Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
YOU COULD HATE ME
WESTON
After our day out, Sadie has been around more. She still seems so sad and tentative, but she has color in her cheeks and she’s eating more often too.
I got an email that Caleb’s furniture should be arriving today, so I’m going to broach the subject of moving his room upstairs. I’ve been sleeping on the couch downstairs more often than not…or the chair in the library. Somewhere close enough that I can reach him before he wakes her up.
I’m a little nervous about bringing it up with her, but I don’t know why. She’s been more open. She’s not looking at me like I’m the bad guy as much anymore. I still don’t think she fully trusts me, but I don’t think she hates me either.
We’re somewhere in the middle of a peaceful place.
Still, I make pancakes to soften the atmosphere. I’ve discovered that if Sadie doesn’t want anything else to eat, she’ll say yes to pizza or pancakes, and since it’s nine in the morning and they’re one of the few things I know how to make, I’m going with pancakes.
Sadie comes up with a happy Caleb. After being up with him last at six, I put him in the portable crib downstairs by the couch while I worked out in my gym and snuck upstairs just a little while ago to grab a shower and make coffee. He’s still waking up during the night, but the intervals between are getting longer and the length of time awake is getting shorter.
Sadie looks better today. She looks amazing, actually. She’s wearing a cute sweater and jeans, and her hair is pulled back in a ponytail. I’ve tried my damnedest not to give it any thought, but Rhodes is not the only one who’s noticed the way her ass fits in her jeans and the way her tits are a perfect handful. Her legs go on for days, and her long neck is an expanse of graceful elegance. And that’s just her body. Her face…God, her face. Her eyes, her mouth.
Get a grip, Shaw. Get a fucking grip.
I’m determined to not blow this with Sadie. I cannot fuck this up.
The circles under her eyes are almost gone. She looks more rested than she has in days, and she’s smiling down at Caleb. When she looks up at me, her eyes widen when she sees what I’m doing.
“You made pancakes?” She smiles.
“Does that sound good?”
“Always.”
“Well, dig in. They’re still hot.”
When she walks over, Caleb grins his huge, gummy smile at me and I lean down and nuzzle his neck. Sadie freezes and Caleb laughs.
“Sorry.” I take a step back. “I can’t resist his neck.”
She relaxes and grins. “I can’t either. His little chubby neck…and wrists and legs…and cheeks…” She laughs. “I guess I can’t resist anything about him.”
I grin at her and she seems taken aback for a second. Her cheeks are flushed, and she focuses on grabbing a plate.
“Want me to take him while you eat?” I ask.
“Have you eaten yet?”
“I had a protein shake a few minutes ago.”
She stares at me, pausing the syrup midstream. “You made these just for me?”
I lift my shoulder. “Yeah. It didn’t take long. And you seem to like them.”
“I love pancakes,” she says softly. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that, especially if you’re not eating them.”
She hands Caleb to me and I hug him close.
“It’s no trouble. Maybe I’ll have a couple with peanut butter in a little while.” I laugh. “I had a good workout already.”
She lifts her eyebrows. “You eat them with peanut butter? Doesn’t it stick to the roof of your mouth?”
“Well, my favorite way to have them is with Karo syrup and peanut butter, but I try to avoid that kind of sugar most of the time. Today I might just drizzle honey over the top.”
She nods like she’s considering trying it.
“That does sound good.”
We go to the table and sit down, both of us focused on Caleb for the first few minutes.
“His furniture is supposed to come today,” I finally say.
“Oh good. I was wondering when that was arriving.”
“How would you feel about…what if—” God, why is this so hard? I’m never nervous around women, but I’m nervous around her.
“Spit it out, Shaw.” She laughs.
I swipe my hand down my face. “I don’t know why I’m nervous.”
I look at her from the corner of my eye and her face drains of color. She sets her fork down and folds her hands, waiting for me to come out with it.
“Just say it,” she says.
“Would you be okay if we move his room upstairs? You could move up there too. Or if you really prefer downstairs, we can keep it as it is. I just…I want you to sleep well, and I thought it’d be fun to have a real bedroom set up for him.”
