Chapter 42
Lucy pushed open the door and entered the living room.
The Christmas tree, which only yesterday had looked full and vibrant, now looked dried out and droopy.
The tick of Elizabeth’s carriage clock counting the seconds on the still air emphasised the silence of the house.
It was Christmas morning, but she didn’t feel any Christmas magic.
Lucy thought back to all the magical Christmas mornings when she was younger, when she’d barely slept, so excited was she to see what Santa might have brought.
They would throw back the covers and run down the stairs, followed quickly by their mother and Nanna.
Their joyous shrieks and excited squeals rang around the cottage.
Even now they were adults, the excitement of Christmas morning had never really left; it was always a happy day spent in the company of the people they loved.
But this morning felt different. She looked around the room, still half-expecting to see her mother waiting for them.
She had imagined Madeleine jumping out from behind the Christmas tree or the sofa, screaming ‘surprise’ before rushing forward to hug them, like a movie scene, but of course life wasn’t a movie, and she wasn’t there.
Lucy knew that. Her mother had told them that she wouldn’t be joining them because work was her priority yet again.
As she had lain in bed last night, Lucy had held out hope that their mother might have a change of heart, but now, as Christmas morning had dawned and she hadn’t arrived, she had to accept that she wasn’t coming.
Lucy still hadn’t heard anything from Kyle either; any hope she had harboured that Christmas might make him reconsider his decision had been wildly optimistic, and now she had to accept that their marriage was doomed.
She turned to Faith, who was standing beside her, looking glum.
‘I guess it’s just going to be us then,’ Lucy said sadly as the crushing reality smacked into her.
‘Look at all her fancy tableware,’ Faith remarked, nodding over at the new crockery and table linen that Madeleine had spent a small fortune on when they had gone shopping in Ballymcconnell. It was still in its packaging in the cabinet.
‘What a waste,’ Lucy said dismally. ‘Let’s stick with Elizabeth’s set that we’ve always used.’
Faith nodded, and Lucy felt a wave of anger towards their mother.
She couldn’t understand why she had promised to spend Christmas with them, only to let them down so cruelly.
Madeleine had claimed to have changed; she had said that she would put her family first from now on, but her words had been empty promises.
What could possibly be so important about her new job that she would choose to work, rather than spend Christmas Day with her family?
It was also their first Christmas without Elizabeth, which made the day even more poignant and made the fact that their mother had chosen her job over them – once again – sting acutely.
For the first time in her life, Lucy understood why some people found Christmas difficult.
It took a magnifying glass to your problems, and the absence of loved ones who were no longer present or missing from the day was felt deeply.
She and Faith planned to have a nice dinner then curl up by the fire with a Christmas movie.
The Holiday was on later, and they would open a tub of Roses and snuggle up together.
Then she would go to bed and wake up tomorrow, and Christmas would be all over.
Just get through today, she told herself, blinking back the tears that were threatening to fall.
‘I really thought she’d come,’ Faith said, biting her lip as if trying to keep back tears.
‘Me too. I guess we should have known she would never change,’ Lucy replied bitterly.
‘Why does she always do this to us? And why do we never learn?’ Faith said with uncharacteristic resentment.
Lucy took her sister’s hands and clasped them inside her own. ‘Hey, don’t go getting upset. Even though it’s only the two of us, we’ll make today special. We have one another, that’s all we need.’
Faith nodded. ‘Let’s open our gifts,’ she said, wiping her eyes and making her way over towards the Christmas tree. Two presents sat beneath it: one she had bought for Faith, and one that Faith had bought for her. They knelt beside the tree and exchanged gifts.
Suddenly Lucy realised that, this time next year, if everything went well in her pregnancy, she would have a little baby to buy presents for.
She felt her stomach fill with butterflies; she was still terrified that something would go wrong.
Every time she felt a glimmer of excitement bubble up inside her, there was always a worrisome thought to replace it, like some endless whack-a-mole game.
She felt overwhelmed by all that was ahead of her.
She thought about shopping for the adorable Christmas babygros she had dreamed of dressing her infant in, and taking her baby to see Santa Claus, but she had always imagined doing these things with Kyle by her side. Now she would be doing them on her own.
‘Happy Christmas, sis,’ Faith said, handing her a gift wrapped in brown paper tied with a pine-green velvet ribbon.
Lucy was tugging on the end of the ribbon to pull it free from its knot when there was a knock at the door.
The sisters looked at one another in confusion, wondering who could be calling on Christmas morning.
‘I’ll get it,’ Lucy said, picking herself up from the floor. ‘It’s probably one of the neighbours.’
She walked out to the front door and opened it to see that overnight the ground had been covered in a thick blanket of virgin snow.
Everywhere looked beautiful and pristine, but it was the person standing there that shocked her most. She rubbed her eyes, sure that they must be deceiving her.
Her husband stood on the path before her. Kyle was there.
‘K-Kyle,’ she stammered in disbelief, her brain trying to catch up as it worked it out what was happening.
‘Hi.’ He grinned nervously, raking his fingers through his hair.
‘Wh-what are you doing here?’ she asked.
Suddenly Madeleine appeared from behind him. ‘I brought him,’ she said.
‘Mum?’ Lucy cried in disbelief.
‘What’s going on?’ Faith asked, coming up alongside her, having heard the commotion at the door.
‘Is there room for one more?’ Madeleine asked sheepishly, making her way forward on her crutches.
‘Of course there is, Mum,’ Faith said, flinging her arms around her mother. Lucy remained rooted to the floor in shock.
‘What’s going on?’ Faith asked, looking from Lucy to Madeleine to Kyle, then back to Lucy again. ‘I thought you were stuck in work?’
Lucy was rendered speechless. None of this made any sense.
First, she’d had the shock of seeing Kyle, and then her mother had appeared right behind him.
She and Faith had been coming to terms with spending Christmas Day just the two of them, and now their mum and Kyle had landed on their doorstep out of the blue.
‘Can someone give me a hand here?’ Madeleine said, using her chin to point towards the back seat of the car.
‘Here,’ Faith said, coming to her rescue and finding the back seat of the car covered in gifts. Lucy helped Faith to pile them into a tower in her arms.
‘Girls, are you going to make us stand outside here in the freezing cold?’ Madeleine chided. ‘Come on, where are your manners?’
Lucy and Faith stood aside as Madeleine made her way into the house, Kyle following her sheepishly. They headed into the living room and set the gifts down beneath the tree.
Madeleine exhaled heavily as she unwound her scarf.
‘Will someone please tell me what’s going on?’ Lucy asked once they were all inside the room.
‘Oh darling,’ Madeleine began. ‘You two need to talk. Come on, Faith.’ She linked her younger daughter’s arm and led her out of the room. ‘I’ll explain everything in a moment. Let’s leave these two alone.’