Chapter 17 The Waste of Friendship
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
THE WASTE OF FRIENDSHIP
The day bleeds into afternoon as we traverse another city, Sarlun, before finally getting to the Kingdom of Ozryn.
Everything is brightly decorated, crisply maintained, and magical. Lewis leads the way while checking the minutes ticking by on his watch, as if the White Queen might remove our heads for not abiding by the schedule he set forth.
The more the thought lingers, I want to grab Finlo’s hand. Instead, I tuck it into the pocket of my trousers to starve the itch. After Finlo’s heavy admission last night, he wanted to be more than just friends, so we talked about lighter topics, like what I’ve been up to since coming to Wonderland.
When I told him how I got here and what led to it, he didn’t seem to love what brought me near a portal, but he listened. In a way, it was healing.
Moving past everything that should hold me back feels good. Freeing.
I can’t deny there’s a very settled energy between us today, even if I could ring Lewis’s neck for showing up at the door with that stupid pocket watch, screaming that we were late to get Finlo moving.
I can’t deny I wanted more out of this morning than a rushed breakfast of cold oats and stale coffee before being thrust back onto the streets of Wonderland.
I keep reminding myself that things with Finlo Pennington differ from any man gone before him, and that they don’t need to be rushed.
Even if I want them to be.
Once we finally reach the palace, a daunting white building that seems to shimmer in the sun’s light with guards standing watch at the gates, I swallow and grab Finlo’s hand, forgetting all my reasons for stowing the same hand moments ago.
He squeezes my hand in silent comfort, giving me the barest of smiles.
“I’m back with Eleanor of Earth to see the queen. She’s expecting us. In fact, we’re late, so if you’ll just move out of the way…” Lewis begins impatiently.
The guard laughs, clearly amused by Lewis’s behavior, which only serves to anger the Hare more.
Lewis stamps a foot. “Now, Cirius, we’ve been over this.”
“Have we?” Cirius mocks.
Cirius and his fellow guardsmen have humanoid faces and even the bodies of humans, but they’re nearly eight feet tall, in armour that’s as white as snow.
Their staffs have spikes on the end, and I wouldn’t want to find myself on the end of one of them because they look to be made of some kind of iron.
“Aw, let the little rabbit through,” the other guard jokes, and Lewis gasps.
Finlo grins, and I try not to laugh.
“I am not a rabbit! I am a hare! We’ve been through this, and I don’t like how you two behave. I am a part of this court. I’ll have you remember!” Lewis’s tone grows angrier as his paw flies through the air.
Cirius opens his mouth to mock the Hare further, but a melodic-toned voice from behind him has him snapping to attention. “Cirius, do not mock the March Hare. You know he has little to no tolerance for such a thing.”
A woman in a white gown with hair as white as her kingdom presses the gates open, and the guardsmen part, their heads bowed as they give her berth.
She’s beautiful, and my knees shake in her presence as if knowing they need to kneel.
Her gasp accompanies her hands covering her mouth.
“Deary me, it is you. When Lewis brought news of your return, I thought surely the poor thing had gone madder. After all, spending time with the Hatter in the Bog will do that to a person,” she goes on, and Finlo stands taller at the implication as if quite proud of his madness.
“But here you are. In the flesh. It is so awful to see you again, Eleanor.”
Awful?
My heart skips a beat as I swallow.
Finlo shakes my hand in his as if urging me to say something in reply, but what does someone say back to that?
“It’s awful to see you again, too?” I say, not meaning it to come out like a question, but I’m questioning if it was the right thing to say, so I couldn’t help it.
She claps her hands together in delight. “Oh! It’s Eleanor. Our Eleanor. Can you even believe it?”
I don’t know who she’s speaking to, so I remain silent beside Finlo.
Turning, she walks back toward the palace entrance, left standing agape with two more guards looming on either side. Her white gown flutters over the marble walkway, beckoning me forward long before Finlo moves.
Somehow, in all my travels, in all my experiences here thus far, walking into the White Queen’s palace is the moment I realize the very insane state of my life and what it’s become, and it has me removing my hand from Finlo’s and curling it back into my pocket.
Warring emotions and thoughts continue as the queen leads a tour of the main parts of the palace, for my benefit only, ending in front of a massive blade shoved into a rock in the Great Hall.
“This is the Vorpal Blade. You’ll use this to slay her beast and take us into Frabjous Day!” the queen exclaims, clapping her hands.
The reality of my world becomes clearer, and my heart races, beating against my ribs as I feel the walls closing in around me. “I can’t… I think you have the wrong Eleanor.” Shaking my head as the light overhead glimmers off the edges of the sharpened blade, I take a step back.
