Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
THE VAULT
WESTON
Luminary Coffeehouse is buzzing when we arrive. I wave when I see Clara and she hurries around the counter toward us. When she reaches us, she beams. She only has eyes for Caleb.
“I’ve been dying to meet this guy,” she says. “I can’t believe you haven’t been in to see me before now!” She stares at him and shakes her head, clasping her hand to her heart. “He is so perfect. I can’t get over him.” She swats my arm. “I don’t want to miss out! He needs to know his Auntie Clara, yes, he does,” she coos.
“Sorry, Clara. We’ve been staying close to home, trying to get used to…all that comes with taking care of a baby…”
I look at Sadie and she has an odd expression on her face. I nudge her with my elbow.
“You okay?”
She nods absentmindedly, smiling at Clara. “You’re Clara? Hi,” she says, her smile growing. “I’m Sadie, Caleb’s aunt.”
God, when she smiles, the whole world looks brighter. It’s blinding and makes my chest feel weird. I try to rub away the ache in my chest, frowning.
“Hello, Sadie. I’ve heard all about you from Lane. We’re BFFs—do people still say that?” She laughs and Sadie giggles, looking fucking delighted, and I stare at her as if I’m seeing her for the first time.
I’m not.
Clearly.
I saw every inch of her in those short shorts and that skimpy tank top last night and have had two sessions in the shower to deal with the aftermath of that, but fuck me, what is going on here?
She’s stunning and completely oblivious to the fact. She’s smart and insightful and quietly shines in everything she does, whether it’s taking care of Caleb or talking about interior design or packing her things from the apartment she shared with her sister. Even her grieving is stoically graceful.
She has a much larger personality than she realizes.
If I weren’t trying to do away with my player ways, I’d go out and get laid to dull these thoughts, but it wouldn’t work. It feels like a betrayal to even consider it, but that’s bullshit. It’s not like we’re contemplating a relationship. We can’t go there, and I’m sure she wouldn’t want to anyway.
But I can’t stop thinking about her.
Sadie Chapman is under my skin.
I’ve been in denial about it for a while now, but it’s not going anywhere. It’s only getting more intense.
“I came out to see what you might want to order, Sadie.” She leans in and talks low enough so only we can hear. “Business has been booming since the guys have been coming in. I’ve hired two new employees.”
She points and we look at the pink-haired barista by the espresso machine and the tall, lanky guy at the cash register. She grips my arm and I realize she expects me to follow her. She proves it when she tilts her head toward the room we met in last time. We start walking fast, trying to keep up and still hear her. She hasn’t stopped talking.
“I didn’t want you to have to wait in line because people will start asking for autographs and then you’ll never get out of here.” She puts in the code and slips inside, opening the door wide enough for us to squeeze through and shutting it quickly. She leans her head against the door and exhales.
“Jeepers,” she says. “I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to this hustling. I’ve lived in Silver Hills my whole life and it’s always been quiet. I like it that way.” She laughs and motions to the guys who are looking up at us, amused.
“Jeepers,” Penn says, grinning. “I like that. Do you mind if I use it, Clara?”
Her shoulders shake as she laughs. “If you want to sound ancient like me, have at it,” she says.
Sadie smiles and waves at Levi, Rhodes’ little boy.
“Hi, I’m Sadie,” she says.
He grins and waves before putting a Cheerio in his mouth.
“He is so cute, Rhodes,” Sadie says.
Rhodes grins and tousles Levi’s curly hair. “And t-r-o-u-b-l-e.”
We laugh. I reach my hand out and Levi high-fives me.
“Just like your daddy, aren’t you, buddy,” I tease.
“Daddy!” Levi yells, his fist holding up a bunch of Cheerios that he then crams in his mouth.
Henley gets up and holds out his hands for the baby. I hand him over and Henley starts talking to him in that high baby voice that never fails to make me laugh.
“I don’t know if I haven’t been a parent long enough or what, but is there going to be a certain point where I start sounding like a baby when I talk to the little guy?” I say.
Henley cuts his eyes over at me and his mouth twitches.
Sadie snorts. “You do it too every now and then.” Her voice changes to falsetto, as she says, “Yes, you do!”
The booming sound of laughter reverberates throughout the small room. Rhodes laughs so hard he’s wiping his eyes.
He points at Sadie and looks at me. “She has got your number, Shaw.”
I roll my eyes, grinning. “Whatever. I still don’t sound like the rest of you fools.”
They laugh at that too.
“Yeah, right,” Bowie says.
“You just wait. You’ll be doing all kinds of things you never thought you’d do,” Henley says.
“Baby talk, Peppa Pig, competing with yourself for how fast you can change a diaper…” Rhodes ticks off his fingers.
“I think my fastest time was thirty seconds,” Bowie says.
Rhodes backs up his head like he’s affronted. “But was she clean after that? We’re not talking how fast you were and still leaving behind streaks.”
Bowie looks offended. “Hell no. What do you take me for? A novice?”
Rhodes lifts his eyebrows and shakes his head. “Too bad Levi’s potty-trained. I need to work on beating your time.”
