7. Luciana Creed #2
A few minutes later, both boys were racing upstairs while arguing about who got to use the bathroom first. Their voices faded as they disappeared down the hallway, leaving me alone with Maddox again.
The silence immediately settled between us.
I wrapped both hands around my coffee mug while searching for something to say, because the silence had become unbearable.
“Maddox…”
His eyes lifted to mine.
I swallowed hard, then completely lost my nerve, because what was I supposed to say?
Sorry?
I’d already said it.
I love you?
He already knew.
Please don’t leave me?
The desperation in those words would’ve destroyed what little pride I still had left.
So instead, I stood here looking stupid while my husband waited.
After a few seconds, he finally spoke.
“What?”
The question wasn’t rude or filled with anger. It was his usual, calm tone.
I looked down at my coffee before quietly answering, “Nothing.”
For a moment, neither one of us moved. Then Maddox looked away and took another drink of water, and just like that, another opportunity slipped through our fingers.
Not because we didn’t have something to say, but because neither one of us seemed to know how to say it anymore.
The rest of the morning moved in a blur.
One minute I was standing in the kitchen staring at my husband.
The next, the boys were running through the house looking for shoes that had somehow disappeared overnight.
Between finding Michael’s missing sock, making sure MJ had his jacket, and reminding both of them to stop wrestling before somebody got hurt, there wasn’t much room left to think.
Honestly, I was grateful for that.
Thinking had become dangerous. Every time my mind got too quiet, it found its way back to the same place.
Therapy...
By the time the boys finally made it downstairs, Maddox was already waiting by the front door.
“Ya’ll got everything?”
“Yeah.”
“No.”
Both answers came at the same time.
Maddox sighed and shook his head,
I smiled.
Five minutes later, the boys were loaded into his truck and pulling out of the driveway. I stood on the porch watching them leave until they were out of sight.
Then I was alone.
The second the house went quiet, the anxiety came rushing back.
“Shit...”
I planted my hands on my hips and slowly let out a breath. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe we should’ve never agreed to this. Maybe sitting in a room with a stranger wasn’t going to change anything.
The thoughts came fast. Too fast. One after another until I felt myself spiraling again.
Immediately, I shook my head.
No…
I wasn’t doing this…
Not today…
I’d spent enough time assuming the worst. Enough time convincing myself there was no hope.
Today was supposed to be different. Today was supposed to be the beginning of us trying.
Whether it worked or not was another conversation, but at least we were trying.
At least Maddox was showing up. At least he hadn’t quit.
I held onto those thoughts as I headed upstairs. They carried me through fixing my makeup, changing my earrings twice, and checking the clock every five damn minutes.
By the time I heard Maddox’s truck pulling back into the driveway, my nerves were completely shot.
I grabbed my purse and hurried downstairs before I could talk myself out of going. A few moments later, the front door opened and closed, announcing his arrival.
Neither one of us spoke right away.
The tension was already there, waiting and living between us.
His eyes briefly met mine before dropping to my purse.
“You ready?”
The question was simple. Normal. Yet my heart immediately started pounding because there it was—the point of no return.
Once we walked out that door, there would be no pretending. No distractions. No kids. No work. No excuses.
Just us…
…and the truth.
I tightened my grip around the strap of my purse before nodding.
“Yeah.”
Maddox held the door open.
I walked past him, close enough to smell his cologne. Close enough to remember what it felt like when being near him didn’t hurt.
The memory hit harder than I expected, and by the time we climbed into the truck, my stomach was in knots all over again.
The ride was quite as I stared out the passenger window while absentmindedly twisting my wedding ring around my finger. Maddox noticed.
Of course he noticed.
The man had always noticed everything.
Still, he didn’t say anything, and honestly, neither did I, because for the first time in my life, I was terrified of hearing what my husband really thought.
The drive felt longer than it actually was.
Maybe because neither one of us had much to say. Maybe because every mile brought us closer to a conversation I’d spent years avoiding. Whatever the reason, by the time Maddox pulled into the parking lot, my nerves were so shot I thought I might actually throw up.
For a few seconds, neither one of us moved. The truck was in park, the engine still running, yet somehow we both sat here staring straight ahead.
Outside, people came and went through the glass doors without a second thought. Meanwhile, I was sitting in the passenger seat trying not to overthink what was about to happen.
