Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
E MERALD
By the end of the week, I still haven’t seen Saint again. Was what happened the other day all just because he wanted to check whether my dress was stolen? Or was it actually because he’s a little attracted to me…? Honestly, I just don’t know what to make of it or him.
As I have a very quick coffee with Jacquetta and Nicki at the casino before my shift starts, I look at my manicure. It’s in a complete mess, but I’m too tired by the end of each day to even have the energy to paint my nails. My repetitive handwashing has been a bit out of control lately. I keep telling myself to just focus on the kids. Seeing them looking happier is what keeps me going.
“Have you heard from Saint lately?” I ask Nicki. When I first told Nicki what happened with me thinking Saint was a cop, she’d chuckled and said that he had a dark sense of humor. I’d been intrigued to know how Nicki knew the elusive Saint. She’d explained that her mom’s side of the family lived in Philadelphia, and whenever she went to visit them there, Saint would drop in to check how she was doing. Basically, Christian asked Saint to keep an eye on Nicki whenever she was in Philly.
“No. He’s gone back to Italy from what I hear.”
“How long until he returns to the States?” I don’t know what makes me ask this.
“No idea. But from what Christian said, it sounds like work and that it’s an open-ended thing. Last time, he stayed in Italy for a few months.”
My heart dips for some reason. I didn’t expect something like that to happen between us and him to just then disappear. “How well do you know him?” I ask.
She wrinkles her nose. “Not that well. He’s not the type to let anyone in. But like I said, he checks up on me when I’m in Philly, and he has a couple of his men guard me while I’m in his city. He usually takes me out for a catch up over coffee or lunch.” She shrugs. “He knew my brother and father.”
I don’t want to make Nicki sad by talking about her parents, so I change the subject. I tell them I’ve started a distance learning course on bookkeeping. I’m determined to get a better job and improve things for myself and the kids. It may be hard to get a decent job with my surname and my obvious connection to the Imperiosi via my dad, but New York is a big city, and there must be something out there for me.
I can’t help my mind wandering back to what happened with Saint. And exhilaration runs through me as I relive every look and touch he gave me.
But when I reach the part where his fingers snagged the security tag on my dress, a scowl settles on my features. And I tell myself that what happened between us was merely a physical response by my body to his touch. Because that day was just another one of his tricks—making me think he liked me just because he wanted to get up close to check if my dress was stolen.
Yeah, it was just a physical response—nothing more. Because I could never fall for a beautiful liar like Saint Veneti.
* * *
This evening is yet another one of looking at apartments. Seriously, it feels like an actual part-time job now with how much time it’s taking up. And whenever I’m working or out looking at possible places to rent, I have to find a sitter or a friend to help out if the kids aren’t in school. Because there’s no way in hell I’m leaving them around Enzo again if I’m not there to protect them.
This is the fifth building I’ve been to today. Every other viewing before this has been a bust. Apartments that aren’t bigger than a broom cupboard. Buildings that should come with a health warning. Deposits that are too expensive. And this one is even worse than the previous four. I’m exhausted between working, looking at apartments, and looking after the kids, but I’ll carry on the search tomorrow. I’m not giving up until I’ve got the kids a home where they’ll feel safe and protected.
Heading home, I pick up the kids from the sitter and get them home and to bed. Once they’re all tucked in, I decide to watch some TV and try to unwind. I must have fallen asleep on the couch because the next thing I remember is Enzo and my mom coming home. They’re both wasted. Mom goes straight to their bedroom. I haul myself to my feet and head to bed, but Enzo blocks my way. “Make me something to eat,” he demands.
The alcohol fumes from his breath wash over me, making me recoil with disgust. “It’s late,” I murmur. “I need to get to bed. I have to be up early tomorrow. There’s a loaf of bread if you want to make some toast for yourself.”
“I don’t know what makes you act so superior,” he snarls. “You’re a stuck-up cow just like your sister.” He gives an evil smirk. “But I know what would take that little bitch, Milena, down a peg or two.”
A shiver rolls down my spine. I know he’s still mad about whatever Milena said to him before he slapped her. “What are you talking about, Enzo?”
“She’s sixteen, right? That means it’s about time a man breaks in that tight pussy of hers. I like my whores as young as I can get them.”
Jesus Christ. Revulsion and fear flood through me. I hear a clink. My gaze darts down to see he’s already undone his belt. And he starts to walk toward the bedroom where she’s sleeping.
Oh my fucking God .
I sprint forward and shove myself in front of him to block his way.
But he pushes me hard, making me stumble into the wall. “Stay out of my way!”
And before I can do anything else, he lashes out at me with his belt.
Pain pierces through me, making me cry out.
He takes another stride toward me and goes to raise the belt again.
But before he can bring it down, I shove him hard.
