Chapter 26
Ellie
An hour later we’re back at Maddox’s place. I keep a few of my things here now, but I still like sleeping in his old Foo Fighters t-shirt. I was quiet on the ride home, and as soon as we got here, I disappeared off to the bathroom to get changed.
Maddox joked earlier about ripping my dress off me, but I’m not feeling it right now, and being the emotionally intelligent guy he is, he gave me my space.
I’m upset at how the night ended, but also, I love that dress, I couldn’t abide the waste of a beautiful piece of clothing like that being destroyed.
I hang it up carefully, let my hair down, wipe my face free of makeup, and stare in the mirror.
I’ve removed the surface-level glamour, and now I’m just me.
A size twelve girl with crazy hair. Is that enough for him? Will I ever feel enough for him?
You did until tonight, Ellie.
I go back into the living room and find him on the couch.
There’s music playing in the background.
Aretha Franklin, I think. He’s made us both some cocoa, which is normally one of my absolute favorite things in the whole world.
I sit at the other end of the couch and cradle my mug between my hands.
Even the delicious aroma can’t quite knock me out of my funk.
Maddox is still in his gorgeous tux, but he’s undone his black tie.
It trails down the front of his shirt, and he looks like an off-duty James Bond.
If James Bond was sober and knew about chakras.
“You okay?” he asks as I drink. We often sit together in silence at the end of a busy day. He massages my feet, and we chat, or just read. We both love reading, and it’s a complete joy being with someone you feel comfortable enough to be quiet with.
This silence, though, doesn’t feel as comfortable. I don’t feel comfortable. I put the mug down and play with the necklace he gave me earlier.
“Yes. No. Maybe.”
He smiles gently. “Well, that clears things right up, baby.”
He puts his mug down next to mine and sits closer. He pulls me onto his lap, and when I struggle a little, he clamps his arms around my waist so that I can’t escape. “We’re not having an argument,” he assures me, “but you’re not going anywhere, baby. Not until you tell me what’s bothering you.”
I sigh, give up, and slump down against him. Time to be a big girl, I guess.
“I don’t know, Maddox. I think… No, I’m not being honest. I know that it was my run-in with Laura Boswick that’s knocked me off balance.”
“Laura Boswick?” he echoes.
“Yes, your ex. The one the photographer assumed was your current.”
He nods. “Right. Not exactly my ex, though. We did hook up a few times, but it wasn’t what you’d call a relationship. It wasn’t a good time in my life, and I don’t remember a lot of it. You know I’ve done things I’m not proud of.”
I do, at least some of them. He’s told me about his all-time low.
When he sold his great-grandfather’s precious Navy watch and how Nathan had to get it back.
I know how he used sex as a crutch before his celibacy too.
I’m sure I don’t know everything about Maddox, but he’s shared his lows with me willingly, without hiding them.
I believe him when he says she wasn’t serious or important to him, but I still can’t quite shake what she said.
“What did she say to upset you like this?”
His voice is calm and controlled, soothing.
“She said a lot, and most of it was poisonous crap that doesn’t bear repeating, but one thing stuck in my mind.
She said that basically, you were slumming it with me.
That eventually you’ll be with someone more, uh, appropriate, I guess?
For you, for your family. I can’t help thinking that maybe she was right, and maybe you would be better off with someone like her.
Someone who would look good on your arm when the paparazzi want to take a family shot.
” I feel tears stinging my eyeballs and hate myself for it, but the humiliation is still raw.
“Hey, baby. This isn’t like you,” he answers, soft and reassuring. “Why would you even think something like that? Have I ever given you any reason to think those things?”
I try to shrug out of his embrace, but he holds on too tight. “It’s true though, and you can’t deny it, Mad. That photographer tonight—”
“Was a shallow, dumb-as-fuck prick, Ellie. What does he matter?”
“It wasn’t just him though, was it? Laura and all her friends. And Mrs. McPherson, that old family friend you introduced me to. Did you see how shocked she was when you said I was your girlfriend?”
“Firstly, Laura and the whole crowd she runs with are vapid, real housewife-wannabes with the emotional range of doughnuts. I have zero interest in being with a woman like that. And Mrs. McPherson was shocked because I have a girlfriend, period. Not because it’s you.
She knows my story and was surprised is all.
