Chapter 27
Twenty-Seven
Maddy was sitting very still.
She felt aware of how small the enclosed space beneath the massage table was.
And Eva. Eva, who was right there.
Maddy’s arm was still in contact with Eva’s. Neither of them had pulled away.
‘The game might be over already—’ Maddy said, trying to find a way back to the world outside this table.
‘Yeah,’ Eva said.
But neither of them moved.
And that was the moment something in Maddy shifted.
Because she could keep pretending. She could keep telling herself the same things she had been telling herself since the moment she met Eva, that this was nothing, that this was the stress of getting married, some mad expression of cold feet.
And she could remind herself that she was getting married. That her mother was somewhere in the building, trying to find her. That her future sister-in-law could be listening at the door right now.
She could keep all that in mind. She just didn’t.
It was like someone had quietly removed the scaffolding from her thoughts and left her standing on something much more fragile and dangerous.
She wanted… No. Not wanted. Desired. That was the only true word for this.
Maddy desired Eva.
Not in the vague way she wanted most things in her life. Like wanting a good meal when she was hungry. Or sleep when she was tired. Or time to sit and read a good book.
It went deeper than all of that. This was physical, hormonal, emotional, intellectual and sexual desire.
Desire that didn’t care about timing, or logic, or the fact that she was supposed to love someone else.
Desire that didn’t behave like her attraction to Adam.
This wasn’t the snail’s pace creep of her relationship with him, to a comfortable companionship that fit like old slippers.
It was so much more immediate than that.
More pressing. More terrifying. More now.
Oh god. This was how it happened. Maddy could understand it all now.
Every time she’d read a book where someone wrecked their own life for simple passion, Maddy had simply tutted and turned the page.
She’d never understood the fuss. Wasn’t it just sex, ultimately? A pleasant, yet fleeting sensation?
But now she knew. It wasn’t just sex. It was more than that. This was the feeling that made you do it. This was the feeling that you would willingly ruin your life for. This need to touch Eva.
Maddy turned her head. Eva was already looking at her. There was something unreadable in her expression.
Maddy felt the decision form without her permission. It felt less something she chose, more something she gave in to, like a pull she’d been resisting finally tightening until resistance simply fell away.
‘I really didn’t mean it,’ Maddy said softly.
Eva nodded. ‘I know.’
Maddy shook her head. ‘No, I mean… The word was gross. But I also didn’t mean the spirit of it. When you said I was… hot. I didn’t react honestly. I didn’t react how I felt.’
This was the moment, Maddy realised. The last easy exit. The last chance to laugh it off, to retreat.
She could still do that. She should do that.
‘No?’ Eva said after a second.
‘Did you mean what you said?’ Maddy asked. ‘Or were you just playing?’
Eva shook her head. ‘I said it because I meant it.’ She sighed. ‘And I think you know that.’
She did. Incredibly, Maddy knew that it was real. Somehow, this was completely mutual.
Maddy felt every cell in her body push forward slightly. In the only direction there was. Towards Eva Givens.
Her hand moved at some point. She didn’t remember deciding to do it, but it was there now, resting lightly against Eva’s wrist.
Eva glanced down at it. Then back up. She didn’t pull away.
Maddy’s pulse thudded. This was happening. She was doing this.
‘Maddy—’ Eva started.
Maddy didn’t let her finish. She leaned in. It wasn’t dramatic. It wasn’t even particularly fast. It was careful. Like she was giving Eva time to stop her.
But Eva didn’t.
Their foreheads brushed first, a soft, accidental contact that made every hair on Maddy’s body stand on end. Then Eva’s gaze dropped to her mouth. That was it. That was all it took to push Maddy over the very last hurdle.
Their lips met. Soft and brief but so fucking real. Maddy felt it everywhere. In her chest, in her stomach, in the way her fingers tightened instinctively against Eva’s wrist. For the first time in a long time, maybe ever, she was doing exactly what she wanted to do.
Eva inhaled sharply against her mouth, surprised, but not pulling away. For a fraction of a second, Maddy thought, It won’t end at this. It can’t. I’m gonna…
The door handle rattled. ‘Maddy?’ came Kelly’s voice. ‘Are you in here?’
Maddy jerked back like she’d been burned. Panic seized her. ‘Oh my god,’ she hissed. She remembered where she was. Who she was.
‘Maddy?’ Kelly called again, and the door clicked open.
Maddy squeezed her eyes shut.
Please don’t look under the table. Please don’t look under the table.
Kelly’s footsteps clicked away, and then the door closed.
Maddy didn’t move. Eva was still right there. Maddy’s lips were still tingling.
Neither of them spoke. There was nothing to say.
Maddy climbed out. ‘I’m sorry, I’m clearly drunk,’ she declared to the room. A lie, obviously. She’d barely touched any booze today. But it was the only escape. The only way back to her life. If Eva would allow it.
But there was still danger in the air. And the massage table looked a lot more comfortable from above. If Eva pressed this…
Eva, still crawling out, sighed. ‘Yes, of course.’
‘And I’m getting married,’ she added.
‘I’m aware of that,’ Eva said.
‘To a man.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Please stop saying that.’
‘I am, though. I’m losing it. That’s the only explanation. I shouldn’t have…’
‘I shouldn’t have either,’ Eva agreed sadly. ‘It’s so… unprofessional.’
That word pissed on what was left of the bonfire. Because it put them squarely in their roles. The bride and the wedding planner. The woman who was getting married and the woman who was making that happen. That’s who they were. That’s all they could be. Two-second lip presses aside.
It was fine. It was going to be fine. Temporary insanity, that was all it was. You could murder someone and use that as a defence. And if it was a strong enough excuse for stealing a life, then it was more than strong enough for stealing a kiss.
‘I think I need to go back.’
‘Yeah,’ Eva agreed.
Maddy went to the door and put her hand on it.
There’s still time. You don’t have to open this door. You could even lock it. The table…
But she didn’t heed that voice any longer. It was quieter now and would soon shut up. Because she was Maddy. And she was getting married to Adam. It was decided.
She opened the door and walked out without looking back.