11. Maddox Creed #5
The therapist said my name softly, probably trying to keep the room under control, but I was still seated. Still calm enough. Still trying my best not to lose my shit, even though every word coming out of Luciana’s mouth made that harder.
I looked at Dr. Reynolds for the first time since the confession.
“I’m good…”
She studied me for a second before nodding once.
Then my attention went right back to Luciana.
“You remember that conversation we had, or you forgot that too?”
She closed her eyes.
I knew she remembered.
That was the fucked-up part.
She remembered all of it.
I had told her I wanted to get out of the street side of the business before bringing another child into this world.
I had told her I wanted everything clean.
Legit. No more moving one way in public and another way behind closed doors.
I was tired of living with one foot in the old life and one foot in the new one.
Tired of carrying shit I didn’t want my children ever having to understand.
She knew that…
She knew I wasn’t saying no forever.
I was saying not yet.
I wanted time.
I wanted us to get our lives in order before we brought another child into the middle of everything we already had going on, and she knew that because I’d told her.
“You sat there and listened while I explained all of that,” I said, my voice steady even though everything inside me was threatening to come apart.
“You heard me say I wanted to move different this time. You heard me say I wanted to get shit in order first. You heard me say I didn’t want to bring another baby into the middle of all this until I knew I was really out of it. ”
Across from me, Luciana nodded through her tears.
“I know…”
“You know,” I repeated with a hostile laugh. “That’s what makes this shit worse. You knew exactly how I felt, and you still did what you wanted to do anyway.”
Her shoulders started shaking as she cried harder.
“I thought?—”
“That was the problem,” I cut in, my voice still calm enough to make my own skin crawl. “You thought. You always thinking for both of us.”
The room fell silent. Even Dr. Reynolds didn’t interrupt this time, because there it was.
The real wound. It wasn’t just the birth control. It wasn’t just the pregnancy. It was the pattern.
I leaned forward, keeping my eyes locked on Luciana.
“You thought I couldn’t handle knowing Gia was pregnant. You thought you knew what was best for Nylah. You thought you could protect our relationship by keeping me in the dark.” I shook my head slowly. “Now I’m finding out you thought you could decide when we had another child too.”
Luciana covered her mouth with a trembling hand.
I watched her for a second before letting out a slow breath.
“Do you hear yourself?” I asked. “Do you hear how crazy all that sounds?”
She lowered her hand, and when she spoke, her voice came out fast and desperate. “I wasn’t trying to trap you.”
I didn’t respond right away and just looked at her, because the fucked-up part was… I believed her.
I didn’t think Luciana was some evil woman sitting around plotting ways to ruin my life. I didn’t think she’d gotten pregnant to trap me financially or force me to stay in a marriage I wanted out of.
I knew her better than that.
The problem was, understanding her intentions didn’t erase what she’d done.
“I believe that,” I finally said.
For the briefest second, hope flashed across her face, but I killed it just as fast.
“But that don’t make it better…” The hope disappeared almost instantly. “You wanted another baby. You wanted a daughter. You wanted to fix something inside yourself, and instead of talking to me, you made another decision that changed my life without giving me a damn say in it.”
Dr. Reynolds finally leaned forward.
“Mr. Creed,” she said gently, “I want to pause there for a moment.”
My jaw tightened.
“Pause for what?”
“Because you’re identifying something important,” Dr. Reynolds said calmly. “You’re not only reacting to this pregnancy. You’re reacting to a loss of choice.”
I just sat here looking at her.
A loss of choice.
That was it.
That was the part I hadn’t been able to put into words.
Every betrayal somehow led back to the same place. Somebody else deciding what I deserved to know. Somebody else making choices that should’ve belonged to me. Somebody else taking pieces of my life into their own hands and convincing themselves they were doing it for the right reasons.
I rubbed my hand across my face before looking back at Luciana.
“You took my choice from me.”
The words broke something inside her.
“Maddox…” she whispered, tears spilling down her face. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
I believed she meant every word. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was that apologies couldn’t give me back what had already been taken.
With a heavy sigh, I stood. I wasn’t trying to storm out or make a scene. It was just, sitting here another second just felt impossible.
Dr. Reynolds leaned forward.
“Maddox… Mr. Creed.”
“I need a minute,” I told her, holding up my hand before she could say anything else.
Behind me, I heard Luciana say, “Maddox… please.”
I squeezed my eyes shut for a second.
Looking at her would’ve made everything harder, and I was already hanging on by a thread. One more confession. One more apology. One more explanation…
I couldn’t do it.
I reached for the doorknob and stood here with my hand wrapped around it, trying to slow my breathing before I said the one thing that had been sitting on my chest since her little confession, because now it was all clear.
Her suddenly wanting a daughter. Her stopping the birth control. It was all fucking clear.
“I never needed another child to replace the one I already had.” The room went completely quiet when I uttered those words. My hand tightened around the knob as I finished. “I needed my daughter.”
Without waiting for a response, I stepped into the hallway and quietly pulled the door closed behind me.
I didn’t move right away.