Chapter 46
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
S AINT
Finally. Finally, I’ve found the fucking traitor who’s been stealing the money and investing in the trafficking ring.
It was one of our captains, Armando Barbieri. Fucking asshole. What the fuck was he thinking getting involved with the Croatians?
Before I go to see Christian, I call a new hacker I found a while ago and tell him it’s time. I’ve had this planned for a while now. And after giving him a couple of hours to do his thing, I take the necessary information to Christian.
Walking into the office at the casino, I toss the printouts in front of him. “Found the traitors.”
“Traitors, as in plural?”
“Yeah. It’s all there in black and white.”
He picks up the papers and sits back in his chair. A frown pulls his features as he reads through them. “So, Armando Barbieri?”
“Yeah,” I reply.
He shakes his head. “Kill the fucker. Never liked him anyway.”
“Consider it done, boss.”
Christian looks up from the papers and looks hard at me. “And Carmine Cicconi was involved too?”
“Yeah.” I’m silent for a few long moments. “Everything you need is in those papers.”
He eyeballs me. “You mean, everything I need if anyone challenges me on why I gave the go ahead for Carmine to be killed?”
“Yeah.” I never could hide anything from Christian.
“Kill him too,” he says quietly.
I nod. Christian knows why I need to do this. He knows I’ve set Carmine up so that I can take him out and keep Emerald safe.
I take care of Barbieri first, taking him out cleanly and efficiently. A single bullet to the head. As much as I want to torture the fucker and take my time, I’m burning to get to Carmine. To end that fucker before he can do anything more to Emerald.
On my way to Carmine, I make a quick stop to kill that fucker, Alberto, for daring to insult Emerald that time with that stupid bet comment. Another single bullet to the head.
And then I get onto the man I really want. Carmine. I already know his daily movements by heart. I’ve been surveilling him since I came up with the plan to frame him.
Every evening, he goes to the gym at 5 p.m. Although his waistline doesn’t look to be helped by his frequent workouts, which is hardly surprising given his gym is actually the home of a hooker.
By the time he arrives, I’ve already paid off the hooker to leave town and never come back.
He’s got his own key, and I hear the door open and close. Then I hear his heavy tread of footsteps up the staircase. As he walks in, he already has his tiny dick pulled out of his pants. And the first thing he sees is me sprawled back in the armchair and pointing a gun at his head.
“ Saint …?”
“Yeah.”
“W-where’s Madeline?”
“Gone. I think she’s squeamish around blood.”
His tiny dick shrivels even smaller. “Look, you don’t want to start anything with me,” he blusters.
“I think I do. Because you’ve put out a hit on Emerald. Made her goddamn afraid for herself, but worse, terrified for her siblings.”
“Look, why do you care about her anyway? She fucking stood you up at the altar!”
I shoot him in the left knee. “That’s your first mistake. Mentioning that. Because I’m still touchy about the subject. And for your information, we’re still getting married.”
He’s whimpering in pain as blood soaks the leg of his pants, only just managing to stay standing as he braces himself against the wall. “For God’s sake, Saint! From what I’ve heard, she left you. You don’t even know where the whore is?—”
I stand up from the armchair and shoot him in the right knee, and he collapses to the floor with a thud and writhes in pain. “That’s mistake number two. Calling her a whore. She’s worth one hundred fucking times what you’re worth. And no one calls her a whore—ever.”
He’s fucking sniveling now as he pleads with me. “We can work something out… How much will it take? I’ve g-got money. We don’t need to…fall out over some dumb ho…”
“And that’s mistake number three.” And I shoot him in the head. Silencing him forever. No one calls her a ho. No one talks like that about Emerald or threatens her goddamn life.
I walk over to where his body has fallen at an awkward angle. I love the sound of my gun. But also, I love the silence that comes after a hit. Silence that tells me all is well in the world again.
Because the fucker should have known better than to mess with the best hitman the Imperiosi’s got.
* * *
The following day, my phone vibrates just after I’ve dropped the kids at school. I’ve exhausted everything. Contacts in transportation. Contacts in different states. My reach is wide and far, but still fucking nothing.
My eyes drift to the new message, and I brake hard before I hit the car in front of me, veering left and pulling over to the side of the road. I open the message in full, my eyes rushing to scan the message and attachment.
Dread and relief wash over me at the same time. My fingers dial my contact, and I drum my fingers against the steering wheel as I wait for him to answer.
“You’re sure?” I bark out.
“Yeah. I came across the report while I was filing some paperwork for that job on the waterfront. Looks like your girl got caught for stealing dresses from some boutique.”
“What? When? Is she okay?”
“They haven’t moved her yet. There’s some overcrowding problem and paperwork issues, so she’s remained in holding for the last few days.”
“Fuck.”
“What’s so special about her?”
