Chapter 19 The Fantastical View of Memory and Time
CHAPTER NINETEEN
THE FANTASTICAL VIEW OF MEMORY AND TIME
Tea in the White Queen’s castle is nothing like in the Bog. It’s orderly and sophisticated, something I find I am not the longer we remain.
I snicker as Hatter makes a funny face at me from across the table.
The queen smiles at us, still nodding at one of the ladies sitting to her left, who’s chattering in her ear.
“Tomorrow, we’ll attend the garden party. It’s the best party of the year, and I hope you two can contain your silliness whilst we’re there,” Lewis scolds.
Turning, I catch his eyes, letting my smiling face transform into a near-perfect rendition of the face Hatter had made at me moments ago.
Lewis scoffs, shaking his head. “No one’s ever serious.”
I elbow him. “Come on, Lewis. We’re in Wonderland. Nothing here is supposed to be serious!”
“There are many serious things here, Eleanor. I hope you never encounter them, however. You’ve gone through enough.”
His reply makes me blush, and I turn away, casting my eyes down at my jam-filled tart on my plate.
What had Hatter told him?
I thought everything I spoke to Hatter about was private. Had I known he’d be blabbing my secrets to everyone in Wonderland, I would’ve kept them to myself.
Lewis’ paw slides over my lap. “Don’t worry. I only know the things I’ve witnessed.”
Witnessed?
When had he witnessed anything about my life outside Wonderland?
The queen stands abruptly, her teacup spilling over and soaking her plate of tarts and finger sandwiches. “When?”
“Only an hour ago, Your Highness,” a White Guard relays.
The White Queen turns toward the table. “We must return to the Bog.”
It’s very peculiar for her to speak so plainly. Typically, she speaks in riddles and backward, opposite ways. I’ve never heard her address anyone so… normally.
“What’s happened?” Hatter asks, springing out of his chair.
His napkin falls from his lap, and I find myself fixated on how it drops beneath the table, likely landing over his shoes or hitting the ground beneath him.
It seems symbolic somehow, like everything is about to change.
“The Red Queen’s got a new pet,” the White Guard says beside the queen.
The queen is rubbing her temples, muttering incoherently to herself.
“Seems she’s on a rampage of sorts with it. Erotsy is on fire. She was last spotted heading toward the Bog.”
Hatter turns and locks eyes on me. “She knows.”
My hands shake beneath the table as a tear trails down my cheek.
Sitting up, I wipe the sleep from my eyes. Finding tears in them isn’t anything new, especially not after a memory has emerged. Since being in the White Queen’s palace, quite a few have returned.
I had to be fifteen in that one.
Was that memory the trigger for Hatter sending me back home shortly after?
“Lie back down,” a voice groans. An arm lifts over my chest, tugging me back onto the bed.
The room is dark, and I grin as Hatter’s scent envelops me.
“Another memory?” he whispers, and I shiver.
“Yes. I think it was the Chatterwocky. We were having tea, and a guard came to tell the White Queen that the Red Queen had a new pet and we were to go to the Bog.”
“Mm,” is all that Hatter replies.
“How long after that day did I return home?”
“A week.” Rolling onto his back, he sighs.
“Something you said in the memory has me perplexed.”
“What did I say? You know I’m as mad as the next man. You can’t trust things I say sometimes.”
Lies.
He’s the best man I know.
I soldier on. “You said ‘She knows’ about the Red Queen. What did she know?”
“About you.”
“About me? Why would I have been a secret?”
“Abovelanders aren’t supposed to be in Wonderland. While the White Queen took a liking to you and was keen to allow you to stay, the Red Queen wouldn’t have been so kind.”
“Is that why you told her I was your ward?”
“It was.”
“But she found out I was from the human world somehow?”
“She did.”
“How?”
“I suspect the same way she found out about us freeing Prospero.”
“From Prospero himself?”
“Likely.”
“I don’t know how you can be so kind to such a pain in the ass…”
“We all have our flaws. It’s best not to dwell on others’ issues. You’ll drive yourself completely bonkers, fixating on what’s wrong with others while you can’t fix them or force them to change, only causing yourself distress.”
