Chapter 41
Forty-One
Maddy didn’t mean to hide in the kitchen. She didn’t even really remember a decision to walk away from the wedding party. Suddenly, she was just among yelling and the smell of fried garlic.
‘Sorry, sorry, I’m not… I’ll just…’ she muttered, though no one had actually asked her anything yet, as she hid in the corner.
The kitchen was in motion. Trays slid in and out of ovens, knives hit chopping boards, and two people at the far end of the room were whisper-arguing.
‘We can’t plate yet.’
‘We were supposed to plate ten minutes ago.’
‘Well, we’re not plating for a wedding that hasn’t happened.’
‘It has happened. Twice, arguably.’
‘Not legally.’
‘Is that her? Stood over there? The bride?’
‘No, Brian, the woman in the massive white dress is the new sous chef. Now, stop asking stupid questions and sauté those mushrooms.’
Maddy edged sideways along the wall, trying to make herself smaller.
Her dress rustled traitorously with every movement.
If she’d hated the thing at the start of the day, she wanted to set the fucking thing on fire now.
It had exposed her lower portions to all her friends, work colleagues and family. Not to mention Eva.
A woman carrying a stack of plates paused and took her in. ‘Bride,’ she said, as if identifying a species.
‘Hi,’ Maddy said weakly.
‘Any updates?’
‘They’re just trying to figure out a third location for the wedding,’ Maddy explained.
‘That doesn’t sound very soon.’
God willing, Maddy thought.
The woman called over her shoulder, ‘Hold fire on that soufflé, Carol!’
Maddy moved further down, hovering near a stainless-steel counter like she could disguise herself as a fridge if she tried hard enough.
‘You are spiralling,’ she told herself quietly.
A chef glanced up from veg prep. ‘Sorry?’
‘Not you,’ Maddy said quickly. ‘Me. I’m spiralling.’
The chef gave a small, understanding nod. ‘Crack on, then.’
‘It’s just a coincidence,’ she tried again, softer this time. ‘It’s just a coincidence.’
A burst of laughter came from the far end of the kitchen. One of the servers was recounting the arch taking flight.
‘—and she just went up with it! Feet off the ground!’
‘You’re joking.’
‘I wish I were. Looked like she was about to elope with it. She’s been sent home.’
‘Is she flying there?’
Unpleasant laughter ensued. Then the storyteller thought better of it. ‘No, but she probably does have a bit of PTSD,’ the man said more quietly.
‘Okay,’ Maddy said to herself, very quietly. ‘Okay. Think.’
Option one: Go back out there. Reset. Try again. Third time’s the charm, everyone laughs, she marries Adam, they eat slightly delayed chicken, and it all becomes a funny story.
Option two: Don’t.
The problem was, she didn’t know what don’t looked like.
Could she really call it off? Right now? Walk out and say, ‘Sorry, everyone, the wind and I have had a discussion, and it’s raised some valid points. Let’s just give up.’
And then there was the other thing.
Maddy pressed her fingers briefly to her lips. Damn. Can’t do with your uncle.
She could still go back out there. Smile. Take Adam’s hands. Very nearly mean it. But the universe had had other ideas, and there was doubt. Real, solid, impossible-to-ignore doubt.
Not about Adam, exactly. About herself. About what she was doing. About why she was doing it. About whether she had been moving forward simply because she’d been pushed.
A tray clattered down beside her, making her jump.
‘Sorry,’ a server said. ‘Didn’t mean to—’
‘No, it’s fine,’ Maddy said quickly. ‘I’m jumpy.’
‘Understandable,’ the server said, glancing at her with something like sympathy. ‘You’ve had a mare of a day.’
Maddy let out a small, breathless laugh. ‘A mare indeed,’ she echoed.
The server hesitated, then added, ‘That Ralph guy is supposed to be on it. I’m sure if you go and find him, he’ll have it sorted by now.’
Maddy nodded slowly, staring at her reflection in a polished metal prep surface, slightly distorted, but recognisable enough. She was not the coiffed bride she’d been at the start of the day. Between falling plaster, vicious winds, and lips, she was kind of a mess.
‘Right,’ she said.
The server lingered for half a second, then moved on.
Maddy stayed where she was.