Chapter 34
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
OFF DAYS
SADIE
The first time I second-guess my decision about keeping my relationship with Weston a secret is the following week when it’s a home game and everyone’s going but me. My family, his family, and even some of Sutton’s family from Landmark Mountain will be there. I’d told Weston I wasn’t going, but he got me a ticket anyway, in case I changed my mind.
I never knew how pricey the tickets were for the players. Before I knew Weston, I assumed there was a family section of seats that were free or that the suites were reserved for family and also free. So naive. Those excellent seats and beautiful suites are a fortune. Weston’s making more than enough to pay for the tickets, but a lot of the players don’t make anything close to that, and I feel bad for all those wives and girlfriends who don’t get to go to the games.
“Just come, Sadie. I don’t give a fuck what everyone thinks about us.”
He’s leaning against the bathroom counter watching me comb my hair after our shower. He’s already dressed, about to leave for the team’s hotel the day before the game. Since I’ve moved all my things into his bedroom and bathroom, I have to say, I haven’t minded sharing space with him one bit.
“Give my ticket to someone who needs it. What about that one wife I met at practices this summer? I think she was married to that defensive lineman who didn’t get to play last year. I can’t remember their names. Scott? Trisha Scott? Give it to her.”
His jaw tightens and I hate the disappointment I see in his eyes. I turn and put my hands on his waist, leaning up to kiss him.
“Caleb and I will be watching every second, I promise.” I kiss him between words. “You’re gonna kill it out there.”
He tugs me closer and deepens our kiss, growling at the end. “I don’t want to give your ticket away in case you change your mind.”
“Joan’s right. It’s too soon.”
“I disagree.”
Our foreheads touch and he sighs.
“I love you,” I whisper.
His eyes soften and he kisses me again, melding my body against his and leaving me breathless when he pulls away. “I love you, beautiful. You’re not changing your mind, are you.”
I shake my head, and he rubs my cheek with his hand one more time before he steps back.
“You better answer my call before I go on the field,” he says from the doorway. “You’re my good luck charm now.”
“I always answer your calls.” I narrow my eyes and put my hands on his waist, pushing him out of the bathroom. “And you played just fine before you ever met me.”
“You’re my pre-game ritual now,” he says with puppy-dog eyes.
I groan. “Go. You have so many pre-game rituals I don’t know how you make it onto the field.”
When he first told me all the things he does before a game, I didn’t believe him at first, and then I laughed my head off.
He wears the same pair of—clean, thankfully— socks every game. This is the pre-game ritual I’m most concerned about because what happens when those socks disintegrate? He has an order of how he puts on his clothing. He kisses a picture of his family and now one of Caleb and me that he keeps in his locker. When he closes his locker, he taps the ceiling above three times. He calls me after this, and we talk for maybe two minutes. When he hangs up, the team huddles together and says a prayer and a team chant. As they walk down the tunnel, he taps the side of the wall once when he enters and one more time before he’s out.
Once he’s on the field, he’s all focus.
“I’ll be at away games the next two weeks,” he says when we get downstairs. “It’ll be three weeks before I have another home game. Think about that one at least, okay? We’ll be into mid-October by then.”
He’s persistent, I’ll give him that.
I kiss him instead of answering. I don’t plan on going to any games this season, but he doesn’t want to hear that. It’s the closest we’ve come to arguing.
“Tell Caleb I love him when he wakes up,” he says.
“I will.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow night,” he says.
I smile. “Give ‘em hell, Shaw.”
“You know I will, Chapman.” He grins and goes out the door.
I start a load of laundry and sit down and read Sasha’s journal. I’m up to her twenty-first birthday now and I’ve been curious to see what she’d say about it. We got a hotel with two of her friends in Denver and went to a club where we drank too much and danced until we closed the place down. She ended up going home with a guy despite her friends and me trying to tell her that was a bad idea. She came home the next afternoon, giddy about her night out, and I was so mad at her about all of it—the way she bailed on us, going home with a stranger, and not letting me know if she was okay—I didn’t speak to her for at least a day after that.
It’s official! I’m twenty-one! Last night was amazing. Sadie splurged on a hotel for us. Jessie and Claire were there too, and we went to this club that was so fun. No more fake IDs, baby! Free drinks all night. Honestly, I think Sade’s been saving for my birthday for at least a year. She’s been cheap all year, never wanting to go out, but she made up for it last night. Lol
I met this guy. Dillon. So hot. He danced with me for a long time, and when he said he lived in Hilltop and asked me to go home with him, I didn’t hesitate. I’ve always wanted to see what the houses are like there, and his place was NICE. The sex was sub-par, but I’d be willing to overlook it to live in that house. We had sex twice and slept really late. I thought we’d hang out a little—I didn’t even have time to explore his whole house! But the ass called an Uber for me without even feeding me lunch. I was pissed.