“You don’t need to know that, Rawlins,” I snap.
“Right. Er, sorry. Forgot who I was talking to. The station’s fairly quiet right now if you wanna head over.”
Fuck, do I ever. “Yeah. I’ll be there shortly.”
I hang up before he can say anything else. Of all the scenarios I’ve played in my head over and over again, Emerald getting herself goddamn arrested was not on the list. I sink back into my seat, letting the weight of the last week lessen a little as I sit there, my head thrown back against the headrest. A rough disbelieving laugh leaves me. “Only you, Emerald. Only you.” I shake my head as I dial Christian’s number.
“Saint. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I found her. Tell Jacquetta and Nicki.”
“Where?”
“Not important. She’s safe.”
“Thank God. Jacquetta and Nicki have been going crazy.”
“Yeah, I can relate.” That’s the understatement of the century. I’ve lost my goddamn mind these past days, each hour worse than the last one.
“Saint, are you about to do something I should know about?”
“Nope.”
“That doesn’t sound reassuring,” he clips.
“When have I ever done anything without a good reason?”
“Saint—”
“I just called to let you know I’ll be unavailable today. I’ve got a promising lead to follow about where the missing money is being held, but I’ve got to sort out things with Emerald first.” Because even though I’ve dealt with Armando Barbieri, I still have the last of the missing money to locate.
“So, dealing with Emerald is more important?”
“ Don’t, Christian .”
He chuckles. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You’re an asshole, you know that?”
Christian’s laugh fills the speaker.
I shake my head. “I’m headed to Emerald right now. Just tell Jacquetta she can stop with the messaging every hour, okay?”
“Fine. Call if you need anything, Saint.”
But the only thing I need is to see Emerald’s face. I don’t know if I’m more relieved or pissed. Of all the damn ways this could have gone, her getting caught shoplifting isn’t what I expected. My molars grind into one another as I hang up the call and merge back into the traffic. My hand flexes around the steering wheel, and my foot presses on the gas as I weave in and out of the cars clogging up the street.
Seeing her is all I can think about. And the feelings that roar to life in my chest fuel my speeding, but not as much as my need to see her. To see her with my own eyes.
This time without her has brought on a new kind of misery. A new kind of black pit swallowing me whole.
I want Emerald .
I’ve wanted her for a long time.
I was just too dumb to see that I wanted her in the only way that mattered.
Not just because she challenges me.
Not just because she pushes me.
But because she also makes me feel things.
Things I haven’t felt in so long.
I didn’t know what love was.
Maybe I still don’t. But whatever it is, it’s with Emerald. It’s with the baby. It’s with Milena, Jaspar, and Giulietta. It’s with our family .
And I’ll be damned if I’m not going to fight tooth and nail for her now.
Lesson learned. She wanted me to fight for us. So be it.
I’ll give it everything I can. I’ll show her that she matters the world to me.
If she runs, I follow. Every single time.
If she thinks she’s unworthy, I’ll prove her wrong. Every damn day for the rest of my life.
Emerald is it for me .
She’s the only person who’s come into my life and made me feel something in that lump of coal I call my heart. And she’s made it beat in a way it hasn’t in well over two decades. She’s worked her way under my skin and stayed there. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I was a damn fool for thinking I could pretend to be with Emerald and not fall over that edge.
She even apologized to me for running out of the wedding and not telling me about the baby. But I still couldn’t tell her how I really feel about her…
It was a dangerous game of chess.
And I lost.
And gladly so.
But the problem isn’t how I feel. It’s voicing it . It’s telling her that she’s the only woman I want. She’s it for me. I want her. The good parts and the bad parts. The sunshine smiles, the stealing, and the OCD—all of it.
I slam the car into park outside the precinct and stride into the building.
“Can I help you?”
“I’m here to see Emerald Fiorelli.”
“Who?”
My jaw tightens. “Emerald Fiorelli.”
“Sir, I don’t?—”
“It’s okay, Chen, I’ve got him. He’s a friend,” Rawlins says from behind the counter. Officer Chen buzzes me back, and I fall into step beside Rawlins. “Rough night?” he asks.
“What?”
“You look exhausted.”
“Yeah, something like that. Where is she?”
“Down the hall. It’s the last holding cell on the right.”
I push past him, my feet carrying me before my mind can process what’s happening. What do I even say to her? For a man so hellbent on being ten or twelve steps ahead of everyone, Emerald leaves me second guessing myself and questioning everything I know.
She leaves me out of control.
I hate it.
But I love it at the same time.
I slow myself down, shoving my hands into my pockets as I approach her cell. She’s curled up on the small bench, arms crossed.
My tongue runs across the flat of my teeth as I take her in. I trace over her body, a rumble of fury and relief rising to the top of my chest.
I lean against the bars of the cell. “You know they give you a phone call.”
