Chapter Five
Maddie
I hate my life.
Well, usually I don’t. I actually really love it. But now, after explaining what a disaster my morning has been and suffering through four fully grown males laughing like little girls at my expense? Yeah, I hate my life pretty hard right about now.
Sitting back on my stool, arms crossed over my chest, I wait it out.
My lips keep twitching because their laughter is stupidly infectious, but I’m wondering if the ground has opened up, swallowed me whole, and spat me out in the eighth circle of fucking hell.
It takes longer than I would have liked, their wheezes and guffaws filling the space around me with no small amount of mockery.
This is what my life has become in such a short amount of time.
What did I ever do to deserve this? How much of an asshole was I in a past life for the universe to give me a big “fuck you” in the form of four gorgeous male specimens laughing at what I am now dubbing Lubegate?
I wonder if it’s possible to recreate the flashy thing from Men in Black that will erase their memories of this whole ordeal.
Unlikely, but a girl can hope while she suffers their hysterical laughter that’s only now finally tapering off.
“It’s not that funny,” I grumble, though it really would be hilarious if it happened to anyone but me.
“It is. It really is,” Caiden wheezes, wiping at his face for the third time to rid himself of the tears that started pouring ten minutes into my explanation.
The only one of the four who hasn’t been cackling like an asshole at my expense is Rayne, though I’m sure there is a big fuck-off smile hiding behind the hands he’s steepled in front of his mouth.
His eyes are laughing enough for the rest of him, though, so he’s no less of an asshole.
Rolling my eyes at them all, I start stacking the plates while their laughter dies down, only for Caiden to mention the ice glide and fridge collision again and set them all off once more.
I’m already washing the dishes by the time they’ve calmed down for the fourth time, their bellowing dying off until they’re only chuckling every now and then.
I’m muttering about the injustices of my life when a large body sidles up beside me, Baxter’s hand reaching for the plate in my hand with a dish towel in his other.
Looking up at him with a raised eyebrow, I find humor-filled eyes looking down at me, his plump bottom lip tucked between straight white teeth like he’s trying to keep his chuckles to himself.
“I appreciate the effort you’re making, but you might as well get it all out of your system now, because when you guys leave, we’re never speaking about Lubegate again. So go on, laugh until you can’t breathe. Again,” I tell him, handing over the plate just as he starts cracking up again.
“You’ve got to admit that has to be the greatest first impression that’s ever been made in history,” Caiden comments from the island, his laughter making my lip twitch again. Damn him.
“You won’t forget it anytime soon, that’s for sure,” I grouch under my breath, handing over another plate for Baxter to dry and stack with the others in front of him.
“To be fair, it could have—” Caiden starts before shutting his mouth with a snap when I glare at him from under my hat.
“If you even finish that sentence by telling me it could have been worse, I’m going to use this pan as a weapon. Rapunzel won’t have anything on me,” I tell him slowly, holding the wet pan up with dangerous intent.
Caiden wisely holds his hands up, though the mocking grin remains. With a shake of my head, I turn my back to him before I show him my accidental smile and continue washing the dishes.
“I’m just saying, you could have really hurt yourself or something.”
“Oh, sure, as if my flaming labia weren’t hurting enough,” I grouch, handing over the next plate a little aggressively.
My poor girl is still a little tender, though I’m not mentioning that anytime soon.
It’s bad enough they already know and have seen the results of a failed attempt at trying to masturbate.
A manly snort from beside me reminds me I’m not alone, and I feel my cheeks heat uncomfortably.
I glance up and find Baxter looking down at me with humor-filled eyes and a quirked lip that is almost hidden behind his short and neatly trimmed beard.
If I couldn’t feel the prickly rush of embarrassment thrumming through my veins, I would appreciate just how freaking handsome this guy is.
With his shoulder-length hair tied in a messy bun at the crown of his head, a few strands loose from the hair tie, the tattoos that run up his arms, and the beautifully defined muscles that strain against his shirt…
well, hell, looks like I can appreciate him just fine even as my cheeks heat further.
Rolling my eyes at myself and the now grinning man beside me, I focus back on the dishes in front of me and decide I’m going to have to spend some time at the rink to cool down from this entire morning.
