Chapter 22 Avalon
twenty-two
Avalon
You know, I think you’re taking advantage of me,” Zeke says as I exit my bathroom. He’s still naked. Zeke isn’t one to get dressed after we have sex, not unless he absolutely has to. Since my mom’s at AA for another hour, he has no reason to.
Granted, I don’t mind us sitting naked in my bed after sex, which is new for me.
This whole concept is new to me. I used to be the type of girl to kick a guy to the curb right after he came inside of me, and now I expect Zeke and I to kill some time before we have sex again.
Then he takes a shower and leaves. And, sometimes, if we’re hungry, we’ll order some food in between having sex. It’s like a whole ordeal now.
“By giving you the best sex of your life?” I pull a random t-shirt from my drawer and throw it over my bare body.
“No b—” He stops. His eyes scan my body from head to toe, and he smiles. “By lying to me and saying you burnt my favorite t-shirt.”
“What?” I look down at the shirt I’m wearing. The shirt I stole from him after the first time we slept together. “Fuck. I swear I didn’t know that was in there.”
That’s a lie. I wear it to bed sometimes. Not in the I miss him and want to feel close to him kind of way, but because it’s a really comfortable shirt.
“I don’t think I believe you,” he says as I crawl into bed beside him.
“You can have it back.” I start to take it off, but he grabs the hem, stopping me.
“No, it suits you. Looks way better on you than it ever did on me.”
“I won’t argue with that,” I tease.
“Plus, if I change my mind, I can steal it back after I take it off you later.” He winks, and I shove him away.
“You’re lucky you’re cute. I don’t know if I’d put up with you otherwise.”
“You would. My charm has nothing to do with me being cute. I just have a way with words.”
“Raunchy ones, sure. I don’t know if your vocabulary extends past that.”
“You love it, though.” I feel my cheeks get hot, his eyes studying my face for a moment before going back to scrolling on his phone. “Told you.”
“Shut up.”
He laughs and then puts his phone down on the nightstand, sitting up and turning toward me, “Can I ask you something?”
“I thought I was gonna get out of this conversation.” I groan.
I slowly watch the realization hit his eyes about what conversation I’m talking about. His eyes light up.
“Actually, I wasn’t going to ask about your dislike for commitment; thanks for reminding me, though.”
“What do you wanna know?”
“Has a guy ever spent the night?”
“Nope.”
“Because you don’t do commitments?”
“That, among some other reasons.”
“Are they the same reasons I’m never here past six pm?”
“Maybe.”
“Avalon.”
“Zeke.”
“I told you about my mom, Avalon,” he begins. “Which was hard. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Whatever you’re worried about telling me, I won’t care. I won’t look at you differently because of it. You haven’t done that since finding out about my mom.”
“My mom’s a drug addict,” the words fly out of my mouth, and it’s also like a weight is lifted off my shoulders. “And an alcoholic.”
“Oh.” His eyes soften.
“I honestly don’t remember my life before she was one. She’s sober right now, but she’s been sober before. I don’t really have any hope of it lasting, which sucks because I want it to last. I guess you can say none of the Stewart women know how to commit to anything.”
“Is that why you make sure I’m here when she’s not? So, I don’t see her?”
“I don’t know.” I bite my lip. “I guess I’m just used to it.
Before this, I’d hook up with guys and make sure they were out before two am because that’s when she’d come home all fucked up, and I didn’t want anyone to see her like that.
And now, I guess I don’t know how to not do that?
Does that make sense? I don’t want her to get the wrong idea about this.
And there’s a part of me that still feels like she’ll come through the door high out of her mind. I don’t want you to see that.”
“You know I wouldn’t care, right? We all have shit we’re dealing with. I’d never judge you for her actions.”
“I know.” I take a breath. “It’s just embarrassing.”
“I get that. And what about your dad?”
“I don’t really know him.” I look away. “My mom was a firefighter. A great one, actually. She was in line to become Captain at her firehouse, and then, one night, they got called to this apartment fire. She was on the fourth floor saving a kid, and the floor gave out from under her. She was able to push the kid out of the way, and they walked away with some scrapes and bruises. But my mom fell four floors and got pinned down by some concrete. They were able to revive her at the hospital, but the damage to her leg was too much, and they had to amputate it.”
He rubs his hand up and down my back, a soft-comforting smile on his face.
“She was never the same after that. She became really depressed, and my dad just didn’t care enough to stick around.”
“Not even for you?”
“No. It was easier for my dad to just throw us away than try to stick around for the disaster our lives had become. Mom was the breadwinner, and he was the parent home with me most of the time. After the accident, my grandparents moved into this apartment with us, and he was forced to work more. One day, he went out to get my mom’s pain meds and never came back.
She got the divorce papers a few months later, sending her into a spiral. ”
“You guys all lived here? You’ve lived in this apartment your whole life?” I glance up at him.
“Yeah. It was the only place they could afford when they first got married, and then suddenly, they had me, and life just moved too fast for them. They never caught up, and we never left here.”
“I’m sorry you had to deal with all of that.”
“It’s okay. I had my grandparents. I don’t know who I’d be if it wasn’t for my Abuela. She’s the one who taught me to be resilient.”
“I don’t know if resilience is taught,” he begins. “I’m pretty sure you were born with it. She just helped bring it out.”
“Thanks,” I whisper. “So, that’s why I don’t do relationships.
Even if my mom didn’t choose drugs over me, my dad chose to not be in my life.
I don’t want to give someone that power, you know?
My mom was so in love with my dad. He knew that he was her world, but he still left like it was nothing.
If I don’t let someone in the way she did.
If I don’t love someone with my whole heart… then they can’t hurt me.”
“So, you’ve never been in a relationship?”
“No.”
“You’re dad’s a dick.”
I snort.
“Yeah, he is.”
“You’re better off without him, I hope you know that.”
“Yeah. It doesn’t stop me from wondering what our lives would look like right now, though, if my dad had stuck around.”
“If he stuck around, you probably wouldn’t have met me. You might’ve been a girl who was down for relationships and missed out on the best sex of your life. So, I’m gonna say it was a win.”
And suddenly, we’re back. Back to what this little thing is supposed to be between us.
We’re supposed to be sleeping together. That’s it.
There’s no reason for these deep-seated conversations because, at the end of the day, we aren’t in a relationship.
We have an agreement. And it’s supposed to be fun and light-hearted. And now we’re back to that.
“You’re right. That would’ve been a real shame. Speaking of the best sex of my life, are we gonna get back to that. What’s with all these heartfelt conversations? They’re not the reason I invite you over here.”
“Don’t have to tell me twice.” He grins, wrapping his hands around my waist and pulling my body onto his. The heat from his bare skin sends heat through my veins, and he takes no time sliding his hands under my shirt and flinging it across the room. Leaving our bodies completely bare.
He smiles, gripping my hips a little harder as he pulls my body flush against his, his mouth nipping at my neck.
Then he rolls us over, his body hovering over mine.
His eyes stay on mine as he opens my nightstand drawer and pulls out a condom.
He places the corner of the wrapper between his teeth and, in one swift motion—
he tears it open.