Chapter 12
Kensie
My heart skipped a beat at the sincerity in Canaan’s expression when he told me he would never leave me.
Did he really mean it? I’d been irritated with him since the twenty-minute ride into the town.
I had already decided to find my way back to the resort and spent my sweet time shopping.
I didn’t like his tone when he commanded me to meet up with him in three hours, so I refused to rush.
I was determined to maintain emotional distance .
. . until he wrapped his arms around me while I tried on the very dress I chose with him in mind, and it made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.
He slid out of the car and quickly hurried around to open my door. “Sorry about earlier. My grandmother taught me better than what I’ve been showing you.”
“You don’t strike me as a man who apologizes,” I observed as he waited until I settled in my seat before closing the door.
“I usually don’t. But we’re committed to these three months and won’t make it if we are at odds. I need peace, Kensie. This race is everything to me, and I can’t allow any disruptions to that peace.”
“How do you propose we maintain peace when we literally spent college hating each other? Yes, we have chemistry, and I might even like you.”
“Might?” He cut me off with a scoff.
“Yes. Your moodiness affects my peace because one minute you’re hot, and the next, cold.”
“And you don’t change up on me? If you say you don’t, you’re either lying or phony. Which one is it, Kensie?”
I folded my arms and faced the front, warring with how vulnerable I was willing to be with him.
He sighed. “Spend the night with me, and let’s get to know each other.”
After showering and donning a lavender negligee and a coordinating satin robe, I walked back into the master suite that had been thoroughly cleaned while we were out shopping.
A shirtless Canaan sat meditating with his legs crisscrossed in the middle of the room on a plush Mayan-inspired rug.
I tiptoed to the bed so as not to disturb him.
How often does he meditate, and what other interesting facts will I discover about him?
“Care to join me?” he asked quietly.
“Nope, I’m good. My brain is way too busy for meditation.”
“Exactly why you need to. Meditation helps you mentally, spiritually, and physically.”
I scooted to the end of the bed and rested on my stomach to observe him. “Listening to sounds that stimulate my ASMR is my relaxation.”
“Like whispering?” His eyes were still closed, giving me free rein to ogle his toned, tatted upper body and arms. I longed to touch him, and only my stubborn pride that I was the one who’d sworn we wouldn’t have sex kept me from acting on my desires.
“Yep, and the sound of someone scratching. Totally gets me in Zen mode.” I really could look at him all day. It was a damn shame to look as good as he did.
“So, you listen to someone whispering and scratching on your headphones to relax you?” he asked without ridicule.
“You’ve heard of it?”
He nodded. “Autonomous sensory meridian response. It’s fascinating to me, although I haven’t taken a moment to see if it works with me.”
“I have a whole playlist of ASMRs. You want to hear it?”
“Maybe in Miami. I need all the tools possible to go into this flow, where all I can see is the road. When all fear, nervousness, and self-doubt fade.” He continued to inhale and exhale slowly with his eyes closed.
“I was hyper as a child. Apparently, I drove my mother crazy with my energy, and she couldn’t handle me.
My grandparents stepped in and taught me how to deal with my ADHD through meditation and participating in activities that expend excess energy. I haven’t needed meds since I was ten.”
“I wouldn’t have guessed you had ADHD. You always seem chill to me.”
He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly.
“You need me to leave so you can finish up?”
“I wouldn’t talk to you if I were still meditating. I’m just enjoying the peace.”
I crossed my ankles behind me and propped my chin up with my hands. “Everything has happened so fast. I haven’t even told my parents my plans. Or Emme.”
His brown eyes opened, and he stared at me. In this light, his eyes glowed. “Is she still your best friend?”
“I’m a bridesmaid in her wedding and not her maid of honor, if that says anything about our friendship.
She went to California for graduate school, and I stayed in Houston, working for the state, until I began graduate school and started writing.