Stumbling over the edge of the coffee table, he sprawls backward onto the floor and lands with a heavy thud.
He looks dazed, so I take my chance. Running to the room I share with Milena, I see the noise has just woken her up. I snatch her arm. “Come on!” I yell. And I drag her into Jaspar and Giulietta’s room. I don’t think Enzo will go for either of the youngest kids, but I’m not taking any goddamn chances.
Slamming the door shut and snapping the lock into place, I hear Enzo yelling. “You stupid bitch! You think some flimsy door is gonna keep me from fucking Milena?”
He rattles the door handle, and I hear him slamming his body against the door to force it open. Jaspar and Giulietta wake up. Their eyes dart around in confusion and widen with fear. And Milena’s voice is shaking as she tries to comfort them and tell them that everything is going to be okay.
I snatch my phone from my pocket and hit speed-dial to my mom’s cell.
“Emerald…?” she mumbles.
“Mom! You’ve got to stop Enzo. He’s trying to break down the door to the kids’ room!”
“I’m…sleeping…”
“Mom, did you hear me? He wants to hurt us!”
“For fuck’s sake, why are you waking me up? Can’t I get any goddamn peace from you kids? What about…what I need?” Her words are disjointed and slurred. “You always want something from me…”
“Mom, did you hear me?”
But the phone goes dead as she hangs up.
“Mom!”
I dial again and hear it ringing in her bedroom. But she doesn’t pick up. And then I hear her yell out. “For God’s sake, Em! Leave me the hell alone! I’m sleeping…”
Dread races through me as the door looks like it’s going to give way, so I haul the dresser in front of it.
The kids are crying now, and I sit huddled with them, tears pouring down my face and praying that Enzo doesn’t break the door down. I just need to keep us safe…
* * *
I stare at the key in my palm. The cramped one-bedroom apartment is dingy and has a kitchen that looks like it’s at least sixty years old. The linoleum is peeling, cabinet doors are falling off their hinges, and the bedroom has some exposed brick from a patch job gone wrong. But it’s mine for now.
The landlord had been all too eager to push it off when I told him I could pay cash upfront for the first month and utilities. Almost all my gold dresses online have sold, except for four which no one bid on, so I’ll keep those. The proceeds from the dresses will cover the rent, leaving me with money for food for only the next couple of days, but I’ll worry about that later.
I just know that the kids can’t spend another day under the same roof as Enzo. Last night was awful. I’m still shaken to the core and in pain from where he struck me. Thank God that the door lock held and kept him out of the bedroom. I shudder to think what would have happened otherwise.
I tried to speak with my mom again this morning, but she was still high from last night and still didn’t care. Jesus Christ, how can a mother not freaking care that her complete creep of a boyfriend was planning on forcing her sixteen-year-old daughter? How can a mother not even goddamn care that her kids had to barricade themselves into a bedroom because that was the only way to stay safe? How can she not care that we were all utterly petrified? How could she hang up her phone like that, just because she wanted to freaking sleep ?
So, this morning, I fought back my tears as I took the first apartment I viewed. Anything has to be better than the kids being around a violent, disgusting creep like Enzo. My new landlord is as sketchy as hell, but I’m desperate, and I know that I’m not going to find anything better on my budget. I look around the place again before locking up.
I just have time to drop back to my mom’s place before I start my shift at Casino Venice. I’m quick as I jog up the stairs to our apartment. And no surprise, Mom is sprawled on the couch and out of it.
“I found an apartment.”
She looks at me and nods. “Okay.”
I hate it when she’s checked out like this. She’s not the only one who lost someone the day my dad was killed. She’s not the only one who has to live with what happened. “The kids need somewhere to sleep,” I grit out. “So, I’ll need the furniture from our bedrooms and some sheets and towels. And we’ll need some plates and stuff.”
“Sure.”
“Here’s the address.” I hand her a small piece of paper. Maybe it’s not the best idea given what Enzo is like, but it just feels wrong for her to not even know where the kids are living.
But she merely tosses the paper aside.
And I leave before I break down in tears.
My shift passes in a blur.
Later that day, the reality of everything sinks into me like a dead weight as I sit in the middle of the barren living room, staring blankly at the walls.
There’s a folding dining table, a cramped kitchenette with a microwave and toaster, and a sofa-bed which is where I’ll be sleeping so that the kids can have the only bedroom. The TV has a DVD player sitting beneath it like it’s the year 2000, and apart from those things, there are very few homey items like blankets and pillows. But it will have to do for now.
I fiddle with my bracelet. Click, click, click, click . But even that’s not enough to soothe me like it normally does. All through my shift, I kept going over the numbers. It’s going to be really difficult to keep this place on what I earn, but we need it. My siblings need love. They need a home. Tears burn my eyes as I hug my knees, and they start to trickle down my cheeks. Soon the trickle turns into a flood, and then the flood turns into outright ugly sobbing.
