Chapter 52
Fifty-Two
The door had barely clicked shut and Eva realised that this was either the worst idea anyone had ever had, or the best one. But either way, she and Maddy were in it now. And it was a mid-priced Parisian hotel room. Boundaries had officially left the building.
Maddy walked in with the hysterical laugh of someone who had been running on madness for a while and knew it was about to run out. She kicked off her trainers.
‘I can’t believe we actually left the country tog—’
But Eva kissed her before the sentence could finish.
Maddy made a startled noise as Eva pushed her gently back against the door, hands instinctively grabbing Eva’s shoulders.
There was no more pretence left that they weren’t desperate to sleep together.
No pretending they were only associates.
They were just the people who hadn’t dared dream of this moment.
‘We should probably—’ Maddy managed eventually.
‘Probably what?’
‘You’ve gone through a lot today, too. Maybe you should slow down.’
Eva shook her head slightly, forehead resting briefly against hers. ‘Absolutely not.’
That made Maddy laugh again, though the laugh dissolved almost immediately into another kiss, and after that, things became difficult to track.
There were experiences in life where time behaved strangely, and apparently, this was one of those times. One minute, they were standing by the door, still wearing half their clothes and most of their emotional baggage, and the next, they were somehow on the bed, breathing hard.
The room itself disappeared quickly from relevance. The only real thing in the room anymore became Maddy.
There was a moment where Eva had the absurd thought that perhaps they should discuss what this meant and where they were going before continuing. But then Maddy kissed her again, and thankfully, that idea passed. Months of almosts collapsed under the sheer relief of finally not having to stop.
At first, Maddy moved like someone afraid of doing the wrong thing. Her hands hovered before settling. She kept glancing up as though checking for permission she already had, breath catching every time Eva touched her back or pulled her closer.
But that nervousness lasted maybe two minutes.
Something in Maddy seemed to snap into focus the moment Eva made a soft growl against her mouth.
After that, hesitation gave way to intent so quickly it almost made Eva laugh.
Maddy kissed as though she had remembered herself.
Her hands stopped wavering. She guided instead of following.
Every trace of uncertainty disappeared into the startling realisation that she liked being in control very, very much.
Eva discovered this mostly by becoming incapable of coherent thought.
‘Sweet Jesus, Maddy,’ Eva managed once, breathless.
Maddy pulled back just enough to look at her. There was colour high in her cheeks, eyes bright with the dangerous realisation that she was very good at this.
‘What?’ she asked.
Eva could barely speak but managed to say one thing. ‘Don’t stop.’
And afterwards—much later afterwards—the room softened into quiet. The afternoon light had turned golden. Eva lay staring at the ceiling, attempting to reconstruct the chain of events that had led them here, and failing completely.
Beside her, Maddy shifted onto one elbow. ‘OK,’ she said to herself.
‘OK, what?’
‘OK, so I’m definitely a l-l-lesbian,’ Maddy stuttered out, a little of the old Maddy returning. But given the circumstances, it was understandable.
Eva looked over. ‘Not bi?’
Maddy shook her head. ‘No. I don’t want to go into too much detail about my, er, former fiancé, but the disparity in experiences is absurd.’
Eva didn’t want to act too pleased about that, so she simply took Maddy’s hand and held it quietly while Maddy let the confirmation percolate.
‘What happens now?’ Maddy asked eventually. Someone had to ask it sooner or later.
Eva turned to look at her. There was worry in Maddy’s expression. Not panic exactly, but perhaps the understandable concern of someone who had just detonated her entire life.
And the truthful answer was: Eva had no idea what happened now.
There would, presumably, be consequences. Conversations. Logistics. All the grim administrative tasks involved in dismantling one future and attempting to construct another.
But none of that felt remotely real yet. It didn’t have to.
Eva brushed a strand of hair away from Maddy’s face. ‘I don’t know,’ she admitted.
Maddy studied her for a second. Then, unexpectedly, smiled. ‘Good.’
‘Good?’
‘Yeah.’ She settled back beside Eva again. ‘We don’t have to figure out everything immediately.’
Eva exhaled slowly.
Then Maddy asked, ‘Are you okay?’
‘God, I don’t know,’ Eva said with a light laugh. ‘But I’m happy. I do know that.’
And she was. Better, she felt contentment.
She’d never felt contentment. Not ever. She had worried that letting her feelings loose made her like her parents, a couple of chaotic addicts with no self-control.
But she wondered now, and this was incredible, if she’d been more like them before today than she realised.
All that control. She’d taken it too far, swung too hard in the other direction.
She and her parents, both living at extremes. Both bad.
Eva was finding her middle. And she liked it.
‘How long is the honeymoon booked for?’ she asked Maddy.
Maddy smiled. ‘Ten days.’
‘Right,’ Eva said. ‘Then I think it’s reasonable to assume we won’t be leaving this room for at least a week.’
Maddy laughed into the pillow. ‘I really hope that’s true. I’ve got a lifetime of catching up to do.’
Eva sighed and gave her a cheeky smile. ‘You’d never have known it.’
Maddy flicked her a nervous look. ‘Honestly?’
‘I’d have thought that was obvious,’ Eva told her.
‘I mean, you did seem… happy. But I didn’t want to get my hopes up.’
‘Get them up. Get them way up,’ Eva grinned.
Eva watched Maddy giggle and marvelled at the ease that had somehow arrived despite the chaos waiting outside the hotel walls.
And for the first time, the questions of a future outside her planner didn’t frighten her. They were beautifully unwritten.