She’s back home and engaged. Still, a part of me feels I violated the sister code. ”
Canaan said, “She has a man. She should be good with us.”
I countered, “Would you be cool if one of your friends got it in with Emme or one of your exes? Wait, do you even have friends?”
“Malcolm is my best friend,” he retorted.
“No, it wouldn’t be cool, but what’s done is done.
We didn’t plan to run into each other in Jamaica or in Houston.
” He rose to his feet and sauntered to me.
My gaze was now snared by his thick imprint visible through his black joggers.
“Eyes up here. I swear you need to see a specialist about that eye-fucking problem you have whenever I’m half-naked. ”
Nonplussed, I drawled, “Then don’t stand in front of me distracting me from an important conversation.”
“Exactly what I’m doing. We have three months to talk.” Canaan moved closer and lifted my chin with his index finger. “We never celebrated my win, and we’re not in Miami yet.”
I pushed myself to my knees, his raw maleness too inviting to ignore.
I placed my hands on his chest. “Listen, I do run hot and cold too. The last two men I dated were purely physical, which worked for me. On one hand, I want you to blow my back out. On the other hand, it would be insanity for us to keep doing it and expect not to catch feelings. This energy between us is scary. I don’t want to fall for you. I have way too much at stake for love.”
“I feel the same way. I don’t have time for a relationship.
I don’t want to be obligated to anyone until I get to where I want in my career.
And even then, I’m not sure I want commitment.
” Gentle hands squeezed my forearms before sliding up to my upper arms. His thumbs grazed the sides of my breasts, sending flames straight to my pussy.
“We’re on the same page. Just because two people have crazy passion doesn’t mean that they should have a serious relationship.
We already know our personalities clash. We wouldn’t work anyway.”
I nodded, mesmerized by him. He lowered his head to kiss me, and I gave him my cheek. “Then let’s prove that we can resist each other.”
Canaan complained. “Why the fuck would we do that?”
“Because I have to be honest with myself. We’re together for the next three months, sleeping in the same bed, waking up together like a couple.
It already feels real. If you don’t want me to be phony, then this is my real.
I can’t handle sexing you like we’re in a relationship, and we’re not.
” I slowly pulled his nipple in my mouth and licked it before releasing it.
“Let’s be clear. I do want to ride you again.
Like, try some crazy shit with you and let you do whatever you want to me. ”
He clenched his jaw before admitting, “You’re doing it again, confusing the hell out of me. Are we fucking or not?”
“What about this?” I rubbed my hands together with a wicked smile.
“We’ll have sex again once you win the Formula One.
Call it a celebratory fuck fest, and we get whatever lust that’s between us out of our bodies.
Then we go our separate ways once we return to Houston, citing our busy schedules ruined our relationship. ”
“Bet.” He chuckled. “Love the confidence you have in me. Guarantee you’ll be begging me to sex you way before May.” Canaan grabbed a chunk of my ass before climbing into the bed.
“Hey. That was way too rough,” I howled as I rubbed my behind.
“I couldn’t resist touching that fine ass in satin. It’s my favorite part of you.” He pulled back the covers and beckoned me with his finger to join him.
I reluctantly moved beside him, and he wrapped his arms around me, his hardness against my lower back. “We’re not having sex.”
“Mm . . . hmmm. Stop wiggling, and my dick will go down.”
“I can’t sleep like this. Your body is too hot,” I complained, though I loved the warmth and coziness of his arms.
He only held me tighter. “Good night, Kens.”
I finally sighed deeply. “Good night.”
Sleep was a long time coming for me as I considered all that had happened in the last two days and what lay ahead for the next three months.
I was running from love. I recognized it when he looked up at me in the stands, and the heat that spread throughout my chest at his attention.
Sooner or later, I would succumb to his allure, and truthfully, I may not survive a week if he were going to be this affectionate every night.
I prayed that in the next three months, the annoying, arrogant, and selfish bastard I’d always known Canaan to be would rise again.