Chapter 24
Maddox
Ellie and I worked through all of our issues last night in the best possible way—by having fucking spectacular sex for six hours solid.
Even after that, I still woke up a few hours later with a hard-on.
Ellie was asleep, lying peacefully in my arms, while I had the most filthy thoughts about her.
Being the incredible woman she is, she eventually woke up, murmuring my name.
Then she snuggled in close and discovered my problem.
Except she didn’t see it as a problem. She saw it as an opportunity and slid down beneath the sheets to take me into her mouth.
My girl gives the best head I have ever had in my whole damn life.
She really is incredible, and I can’t get enough of her.
She’s gone to work now, and I should be working too.
The investment bank has asked for a few follow-up details to my proposal, and I need to provide them.
Except I can’t concentrate. My mind just keeps wandering back to Ellie.
I imagine going to her office and fucking her on her desk, or up against the window like we discussed.
I talk myself out of that because I know she’s busy too, but then immediately I think about meeting her after work and getting her home and naked again straight away.
The thought that we haven’t even planned anything, that I haven’t asked her if she wants to see me tonight, is an irritating technicality.
Except it isn’t. I’m obsessed with her, and it worries me.
I have an addictive personality. I don’t totally understand it.
Some complex mix of genetics, psychology and life experience, I guess, but it’s just how I’m made.
It’s why I go to meetings. It’s why I don’t drink or do even the most innocent of recreational drugs.
I take this so seriously that my goddamn leg would have to be hanging off before I’d even take a Tylenol.
The way I’m feeling about Ellie right now is familiar. I’m obsessed. All I can think about is my next fix—except this time, it’s not cocaine or booze. It’s her. It’s Ellie Madison. Have I swapped one addiction for another? And is that fair to her?
I have no clue, and I don’t want to talk about it at my meetings.
It feels too personal somehow, sharing Ellie with a roomful of strangers.
I throw down my pen. Not like I was making any progress on my paperwork anyway.
A glance at my watch tells me it’s only ten fucking a.m. She hasn’t even been gone that long.
I was inside her a little over an hour ago, and I’m already thinking about how to get there again.
I don’t understand what’s happening to me.
I need help. I get out my cell, which I’m slightly more familiar with, and send out an SOS to my brothers.
We rarely do this, but all of us respond when we do.
It’s like the Batphone—only to be used in dire emergencies.
One by one their replies come in, with Elijah finally taking charge and instructing us all to be at Mulligan’s at one.
He’s booked the back room so we’ll have our privacy.
I turn up slightly late. I had to have several cold showers before I got out of the house, or I would have walked into the pub with a raging boner and someone might have called the cops.
My brothers are all waiting for me in the quiet back room of the posh Irish bar, platters of sandwiches out on the table along with drinks.
I flop down into a chair and glug down some lemonade. Fuck, it’s hot out there.
I look around the table at my brothers. Every one of them is wearing a stylish designer business suit and polished shoes. Mason has no tie and his top button is undone, but he still looks he’s stepped out of a photoshoot for Esquire. Meanwhile I’m in sweats and an old tee I’ve had since Morocco.
They eye me with concern, and I know it’s not because of my outfit. It’s because I called them here like this.
“You okay buddy?” Nathan takes the lead. “It’s not like you to send out an SOS.”
“It’s not like you to even use your phone,” Mason adds. “What’s going on Mad?”
I rub my face in my hands. Shit. They all look so worried. “You know I was celibate, right?”
“Uh, yeah,” Drake answers, a sub halfway to his mouth. “We noticed.”
“Yeah, okay. But you know I didn’t go down that path because I was addicted to sex, right?
It was more because it was meaningless to me.
I wasn’t even enjoying it. It was just a distraction from what I was really feeling, what I really needed to deal with.
And maybe, you know, maybe it was all part of a bigger picture—that I needed better control of myself.
But I wasn’t addicted to sex, I absolutely promise you. ”
“Okay, and …?” Elijah asks, his gray eyes filled with worry. “What are you saying Maddox? That now you’ve broken your celibacy you might break other things? Are you worried that you’re losing control?”
He keeps his voice even, but I can hear the stress coming through.
It makes perfect sense that they might think that, given that I very dramatically summoned them all here.
This is one of the worst things about being an addict, reformed or not—knowing that your loved ones will always, always be on alert in case you relapse.
“Fuck, no. Honestly, Elijah, all of you, that’s not what’s happening here. I’m sorry if you’ve all been waiting for me to fuck up, wondering if I was using again. I am not, I promise.”
He tries to hide it, but I catch the relief on his face. On all their faces. I love them. They love me. But this shit can get exhausting. I move on to the real issue. “Okay. So. You know how I said I wasn’t addicted to sex?”
