Chapter 40
CHAPTER FORTY
THESE SMALL AND MASSIVE WAYS
SADIE
I don’t know how it’s possible, but things have been even better between Weston and me since I told him about the journals. He’s been so vulnerable and sweet. It’s broken my heart while also healing it, as we navigate knowing more of the story together.
The mystery of who the woman Sasha saw remains, but it seems like we may never know. And I guess that has to be okay. We can’t change any of it anyway.
It’s the week before Thanksgiving and I haven’t been to a game yet. I had two chances last month, and I lost my nerve. I didn’t tell Weston I’d thought about going, and he hasn’t asked since the magazine debacle. I’ve been in them again occasionally, but being aware that photographers are out there now has helped me up my game. I don’t necessarily go out looking completely put together, but I don’t look scraggly and like I haven’t slept in months either.
Balance.
But it’s getting harder to stay away.
Being with Weston has changed my life. Not because I live in this beautiful home and don’t struggle to make ends meet anymore—although that has been a huge improvement, I won’t lie—but it’s because I never thought I could have a love like this. When I think back to how I didn’t trust anything Weston said, it’s like another lifetime ago. It doesn’t compute that I wouldn’t trust him now.
When he looks at me, it’s with the most genuine, heart-wrenching adoration.
I feel his love down to my bones.
It isn’t just in the way he tends to my body like a man at the altar he worships, even though I do feel his love there, each and every day.
It goes far deeper than that. It’s in the things he says, the way his eyes warm when he sees me, the way he checks to see if I’m content in the littlest ways. It’s in the way he laughs at the things I say, the way he tries to make me laugh, the way he makes sure I have some time to myself when he gets home from a long day, the way he jumps up to get Caleb out of bed when he knows I didn’t get much sleep…in every way, Weston proves his love for me.
That’s why when we lose ourselves in each other’s bodies, it’s transcendent…because the foreplay is never-ending. It’s been going on from the time we get out of bed and just never stops. When he shows me all the ways he cares in all these small and massive ways, it shouldn’t surprise me that the sex would be a revelation each time, but it is.
I can’t deprive him of the one thing he still wants from me for another second longer.
He told me he’d always have a ticket for me, and two weeks before each game, like clockwork, I get an email with my digital ticket. Not just the home games either. I haven’t even ventured into considering away games yet; that will come later. But since September, I’ve gotten tickets for every single game. I suspect once Caleb needs his own seat, Weston will also make sure he has one.
I kiss him when he leaves just like all the other weekends, and we have our usual FaceTimes throughout the day. Same with the next day. As soon as we have our last conversation before I have to leave, I jump into action.
The doorbell makes me pause and I run to let Felicity in.
“Perfect timing. I just hung up with Weston!” I laugh, hugging her.
Her eyes are bright when we pull away, and she squeezes my arm. “I’m so happy you’re doing this.” She looks around for Caleb and frowns when she doesn’t see him. “Where’s my boy?” She pouts.
“He’s still sleeping and I’m hoping he sleeps as long as possible. He’s teething and didn’t sleep well last night.”
“Aw, poor guy. He’s going with us, though, right?”
“Yes. I didn’t want him to miss out. He’ll probably be a handful though. Since he’s started walking, he’s going nonstop .”
We go upstairs and Felicity helps me decide on which outfit to wear. We’ve been shopping a few times since the girls’ trip and we’ve become even closer. I’ve seen Olivia here and there at Lane and David’s house, but she’s not around as much as Felicity, even though she lives near us. Felicity and Weston have both mentioned that they wish they were closer to their older sister, but she’s busy with work. They don’t agree with me, but I think she wishes she had what they do. A loving relationship, and a family of her own.
“Will Olivia be at the game tonight?” I ask.
Felicity frowns. “I think so. I’m not sure, though. She’s been trying to make it to more games. I know my parents and yours will be.” She grins. “And I couldn’t believe it when Weston told me Romeo Knight would be there tonight.”
“I know.” I fan my face. “I’m already nervous about going, but knowing he’s in the suite with us—eek! Did you see his fight against Leo Burns? It was epic.”
“No, but I heard about it for days afterward. Sutton and his brothers couldn’t stop talking about it. Neither could Weston.”
I nod.