It’s what I should have done in the first place, but nope.
I was swayed by three assholes I love more than life itself.
And they’re all going to die.
“Looks like you’re plotting murder,” my sink neighbor comments, his rumbling voice doing all kinds of things to my body it really should not be doing after the whole lube debacle.
There’s a smile in his voice, one I confirm when I flick my eyes to his quickly before turning back to the last plate in the sink. “Murder is too good for those skanks, but it’s all I’ve got right now. I need to think of a suitable punishment for those shitheads.”
“Should I ask why?” the stupidly attractive man asks, his voice washing over me like a waterfall of warm water.
Shrugging with narrowed eyes, I pass the plate over and answer anyway.
“Because if they hadn’t suggested rubbing one out to pass the time, then I would have gone to the rink instead, and I wouldn’t have been praying for death while I suffered through the events of the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me in my entire life.
And I’ve done some shit that would most definitely be considered embarrassing. ”
Baxter laughs, followed by more deep, manly laughter, reminding me I have a kitchen of testosterone to witness the glory that is me.
And by glory, I absolutely mean a whole thundering fucknugget of a disaster.
Guess it’s only right they find out now instead of later down the line when they knock on my door and ask for sugar, only to find a crazy lady living in the apartment above theirs.
They’re fully aware now. Silver lining, right?
“All right. Well, that’s about as much humiliation as I can take for the morning. I’m heading out,” I announce, using the dish towel now draped over Baxter’s shoulder to wipe my hands before I can make my great escape.
I head to my room, pulling my skates from the closet with hurried motions.
Slinging them over my shoulder, I hustle my ass out of my room, praying the four stupidly gorgeous men have decided to leave me to my mortification.
My movements are jerky and rushed, the need to flee, to skate, outweighing all else.
The faster I can get away from my witnesses, the faster I can forget this entire morning.
Unfortunately for me, they’re still here.
In fact, it looks like they’ve made themselves right at home.
Baxter is clearing the counters and wiping away the mess made from breakfast, looking entirely too comfortable.
I mean, my kitchen officially looks like it was made for him.
Doesn’t help that he’s only in a shirt and the tightest boxer briefs known to man.
The hell is that about? And why didn’t I notice sooner?
Caiden is searching through my fridge with an unapproving frown and a shake of his head, while Rayne and Ryan lounge on the couch once more.
It actually looks like Rayne is about to fall asleep, and my humiliation fades just a little, making room for a flurry of butterflies to form in my belly. Dang it.
Clearing my throat and scaring the shit out of Rayne enough for his body to jerk and his eyes to widen on me, I hold back my smile before I state, “Thought you guys would have left already.”
“We were going to,” Caiden answers, looking over at me with a smirk, his gorgeous brown eyes lit up with delight. “But you told us that as soon as we leave, we’re never speaking of this morning again. I don’t agree with those terms, Blue. So, by that logic, we’re never leaving.”
Shocked, I burst out laughing, my skates almost falling to the floor while my shoulders shake. “You’re not serious?”
Because they can’t be serious, right? They just moved into the apartment below.
I’m their landlord. I don’t even know them.
They’re not staying here. They could be weirdos for all I know, though my head and heart are both telling me they’re not since they so kindly helped me this morning.
I take a step back just in case, eyeing them all like I’ve finally just had my first smart thought of the day.
“Deadly,” Caiden replies, now grinning like the cat who caught the canary. I don’t much care for that look, mainly because I suddenly feel like the canary in this situation. “Well, unless you decide to change your mind about the whole forgetting thing. I couldn’t even if I tried.”
Based on the look he gives me, he means every word. Damn my ability to make an ass out of myself. I really hate how memorable this first impression is, but with a growl and heated cheeks, I remind them all, “I distinctly remember offering to pay you all if you wouldn’t mention it again.”
“We don’t need the money,” Ryan replies, looking over at me from the couch, eyebrows raised, eyes filled with intrigue. “We make plenty ourselves.”
“And we wouldn’t take it, anyway,” Baxter mumbles, his eyebrow rising while he washes his hands and wipes them on the towel he’s tucked into the handle of a cabinet.