I failed miserably…
“What if this don’t work?” The words slipped out before I could stop them, and immediately, I regretted saying them.
Maddox didn’t answer right away. His hands remained on the steering wheel while his eyes stayed fixed on the windshield.
Finally, he spoke in a nonchalant voice. “Then it don’t work.”
The response shouldn’t have surprised me, but it still landed like a punch to the chest. While I was holding onto hope with both hands, Maddox sounded like a man preparing himself for every possible outcome, including the worst one.
I glanced down at my lap. “You always this optimistic?”
A small huff escaped him mouth, letting me know he’d heard me. Then he finally turned off the truck.
“We ain’t gonna know shit if we don’t go inside.” That was the closest thing to encouragement I’d gotten from him in weeks.
Sad as hell, but I’d take it.
Together, we climbed out and headed toward the building. The walk wasn’t long, but it felt awkward anyway. Years ago, Maddox would’ve reached for my hand without thinking. If I was nervous, he’d pull me against his side and tell me everything was gonna be alright.
Now we walked through the parking lot like coworkers headed into a meeting.
Inside, soft music played overhead while a woman behind the front desk greeted us with a polite smile.
“Good afternoon.”
Maddox gave a nod. I managed a smile of my own before checking us in.
A few minutes later, we found ourselves sitting side by side in the waiting room.
Well…
Side by side physically.
Emotionally, we might as well have been sitting on opposite sides of the damn country.
I folded my hands together in my lap while pretending to read one of the magazines sitting on the table. Pretending because I hadn’t actually read a single word. My mind was everywhere.
A movement beside me pulled my attention away from the magazine.
It was Maddox. His foot was tapping. Not aggressively or enough for anybody else to notice, but I noticed.
After all these years, I knew his tells. Whenever Maddox got irritated, he’d rub his beard. Whenever he was deep in thought, he’d stare off into space like he was doing now, and whenever he was nervous about something, his foot tapped.
The discovery caught me off guard. Not because he was nervous, because it meant he cared.
Maybe not about me. Maybe not about the marriage. But something about today mattered enough to get under his skin.
For the first time all afternoon, a tiny bit of hope crept in.
Then the waiting room door opened.
A woman stepped out holding a clipboard. Her eyes moved between us before she smiled.
“Maddox and Luciana Creed?”
Every muscle in my body tightened.
Beside me, Maddox stood first. Without saying a word, he held the door open and waited for me to walk through.
The gesture was small, insignificant, even, yet my stupid heart noticed it anyway, because after everything that had happened, Maddox Creed was still being Maddox Creed, and for the first time all day, I realized I wasn’t afraid of the therapist.
I was afraid of what would happen if she couldn’t help us.
The office was smaller than I expected. There was no giant desk separating everybody. No cold, clinical feeling. Just three comfortable chairs arranged in a circle with a small table sitting between them. A box of tissues rested on top.
The sight immediately irritated me, because seeing tissues in a therapist’s office felt like somebody already knew tears were coming, and judging by the knot sitting in my throat, they probably were.
“Have a seat wherever you’d like.”
The therapist smiled as she motioned toward the chairs.
Maddox waited for me to sit first before choosing the chair beside mine. Not too close. Not too far. Just enough space to remind me of where we stood.
The therapist settled into her chair and glanced down at her notes.
“I’m Dr. Reynolds.”
After introducing herself, she spent the next few minutes explaining confidentiality, boundaries, and what to expect from the sessions. I listened.
At least I think I did.
Truthfully, most of it sounded like background noise because my focus wasn’t on her.
It was on my husband.
On the way he sat with his hands clasped together. On the fact that he hadn’t looked at me once since we’d walked into the room. On the reality that this was really happening.
Eventually, Dr. Reynolds set her notebook aside, and the room fell quiet.
Then she asked the question I should’ve known was coming.
“So…” Her eyes moved between us. “Why are you here?”
It was a simple question with an complicated as hell answer.
I opened my mouth, then closed it again because where the fuck was I supposed to start? With the emails? The pregnancy? The lies? The marriage? The fact that my entire life had exploded in my face?
Before I could figure it out, Maddox spoke.
“My wife kept a secret from me.”
He was straight to the point with no emotion or dramatic speech. Just… the truth.