the other side of the table when he moved towards her.
‘Did he touch you?’ said Cullen, leaping around the table and grabbing her.
‘No. He came up to me. I didn’t like the way he was talking, so I pointed my pistol at his head until he went away. And what did he mean, borrow me now and again?’ she spat.
‘Nothing,’ snarled Cullen through a jaw that felt wired shut. His jealousy had been a slow burn, but now it took flame. He was powerless to understand or control it. ‘He’s a dangerous man, so don’t go thinking you can replace me with him.’
‘Replace you?’
‘Why did you go roaming about on your own?’
‘I went for a walk.’
‘You should not have gone alone.’
‘I am always alone, and you never said I couldn’t. I’m not your prisoner, and I don’t need your leave to do anything.’
‘Aye, you do. You are my wife.’
She squirmed in his grasp. ‘Not for long, and not by choice, and I took the damned pistol with me.’
‘Just as well you did. Christ, Lowri. You should have stayed here. Now Butcher has seen you, he will not forget you.’
She shook him off violently. ‘That is nought to do with me. Who is that man? What is he to you?’
Cullen let go of her. ‘I have dealings with him. His name is Flint Butcher, but he goes by the Butcher part, on account of all the men he has carved up when they got in his way. And now I’m between Butcher and having you in his bed, and that is a dangerous place to be.’
‘He said he was a king.’
‘His father is rich with vast estates a long ways north of here.’
‘Then why is he associating with men like you?’
‘Like me?’ said Cullen, wincing at her insult.
‘He is a good deal worse than me. Butcher is the black sheep of his family – wild, cruel, villainous. His father sent him away many years ago for his sins, but he still sends coin to support him. And he is his father’s heir, since his older brother died, and there’s folk who said Butcher had a hand in that.
And that’s not his only murder. You cross him at your peril. ’
‘Then why involve yourself with such a man?’
Lowri was pale, and her hands were shaking. The lass was afraid, whether of him or Butcher, he could not tell. Cullen’s temper had calmed a bit, so he hoped it was not him.
‘I need enough wealth to be my own man, go my own way,’ said Cullen. ‘Butcher runs the smuggling between Larne and Scotland. He rules it with an iron fist. There’s not a cask of whisky or a bolt of silk gets into Larne that he doesn’t take a cut of, so we use each other, for now.’
‘So what is your part in all this – moving his stolen wares?’
‘Aye, and its smuggled wares, mostly. And don’t go accusing me of stealing. You’re hardly a saint.’
‘My reiving was in a good cause.’
‘Aye, and my smuggling is in the cause of freedom.’
‘Freedom!’
‘Aye, my freedom. I want to be away from my father and his influence. And we can go round in circles all night on the subject of honesty, but what I want to know is, what did you do with Butcher in the long grass?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘He said you had a tussle in the long grass.’
‘T’was words, we exchanged, Cullen, that’s all.’
‘Butcher is a handsome man and charming with the lasses, when he wants to be, persuasive too. He may look like a footpad, but he is rich – a good prospect for a lass. So how can I believe you didn’t fall for his charms?’
‘I don’t care if you do,’ cried Lowri. She narrowed her eyes. ‘And why should you care either way, Cullen? What difference does it make to you? And if he is a kind of king, and powerful, maybe he can help me free myself from you.’
‘King of blackguards and murderers, maybe.’
‘So maybe I should have been a loyal subject and opened my legs for my betters, just as I do for you,’ she spat.
His jealousy ignited again. ‘Shut your mouth.’
She came closer. ‘Why are you so angry at me? You should be here, but you are always gone, off to your taverns and your whores, while I am left here alone.’
‘I thought you preferred it that way. And there’s been no whores, no one but you, since we stood before that priest. Do you know why?’
Lowri’s mouth was inches from his, her cheeks aflame with passion, her eyes locked in battle with his own. ‘I can’t imagine.’
‘Try,’ he said, bringing his mouth to hers in an angry kiss. He had to stamp his ownership on her. It was either that or hit something.
She pushed him off. ‘Stop it’
Cullen could not help the sneer that twisted his lips. ‘Alright. I won’t touch you again. You are not the kind of woman I want anyway.’
‘And what kind is that?’
‘A woman who aches to have my hands on her, a lass who trembles at my kiss and blushes when I look her way.’
‘Oh, you mean a slave and a craven fool of a woman.’
‘I mean a woman with a passionate soul and an open heart. You are not that woman.’