She sags against the back of the chair and then throws her napkin at me. “I thought you were going to ask me to leave.”
I frown. “Wasn’t it just yesterday that I told you how much I want you to stay? Are you getting more comfortable? I know it’s been an adjustment.”
She takes a bite and finishes it before she speaks. “When I first got here I didn’t think I’d ever be comfortable here, but you’ve made it easy to adjust. And you need to get some sleep too. Have you even slept in a bed since we got here?”
I slowly shake my head.
“If you prefer being upstairs, let’s move his room up there. How would you feel about me staying up there too? I’d like to be more helpful than I’ve been.”
“You’re being plenty helpful,” I tell her. “I’ve loved having that time with him. It hasn’t been a hardship.” I smile down at him and his hand slaps onto mine as he waves his arms. “I like how bright it is upstairs and the view of the mountains out the windows is a little better from up there. And of course, you can move up there too.”
“I don’t want to invade on your space.”
“Do you hear us? If we get any more polite, halos will appear out of thin air.”
A shocked laugh bursts out of her.
“Or tiny horns,” she sasses.
I grin. “That’s more like it.”
She rolls her eyes but is still laughing, and two pink splotches appear on her cheeks. “Okay, I’ll move my things upstairs, but on one condition.”
“Let’s hear it.”
“I’ll start taking half of the night shift.”
I make a face. “The thing about that is when my season starts back up, I’ll need to take you up on that more often. But for now, I have the time, and I like that I’m getting to know my son and that you’re catching up on sleep.”
She finishes another bite and pushes her plate away, studying me carefully.
“I actually believe you when you say that,” she says.
My head tilts. “I’d hope so.”
She shakes her head. “I can’t believe you’re not angrier…or more bitter. You could hate me, but I don’t think you do.”
“Of course I don’t. Would you stop saying that? Have you ever really thought I hated you?”
“At first I did. I just thought you were good at hiding it.”
“And now?”
“I think you’re genuine and when you say something, you mean it.”
I swallow hard and nod. “Thank you. I try to only say what I mean.”
“I need to get back to work soon. My boss has been amazing, but I’d totally deserve it if she fired me.”
“Unless you love the job, you wouldn’t have to go back…” I cringe slightly, not knowing how she’ll take this. “Please only hear this how I intend it. In several months, we’ll have to find help with Caleb. I don’t want you to feel pressured to do more than you want to do…or to talk you into anything, but if you wanted to take care of him full-time, I could compensate you for it. If we don’t do that, we should consider looking into people now so that he’s covered in a few months.”
“I already feel like I’m freeloading off of you,” she says, shaking her head.
“You’re not. I don’t feel that way at all. I wanted you here, remember?”
“I’d take care of him because I want to, not for money.”
“Would you feel that you’re missing out on something you love if you do that?”
“I don’t love my job, but it was a necessity.”
“If you’re open to this, we should definitely discuss it more. Whenever you want to, I’m in.” I laugh when Caleb lets out a loud burp. “You’re a great icebreaker, aren’t you?” I kiss his temple.
“I’m in too,” she says.
So, over the next hour, we come to an agreement. I’ll pay her a small stipend and all of her expenses. She’ll take care of Caleb while I’m at work and they’ll travel with me some too. We haven’t come to a conclusion about where she’ll live yet, but I assure her I’m not rushing her out of here.
“I sound like a full-time nanny,” she says, smiling.
“More like a work wife without the benefits…or maybe with benefits, depending on how you look at it.” I laugh awkwardly. “Taking care of things without having to put out.” I groan. “I’ll shut up now. I’ve made this awkward.”
Thankfully, she laughs too. “Yes, you have.”
Her cheeks are rosier than ever when I look at her again. Her full lips are pink and distracting and her eyes are bright and playful. A pang of desire hits me hard. I feel it all over. My head, my heart, my dick—my entire being feels like it’s reaching out for her.
No, this cannot happen , I tell myself. I cannot be attracted to her. I cannot fall for her. I absolutely cannot.
But when her lips lift into a smile meant just for me, I know it’s already happening.