And now Sadie’s pissed at me. I honestly don’t know why she’s so mad at me. It’s not like I bailed on everyone the whole night. We danced until two this morning. And it’s not like she’d gotten us a room in the Four Seasons or something. The room was nice, but not that nice. And last but not least, it was my fucking birthday! I thought the whole point of a birthday was to do what I wanted, and that’s what I did.
Ugh. Anyway, I’m gonna let her pout it out. I love her more than anyone on earth, but she’s so self-righteous sometimes.
The page blurs together after I’ve stopped reading. The hurt stings like it’s happening for the first time. I thought I’d worked through my anger about that weekend with her a long time ago, but it blooms fresh. My heart thuds in my chest and I fling the journal across the couch. Why would I be angrier now than I was when it happened? Makes no sense.
Through this grieving process, I thought I’d managed to bypass the anger stage, but it smacks me across the face now. I shake out my clenched hands when I hear Caleb on the monitor and walk to his bedroom, the whole time trying to shut off the noise in my brain.
Why did I put up with her selfishness?
Talk about the ultimate gaslighting. She was so good at it and I always just put up with it.
But what I keep coming back to is: Was she right? Am I self-righteous?
I hug Caleb and change his diaper, trying to focus on him. We go downstairs and I pull out leftovers and heat them up. I feed him little bites at a time while I pick at the food too and then fix his bottle. He clangs it on the high chair and then slugs it back, gulping it fast. He’s breathless when he pulls it away.
“Slow down there, little guy.”
Low on diapers and needing some fresh air, we run to the store, but while we’re out, I can’t wait to get back to the house.
Weston’s texted a few times and then it’s quiet when he’s in the meeting they have the night before a game. He FaceTimed us after we’d eaten and then again after I put Caleb to bed. I’m leaning against the headboard when I answer and he frowns when he sees me.
“Why aren’t you in our bed?”
“I don’t know. I’ll probably end up back in there, but I was just missing you too much in that room. It feels weird when you’re not here. The last time you were gone, I was so exhausted, I crashed late, but today’s been a chill day and I’m awake, so I just went in there and—” I make a face.
“You don’t want to watch a movie or anything?”
“The house feels extra big. And I don’t want to be all the way down there when Caleb’s up here.”
He nods. We’ve been watching movies in the living room more often for that very reason. He looks sad and I feel bad that I said all of this.
“I wish you’d asked your parents to stay over,” he says.
He mentioned that this morning and I blew it off because I thought I’d be okay.
“Don’t worry. I’m fine. It’ll just take some getting used to, that’s all.”
“I don’t want you to get used to it there without me,” he says. He makes a face. “Ignore me. That’s super selfish of me to say. What can we do to make it easier when I’m not there? Is it too late for your mom to come over?”
“Yeah, I think so. And I’ll have to get used to it at some point. I think the problem with tonight was that I ran to the store to get diapers and came back after it was dark, and then everything felt weird.” I laugh. “I didn’t know I was afraid of the dark, but apparently I am a little bit. I’ll be running my errands during the day from now on.”
“Don’t forget you can order anything you need, and one of the guards will bring it to the house, or Amy would be happy to pick things up and bring them over too. She offers to do it all the time.”
“No, it’s fine. I don’t want to bother them.”
“Chapman, they’re happy to do it, I swear.”
I still can’t believe I’m living in a house this luxurious, so remembering that Weston has a small staff on salary that could help me is not something I ever consider. It feels wrong to ask them for anything. I’m not Weston. It’s not my house. They don’t work for me.
“You’re my family now, Sadie.”
I glance at him, surprised and feeling all airy inside with his words.
“Am I yours?” he whispers.
I lick my lips and don’t hesitate. “Yes, you are.”
He takes a deep breath and smiles, but he still looks worried.
“You’re not unsure of my feelings for you, right?” I ask. “They’re stronger than ever.”
His eyes soften and his lips quirk up. “I know this career is a lot to ask of you. I love what I do, but there are certain aspects of it that are so hard. We’ve had a lot of obstacles in our way from the very beginning. I don’t want my job to come between us too.”
“It doesn’t have to,” I tell him.
“We haven’t left this house together since Joan’s call. You don’t want to be seen publicly with me for the next five months. It already is.”
“If we can get through the next five months, I feel like we’re in this for the long haul.”
“I love you, Sadie. I’m already in this for the long haul. That’s where I’m not sure you’re hearing me or if you’re on the same page as I am.”
“I’m in for the long haul too.” My eyes fill with tears and I groan. “This is not the kind of conversation you need to be having the night before a game. You should go to bed, sleep, and focus on the game.”
“I’ll stay on here all night long if that’s what you need.”
“I’m okay. We’re okay. I love you. I’m getting sleepy and I’m gonna go get in your bed.”
“Our bed,” he whispers.
I smile. “Our bed.”
“Call me anytime, okay? And if you’re feeling nervous, one of the guards can come to the house and stay.”
“I’m feeling much better now.”
We hang up and I move into the other room and cry when I get into our bed. The day suddenly feels like it’s been endless; I’ve been feeling off for most of it.
Everything will be better tomorrow.