Chapter 11
Delaney
I’m still processing what happened with Maddox when I get home after school on Monday.
With a few days to dissect the interlude, I’m left with the sinking sensation that Maddox was making up excuses when he left me at the trailer.
On the one hand, he was so sweet and cute but after the best moment of my life, he warned me off and walked away.
Why? Because I’m not MC or he realized he doesn’t like me that way?
I could blame my relationship with Peter, but he didn’t ask me about it until after he turned down my offer to reciprocate.
I am such a fool. I knew that he was out of my league, being older and more sophisticated.
Still, I let myself believe otherwise and told the jerk that I like him. I mean, at least I didn’t say love but still, that probably had him running in and of itself.
Gah.
It’s times like these that I miss home the most. Whenever I was confused or hurting, I could turn to my mom, and she would walk me through it.
She was always so calm and thoughtful about it too. Now, I have no one to share my woes with and I feel achingly alone.
When I enter the trailer and Joey’s eyes slide away to the T.V., I’m reminded of what he said the other day and although we’ve been mostly avoiding each other, I can’t help but wonder what he meant.
I saved your ass. How? Was that a slip of the tongue or delusions from a drunk ass idiot?
What did he mean about the Saints?
My mind whirls with the possibilities all night and I don’t get much sleep, which is why I hear him stumble into the bathroom and start the shower around two am.
Once I’m sure the coast is clear, I go back to that damn shoebox and pull it free before opening the lid.
Sure enough, there’s still a gun inside, along with a box of bullets.
Beyond that, I pick up an old billfold and pull out the driver’s license inside.
When a youthful Joey stares back at me, I concede he wasn’t as gross as he is now.
Joseph Michael Hope. Huh?
As far as I know, Joey’s last name is Smith. My last name is Smith.
So, who the fuck is Joey Hope?
There’s no cash in his billfold but I do find a picture hidden behind a rewards card in the fold.
It’s Joey with another man who looks enough like him to presume this is his brother. How did I not know he has siblings?
Are they alive?
After taking a picture of the image, I put it back and pull out the last item in the box, a piece of fabric that I turn over in my hand.
It’s a patch containing a series of aces with a skull and a top hat. I’ve seen similar designs, and it doesn’t take long to make the connection.
It’s the same kind of patch worn by Maddox, although clearly a different MC—the Smokin’ Aces.
Why would my dad have an MC patch hidden away in his closet?
When the shower cuts off in the bathroom, I take a photo of the patch on my phone before hastily putting it all back and closing the doors behind me.
Once back in my room, I collapse to the lumpy mattress as the bathroom door opens with a squeak and Joey steps down the hall before he pauses and says, “Delaney?”
Squeezing my eyes closed, I don’t answer, and eventually he walks away.
Maybe it’s not a big deal, except why did he have it hidden away?
The following day, I receive a call from an unknown number. Last I heard Mom was in a treatment facility and although I’m hopeful for the outcome, I’m not in the right frame of mind to speak with her.
However, this is more than likely her and I can’t put it off any longer.
“Little bird, how are you?” she says when I answer.
I’m relieved that she sounds coherent, if a little quieter than normal but I’m not sure what to say.
I’ve got a pit in my stomach a mile wide. I miss her and I want so badly to confide in her, but I don’t know how.
With every day that passes I feel as though I’m closer to the precipice of losing my damn mind and I’m afraid of what that might mean for me.
All this circles my brain before I mumble, “Good. I’m good.”
“Good,” she says, “and Joey? How’s your dad?”
Visions of the gun and patch hidden in the damn closet dance over my brain, and I glance at my closed bedroom door before collapsing to my back.
“He’s fine,” I lie.
I thought I knew my family. As it turns out there’s a darkness writhing below the surface of my world.
Does she know that my dad is or was affiliated with a bunch of bikers? What about his name? Did he change it? Why?
After a brief pause, Mom says, “Peter got your report card. Delaney, your grades are slipping.”
Shit. One of these days, I’ll remember to update my contact information at school but frankly it hasn’t been a priority.
“It’s nothing,” I say. “I’ll catch up.”
Why are we talking about this? Six months ago, I ran away in the middle of the night.
My brother is dead and she’s calling me from a fucking treatment center because she slid into drugs, and I don’t even know how she got there. Doesn’t she want to talk about that?
It’s not like I know how to express my hurt and anger but it’s weird that she hasn’t asked. If she thinks this is some stupid rebellious phase I’m going through, then she doesn't know me at all.
“You’re so close to graduating, Delaney. I would hate to see you lose sight of that.”
“I’m doing the best I can,” I say, tears pushing at my eyes.
I’m so tired. I don’t want to do this anymore, but I’m stuck and until I make a decision one way or the other, I’m not going anywhere but back to that damn diner to make more money.
