Chapter 30
Thirty
Eva discovered in the months that followed (or perhaps more accurately rediscovered) that there were two very effective ways to get over something: time and work. Time, unfortunately, was slow and unreliable. Work, on the other hand, was immediate, demanding, and relentless. She leaned into that.
Wedding planning, in particular, was an excellent form of avoidance if you approached it with intensity. Which Eva always had. But there was always further to go.
Because there was always something urgent, something teetering on the edge of disaster that required her full attention.
Florists who misread briefs. Caterers who forgot dietary requirements.
Bridesmaids who developed personal disputes with the ferocity of international conflicts.
Eva tackled it all with focus and efficiency unknown, smoothing, fixing, anticipating problems before they fully formed.
It required precision, calm, and the ability to prioritise other people’s emotions over her own.
She did not think about Maddy. Or, at least, the thought never got a real foothold.
The fact that she had left the spa without saying goodbye helped. It was a cold act. That was good. If she’d cared, she wouldn’t have snuck out. Therefore, she didn’t care about it. Beyond some shame, of course.
She was up to her eyeballs in seating charts for the upcoming (and unfortunately named) Seaman-Cox wedding when her phone rang. She answered without checking the screen, her attention on the spreadsheet.
‘Eva speaking.’
There was a pause. ‘Hi, love.’
Eva froze. It had been years since she’d heard that voice, and even longer since it sounded like this. Clear and sharp.
‘Mum?’ Eva asked carefully. But she wasn’t questioning who the speaker was. More the idea of getting a call from her like they were a normal mum and daughter.
‘Yeah. It’s me.’
Eva closed her laptop slowly. ‘Are you okay?’ she asked because it was the only place to start.
‘I got my chip today,’ Patsy said. ‘One year.’
Eva didn’t speak immediately. ‘One year,’ she eventually repeated.
‘Yeah,’ Patsy said. ‘I thought you should know.’
Eva leaned back in her chair, her free hand pressing lightly against her forehead. A year. That wasn’t nothing. Not for Patsy. But it wasn’t enough for Eva.
‘That’s…’ she began, knowing it would be easy to wreck this for Patsy, then stopped. No point raking her over the coals. It wouldn’t change anything. ‘That’s really good, Mum.’
‘I know I’ve said it before,’ Patsy went on, quickly now, as if she needed to get it out before she lost her nerve. ‘About things being different. But this time, it actually is. I can do it this time.’
‘Is this call a step?’ Eva asked. ‘Amends?’
There was quiet for a moment. ‘I’m not going to do it if you don’t want it. And I could imagine you wouldn’t.’
Eva glanced out of the window, her reflection faint against the glass.
‘Have you heard from Dad?’ she asked after a moment, deciding not to tackle the question of whether she wanted to be apologised to for such a terrible start to her existence.
Patsy exhaled, slower this time. ‘No. We split up when I went into rehab.’
Eva nodded, absorbing that without surprise. Their relationship had always been held together by habit. One in particular.
‘Do you know where he is?’
‘Around,’ Patsy said vaguely. ‘He’ll be fine.’
That was probably true. Jeff had always had a way of landing on his feet, regardless of what happened to anyone else in the process. She wasn’t expecting an amends call from him anytime soon.
‘And you?’ Patsy asked, her tone shifting slightly. ‘How are you?’
Eva hesitated, just briefly. There were a dozen possible answers. But none that her mother deserved.
‘I’m good,’ she said finally. ‘Work’s busy.’
‘Still fixing everyone else’s weddings?’
‘Something like that.’
Patsy gave a small, familiar laugh. ‘You were always good at sorting things out.’
‘Someone had to.’
Patsy took a big pause. ‘I don’t want anything,’ she said after a moment. ‘Just wanted you to know. About the year.’
‘I’m glad you told me,’ Eva said. And she was.
After they hung up, Eva sat for a while without moving, her phone still in her hand. The spreadsheet waited on her screen. The problem she had been solving hadn’t gone anywhere. Everything was exactly as it had been before the call.
And yet, something felt off. She wanted to talk to someone about it. She wanted to talk to…
She picked her phone up again without quite deciding to, her thumb hovering for a second as if it might move on its own.
But Eva didn’t allow it to head anywhere it might have had in mind. Even if things hadn’t happened, even if there were topics that might be uprooted, even if there was no tension, they didn’t know each other like that.
They were strangers.
Eva put her phone down. There were some things she knew how to fix. Some things she could organise. And then there were the things she very deliberately left alone.