Chapter Three #2
“You never have my permission, and yet you write about my office all the time.” He could never bring himself to actually read the words, but he’d heard from enough people around town to know it was true.
Nate backed Lottie up against the wall for the second time that day, wanting more than anything to close the final gap between them while knowing he shouldn’t.
“I would be able to do it in a more informed way if you would just give me an interview like I’ve been asking for years. Why won’t you ever talk to me?” Lottie reached out, her fingers lightly brushing against his like they had that morning. “I miss you, Nathan.”
Nate’s eyes flicked to their barely joined hands before shooting back up to hers, and he couldn’t take it anymore.
His lungs felt as if they would collapse under the heavy weight of need that rested on his chest, the blood in his veins turning to lava at even the briefest touch of her skin to his.
Nate had wanted her for so long, and giving her up and maintaining the ruse that he hated her had been so hard.
He was strong, but he wasn’t that strong.
The bungee cord that connected him to her had stretched as far as it could go, and he was finally allowing it to snap back, if only for a moment.
Nate stared at her face a few seconds longer, needing to catalog her features again, Lottie raised up on her heels, and after a brief moment of hesitation, brushed her lips against his.
She backed away, but before she could get far, he crushed their mouths together.
Lottie’s hands flew into his hair, her fingers tugging the strands in a way that made his head tingle with pleasure.
His own gripped her hips as ground his hard cock against her, the pressure feeling wonderful, but it wasn’t enough.
It never would be because he needed all of her.
As he pressed himself against her, instead of subsiding, the need within him grew out of control.
Hiking her leg up over his, Nate pushed himself further toward her until she gasped.
Driving his tongue into her mouth, he continued to taste her, lick at her teeth and nip the scarlet red lips that starred in his nightly dreams. As he tasted her, every one of his senses was saturated with all things Lottie.
The feel of her soft body against his, the smell of cinnamon in his nose, her whimpers music to his ears and her blissed-out expression the only thing he wanted to see for the rest of his life.
The room they stood in began to dim and the edges of the world blurred around them.
Other noises faded and Nate felt everything else slipping away again as his insides tried to claw their way out of him and bury themselves in her.
Every part of him wanted to live inside of Lottie forever, forget all his responsibilities and do nothing but worship her endlessly.
That final thought froze his insides and had him preparing to push her away again.
In the never-ending battle between his heart and his brain, the more logical organ always won out.
Breaking the kiss, Nate stumbled backwards, nearly tipping over a barrel as he fled from the one person he wanted to be with more than almost anything.
His eyes found hers, the same starless eyes he’d stared into the first time they’d been together pointed right back at him.
Nate tried to ignore the pride he felt at seeing her kiss-swollen lips and disheveled hair just as he ignored the look of longing on her face.
Hardening himself against her, Nate put back on the same mask he’d worn for ten years and stepped toward the door.
“This never happened,” he choked out. “And it won’t happen again.”
Lottie blinked rapidly before looking to the side, her arms wrapped around her middle protectively.
Nate loathed himself even more when he spotted the move.
It broke his heart to see her that way, even more so when he reminded himself that he’d been the cause.
When she looked back at him though, any hurt had been replaced with anger.
Lottie approached him with purpose, bumping her chest against his.
“You’re right. It won’t happen again, but it did happen.
Just because you’re too frightened of what you want, what you feel, doesn’t mean you can erase the past, or the present.
” The fire in her eyes burned away again and was replaced by sadness. “What are you so afraid of?”
Nate swallowed down the truth, that he was afraid of losing himself in another person, that he wasn’t strong enough to be everything he needed to be for himself and her, and spoke words that would rebuild the wall that was necessary to maintain between them, the one they’d nearly sent toppling to the ground with one kiss.
“You never let up, never leave well enough alone. I ask you to stay clear of my office, and you can’t help yourself.
” He pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling more tired than a man of only twenty-nine years had any right to.
“Just do me a favor and stay away, Charlotte. It’s what’s best for both of us. ”
Lottie’s thick swallow was audible in the quiet of the room.
“I’m sorry I’ve been such hardship to you, Nate.
” Hearing her call him what everyone else did broke him in a way he hadn’t expected, but just like him, she seemed to be doing what was necessary.
After gazing down at her feet, Lottie met his eyes once more, though they looked much shinier than they had moments ago.
She looked as heartbroken as Nate felt, and his resolve to keep them both feeling that way wobbled once more. “I won’t bother you again.”
Turning quickly, Lottie brushed past him without another word. All of the oxygen seemed to be sucked out of the room with her, and Nate rested his hands on his knees to try and fill his lungs that were on the verge of collapse.
Sometime later, Nate felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Felix staring at him with concern. “Everything okay?”
Nate rose slowly and nodded, smoothing a hand down his wrinkled shirt. “Of course. Everything’s great.” Apparently he was just adding to the pile of lies he’d already spewed that evening, but he was too confused and numb at the same time to talk about the truth of the matter.
Before his brother could ask any questions, Nate fled from the room, trying to outrun the lie he’d just uttered.
Not bothering to go back to the table with his family or look behind the bar for fear that the moment he saw Lottie again, he’d beg her forgiveness, Nate rushed outside.
The cold night air was like a slap in the face.
It was less than he deserved and wasn’t nearly enough to detract from the pain he felt in his heart.
Pain he had no one to blame for but himself.