Chapter 31 Face the Music
Face the Music
Locke
Ireturn to the hotel, and Mickey is no longer there. He said he was just stepping out for a moment.
Oscar never met up with me. He didn’t pick up his phone when I called, and his side of the bond was shut down.
I clean up the room and pace around for a while, waiting for Mickey. If he doesn’t come back, it could mean he finally went to talk to Legs about everything he fucking shouldn’t be telling him about.
He wanted to mess around again this morning, and I turned him down.
Should I not have done that? Fuck! I can only give so goddamned much!
This shit was easier when I was Legs’s plaything.
He always set the terms. He said when to start and when to stop.
I could just turn off my brain and be at his mercy.
I’d just escape into my head and not have to be present.
But with Mickey, it’s like I’m always one bad choice away from everything being meaningless. My betrayal of my pack. My dignity, that Kol and Oscar fought for. It’s all a waste. I’m a waste.
Why is it I was the one with a scent match? I’m not worthy of such a thing. It should be brave Kol. Or trustworthy Oscar. Not me. Who’s barely one step above a dog.
I say, fuck it and leave the room to get a drink at the hotel bar. One drink turns into many drinks. And before I know it, it’s dark outside and I’m walking back to the cross streets, drunk off my ass. I call Oscar again.
“Locke?”
“You asshole. You stood me up! Oh god. I didn’t mean to call you an asshole. You know I love you, Oscar. I’m so sorry. I’m just…I’m just not doing so well right now. And you hurt my feelings.”
“Come home,” he says so simply. “Come home, mijo.”
I nod even though he can’t see me.
“Ok,” I say and then hang up.
I manage to get my keys into the door and get myself inside. My head is swimming, and all my emotions are on the surface. It’s dark inside. Just some lamps on. And it smells like…
“Oscar?” Kol sits at the kitchen table under the low light of a floor lamp, and Oscar is doing the dishes. “Why does it smell like Mads in here?”
It’s this subtle croissant smell. All buttery and tender. I noticed it while I did his hair. I’ve been wanting to get my nose into his neck and really understand it.
“He’s sleeping in my room.”
He says it so simply, I have nothing to say back.
Mads is in the apartment. Sleeping.
“Why?”
Kol looks up from his computer.
“Why don’t you come sit down. Eat something. We have to talk.”
Suddenly, it’s half a year ago, and I’m so very small again. So very powerless. And these two alphas are looking at me like they will try everything they can to rescue me.
I hate that I need rescuing.
Eventually, my feet take me to the table where Oscar lays out some cookies and a glass of milk. They don’t say anything as I eat the snack.
I am small, aren’t I? I am powerless.
“Locke, I saw Mickey today,” Oscar says as he sits next to me.
My eyes bulge out of my head, and I nearly bolt.
“Where is he?”
“He’s dead.”
I can’t breathe.
“Breathe. It’s ok. Mads and I disposed of him quickly and quietly. Kol took care of the body. I doubt they’ll find it for a long time.”
“Mads?”
“He wants to be pack. And as any good pack mate does, he told me your secret because he felt you were not being safe. I hunted Mickey down to delete him, but Mads got angry about the things he said about you, and he tried to kill him with his fists. I nearly let him. But it was me who finished him off.”
A wave of flattery rushes through me. Mads defended me? Oscar killed him for me?
But it’s replaced quickly with guilt. My choices led to Mads and Oscar doing something horrible.
“You told me you didn’t want to be violent anymore. You told me you would never be dragged back into this world,” I say.
“You’re more important than that promise.”
I hang my head and a heady cloud of shame fills the space. “What punishment can I expect for what I did? I betrayed my scent match. I lied to you. I was having sex with…”
Oscar cut me off. “It is not my job to be the deliverer of shame and guilt. I am not your master. If you want to feel shame, you feel it. If you want absolution, I will assist you in finding it. But I do not hold the other end of your leash. It is firmly in your own hand.”
And then, he adds, “Even Mads has your back. His knuckles are torn and bloody in your honor. Don’t forget his gift to you.”
Well, that does it. I curl in on myself and wail a cry. God, it hurts. Everything hurts. Kol drapes himself over me. He holds me as I come apart.
He rubs my back and shushes me. Oscar manages to hold our hands together, despite mine being held in a fist.
Eventually, they lead me to my bed to lie down. Kol lies on his bed next to mine. I appreciate the company. And then I eventually fall asleep.