Chapter 4 #2
“Where have you disappeared off to, Ellie?” Katy asks. “You looked a million miles away then. Were you thinking about Owen?”
“No. No, I really wasn’t. In fact, Owen who?”
“That’s the spirit.”
I finish my wine, and she asks if I want another bottle. I shake my head. I’ve had enough, and she has a hot date with her non-BF to get too.
“I’m okay, thanks Katy. But… Do you… do you believe in fate?”
“Wow. That’s a big question. Um, I don’t know, babe.
I mean, life sometimes feels chaotic, and I think maybe us puny humans like to believe there’s more reason to things than there is?
I say this as someone who grew up in a big Irish family and went to Mass every Sunday.
I don’t know if God—or yes, I know, Goddess—is real, but I do know religion can be a source of comfort for people.
Same way that others believe in star signs, or destiny, or whatever.
Why do you ask? No, hold that thought. I’m getting us a cocktail for this conversation. No arguments.”
She’s back before I know it, holding two tall glasses, both neon pink. “What the hell is in that?”
She shrugs. “No clue. I just asked the bartender to make me something that suited me.”
She sips it and grimaces. “And apparently, he thinks a drink that’s bright pink but lethal fits the bill.”
I laugh, taking in her pretty blonde hair and her cute button nose. She’s petite and looks harmless, but she’s one of the strongest people I know. I think the bartender nailed it.
“So, why are you asking about fate? What’s happened? There’s something. Tell Auntie Katy all about it.”
“Mmm, well. It’s about a guy.”
“Another one?” One eyebrow raises. I’m usually not juggling men the way she is.
“Yeah, another one. The only thing Owen was fated for was me kicking him out of my life. No, this guy…well, you know I did some traveling after college?”
“Yes. Your big tour. Europe and North Africa, right?”
“Right. So, near the end of it, I was in Marrakech, and I met this guy.”
She leans forward, her chin propped up into the palms of her hands, eyes twinkling.
“That sounds promising. An exotic lover from a distant land?”
“Far from it. He was American, funnily enough. And he wasn’t my lover.
I hoped he would be, but it was a swing and a miss.
” I grimace, feeling a wash of embarrassment.
I don’t need to be embarrassed around Katy, but still, it’s a powerful emotion.
Not even your best friend can silence your insecurities forever.
“He rejected you?” she says, sounding incredulous.
“I know, right?” I say, gesturing down at myself. At the ass that spills over the sides of the bar stool and the too-large breasts that stop me from ever looking elegant, no matter what I wear. “Who’d have thought he could say no to all this?”
She frowns. “I don’t like your tone, Ellie. Don’t talk about yourself like that, even as a joke. You’re beautiful, and if he rejected you, again—his loss.”
I nod. I know she means it, but it’s the second time that phrase has passed her lips tonight. There’s only so many times you can tell yourself it’s ‘their loss’ before the self-doubt starts to creep in.
“You’re right. I am, and I stand corrected. But that doesn’t change what happened. We had this great evening together. One of those where you just talk and talk, and share stories, and gaze into each others’ eyes. The ones where you feel like you’ve swapped parts of your soul, you know?”
She tilts her head, lips pursed. “Not really, sweetie. I’m not made that way. But I know you are, so I can imagine this must have felt special.”
“It did. It was kind of magical. Right until I basically threw myself at him. I invited him up to my room, and he, uh…he ran away. Said he just wanted to be friends, that he’d had a great night, yada yada yada. He wasn’t in the right place for anything more.”
“Well that doesn’t sound unreasonable. Maybe it was true.”
“It would be easier to believe that if not for the fact that this guy was a sex legend. Katy, I’m not kidding.
Women talked about him wherever I went. He was like this superstar of sex, a stud, the guy who bedded anything with a pulse.
Except me, obviously. He did come round to the hostel the next day, but I hid. ”
Her eyes roll again. Katy’s nothing if not honest. “That sounds mature. Why?”
“I was too embarrassed to see him. I wasn’t sure I could be friends with someone when I’d behaved the way I had. It was really out of character for me at the time, and it took a lot to step outside my comfort zone like that.”
“And as soon as you stepped outside it, he stomped on you?”
I nod and gulp down some of the neon pink cocktail, pulling a face. “I think this has tequila in it. And gin. And vodka. Maybe Bourbon. Shit, I think this has all the alcohol in it. Anyhow. I saw him today.”
Katy splutters out a mouthful of bright alcohol, laughs, and dabs at her face with the napkin I pass her. “You did what now?”
“I saw him. Turns out, he’s my boss’s baby brother.”
She stares at me, mouth open in shock.
“You’ll catch flies,” I tell her.
“What the fuck? He’s Mason’s brother?”
She knows all about my work life, and she’s met Mason once. She pretended to swoon after, he’s so good-looking. Like Elijah, and from the pictures, Nathan and Drake.
As for Maddox. He’s a whole other level. Like all of that James hotness and then some.
“Yep. He just walked right into the office, looking like a slightly older version of himself. Like…oh, like the best sex in the entire world had been distilled into one human being. He is that hot.”
“Oh my God, girl. What did you do? Dry hump his leg?”
I giggle. How would that have turned out? Probably not what Mason would have expected from his super-efficient VP. “I restrained myself. Honestly, I was just shocked to start with. Then embarrassed. Then a little bit pissed.”
“Why pissed? Did he actually do anything that bad to you? Because if he did...”
Suddenly she looks bloodthirsty, and I’m grateful to have this tiny warrior woman in my life.
I am blessed by warrior women, in fact. Maybe I need to be more of one myself.
I lean towards the Gaia side of things, all about peace and groundedness, but I’m sure an earth goddess could also kick some ass if she wanted.
“Not that bad, no, Katy, but in my mind, in the way I feel? Yes. I mean, he flirted with me. He spent the whole evening talking to me, sharing with me. This wasn’t shallow stuff, you know?
It felt real. Special. He led me to believe that maybe there would be more, and then without even a second thought, he shot me down in flames.
He was the king of mixed messages, and it hurt.
It hurt more getting rejected by him because I actually liked him so much.
It wouldn’t have just been a meaningless fuck.
I feel like he played with me—got me to like him, to want him.
And then he made it very clear that he didn’t feel the same. ”
God, even thinking about it is torture. My cheeks are flaming, my pulse is pounding, and I’m reliving that awful humiliation all over again.
Katy lays her hand over mine. I look up and meet her comforting blue eyes. “I’m cancelling Josh. In the immortal words of the blessed saint, mother superior of music, RiRi—Cheers.”
“I’ll drink to that,” I complete, raising my glass to hers.
Fuck Owen. Fuck Maddox. Fuck them all. I have Katy, I have myself. I even have Rihanna. What else do I need?