Chapter 2 #2
When he pulls me into his arms, I stiffen though as he says into my hair, “I missed you.”
Fighting a shiver, I gently disentangle from his hold and hum, “Um.”
In all reality the only feeling I’ve been battling since our fight is dread.
Now is a bad time to talk about my feelings or lack thereof though because we’re surrounded by our friends and even a hint of drama will have them sniffing the air in anticipation.
“C’mon, let’s get a drink,” he says, and I nod, following him into the kitchen.
“Hey Delaney,” Celina says with a grin.
Beside her, Becky eyes me with a frown and mustering a weak smile, I take the cup Micah offers me.
Eager to do anything that will save me an interrogation, I turn to the door when Josh enters and says, “Yo, who wants a shot?”
Josh is on the football team and therefore buddies with Micah. If he’s here, then that means…yep, the rest of the team is too, I confirm when Cillian shouts, “Fuck yeah!”
The remainder of the guys crowd around while the remaining members of the cheer team enter through a side door from the backyard.
For a moment, it’s pandemonium as Josh pours shots and everyone speaks over each other. It’s so familiar after months of feeling alone that my heart swells.
That is until Micah takes my hand and pulls me from the kitchen.
With a silent sigh, I follow behind him when he steps down another hall and pushes me gently into a bedroom. I’m assuming it’s reserved for guests because beyond the bed against the wall, there’s nothing here to indicate it’s lived in.
Micah turns to me in the semi-darkness, and I bow my head. I fought with Joey on the way out the door and despite almost six months existing with the freak, I’m still not used to how he acts toward me.
Mom and Peter were strict but they were never assholes. Joey doesn’t care that I’m his child and he’s not shy about showing me in every way possible just how much he resents me.
Beyond that, my feet ache from the shifts I worked after school last week. I know I’m going to fail my test on Monday because I haven’t had time to study and frankly, during class, it’s all I can do not to fall asleep.
Mom keeps calling me and I know she wants me to come home now that she’s been receiving treatment, but I can’t because there’s too much history standing between us.
Where did my simple life go? Did I do the right thing when I ran away?
I just want some semblance of normal so when Micah pulls me into his arms, I lean against his chest and choke back my tears.
His warm arms cover my shivers, and I soak in his calming presence, while he rocks me gently. This is the Micah that I know, and love and I miss this. I miss how we used to be and much like everything else, I don’t understand where the simplicity of our relationship went.
“What is it, babe?” he asks. “Is it…you know?”
Although I appreciate that he’s asking, I can’t help but roll my eyes. He can’t even say Petey’s name.
“No,” I mumble, pulling away. “Yes. No. It’s just…”
“It’ll be okay,” he says, and I stiffen. I know he’s trying to help but fuck me if he says that one more time…
It’s not going to be okay. It’s all fallen apart, and I don’t know how to put the pieces back together.
None of this I can speak out loud though because Micah doesn’t understand. How could he?
His parents are still married. His mom treats him like a little prince and his dad practically worships him as the star football player.
Meanwhile, I’m dealing with a drunken asshole who hates me all because I ran away when I realized I couldn’t handle my mom. I know it was the right choice for me, but I suspect it will only push her further into the abyss, thoughts of which press at my chest almost constantly.
“Babe?” Micah says, and I cover my face when the tears come again.
Thankfully, he just holds me until I can speak without crying and eventually, I lean back, meeting his gaze, to whisper, “Thanks.”
“For what?” he asks, his warm breath fanning my face.
“For, I don’t know, this,” I say.
I’m not sure how to put into words the way this helped to ground me when I felt like I could fly away at any moment. Instead, I shrug as he grabs my hand and leads me to the bed.
After sitting down, he grabs my hips, and I step between his legs with a kernel of unease. Why can’t he just freaking hold me? Why does everything lead to this?
Wiping my eyes, I meet his gaze when he runs his fingers up the outside of my thighs, and says, “I’ve missed you, babe.”
The husky tone of his voice rolls over my skin like ice and I mentally groan and say, “Micah…”
He looks up and flashes that boyish smile but what once made my heart flutter leaves me achingly cold.
Still, with a pulse of guilt, I touch his hair because I know that I’ve been an asshole too. However, when he grabs my ass, I step back as he rasps, “C’mere.”
Biting my tongue, I mutter, “Micah, not here.”
Not ever, I think but wisely don’t say. I know that I’m a cold ass bitch for stringing him along, but I hoped that eventually I would be ready.
Now I know it's never going to happen. Maybe it’s the knowledge that everything has changed but more likely, it’s because my skin crawls every time he touches me.
I know its residual guilt and per my counselor something that will ease with time, but I don’t think how I feel about Micah will change.
Whatever was between us died the same day that my brother did. I don’t feel anything for him anymore.
Besides, he’s still the silly jock who thinks the world revolves around who’s having the best party, and where and how much alcohol they have.
I’m trying to survive. We’re not the same people. I’m not the same person.
When his brows furrow, I look away. Here it comes. It’s the same fucking story every damn time, only now it’s starting to feel like a damn tragedy.
“Why? It’s been two years, Delaney,” he says, shaking his head. “You gonna hold out forever?”
The fact that he can even say this to me after he knows what happened sends me back another step and I say, “I don’t know but I’m not doing it here.”
Snorting, he grabs my arm. “You won’t do it here. You won’t do it at your house or mine. Where will you do it, Delaney?”
“Can we not do this now?”
“Then when?” he growls, his blue eyes narrowing. “What’s going on? You fucking some other dick?”
“Here we go,” I hiss, jerking away. “Just because I’m not ready, I must be fucking someone else.”
“Yeah. If you’re not giving it up for me, then who?” he roars.
Strangely, Maddox’s bold, dark gaze rises in my mind, but I push the thought away and turn to the door. I’m so done with him and this conversation.
“Where are you going?” he barks, and I pause with my hand on the knob.
Staring at the wood, I grit through my teeth, “This is the last time I’m saying this. Get it through your thick fucking skull. I’m not fucking anyone, including you.”
My chest burns with the words I want to scream but what good will it do? He never listens anyway.
Thankfully, he doesn’t follow when I stalk away but at the threshold to the kitchen, I pause. I need a minute to regroup. If I go in all hot, the girls will force me to admit what just happened and I’m not in the mood.
Why does everything have to be so complicated?
“I heard she was supposed to be watching him.” At the sound of Becky’s voice, I tilt my head toward the door.
“Delaney? Noooo…do you think she was high?” Lana whispers. “My dad said that he was in that pool for hours.”
Shuddering, I close my eyes but all I see is his head bobbing face down in the water. Was he in there for hours?
I don’t know because no one gave me the details, but he was so tiny and cold in my arms…
“Nope,” Becky says, her voice dropping to a dramatic whisper. “Micah said they were fooling around in her room. Can you imagine? I don’t know how she lives with herself.”
Wow…just wow.
Stepping into the kitchen, I meet Lana’s wide-eyed gaze before she drops her head. Becky is immune to my hard stare though and merely smirks while a shadow forms over my shoulder.
“For the record,” I rasp, meeting Micah’s solemn stare. “I was not high when my brother died and fuck you Micah for talking about that day behind my back.”
When tears fill my eyes, he reaches for my arm. Except, I don’t want his empty platitudes, and I brush past him, heading toward the front door.
I always thought I would have my friends if nothing else, but I guess now I know.
Nothing is the same and it never will be.