His words, while wise, flare anger through me.
“I can’t believe we helped him. If I ever see him again…”
Hatter’s hand clasps over my mouth. “Don’t make idle threats. In Wonderland, they mean more.”
His proximity has me solvent.
I nod beneath his hold.
“We have tea today,” Hatter whispers, hovering close and stealing what’s left of my breath.
“Do we have to go?”
He nods. “It’s only polite. Plus, I’ll be leaving to hat the Red Queen soon.”
“When are we leaving to go there?” I ask him, curling my body around his and leaning into the kiss he gives me.
I nearly forget what we’re talking about as his arms surround me, pulling me in tighter.
“Remember? You’re going to remain here. I’ll return afterward.”
My heart shoots into my throat at the thought of being separated from Finlo now that we’re so… Well, now that we’re more.
“You’ll be safe here,” he says, as if he knows I’m floundering. “I’d never leave you anywhere if you weren’t safe, Tiger Lily. You know that. And I’ll always return to you.”
My heart drops back into my chest but patters away, reminded by what he said two nights ago. His admission that he loves me.
“I’m going to miss you,” I whisper.
His nose plays against mine teasingly, and I’m breathless and eager for another kiss. “I already miss you.”
I scoff. “You can’t miss me; I’m right here.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever stopped missing you.”
Stoically, I walk beside the White Queen through her gardens. Her dress is ashen, much like her hair. Her dark eyes starkly contrast everything about her and her kingdom.
“Hatter seems to hate you very much. It’s awful to see him take such hatred for someone.” The queen’s smile opposes her words.
I remind myself that she’s peculiar and seems to speak oppositely to what she’s actually meaning to say.
“I adore Hatter,” I admit, a blush creeping into my cheeks.
The queen sighs. “I hate that. Hopefully, things won’t work out for you after this… issue with my sister.”
If I’d known the two queens were sisters, it had slipped my mind completely, and I gasp at the admission.
“She’s your sister,” I say aloud for my processing more than anything.
She nods as she turns to pluck at a yellow flower on the massive hedge wall beside her. Vines with bright yellow flowers wind up the wall.
Somewhere, a fountain’s waters give the gardens a sense of calm serenity.
“What happened between the two of you?” I ask, hoping her answer isn’t bewildering and hard to decipher.
“She wanted more than this world could give. She wished to be in the spotlight I was standing in.”
Thankful that she’d spoken plainly, I bite the inside of my cheek.
“She wanted to rule what was rightfully yours,” I realize.
“She did.”
“So you can speak normally,” I say with a grin.
She turns, looking over her shoulder. Guards follow us but have dropped back some to give us privacy.
“I can. I like to keep them chasing their tails. It’s quite entertaining.”
A laugh erupts from me. “Quite.”
“You’re worried about wielding the Vorpal Blade,” she says, sitting on a bench beside a beautiful fountain.
The depiction of dragons swirling through the raging waters makes me take in the grandeur of every curve of stone and glistening diamond encrusted in their eyes before sitting beside the queen.
“I’m worried more about using a blade to kill something. This isn’t my world; I don’t belong here any more than I should kill its creatures.”
“I understand. Well, I don’t, but I’ll try.”
I quirk a brow. “Why don’t you understand?”
“Because this is your home.”
Remembering what Hatter told me about how he marked me to allow me to get into Wonderland, I turn and eye the fountain, watching water cascade over stone dragon scales and feeling a deep sense of calm cover me.
“I only belong here because Hatter decided I did. Not because it’s truly my home.” The realization has tears welling in my eyes.
I can’t shed them.
I won’t.
I’m no longer a scared little girl. I ignore the fact that I’m not a scared girl anymore because of Hatter, because part of me is angry that he marked me without my knowledge.
The other part of me knows I wouldn’t be who I am today without him.
“What Hatter did for you goes against the laws of Wonderland. Against the laws of the universe, dear girl.”
I swallow thickly. “Well, he did them without asking me.”