Her gaze snaps to mine. “What are you doing here?”
“Could ask you the same thing. I have to say, Emerald, you really find the best places to hang out at.”
She slings her legs over the edge of the bench, sitting up. “Are you here to rub it in or bail me out?”
“Neither.”
“So, you’re just leaving me in here?” Her voice splutters in disbelief.
“I didn’t say that now, did I?”
She swallows back. And that’s when I see it. A crack in the strong Emerald I’ve come to see over the last few months. I lean further into the bars.
“Is this you telling me I told you so?” Her voice breaks, and my heart squeezes.
“No. It’s not that.”
“Then what? Why are you here, Saint?”
I stare at her. Her arms are wrapped around her chest, and she clenches her jaw like she’s trying so hard not to fall apart. Always the strong and confident Emerald. Always putting on a front that she doesn’t need anyone. “Because you’ve been gone for days, and I just found out you got thrown in jail for shoplifting. I needed to see you to believe it.”
“So, it is an I told you so.”
I shake my head, letting out a sigh. “No, Em. It’s not. It’s an ‘I’ve been up every night, tearing apart the city looking for you, and I’ve been worried about you for goddamn days, thinking God knows what’s happened to you and thinking we’re going find your body floating in the river, courtesy of Carmine.”
She just stares at me.
I turn from the bars, trying hard to hold onto that calm indifferent mask. “Why didn’t you call me? I could have bailed you out days ago. You’re lucky one of the officers works for the Imperiosi, or you’d have been shipped off to county lock up to wait for a trial. I mean, who did you call if it wasn’t me?”
“My mom.”
I step closer to the bars. “Why, Em? Did you really think she was going to help?”
She sniffs. “No. But I hoped she’d tell someone who could.”
I sigh, resting my head against the bars as my eyes close. “Why’d you call her over me?”
“Because I…didn’t think you cared, Saint.”
It’s like a stab to my heart, and I bite the inside of my cheek to stop making a sound. I deserve the blow. I deserve everything she’s about to hurl at me. But I just want her to lean on me. To know she can trust me to catch her when she falls. It hurts more than I care to admit to see her like this. To know she chose her deadbeat of a mother over me.
“You don’t get it, do you, Saint?”
“Get what, Em?”
“That you hurt me. The whole fake fiancée stuff was bad enough. Because until you proposed, I thought you didn’t consider me good enough to be…your real fiancée.” Her voice cracks. “And then after the proposal, after you never told me you loved me , what was I supposed to think?” Her voice is a whisper now. “What am I still supposed to think? Everyone else thinks I’m unworthy. And it hurts that you think the same. It hurts that you still don’t think I’m good enough to fall in love with .”
I shake my head. “Do you know what it was like to think that I was too late? To think that the image of you in a body bag was going to become real?” My hand curls around the bar. “To think that the only person I’ve loved since I was five might be dead and I was helpless to stop it? Helpless to stop it again?”
There’s the slightest tremble in her bottom lip, and the swiftest swipe at her eyes. And I see that hard thick shell she’s built around herself crumbling.
And that’s when I see the real Emerald.
The one she hides from the world.
Scared of being alone.
Scared of being seen as less.
Scared of being herself.
This is the Emerald I’ve seen in glances here and there. Brief moments where she’s shown me who she really is. This is the Emerald who’s managed to worm her way into my life. And I almost lost her.
My heart clenches, and I can’t find my voice as I stare at her. I want to reach out to her. Brush the tears from her face and tell her that she, her siblings, and our baby are the most important things to me in the whole world.
But she won’t believe me.
Not yet.
And I don’t blame her.
“Emerald…” But my voice trails off.
Because I don’t know how to fix this.
How to show her that I do mean every damn promise and word I’ve said to her.
How to fucking show her that I do love her.
Now comes the hard part. The part that makes my palms sweat and heart race. How I show her that I love her, I haven’t a fucking clue. But I have to figure it out—or lose her forever. And that isn’t happening. I tell myself it’s just another chess game I’ve yet to figure out. But when I do, Emerald is going to be mine until death do us part. “I’m sorry, Em…” And jaw tightening, I step back from the bars and give her a curt nod as I turn to leave.
Her eyebrows shoot up. “That’s it? What about getting me out of here?” she squeals.
I take another step, then stop. “I’ll figure it out, Em.”
“What are you going to do? Hold on, you can’t kill a police station full of cops!”
I roll my eyes. Of course she’d think that. That’s the kind of monster I am, right? The hitman without a heart. “I wasn’t planning on it, Emerald.” I go to walk away but stop once more. “And for the record, Emerald, you and me? We were never fake. I lied to you, but I’m done lying.”
And then I walk away for real.
“Saint!” And that’s the last thing I hear as I keep walking away…