“Yeah. Because you said it maybe ninety seconds ago,” Mason says, his brow furrowed in a frown. “Why do you keep repeating it, bro? What the hell is going on?”
I blow out a breath and then inhale another.
“Well, now I think maybe I am addicted to sex, and I don’t know what the fuck to do with it.
It’s Ellie. I can’t keep my fucking hands off her.
I can’t stop thinking about her. Like I want to be inside her all the fucking time.
And when I’m not, I’m busy picturing it.
I see her and my dick is hard. I think about her and my dick is hard.
I can barely focus on anything else. Every waking moment, I’m thinking about sex with Ellie, and usually I’m dreaming about her when I’m asleep too. It’s driving me fucking crazy.”
They all stare at me.
Mason laughs first, and then Drake and Elijah follow suit. Only Nathan remains semi-composed, but even the Iceman’s lips are twitching. I can’t believe what I’m seeing.
“What the fuck? I’m being serious here. I’m worried. I have never felt like this about anyone before. I’m fucking addicted.”
Nathan claps me on the back. “It happens to the best of us, bro. If you’re an addict, then welcome to the club.”
“What the hell do you mean?”
He takes a sip of his Scotch. “Mel only has to smile at me and I want to mount her like an animal. I would retire, move to a desert island, and spend every waking hour of my life doing nothing but fucking her if it was in any way feasible.”
I stare at him and consider whether he’s actually being serious.
Fuck, I think he is.
“Same,” Drake agrees. “I think about sex with Amelia an absurdly crazy amount of times per day. More times than I think about anything else for sure. I was just thinking about it right now, actually. I really need to get back to the office.”
His eyes go misty, and he fidgets in his seat. Amelia is also his part-time secretary, and given the look on his face, I expect they spend more time fucking than working.
Elijah nods. “Good sex is addictive, Mad. And with someone you love, who wants you just as much, it’s explosive and obsessive. It’s nothing to worry about.”
I look to Mason for a little backup. He simply shrugs. “I could fuck King any time, any place. Speaking of which, I also need to get back to the office.”
Christ! Do any of these fuckers actually work when they’re working?
“And I need to get home,” Elijah declares. “Amber is trying some life drawing and I’m her first subject.”
Mason downs his Scotch. “That actually means she’s gonna paint a little, and then they’re gonna fuck in the paint,” he says with a wicked grin.
Jesus. I look around. They’re finishing up their drinks and preparing to leave. They’re all fucking sex addicts. Not to mention assholes. I have never felt more like the baby brother than I do right now.
I direct my attention to Nathan, who I’ve always turned to as the voice of reason.
He calmed me down when I was worried about my anger, and I believed him.
I haven’t felt that rage since, at least not about my brothers.
About Ellie’s bastard of a father, absolutely, but that’s understandable. “Really? That’s all you’ve got for me?”
Nathan grins. “Do you think about sex with anybody else, or is it just Ellie?”
“It’s just her. Obviously.”
“Right. So, you’re not addicted to sex, then, are you? You’re addicted to sex with Ellie. And believe me when I say that’s a good thing.” A round of nods and grunts of agreement.
“So what the fuck are you all saying? That this is perfectly normal?”
Nathan smiles and wraps a brotherly arm around my shoulder.
He squeezes me tight, and for a moment I wonder if he’s going to give me a noogie like he used to when we were kids.
Thankfully, he doesn’t. “No, Mad, it’s not normal.
It’s fucking extraordinary. It’s special and perfect and precious.
And that’s why you shouldn’t ever let it go. Hold on tight, kid.”
I look into his eyes, searching for any sign of deceit. Nope. He totally believes what he’s saying. “Okay,” I breathe a sigh of relief. “Maybe I’m not addicted to sex then. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t a real thing. It’s not something to laugh about.”
“We’re not laughing at sex addicts, you dick,” Mason replies. “We’re laughing at you.”
“You’re not addicted to sex, Mad,” Nathan assures me.
Elijah catches my eye across the table. “No. You’re just in love with your girlfriend.”
His words hit me full-force in the chest. I haven’t been in love since I was seventeen and looking back, I’m not sure if that was real love or obsession. Because of the way it ended, we never got the chance to find out.
This feels completely different. It’s not just sex. That’s just what I focused on. It’s everything about her. Everything about us. Ellie Madison is my fucking world, my shining star. Now that we’ve cleared up that pesky sex addiction fear, I don’t feel the need to shy away from that truth.
Elijah is right. I love Ellie. I would give my dying breath to make her happy.
A smile spreads across my face. “Yeah, I am.”