“I know you are,” she says softly. “I heard you broke up with Micah. Do you want to talk about it, sweetie?”
“Micah?” I mumble. What are they buddies now?
Whatever. He’s the least of my concerns. That’s done and I hope the asshat moves on before I lose my damn shit on him.
“Yeah, sweetie. I know how much you cared about him.”
Rolling my eyes to the ceiling, I choke back a laugh.
Of course, this is her focus because the last time we truly had a conversation, that’s what my life was about.
Micah. Cheer. My friends.
I’m not that girl anymore but how would she know that? The distance between us is so great and the bigger it gets the harder it is to bridge the gap.
“It’s fine. I’m fine,” I say, slashing my hand through the air for my own benefit because she can’t see me.
“My little bird...”
I hear the doubt in her tone and close my eyes. This conversation is so fucking awkward that I’m tempted to end the call but if I do, I’m pushing her farther away and that frightens me.
“Peter told me he saw you the other day with some boys.”
Boys? What boys? Oh crap, is she talking about Maddox?
His dark eyes pass over my vision, and I shiver. Comparing him to a boy is laughable but I’m not about to say that.
Some things are sacred, and your parents don't need to know which is why I hope to play it off and say, “Who?”
Silence is my answer though and compelled to speak for God only knows why, I mumble, “Look, I hardly know them. It’s…nothing.”
Is it? Yes, because Maddox will never be anything more than my friend’s hot older brother.
Besides, with the way he reacted to Peter, I can’t imagine bringing him home for a family dinner with my stepdad. Ha!
“Sweetie,” she says. “I was your age once myself. I know boys like that are exciting, but…”
When she chuckles, I smile but then it fades. Is she warning me off? Why?
Once again, I glance at the door. What does that damn Aces patch mean?
“Anyway,” she continues. “I know what it feels like to be your age and to think something is so exciting and different but honey, those guys only want one thing.”
Her words sting even if I’ve had the same thoughts myself. The irony is that Micah was no better but because he’s a football player who lives on the “right” side of the tracks, no one’s thought to warn me off from him.
The hypocrisy burns my soul. Mom doesn’t know Maddox. She didn’t see Micah throw that drink in my face or the fact that Maddox intervened.
She doesn’t know that Maddox turned me down. Nope, to her and Peter, he’s just a thug.
“Mom…I don’t…I’m not…they’re just friends.”
Friends might be a stretch at this point, but I don’t know what else to say.
“The Saints aren’t friends, Delaney.”
Wait…what?
“Do you know them?” I ask, taken aback by her shrill tone.
When she drops into silence, I sit up, gripping my phone and say, “Mom? Do you know them?”
I hear something crackle on the other end of the line before she says, “It was a long time ago but yes. Before uh, Joey, I was in love. I thought I knew what I was doing but I didn’t. He was into bad stuff. I had to get out.”
“You dated a biker?” I breathe.
I can’t picture it but maybe I should have because there’s always been a wildness writhing beneath her skin.
What else don’t I know about my mom?
“I was young…” When I don’t respond because I don’t know what to say, she continues, “I don’t want that for you, sweetie.”
Jesus I’ve never heard any of this before. Does Peter know? Is that why he hates them?
Rubbing my aching forehead, I mumble, “What about the Aces, Mom? Are they friends?”
A slow whoosh comes through the phone before I hear a loud thwack and she mutters, although it sounds farther away, “Fuck.”
“Mom?” Did she drop her phone?
After a moment, she clears her throat and says, “Your dad made mistakes but he’s not that man anymore.”
What man would that be? A biker? The same affiliation Peter hates and apparently Mom dated back in the day.
What the actual hell?
When tears clog my throat, I drop back to the mattress. I don’t know my family at all. Where does that leave me?
“Stay away from those boys, Delaney. You hear me?” she says.
“Why?” I ask. “What happened to you?”
The silence that follows presses at my chest and I brace for the evasion.
Unfortunately, I’m not wrong because she says, “Some things are better left alone, sweetie.”
Whatever the fuck that means.
“Seriously?” I mutter. “Why is everything a goddamn secret?”
Again, silence is her answer and shaking my head, I groan, “Are you really clean?”
“Sweetie, I’m in a locked treatment facility. Of course, I’m clean,” she mutters before clearing her throat. “Look, the only thing that matters is you. I want you safe.”
Shaking my head, I wipe a tear from my eye and mumble, “I have to go, Mom.”
After ending the call, I roll over and curl into a ball.
While I’m grateful for what she shared, I can’t help but wonder why she refuses to tell me more.
Does it have something to do with Joey’s affiliation with the Aces?
How do I fit in with that though?