Finlo’s eyes narrow in concern as he grabs my hand. “Eleanor?”
“I’m not the right one. I can’t use… that! I can’t kill a beast. What was I thinking coming here? I need to get home. I can’t… this is too much!” I squeak, tears falling down my cheeks as my chest tightens, my lungs burning for air as I struggle to breathe through the heavy feeling in my chest.
“Fin, I can’t!” I squeak as he pulls me into him.
“I’ll take her to my rooms. It’s been a long journey. That’s all,” he lies for me.
I’m thankful he realizes I need a moment, and I’m grateful that Finlo Pennington is who he is: a good man.
“Do what you must. Bring the right Eleanor to tea. Leave the wrong one in your room,” the queen says dismissively, as if finding my right state of mind is as easy as changing my clothes.
Finlo leads me through the palace, up two floors, and into a massive suite that I barely register before I turn on him and fall into hysterics.
“I can’t wield that thing and kill some creature. For what? To end some queen’s reign in a land I don’t belong to? This is madness. I’m sorry, but it is. I need to go home. Nothing makes sense here, especially if you think I’m the one who will fix everything wrong in this world. Me?! I’m nobody.”
Fin grabs my shoulders, holding me hostage as I fall into sobs. “You’re everything good about Wonderland.”
“This isn’t my world.”
“If it wasn’t, then how did you get in?” he poses the question I’ve been wondering all along, but was too scared to ask. “Wonderland doesn’t let that which doesn’t belong inside, Tiger Lily. How did you get in?”
“But—”
He shakes his head. “You’ve had a long day. I’ll tell the queen you’ll be retiring, and you can rest. Tomorrow. We’ll deal with all this tomorrow.”
He turns away like his words will fix everything, but there’s still a war in my chest, one I can’t ignore simply because Hatter tells me to.
Picking a blanket up off the foot of an elaborate bed, I ball it up and toss it at the back of Finlo’s head. “No!”
He turns, and I expect to see anger coloring his face, but there isn’t even a speckle.
“I’m going to feel this way, no matter what. This isn’t my home!”
“It is.”
“Just because you say so?!” My chest is so full of emotion, it feels like it’ll rip open and spill its contents out at Finlo’s feet at any moment.
“No!” he shouts, grabbing me again by the shoulders and staring deep into my eyes. “Because you feel it. Here.” His finger presses into my chest, and my breathing shallows. “And here.” His fingers drag over my stomach.
I can’t deny his words or how being with him feels. But the differing realities I’ve dwelled in are clashing in my mind, fighting for who’s the dominant, and I don’t know which is correct.
His hand is still on my stomach, his eyes trailing to the contact as my breathing grows erratic.
“Fin,” I whisper, my voice cracking.
“Does this not feel like home, Elli-Roo?” His fingers slip beneath my shirt, kneading into my skin like a warm promise of more.
I don’t know how to answer because I don’t know if he means this place or him when he refers to home, so I remain silent. Until his fingers slip beneath the front of my pants and a stifled moan slips past my lips.
Walking me backward, Fin sits me on the edge of the bed, angling his fingers beneath my panties to rub from clit to entrance as he stokes a fire that’s been burning since this morning.
I half expect Lewis to come banging on the door like usual, but the knock never comes.
“You’ve always felt like home to me, but it’s different now.”
“How?” I breathe, half-moaning the question as he slides two fingers inside me.
“Because before, keeping you safe gave me purpose. Keeping you beside me, sated, and happy now gives my life meaning. Gives it color.”
I moan as his fingers cause a surge of wetness to pool, but they aren’t enough to put out the dangerous flames building inside me. “Fin!” I beg, tugging his hand from beneath my pants before standing and shoving them to the floor.
He growls, pressing me back onto the bed.
I scoot backward, watching the change in his green eyes as he crawls up the bed.
When he reaches me, I lay my head back on the pillow, feeling exposed with my center left bare beneath him and his eyes on me.
I tug off his hat and toss it across the room, earning a gasp from him as he turns his attention to where it fell long enough for me to reach between us and open his pants.
His attention back on me, his eyes flick to where I’ve pulled his hardness out and am stroking its soft skin.
“Eleanor,” he whispers raggedly.
“Not friends, right? More?” I ask.
His eyes find mine once more. “More.”
I chew the inside of my cheek, worried this will change everything, but I also need it to.
Angling the tip of him toward my entrance, I scoot down a bit, pressing against him in a way that leaves no room for error with his first thrust.
“More,” I breathe, giving a slight nod of permission.
Finlo freezes, and I worry I’ve pushed him too far. But when he leans all his weight onto his left arm beside my face, using his other to fist his cock against my entrance, I know he’s on the same page with me.
I know that we’re about to be more.