Henley bounces Caleb and makes a face. “We’ve got a baby here that you can practice on.”
“Oh, I’ll go change him,” Sadie says. “I wasn’t intending on staying back here anyway. I just wanted to say hi.”
Everyone starts talking at once, trying to convince her to stay.
She laughs and shakes her head. “No, I’d be breaking the rules even more than Penn is.” She smirks as everyone laughs.
“You want your usual, Weston?” Clara asks.
“Yes, please.”
“And what about you, Sadie? What do you like?” she asks.
“I’ll come out there and see your specials. I like to mix it up.”
“A girl after my own heart,” Clara says. “Come on, I’ll show you my favorites.”
Sadie takes the backpack we’re using as Caleb’s diaper bag and reaches out for Caleb. He goes to her, feet kicking and his gummy smile so big it makes all the guys go on about how cute he is.
She lifts her hand and waves, her eyes on me. “Have fun, guys.”
“You really don’t have to go,” I tell her under my breath.
Her eyes are smiling when she says, “It’s all good, Shaw.”
My heartbeat stutters and I watch her until she’s out the door.
“Holy shit, man,” Rhodes says, his eyes wide. “I’m feeling some vibes…”
“No shit,” Penn says. “Are you guys?—”
“No,” I interrupt. I hold my hand up and then hustle to the chair, dropping into it. “Don’t even say it out loud.”
“Don’t say what out loud?” Penn frowns.
“Whatever was about to come out of your mouth?”
“Are you guys hooking up?” Penn says, tilting his head.
I growl and motion for him to cut it off right there.
“Why can’t I say that?” he asks.
“Because I don’t even want to put it out into the universe. It cannot happen. I can’t be thinking about it. Just no.” I put my elbows on the table and tug on my hair with both hands.
“Well, it’s obvious you are thinking about it,” Rhodes says. “And why can’t it happen?”
“Because we’re trying to raise Caleb together and if it went south, it’d be the worst.”
“It’s not great when things go south, but we’re all examples of what happens when you’re a parent and the relationship with your significant other goes south,” Henley says. “With the exception of Adriane,” he gives Bowie an apologetic look, “we’ve all managed to co-parent with our exes. It’s not easy, but it can be done peaceably. If it didn’t work out with Sadie, you’d put Caleb first just like you already are.”
“Well said, Hen.” Rhodes says, pointing at him. He looks at me. “Any relationship is a risk. And yes, it becomes more complicated when you’re raising kids together, but that doesn’t mean you don’t give it a try if the feelings are there.”
“It’s probably just an attraction that will fade…but I’m not used to this feeling. You know me—I’ve slept with my share of girls that just want to be with me because I play for the Mustangs. The attraction doesn’t last. Is it because I haven’t slept with her yet? And then how awful would that be if I slept with her and my feelings weren’t the same?” I lower my head. “I don’t think she’d ever go there with me anyway because I slept with her sister,” I admit.
It’s quiet for a second.
“West,” Bowie says, his voice low.
I look up and meet his eyes.
“Get to know her. If these feelings grow and you think she feels the same, give them a chance. You’ll regret it if you don’t. Adriane broke my heart, but I don’t regret the time I had with her that was good. I think we’d all say that about our exes…even Rhodes.”
Rhodes snorts. “Yeah. You’re right, man. As much as Carrie drives me crazy, she gave me the best gift of my life. I can’t regret that.”
“And it’s not like you were in a relationship with her sister,” Penn says.
“We just made a baby,” I groan.
“That you never even saw when she was alive. The sister is a non-factor,” Penn argues.
“It might be a factor for her, and I’d understand if it was,” I say.
“Cross that bridge when you come to it,” Bowie says. “For now, don’t agonize over this attraction. Get to know her and see if that’s even what you’re feeling…if it goes beyond attraction. You’ve never stuck around a girl long enough to know.”
I swipe my hand over my face, groaning again, but he’s right. I’ve imagined I’d think about a relationship sometime in my mid-thirties after I’ve enjoyed my career a while and I’m ready to settle down. The interactions I’ve had have been with women that I didn’t expect to feel more for—the girls just down for a good time in high school and the jersey chasers from then on. It’s kind of gross when I think about it now, but I always thought it wasn’t hurting anyone since they went into it knowing it was just a one-time thing.
Getting a stranger pregnant knocks that theory out of the water.
“What Bowie said,” Henley says, smiling at us. “That’s sound advice.” He laughs and shakes his head. “I’ve gotta say though, it’s sure fun to see you in this state.”
The rest of them laugh and chime in their agreement.
Bastards.
“I’ll agree to get to know her better, but I’m going to bury this,” I wave my hand over my body, “whatever this is, way down deep and not let it out again. Thanks for letting me talk it through. It helped.” I let out a shaky breath.
They all look at me like I’ve lost my mind.
“Shit. You didn’t hear a word we said.” Rhodes scowls.
“I heard you. I just…I have my hands full learning how to be a dad. I don’t think I can learn how to be in a relationship too.”