“You mean he did it without hesitation? One does that for the ones they love. He’d have done it for any of his friends. You should count yourself lucky.”
I do.
I just have to process everything in my own time. Being here is enough on its own, and that’s before you factor in everything else about before that I’m slowly remembering and my overwhelming attraction to Hatter that’s quickly turning to more.
That fucking word…
“What’ll happen if I’m unsuccessful?” I ask the queen, turning on the bench to look her directly in the eye.
She sighs, seeming to weigh her words, which I don’t appreciate when I’m running out of patience.
“I have complete faith in you. I know that might not mean much to Now Eleanor, but it would’ve meant something to Before Eleanor.”
Even with her given confidence, my hands shake on my lap.
“I’m just one woman; I don’t think it’s quite fair to put so much pressure on me to fix the entire realm of Wonderland.”
“Dear girl, you’ve never been just a girl, nor are you just a woman sitting here before me now. You’re Eleanor. Our Eleanor. You changed the fate of Wonderland the moment you were marked. You’re the reason for everything. Your story is already written. You only need to read it.”
My throat slides with anticipation as a guard runs up, his armor clanking as he fights to breathe.
The queen stands. “What is it? What’s happened?”
“The Bloodhound has returned from his recent trip back to Burrathurth.”
“Good. We’ll meet with him at once.”
“We?” I ask her as the guard nods and strolls back toward the palace.
“Yes. We. You’ve every right to be a part of every meeting from here forward. You’re Eleanor, after all. Put that gigantic head to use, I always say.”
Confusion befuddles me as I follow the queen, watching her white gown swish back and forth as she leads me toward the palace.
The sun is dipping low in the sky, reminding me how close Hatter’s upcoming departure is.
A ball of emotion curls around my vocal cords, choking so tight, my eyes water from its force.
Entering a grand office behind the queen, I try to remain calm and keep the tears at bay at my expense, and they’re all but forgotten when a small pup bounds toward my ankles.
“Is this her, Dad? Is this Eleanor?” it says, getting up on its hind legs and pawing at my shins.
The pup is so tiny, and its long, drooping ears mark it as a bloodhound, much like its father.
“Beau!” Winston shouts. “Get down! Remember your manners.”
Crouching, I scratch Beau behind his ears. “Oh, you’re the cutest thing!”
“Don’t encourage him,” Winston grumbles, turning back toward the queen sitting behind a gold-plated desk.
“She thinks I’m cute, Dad!”
I lift Beau from the ground and curl him into my arms, standing tall to listen to the meeting as he wiggles in my arms.
Hatter stands off to my left, and I hadn’t realized his presence before until I felt it.
All the oxygen and sound in the room is swallowed up as I lock eyes with him.
He winks at me, turning his attention back toward the queen.
“The Red Queen is gearing up for a gathering. What, I don’t know. But something is afoot. She’s called for Hatter to come early, which I think I’ve averted for now. She’ll see him now on her regularly scheduled day, but I worry about the state of her mind.”
“With a head that big, one can’t help but worry,” the White Queen says offhandedly.
I snort. “Sorry,” I offer, rubbing my hand over Beau’s belly as he offers it to me, all four paws going into the air.
“Hatter, you’ll leave directly after the garden party.
I don’t want my sister to grow suspicious.
Cirius,” the queen turns toward the guard, who steps away from the wall on her left and bows his head.
“You’ll train Eleanor with the Vorpal Blade.
Cram everything you can into that abnormally large head of hers. ”
“Yes, Your Majesty,” he replies, taking his place on the wall again.
“A fight is looming. We knew it was coming, but it always seems too quick once it’s on our doorstep,” the queen says.
“What are my orders, Your Majesty?” Lewis asks, stepping forward.
I hadn’t noticed him, either.
Part of me worries I’m not cut out for this fight, but I see no other option other than fighting.
Flashes of Hatter shoving me toward a portal home traipse through my brain, but I swat them away.
Leaving him in his time of need would eat me alive.
It’s decided then, I realize.
I’m going to have to defend my home.