How did my life become such a total mess? My boyfriend dumped me after completely humiliating me and telling me that I’ve let myself go, my mom doesn’t care if we are safe or where we live, and I’m living in a tiny apartment which I know I’m going to struggle to afford.
I swipe my eyes to get rid of the tears because the kids will be here soon. They can’t see me fall apart like this. Just focus on the positive, Em. The kids will be safe now, and I can work the rest of it out later. Don’t let the kids see you stressing out over the money situation. You don’t want to worry them. Pretend that everything’s okay now. Just smile when you see them.
I square my shoulders, eyeing my phone on the counter where I left it as I set up the bedroom. I lift myself up and grab my phone, scrolling to the chess site. There are invitations to a few matches waiting for my acceptance. I chew my lip and accept all of them. They’re all slotted one after another. The payout isn’t great. Ten dollars usually; sometimes, even twenty dollars. But I need the money to buy food for us. Every cent counts…because I’m desperate now.
* * *
Jacquetta has noticed that I’ve been down in the dumps and suggests setting me up with a colleague of a friend. The first question I ask is whether he’s Imperiosi, but she says no. Then she offers to babysit and presses me to go, so I decide to say yes to give me a distraction from my problems. I mean, he can’t be any worse than the guy who dumped me in front of all my friends, right?
The guy, Chase, rings me and suggests taking me to a fancy French restaurant. I pick out a dress and get ready, taking extra time to put on my make up and do my hair. Jacquetta is going to keep an eye on the kids for me and has told me to focus on enjoying myself.
I meet Chase at the restaurant, and once we’re there, conversation flows easily, and I find I’m enjoying myself. He’s handsome, sexy, and charming.
“Do you live by yourself?” he asks as we start our entrée.
I shake my head, picking up my glass to take a sip of the wine he ordered for us. “I look after my three younger siblings, so they live with me.”
His brow creases. “So, you still live with your parents?”
“No. My dad passed away a few years ago. And my mom isn’t able to look after them right now, so that’s why the kids have moved into an apartment with me. They’re great kids.” I flash him a smile. “They’re sixteen, six, and five.”
His face blanches. “You’re a single mom ?”
“Well, technically, I’m their sister.” But I guess the set-up is the same as if I were a single mom.
He tosses his linen napkin onto the table as he shoves back his chair. “No man in their right mind would want to date a woman who’s got three screaming brats at home. I can’t believe that you didn’t bother to mention that.”
Indignation starts to swirl within me. “You never asked. If you had, I would have gladly told you, just like I’m telling you right now. I haven’t been trying to keep it a secret. I didn’t realize it would be such an issue.”
“Of course, it’s a fucking issue,” he snaps. “I’m here to get away from a nagging wife and my own two whining kids!”
My fork clatters to the table. “Wife? You’re married ?”
“You women are all the same. Desperate to get your claws into any man, so that he’ll be a meal ticket for you and your brats.”
People are looking at us now, and my face flushes when he says this. “I think it’s way worse when a man deliberately forgets to mention that he has a wife and that he’s a cheater,” I retort, my true thoughts spilling out. “And I’m not after your money. I have a job and can support myself.”
He stalks off, and I console myself by gulping down the rest of my wine. I sink my head into my hands. Jacquetta obviously doesn’t know that he’s married, and it’s not her fault that he’s a complete liar and scumbag.
As I leave, I think this evening can’t get any worse, but the waiter hurries up with the bill which Chase left for me to pay. Two hundred dollars for a bottle of wine and two entrées? Yeah, he’s definitely a scumbag, and I feel like crying as I put it on my credit card. I wonder how on earth I’m going to have enough money this month to pay all the bills, and I know that I’ll need to pick up as many chess games as possible.
But then I tell myself to just focus on how well I’ve been doing, supporting myself and my siblings. I’ve taken on two extra jobs, working mornings at a florist and afternoons at a restaurant, leaving my evenings free to work at the casino. Milena also has a part-time job now, and she helps to look after the little ones when she can, or I’m swapping childcare favors with Addison. I’m just about managing to keep on top of things. Although it’s still tricky because Ria Gioberti’s cousin, Ramona, is a supervisor at the casino and draws up the staff rotas. And despite me asking for only evening shifts and lowering myself to practically beg her, Ramona takes great delight in making things difficult for me. I’ve no doubt that Ria’s influence is behind her cousin’s mean girl tactics. Even though Ria has Ronnie, she still hates my guts.
So, things are far from easy, but the fact the kids are happy means the absolute world to me. I already swore off dating made men after the Ronnie thing, and after this date with Chase, I’m done with dating all men—for at least a while. I just want to focus on myself and the kids.
But this plan isn’t meant to be…