23. Stick Around – Lauren
23
STICK AROUND
LAUREN
T he clock on my dashboard hits 9:15 PM as I pull into Little Sprouts Daycare. My feet ache from the long dinner shift at Sunny's, but the sight of Roman's sleepy face as Miss Jess leads him out washes away some of the exhaustion.
"Mommy," he mumbles, rubbing his eyes as he toddles towards me.
"Hey, baby," I murmur, scooping him up. His weight is familiar and comforting against my hip.
"Good night, Lauren," Miss Jess calls with a wave. "See you tomorrow."
I nod gratefully, inhaling the familiar scent of crayons and disinfectant that always clings to Roman after a day at Little Sprouts. Once again, I'm thankful for this daycare that understands the needs of shift workers like me.
As I buckle Roman into his car seat, my mind races with everything I need to do. Dakota's coming over after his final band practice. Tomorrow, he leaves for three months on tour. Meanwhile, I'm juggling work, Roman, and the looming shadow of nursing school starting soon.
The drive home is quiet, and Roman is already dozing off again. By the time we get home, it's nearly 10. I carry him inside, my arms protesting after a long day of carrying trays.
"Okay, little man," I whisper, gently changing him into pajamas. "Time for bed."
He stirs slightly as I tuck him in. "Dakota?" he mumbles.
My heart clenches, and I hesitate. Part of me wants to promise Roman he'll see Dakota tomorrow, but another part - the protective mother in me - holds back. Dakota's leaving for months. What if things change? What if Roman gets too attached?
"We'll see, sweetie," I finally say, my voice soft. "Let's just focus on getting some sleep now, okay?"
Roman nods, already drifting off again. I press a kiss to his forehead and slip out of the room, guilt and uncertainty settling in my stomach like a stone.
Alone in the living room, I finally have a moment to breathe. I glance at my phone to see a text from Dakota.
DAKOTA: Just finished practice. Heading your way. See you soon. x
My heart flutters, a mix of excitement and anxiety. I look around, suddenly aware of the toys scattered across the floor and the pile of unfolded laundry on the couch. With a sigh, I start tidying up, my mind racing.
How are we going to make this work with him on the road? How will I manage school and Roman without Shannon around? And can I really afford the new daycare I'll need once classes start? Can I afford any of this?
As I fold a tiny t-shirt, my eyes catch the calendar on the kitchen wall. May's page stares back at me, that circled date - the 6th - seeming to pulse with unspoken questions. The day Miles died. The day Dakota's wife died. The day that changed both our lives forever and now, somehow, has brought us together.
A shiver runs through me as I consider the strange twists of fate that led us here. Part of me wants to ask Dakota about it, to unravel this mystery that connects us. But another part is terrified of what we might uncover. With everything else going on - the tour, school, Roman - do we really need to dig up the past?
I shake my head, pushing those thoughts aside. There are more pressing matters to deal with right now. Dakota will be here any minute, and we have a future to figure out.
The sound of a car pulling up outside makes me pause. My heart starts racing, and I feel a flush creep up my neck. I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves, and give the living room one last quick scan. It's not perfect, but it'll have to do. I smooth down my hair and walk to the door, my hand hesitating for just a moment on the handle before I pull it open.
Dakota stands there with a weary smile on his face. "Hey, beautiful," he says softly.
"Hey yourself," I reply, stepping back to let him in. "Roman's asleep, so we've got some time to talk."
Dakota nods, his expression turning serious as he follows me to the living room. "Yeah," he agrees. "We've got a lot to figure out."
As we settle onto the couch, I take a deep breath. "So," I begin, my voice shakier than I'd like, "how do we do this? With you on tour and me starting school and everything else..."
Dakota reaches for my hand, his touch grounding me. "That's what we need to figure out," he says. "Together."
Dakota's hand is warm in mine, his thumb tracing gentle circles on my palm. It's soothing, but it can't completely calm the storm of worries in my mind.
