Chapter Twenty #2
Lowri looked down the beach, for she could not stand his face any longer. The wind had picked up, and it blew her skirt, pressing the pistol in her pocket against her leg. It gave her strength. ‘Did you know I was here? Did you come to gloat?’
‘Griffin didn’t tell us much, but others gossiped, so, aye, I heard Macaulay had taken you off to Ireland.’
‘So you came to throw your betrayal in my face.’
‘Christ, lass, I never meant to see you again. I could not bear to, since you tainted yourself with that mongrel. A storm blew us off course, further north than intended, and we had to dock here for a few days. Our paths crossing is God’s way of laughing at me.’
‘All those years of friendship, growing up together, they meant nothing to you.’
‘All those years of devotion and love on my part meant nothing to you. I was a fool to care for you, Lowri. And look at you now, fallen so low, nought but a whore who has opened her legs for a Macaulay dog.’
Lowri pulled the pistol out of her pocket, and Donnan took a step back. He held his palms up. ‘Think on it, lass. If you shoot me in cold blood, folk will come running, and you will be hanged as a murderess.’
‘It would be worth it to put a shot between your eyes, you snake.’ She took a step forward, and his hands began to tremble. ‘Why would I ever have wanted you, Donnan? You are a craven, useless, worm of a lad, who always does as he is told. A sheep has more spine than you.’
‘Go on then. Do it. End us both, whore.’
‘Not yet. I have a question before I watch the light die in your eyes. Did Cullen know about this plot?’
Donnan smirked and leaned in to her. The pistol nudged his breastbone as he spat the words at her. ‘Aye, Cullen knew every bit of it.’
Lowri’s chest tightened, and bile rose in her throat. Anger was like a swarm of bees in her breast, swirling and sickening. She had never felt such white-hot rage before.
‘Lass. Stop. Lass, no!’
Connie’s voice seemed to come from far away. Lowri turned towards it to see her friend running along the beach, her words almost stolen by the roar of the sea. Connie reached them, breathless, eyes darting between Lowri and Donnan.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Lowri was just saying farewell,’ said Donnan, and then he took off full pelt down the beach. Lowri pointed the pistol after him but gave little resistance when Connie pulled on her arm.
‘Lass, who was that?’ she stammered.
‘An old friend,’ said Lowri, lowering the pistol. Then she doubled over and vomited into the sand.
‘Aye. I could tell that by the way you were pointing a pistol at his head,’ said Connie, with forced laughter, patting Lowri’s back to soothe her.
‘We must go from this place,’ said Lowri, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. ‘Let us hurry. I am eager to get home to my husband.’
‘Alright. But if that is how you treat your friends, God help anyone who actually loves you. Cullen better watch out.’
Lowri’s heart clenched, as if in its death throes, and she thought. ‘I’ll never be so much of a fool as to think Cullen loves me. Not anymore.’
***
The sick feeling dogged Lowri all the way home. It worsened when she got to Kildara - a sour mix of anger and heartbreak, making her dry retch into the fireplace. She had cared for Cullen, shared his bed, and all of it was a lie.
Dusk was falling by the time she heard the clip-clop of Cullen’s horse outside. He flung open the door, stamping his boots to rid them of mud before entering. She kept her back to him, warming her trembling hands before the fire.
‘Did you spend all my coin at the market?’ he said.
‘No. I found that I had no appetite for ribbons and fripperies.’
‘That’s a shame. Maybe next time, we can go together.’
There would be no next time. ‘Where have you been?’ she said.
‘I had work to do down at the cove, offloading some cargo,’ he said, as if his villainous dealings were normal, nothing to worry about.
Lowri turned to face him. His smile lit up his handsome face as he said, ‘I’m glad you are back safe, for there’s a storm blowing in. I must say that the ride has brightened your cheeks, lass. You look remarkably well. Come here. I want to take you to bed.’
She did not move. She could not. ‘Are you lying to me, Cullen?’ she said.
‘What?’
‘You heard me. Is every word out of your mouth a lie? When you whisper words of affection in my ear as you take me, is it all just words?’
