30. Heart of Novocaine – Lauren
30
HEART OF NOVOCAINE
LAUREN
T he soft glow of my desk lamp casts long shadows across the living room. My nursing textbooks lie open, neglected, on the coffee table. The house creaks and settles around me, a reminder of its age and the life Shannon and I once had here. Now, it's just Roman and me... and sometimes Dakota.
I curl up on the worn couch, inhaling the familiar scent of chamomile tea. It reminds me of late nights with Dakota, his arm around me as we watched old TV shows. The mug's warmth seeps into my hands, a stark contrast to the cold dread in my stomach.
Shannon's face fills my laptop screen, her new Seattle apartment visible in the background. Despite the distance, we're still in the same time zone, the darkness outside her window mirroring my own.
"Lauren?" Shannon's voice cuts through my reverie. "You still there? You look like you've seen a ghost."
I force a weak smile. "Sorry, just... it's been a week. I can't focus on my studies, I can barely sleep..."
Shannon's brow furrows with concern. "Okay, spill it. What's going on?"
I take a deep breath, my eyes darting to the framed photo of Roman and Dakota on the mantel. "You remember Nikki? Miles' ex from way back?"
"Vaguely," Shannon nods. "Blonde, bit of a party girl? The one he was with before you?"
"That's her. She came into the diner a few days ago and... God, Shan, she told me something about Miles. About the night he died."
Shannon leans closer, her image pixelating slightly. "What? What did she say?"
The words stick in my throat, but I force them out. "She said... she said Miles was with someone that night. A married woman. That they... that they died together. And I told you Dakota’s wife died the same night, right?"
"Holy shit," Shannon breathes. "Lauren, are you saying what I think you're saying? You think it was Dakota's wife?"
I nod, feeling tears sting in my eyes. "The timing fits. The circumstances. The hospital. It's too much of a coincidence, isn't it?"
Suddenly, I'm back in this very room, three years ago. The casual way I checked my phone that morning, expecting nothing more than a text from work. Instead, I got a voicemail from some guy I vaguely knew as Miles' friend. His words, hesitant and awkward: "Lauren, I... I think you should know. Miles died last night. Drug overdose."
I remember sinking onto this same couch, one hand on my swollen belly, feeling Roman kick as if he knew something was wrong.
"Lauren?" Shannon's voice pulls me back. "Where'd you go just now?"
I shake my head, wiping away a stray tear. "Just... remembering how I found out. God, Shan, what if I'd known then? What if..."
"Hey, no what-ifs," Shannon interrupts gently. "You can't change the past. But have you talked to Dakota about this?"
Guilt gnaws at me as I shake my head. "I tried calling him right away, but now I've been avoiding his calls. I don't know what to say, or how to even bring it up. What if I'm wrong, Shan? What if I'm just paranoid and seeing connections that aren't there?"
"And what if you're right?" Shannon counters. "Lauren, you can't sit on this. You need to talk to him."
"I know, I know. It's just..." I trail off, my eyes landing on Roman's latest artwork on the fridge. "I think we've built something good, you know? He's so great with Roman, and I... I love him. But this could change everything. This could really mess with his head right now. And I’m not sure he’s in a great headspace as it is."
Shannon's quiet for a moment, her expression thoughtful. "Look, I get it. This is huge. But think about it - if it is true, don't you think Dakota deserves to know? And if it's not, well, then you can put this whole thing to rest."
"There's more," I admit quietly. "I tried to get the police report, but they wouldn't give it to me. Said I wasn't next of kin."
"Of course they wouldn't," Shannon sighs. "But Dakota could get it, couldn't he? As Chloe's husband?"
"Yeah, I think so. But how do I even ask him to do that? 'Hey, honey, can you please check if your dead wife was cheating on you with my dead ex?'" The words taste bitter in my mouth.
"Start with the truth," Shannon suggests. "Tell him what Nikki said. Tell him your suspicions. Be honest about your fears."
I take a sip of my now-cold tea, letting Shannon's words sink in. "You're right. I know you're right. I just... I don't know how to have this conversation. And what if it changes how he feels about me? About Roman?"
"Lauren," Shannon's voice is firm. "That man adores you and Roman. This won't change that. But keeping secrets? That might."
As if on cue, I hear Roman stirring in his room. "Mommy?" his sleepy voice calls out.
"Just a sec, baby," I call back, then turn to Shannon. "I should go. But... thanks, Shan. I'll call him tomorrow. After my morning class."
"Good," Shannon smiles encouragingly. "And Lauren? Call me right after, okay? No matter how it goes."
"I will," I promise. "Thanks, Shan. I don't know what I'd do without you."
As I close my laptop, Roman pads into the living room, rubbing his eyes. "Mommy? Who were you talking to?"
"Just Aunt Shannon, sweetie," I say, pulling him onto my lap. "Did you have a bad dream?"
He nods, burying his face in my neck. "When's Dakota coming back?"
The innocent question feels like a punch to the heart. "Soon, baby. He's still working, remember?"
As I hold Roman close, my mind races. How will this affect him? Will it change the way Dakota looks at him? And what about nursing school? I've worked so hard to get here, but how can I focus on cellular biology when my past and present are colliding like this?
I carry Roman back to bed, tucking him in with Rex. As I smooth his hair, I make a silent promise. Whatever happens with Dakota, whatever the truth about Miles and Chloe turns out to be, I'll protect Roman. He's my priority, always. Miles' family might want nothing to do with us, just like my own parents, but that doesn't matter. We have each other.
But as I crawl into my own empty bed, doubt creeps in. Can Dakota and I survive this? What if this revelation changes everything we've built? What if 'together' isn't an option anymore?
Tomorrow, I tell myself. Tomorrow, I’ll work up the courage to face this. I just hope we can face it together.