Chapter 25
Delaney
I don’t have much in the way of experience, it’s true but this was, hands down, so incredibly exciting and, well…special.
Except the haze fades as Maddox pushes back from the mattress and I can’t hold back a shiver when he won’t meet my gaze.
Is something wrong? Did I do something wrong?
“Maddox?” I whisper, grabbing the blanket at the end of the bed.
“Hmm?” he mutters, picking up his boxers.
Feeling dangerously exposed, I wrap it around me while he searches the floor for his pants.
Why is he so hot and cold? How does he turn it off and on so easily?
I’m still pulsing in delicate places while he looks like he’d rather be anywhere but in this room with me.
I can’t get a handle on his moods and I’m afraid to push buttons that I don’t understand until all at once reality comes crashing in.
I’m just a fun time, right?
“What the fuck Maddox?” I screech, waving my hand in the air.
He whips around, his eyes wide before they narrow and he says, “What?”
“You can’t…Why are you…Asshole!” I say, tears pressing at my lids.
I don’t want to cry but I can’t hold it back because the brutal burn in my chest has reminded me that once again, I’m not fucking special.
Why didn’t I think of that before I jumped into his bed? Gah.
“Shit,” he mutters and silently agreeing, I cover my face.
The tears leak through though and I shudder when he pulls me into his arms and says, “Shh.”
Although I appreciate the gesture, pulling me in after backing away only hurts that much more which is why I say, “Why do you keep pushing me away?”
The silence that follows is deafening and I peek through my fingers to find him staring into space before he rubs his hand down his face and mumbles, “It’s complicated.”
Maybe it is but don’t I deserve to know more? Is this about Peter or me?
“Okay. How?”
With his head bowed, I can’t get a read on his expression which is why I flinch when he growls, “You’re related to pigs, Delaney…”
Pigs. Ah, so it is about Peter.
Eyeing the poster on the wall of a woman spread out in a bikini, I swallow.
Despite everything between us, I want to be the one who he tells his secrets to, who he holds when that desperate light shines behind his eyes.
I think I could love this man with his silly smile and killer dimple but for all my wishes, I can’t change my family, and I can’t change him.
This is why I don’t know what to say and silence descends between us once again, until he says, “I’m MC, Delaney. We don’t follow rules. We don’t get along with cops.”
He sneers the last word and I bow my head. I get it. MCs don’t operate within the same laws as the rest of us mere mortals.
Do I care? I don’t know but I’m sitting here in his bed so it must not be a deal breaker.
His sigh presses at my chest as he stands and says, “I can’t be what you need.”
Raising my head, I stare at his back, the muscles taught, and his shoulders bunched around his head.
With my heart in my throat, I stand and approach him, noting with a tingle of awareness that he exhales as soon as I place my palm against his skin.
The steady thrum of his heart soothes me as I say, “Maybe all I need is you.”
When those gorgeous dark eyes meet mine, covered in desperation, I press my lips to his, hoping, if nothing else, he feels what I do in this moment.
I’m not stupid. I know we can never be together because he’s right. I’m not only affiliated with cops but the Aces and surely if that wasn’t enough, the shit I’m running from is.
Besides…why would he fight for me with all my complications when he doesn’t have to fight for one of the other women he knows, at all?
Still, I can have this kiss before reality intrudes which comes all too soon when the faint buzz of his phone fills the silence between us.
His yummy lips graze mine once more before he pulls back and says, “You’re so fucking beautiful, Delaney.”
Despite the fervor of his words, my chest clenches when he steps back and the mask, I’ve come to hate drops over his face, blocking the real Maddox from view.
While he checks his phone, I summon a smile, albeit a wretched one because I can’t show my vulnerability in the face of his distance.
What’s he thinking?
“I gotta go to church. I’ll be back later,” he says, grabbing his shirt off the floor.
“You’ll be back?” I finally whisper, my cheeks warm when he pecks me on the lips before saying, “I will.”
Once he’s gone, I dress and run my fingers through my hair, all the while wondering why Maddox is hell bent on going to church on a Wednesday night.
He didn’t strike me as particularly religious but what do I know?
Now that he’s gone, I feel…cold and I still haven’t admitted to the real reason I’m here.
Is this a mistake?
Who knows but I can’t deny that there’s a part of me who yearns to drop this in someone else’s hands. Whether or not that’s in Maddox’s hands is a question that I can’t answer.
I trusted my mom and look where that got me.
Shaking off the dread curling through me, I search out my phone when it rings.