Tears welled in Lowri’s eyes, shocking, dousing his anger. ‘Do you know what kind of man I want?’ she said.
Cullen shook his head.
‘One that doesn’t lie with me out of pity and obligation, one who yearns for me, comforts and protects me. I want a man who makes me feel safe, if just for a few hours, so that I can calm my heart, which has not stopped racing since I went reiving that night and got caught.’
‘There’s no need to cry.’ Cullen put a thumb to Lowri’s wet cheeks and wiped away her tears.
‘I know you feel shame when you go inside me,’ she sobbed. ‘And I feel used and worthless, just like a whore. I may as well be one.’
Cullen’s temper softened to guilt, for he hated women crying. ‘You are wrong.’
‘You don’t want me.’
‘Don’t tell me what I want.’
‘I am nothing to you but a bed warmer, something to use when you feel like it. That is what my life is reduced to now.’
‘That’s not how it is, lass.’
‘What am I then? Some awful chore you have to perform each night in darkness and shame.’
‘Tis neither pity nor obligation that drives me to your bed, Lowri.’
‘Then what is it?’
‘Desire.’
The word hung between them, heavy, potent. Cullen was shocked that he had said aloud what he had been denying since their wedding night. It was a terrible admission of weakness, and, of course, Lowri threw it back in his face.
‘Do not lie. You feel no passion for me, and you never will.’
His breath caught. Rage and lust got tangled in his gut so that he could not think anymore. He could only feel.
‘If it’s passion you want, then I’ll show you passion,’ he snarled, taking hold of Lowri and kissing the life out of her. Her tears were salty in his mouth. Her hair had caught the smell of the sea and spring, and Cullen wanted her with a violence that shocked him.
Lowri whimpered as he kissed her jaw, her neck, the hollow at her throat. Words spilt out which he was powerless to control. ‘You hold my thoughts prisoner, you witch, and I’ve had enough of this cold arrangement. I’ve had enough of my father controlling what I do and feel.’
He kissed the top of her breasts, and she sank her fingers into his hair. When he pressed his face to her warm mounds of flesh, he smelled grass and sweetness. ‘I won’t let you think of Butcher. I need to be inside you, now, to feel your heart beat against mine.’
‘Cullen,’ she gasped. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘I don’t care,’ he said, lifting her by the waist and throwing her onto the bed. Lowri was limp in his arms, no resistance. He pushed up her skirt and kissed the gentle mound of her belly. ‘I’ll not have you thinking of him,’ he snarled against her skin. ‘There’ll be me and no one else.’
‘I don’t. I won’t. Cullen, what are you doing?’
‘You said you wanted comforting. Will you have me?’ he snarled.
She didn’t say no, so he spread her legs wide and took hold of her bottom. He nuzzled the soft down between her thighs with his nose. She made a half-hearted attempt to close her legs, but Cullen gently prised them open.
‘I don’t understand,’ she said, all wide, tearful eyes.
‘You will,’ he replied, laying her down and spreading her for a gentle swipe of his tongue.
At first, Lowri stiffened under his touch and tried to twist out of his firm grasp on her thighs.
But he was patient and gentle, and soon, her protestations turned to sighs, and then deep moans, as he flattened his tongue and gorged on her coppery sweetness as if he was devouring a ripe peach.
Lowri threw back her head and gasped. ‘Cullen, you mustn’t. ’
‘I must. Give yourself to me, Lowri,’ he mumbled.
‘I want to taste every inch of you.’ Her thighs squeezed his head, and she began to squirm.
‘Oh, Cullen, I...oh, don’t stop. Please, Cullen.
’ Lowri peaked under his mouth, digging her nails into his scalp, crying out his name until her breath left her body in a drawn-out, ‘Ahhhhh.’
A fierce pride took Cullen. He had won a battle with Lowri.
She lay limp under him, her eyes closed, full mouth open and panting.
Cullen wiped his mouth on his forearm and surged inside her.
She was smooth, warm and welcoming, and within moments, he found a release so powerful that he grew dizzy with it.
Cullen rolled off Lowri and gathered her to his chest. ‘You are trembling, lass.’ He looked down and saw shiny tear tracks running down her face to her hair. ‘Did you not like it?’
She bent her head down when she answered so as not to meet his eye. ‘I did like it. Couldn’t you tell?’ she whispered.
Cullen took her chin in his fingers, tilted her head up, and kissed her long and deep. Her fingers slid into his hair, and her mouth was open, inviting him in.
She broke away first. ‘Why did you do that, give me pleasure?’ she said.