She also took me to one side later to say how much she liked you. ”
That’s sweet, but I still don’t feel right.
I turn away from him so he won’t see the tears filling my eyes.
When did I become this girl, thinking I’m not good enough just because my body shape doesn’t fit the norm?
Since when did I start letting bullies like Laura get in my head. I’m usually better than this.
Now I feel embarrassed at my lack of pride as well as everything else. I’m overwhelmed with emotion. Sometimes, Goddess forgive me for saying this, being a girl really sucks.
“Ellie?” Maddox says, his voice strained.
I stare into the distance, wishing he’d let me go. Then his strong fingers grip my jaw, and he turns my head so I’m facing him. “I don’t care what anyone thinks except you. Every single person in this world could tell me that Laura is right for me, and it wouldn’t matter. You want to know why?”
“Why?” My voice cracks.
“Because I don’t want her.” He kisses me tenderly, a brief press of his lips on mine.
“I only want you.” Now those lips trail over my jawline, down the side of my neck to the sensitive spot beneath my ear.
His hand slides to the nape of my neck, holding me possessively.
My body responds instinctively, leaning into his.
Aching for him despite my emotional state.
He stares into my eyes, so intense it makes my breath catch.
“You are the only woman I want in my arms, in my bed, and in my life, baby. Have I ever done anything to make you doubt that?”
“No.”
“So, why should we give a single fuck what anyone else thinks?” His mouth travels lower, over my collarbone and down to my chest. He pushes the fabric of the T-shirt aside and brushes his lips across my bare shoulders, making me sigh.
One hand slides up, stroking the flesh of my side. I shudder at the contact.
“We shouldn’t,” I whimper my agreement, now so needy for his touch that I’m starting to forget the rest of the world even exists, never mind what it thinks.
“Come here, baby,” he growls, then lifts me with ease, spinning me until I’m straddling his lap. He takes my hand and places it over his dick, so hard it’s straining at the zipper of his dress pants. “Do you feel that?”
“Yeah.” I gulp. It’s kind of hard to miss.
“That’s what you do to me, El. Nobody else. Just you.” His hand slips between my thighs, and he pulls my thong aside, sliding two fingers through my wet center. “Fuck, I love feeling what I do to you too, baby. So wet for me, huh?”
“Always, Mad.”
He pulls me closer and sucks my nipples through the cotton of the T-shirt.
Somehow the feel of the fabric and the pressure of his strong mouth sends euphoric skyrockets through my whole body.
He pulls back, fingers teasing their firm peaks, clearly outlined beneath the top.
He hums appreciatively. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Ellie. I want you all over me.”
Both of his hands grip my waist firmly, and he positions me directly over his solid length. Then he holds me still and tilts his hips, slowly rocking up into me, the seam of his zipper rubbing against my clit.
“Mad,” I cry out at the powerful and unexpected sensation.
“You’re gonna come on me, El. I want to feel it leaking through to my boxers and then soaking my fucking cock.”
“I’ll ruin your lovely pants,” I protest, aware of how wet I am and the mess I must already be making.
“How can being covered in your cum ruin anything? Let me wear you, baby.”
Aching need pulses between my thighs. It’s so unfair that my body reacts to him like this.
Or maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s exactly the blessing I need right now. A moan pours out of me and I roll my hips, just like he wants. I can’t help myself, it feels so good. He releases his grip slightly, letting me take control. “Oh, that’s it. Just like that, Ellie,” he groans.
“Like that?” I purr, getting lost in the moment, reveling in the delicious friction of his hard length through the fabric and how it hits perfectly. Who knew that sex with your clothes on could be so good?
“Baby,” he groans, the sound filled with need, while one hand glides up my back before fisting in my hair.
“You are fucking perfect.” He holds my head still and seals his mouth over mine, claiming me in a bruising kiss.
It’s dominant and possessive and so incredibly hot that my skin is on fire.
My insides melt. Wetness drips between my thighs.
“Maddox,” I whine his name.
His lips wander over my jawline, teeth gently scraping my skin. “I know, baby. I know. That’s my good girl.”
I glance down, lift my hips and gasp at the mess when I see the stains on his pants.
Maddox grunts with satisfaction. “Look at that. Look what a good girl you are for me.” His arm snakes around my waist, urging me on as I buck my hips. “Take what you need, El. Take it all, because then it’s my turn.”