“The guys will be awestruck over Romeo tonight.” She laughs. “Sutton is meeting us there with…I think Theo, Callum, and Jamison. I believe Wyatt had to work tonight.” She makes a sad face and then it brightens. “But…I might’ve told the girls you were thinking about coming.” She holds up her hands at my raised eyebrows. “Don’t worry, they won’t say a word. There’s no way Weston will find out until it’s time. But they’re coming too, and we’ll be in a suite.” She does a little shimmy.
“Ahh. That’s so great. I’ve missed them. I wish everyone lived closer.”
She lifts a shoulder. She reminds me so much of Weston when she’s being playful. “Or you could, I don’t know…move to Landmark Mountain when Weston retires. Football players don’t play forever, you know.”
“If I could talk my parents into it…and your parents.” We both laugh. “It might be a while. I hope Weston can play for as long as he wants. He loves it so much.”
Felicity smiles at me in the mirror as we do our makeup. “This is why you’re so good for him. Not everyone is cut out for this lifestyle. And it’s only going to get better now that you’ll be at the games.”
I focus on getting my eyeliner right. “It makes me nervous to think of anything beyond today. It’s ridiculous, I know. I don’t know when I became such a coward.”
She turns to look at me, mascara wand in mid-air. “You can’t possibly think you’re a coward. There’s no way. You have raised your sister’s baby as your own. You’ve made peace with the guy you thought wanted nothing to do with the baby and have set aside your feelings to take care of Caleb. You’re dating a professional athlete! You’ve gotten hounded by the press and handled it with grace…”
“I don’t know if it’s grace as much as hiding out…”
She levels me with a look. “You’ve handled it with grace,” she continues like she never stopped. “If you were a coward and not the strongest person ever, none of this would have happened. My brother wouldn’t be happier than I’ve ever seen him, Caleb wouldn’t have a healthy environment with two loving parents, and we wouldn’t get to hang out like this right now.” She winks at me in the mirror and goes back to applying the mascara.
When I get to the game, I feel good about the way I look. My hair is in loose waves down my back, my makeup is on point, and I love the dress I’m wearing. It’s the color of the Mustangs teal to show my support, and it’s short but not too short. I’ve tried to straddle the line between appropriate and sexy and hope that I’ve succeeded.
But the nerves are intense.
Caleb is in the same jersey Weston will be wearing tonight, and he’s a lot more excited about being here than he was the last time we came. He runs around the suite, hugging all his favorite people and loving being the center of attention. And my nerves about meeting Romeo Knight were for nothing—he’s the nicest guy and Caleb warms right up to him.
When Weston Facetimes, I hold up the phone and Jamison whistles so everyone turns to look at me.
“He’s calling,” I say, waving the phone.
They move out of the way, waiting for my signal.
I answer, my smile a little wobbly. “Hey!”
“Damn, Chapman.” He whistles. “Should I be jealous? You look hot as fuck. What are you doing tonight?”
I flush and hear a few people trying not to laugh.
“You have nothing to be jealous about.” I grin. “I’m cheering you on, Shaw. Stay safe and play your ass off.”
He lifts his eyebrows, his smile huge. “All right, I will.” He chuckles. “Where’s Caleb? Can I see him before I go out?”
“Who has Caleb?” I call, switching the camera to face out, so he sees everyone else in the suite. My dad holds Caleb up high. “Caleb, tell Daddy to play good,” I say.
“Dada, pay goo,” Caleb says, bopping his head in a little dance when everyone cheers.
I turn the camera back to face me, and Weston’s got tears in his eyes and looks so happy.
“You’re here ? Sadie.” He sniffs. “God, I’m turning into fucking mush and I’m not even mad about it,” he says. “I have such mad love for you, Chapman.”
“I love you, Shaw. More than I can even say.”
He lifts up his hand in the I love you sign and when I return it, he puts his fist on his heart, and we hang up.
They’re undefeated so far this year, in spite of coming close to losing several times. But tonight they win big. 41 - 7. Everyone’s talking about it—will the Mustangs continue their winning streak? Could they win out? There’s only been one team, the Miami Dolphins, who’ve had a perfect season and that was in 1972 .
Weston and I celebrate like we’ve never celebrated before. If it weren’t for Caleb, I don’t think we’d come up for air.
If I’m all over every magazine cover for weeks to come, going to that game was worth it.