His face darkened to anger, or was it guilt?
Suddenly, Cullen was not the warm, handsome man who held her in his arms after making love to her.
He was a cold, calculating stranger who used her.
She had only ever trusted one man in her life, and that was her brother, Peyton, and with good reason, for they all used and abused her, beat her, forced her, until Cullen.
She had trusted this man, let him inside her heart, her body, her mind. He took a step towards her.
Lowri pulled out the pistol and aimed it at his face. ‘Take another step, and I will shoot you,’ she said, and in that moment of terrible anger, she meant it.
‘Lass, what is wrong? Put the pistol down.’
‘No. Not until you tell me the truth.’
‘And what truth is that?’
‘I saw an old friend in Garron today. Quite by chance. His ship happened to be docked there, and I saw him.’
‘Who?’
‘Donnan, my friend who is supposed to be your father’s prisoner. All this time, I thought he was suffering in a Macaulay dungeon, but he was safe and well, and living in Wales, free as a bird.’
His eyebrows knitted. Cullen was doing a good job of pretending to be surprised. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘Oh, it’s simple, Cullen. Donnan betrayed me. He told your father all about the raid on the cattle, so the Macaulays were lying in wait for me. He was never a prisoner. He sold me to your father, like a lamb to slaughter. He was in on the plan to make me wed you, all along. And so were you.’
‘I don’t know what you are talking about.’
Lowri took a step towards Cullen. ‘Your father forced me to marry you to save my friends, but they were never in any danger. The only person in danger was me. You pretended to care about my life, to save me from a fate worse than death, you said, but Donnan told me you were part of this. You knew, and all this time you have been lying about it.’
Cullen’s jaw worked, and he glared at her. ‘So you are saying that you got all this from Donnan - a man who betrayed you to my father, threw you to the wolves. You cannot believe a word he says, Lowri.’
‘I cannot believe you either.’
‘I swear on my life that I knew nothing of this.’
‘Your life means nothing to me anymore.’
Cullen winced as if she had wounded him, but she knew better.
‘I knew nothing of this, lass. My father deceived me as much as he did you.’
He stared into her eyes, and she could not read him. Was he shocked, angry, or just trying to worm his way out of the truth? Lowri’s hand shook so much she could barely hold her arm up. The pistol was getting heavy. Cullen took another step towards her.
‘If you think I betrayed you, if you believe these last months and what we shared in that bed was a lie, then pull that trigger.’ He tore up his shirt and took the pistol and steered it to his chest.
‘Aim true, right here, straight to my heart,’
Tears blurred Lowri’s vision. She shook her head.
‘My father likes to play with people. Did I not tell you that over and over? He has duped us both. We both fell into this trap.’
Hot tears stung Lowri’s cheeks. ‘But I can escape it. I have no reason to be with you any longer, now my so-called friends are free.’
His grip on her hand tightened. ‘Then shoot, Lowri. Because if you do not, you must know that I will never let you go. I will not let you leave me. I will follow you back to Fellscarp, anywhere, to the ends of the earth, if I have to. We are part of each other now, and there’s no changing it.’
‘Back when we were with Seamus, you said if I got with child, you would not try to hold me. We shook on it.’
‘Aye, if you got with child. But you have not, yet I will still hold you for you are mine by law, my wife.’
‘Aye, your wife, your possession, nothing more. And why, Cullen? Why do you care where I go or what I do?’
‘You know the answer to that. You have known it for weeks. I love you, lass.’
How could he say those words now, when her trust in him was ashes at her feet?
She hated Cullen Macaulay, wanted him, dreaded him, needed him.
But she could not kill him. Lowri lowered the pistol.
He tore it from her hand and laid it on the table.
Cullen pulled her into a violent embrace, his hands on her shoulders, squeezing. He shook her.
‘You have to trust me,’ he spat. ‘You have to trust someone in this life, Lowri, or you will forever be alone and miserable.’
Connie came rushing in, out of breath and red-faced. ‘You have to come quick, Cullen. There’s a wrecking.’