I guess her ears must have been ringing and although I don’t particularly want to speak to her until I’ve processed what I learned, I need answers and she’s the only one who can give them to me.
This is why I grudgingly answer, closing my eyes when she says, “Delaney? Where are you, sweetie?”
I miss her voice and the way she used to push my hair out of my eyes. I miss her chocolate chip cookies and our midnight parties.
What I don’t miss is the chaos and I’m afraid that no matter the treatment, those pieces of her are here to stay.
All these emotions swirling through me bubble on my tongue, but I bite that shit back and say, “I’m at a friend’s. Why?”
“Peter stopped by to see you, but no one was there…”
“Oh…um, maybe Joey went to the store?”
If she knows the man at all, then she knows he doesn’t leave that fucking trailer. However, I have to determine whether she’s willing to lie to me.
Secrets brought us here and I’m tired of playing the game. If she wants me to come home, then she better start spilling her truths.
“Enough,” she says, and I envision her slashing her hand through the air. “It’s time that you came home. Tell me where you are, and I’ll pick you up.”
I hate that it has to be this way but she’s setting the precedent. I’m just following her lead.
“Sooo, you’re out?” I ask, even though I know the answer to the question. After all, she was the one who allowed those two MC assholes into our home. But why?
“Yes, sweetie,” she says. “I got out two days ago. Tell me where you are.”
“Why? Why now?” I rasp, rubbing my forehead.
It’s not like she came rushing after me when I left. Of course, she was drowning in her misery, and I get it, I do but something has to give.
“There are things you don’t understand, Delaney but you need to trust me. Come home.”
Rolling my eyes to the ceiling, I bite back a sigh. I’m not a child anymore and frankly after the last six months of virtually taking care of myself, hiding “what I don’t understand” is laughable.
I understand plenty. What I don’t get is why everyone is lying to me.
“Is this about the Aces?” I ask and silence descends between us.
After a moment, I look at the phone to make sure we haven’t been disconnected before saying, “Hello?”
“What?” she says. “What do you mean?”
Wincing at her shrill tone, I wave my hand before me and ask, “What do they want, Mom?”
“They want your father,” she says. “Delaney, this is serious. You need to come home, honey.”
Talk about stating the obvious but if this is so serious, why did she let them into our home?
I guess it’s time to put all my cards on the table, and after a moment, I say softly, “I did come home but they were there…”
There’s an awkward pause where I listen to her breathing.
Am I being unfair? I don’t know but I’m not the one who chose drugs over my family. She made mistakes and now we’re all dealing with the fallout.
I just don’t think I’m ready.
“Little bird,” she sighs. “You always were the most suspicious.”
I can’t contain my snort which she ignores as she continues, “They were looking for Joey. That’s all. Please, sweetie. Please come home.”
Grabbing the pillow on the bed, I sit down and squeeze it between my arms, breathing in Maddox’s spicy scent.
I think about what we just did, how wonderful it felt but where is this going?
If what I’m being told is correct, then technically he’s, my enemy. Does it matter if I’m not exactly keen on the Aces?
“Delaney,” she says echoing my thoughts, “if you’re anywhere near the Saints, you need to leave.”
“Why?” I whisper, a lump forming in my throat.
“Because, if they find out who your dad is…you can’t be there. They will use you in this stupid war.”
What the hell is she talking about?
“What war?” I ask.
Grunting her displeasure, she mutters, “The Saints have been feuding with the Aces for over a decade. No one is innocent, sweetie, no one.”
“What are you saying?” I ask.
“I’m saying that you’re the enemy. If that boy ever finds out who you are…”
“Who am I? Is Joey my dad?”
“Believe me, kid,” she mumbles. “You’re just like your dad.”
“How do I know you’re not lying?” I whisper.
“I wouldn’t lie about this.”
But she would and shaking my head, I swallow past the lump in my throat and ask, “Did you tell him?”
“Delaney…”
“Gotta go,” I rasp because I can’t fucking breathe through the pain pressing at my chest.
Of course she didn’t. It’s her greatest shame, after all. I just wish she hadn’t left me to take the fall.
“Please just listen to me,” she says, and I shake my head.
“There’s nothing to say until you tell him,” I mutter before ending the call.
It might be stupid to choose this course but how can I trust her when she refuses to be truthful herself?
Gah.
Setting the disturbing discussion aside, I approach the door. It’s quiet in the hall and I see the sun setting in the sky as I enter the living room and find Draven sitting at a table, eating cereal while she plays on her phone.