“But we can’t exactly forget about finding a woman stuck in her tub after a self-love session went wrong,” Caiden concurs with a smug grin.
Of the four, Rayne is the only one to wisely keep his little mouth shut, though he looks stupidly amused regardless. He’s turned his hat so it sits normally, his face cast in soft shadows, but it doesn’t hide how funny he thinks this all is.
“For fuck’s sake,” I blurt, throwing my hands up, my skin itching with the need to get on the ice and calm my brain and nerves. “Fine! I revoke my offer. Talk about it all you want. I’m leaving, so let yourselves out when you’re done.”
Grumbling under my breath, I snatch my keys from the side table near the door, turn my own hat backward, and start looking for my cell. “Where did you go, you sneaky little…?”
Just as the question leaves my mouth, it appears right in front of my face, a tatted hand holding it close enough that the screen almost touches my nose. The arm attached is covered in beautiful art, so I know it’s Baxter.
“Thanks,” I mutter without looking at his face, no doubt still smug, accepting my cell before stuffing it into my pocket.
“Sure. Where are you heading? Said something about a rink?” he asks, halting my retreat.
“Yeah, I own an ice rink twenty minutes away. Skating helps me clear my head, and after this morning? It needs some major clearing up there. I also need time to plot my petty revenge against my best friends. So, like, lock up when you guys go or whatever,” I tell him, turning and heading for the door, deciding I’ve met my awkward and embarrassed quota for the day.
I haven’t even given them the keys to actually lock up, that’s how frazzled I am.
Since I’m not one to embarrass easily, this is a first for me, and boy, do I hate it.
Just as I reach the door handle, Baxter stops me once more, his hand touching my wrist carefully before I go. “Wait, The Arena? The ice hockey rink?”
“That’s the one. The team is training this week, but there’s always an empty rink for when I need it,” I answer, looking down at his hand with a stunned blink and a whole bunch of fanny flutters that would make me clench my thighs had my poor, beaten vagina not been to war this morning.
“I have to drop off keys to one of the players in a little over an hour. Mind if I catch a ride with you? I don’t have my car with me yet,” he asks boldly, slowly releasing my wrist. I have to give it to these guys, they’re awfully confident, enough to ask a stranger for a ride somewhere.
I’d applaud them if my heart hadn’t hiccuped at the first touch of Baxter’s hand against my skin. That can’t be a good sign, can it?
Blinking rapidly, I tell him, “Uh, sure, I guess? I’m not waiting around for an hour until you’re ready to go, though. Plotting someone’s demise waits for no man, and I have three someones who need demising.”
All four snort again, and I roll my eyes just as Baxter replies, “No worries. I’ll wait at the rink.”
I nod, looking around the tall man in front of me, and ask, “You guys plan on actually leaving now that I’ve lifted the restrictions on breathing a word about this morning?”
Caiden snorts. “I guess we’ll take pity on you.”
And just like that, all three of them heave themselves off the couch and barstool, heading toward the door as a unit.
My mouth falls open, and the irritating sense that I’ve been duped renders me gaping like a guppy.
Before I can even start cussing out the sneaky little bastards, they’re all filing out the door as they brush by me, various grins on their faces as they go.
Even Rayne, who doesn’t bother hiding it this time.
Baxter follows, jerking his head toward the door. “Come on. You can wait in our apartment for two minutes while I throw some pants and shoes on.”
He doesn’t wait for me to answer. Doesn’t even wait for my mouth to close or the shock to wear off, just strides out of my apartment with only one backward glance. How did I forget the man was only in a shirt and tight boxers? Oh, God, don’t look, Maddie. Don’t do it.
I look.
I should have listened to myself, because damn, that ass, though. God blessed this man with one hell of an ass, encased in the tightest underwear, plump and round as he strides toward the stairs.
Like those sweet buns have put some weird spell on me, I follow with my lip tucked between my teeth, locking the door behind me.
It would appear I need a checkup for the neck up if I’m going willingly to the apartment of my tenants, the very ones who walked in on a goddamn disaster, practically strangers.
What can I say? An ass that good could lead me to hell, and I’d gladly follow.