"I've been thinking about this a lot," Dakota starts, his voice low. "Three months is a long time, but we can make it work. We've got phones, video calls..."
"It's not just the distance," I interrupt, the words tumbling out before I can stop them. "It's everything. Dakota, I'm starting nursing school. I'll have a new daycare schedule for Roman, and new expenses. Shannon's gone, so I don't have her to lean on anymore. And you'll be out there, living this rockstar life while I'm here just... struggling to keep it all together."
I pause, catching my breath. Dakota's watching me intently, his brow furrowed with concern.
"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I didn't mean to dump all that on you. My anxiety about everything is just getting to me."
He shakes his head, squeezing my hand. "No, don't apologize. This is exactly what we need to talk about. Lauren, I know it's going to be hard. But I'm committed to making this work. To being there for you and Roman, even when I'm not physically here."
"How?" I ask, hating how small my voice sounds.
Dakota takes a deep breath. "Well, for starters, we'll video call every day, even if it's just for a few minutes. I want to hear about your classes, about Roman's day. And I promise, the moment this tour is over, I'm all yours. I'll help with Roman, I'll quiz you for your nursing exams, whatever you need."
His words paint a picture of a future I desperately want to believe in. But there's still a nagging doubt.
"And what about when you're on the road?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. My real fears finally coming to the surface. "The parties, the temptations... Dakota, your sobriety. You've worked so hard, and I know you relapsed right before we met. I'm scared for you."
His expression turns serious, a flicker of pain crossing his features. "I know," he says softly. "I'm scared too. But Lauren, I'm committed to staying sober. No after-parties for me. I'm focusing on the music, on why we're really out there."
He meets my gaze steadily. "I can't promise it'll be easy, but I can promise you that I'm doing everything I can to stay on track. I will try my fucking hardest. This… what we're building, it means everything to me. I won't jeopardize that."
I search his face, looking for any sign of hesitation. All I see is sincerity and determination, but I can't help worrying.
"Okay," I say softly. "Just please be careful. And call me anytime if you're struggling. Even if it's the middle of the night."
Dakota nods, squeezing my hand. "I will, I promise." He pauses, then adds hesitantly, "Lauren, I know you said no before, but I want to offer again. Let me help out financially while I'm gone. With school starting and the new daycare, I know things will be tight."
I feel a surge of pride and stubbornness. "Dakota, I appreciate that, I really do. But I need to do this on my own. I've managed this far, and I'll figure it out. It's important to me."
He looks like he wants to argue, but instead, he nods. "I understand. But the offer stands if you change your mind, okay?"
"Okay," I agree, knowing I won't. "Thank you."
"There's one more thing," I say, taking a deep breath. "Promise me you'll be careful with Roman's heart. He's already asking about you, and I just... I can't bear the thought of him getting hurt if this doesn't work out."
Dakota's expression softens. "I promise," he says solemnly. "I care about him too, you know. Both of you. We'll take it slow, and I’ll follow your lead when it comes to Roman."
I nod, feeling some of the tension leave my body. There are still a million things to figure out, but for now, this feels like a start.
"So," Dakota says, a small smile playing on his lips as he squeezes my hand. "We're doing this?"
Despite everything, I find myself smiling back. "Yeah," I reply. "We're doing this."
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I feel a mix of emotions wash over me. There's relief, yes, and a surge of warmth as Dakota pulls me into a tight hug. But there's also a flutter of anxiety in my chest, a voice in the back of my mind wondering if I'm making the right choice. For Roman. For myself.
But as I breathe in Dakota's familiar scent, feeling the solid warmth of his body against mine, I push those doubts aside. We might not have all the answers right now, but we're in this together. And for the first time in a long time, I don't feel quite so alone.
I pull back slightly, meeting Dakota's gaze. "It won't be easy," I say softly.
He nods, his eyes serious but warm. "Nothing worth having ever is. But we've got this, Lauren. You and me."
And in that moment, I let myself believe him.
Lord, help me. I believe him.