Chapter 48

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

S AINT

My heart is hammering in my chest as I step closer to Emerald. Just being with her makes my heartbeat triple in rate. I’m almost certain my watch is about to start blaring at me that I’m close to cardiac arrest. That’s what Emerald Fiorelli does to me every single damn time she’s near. Whether she’s beating me at chess, stealing my wallet, or just plain stealing my heart .

I cup her face again, relishing the warmth of her skin against my hand.

I close my eyes and press my forehead against hers, taking a deep breath. Eyes opening, I search her green gaze and wait for some sign that I’m about to fuck up the only thing that matters to me. The only thing that’s ever mattered to me since I was five years old.

That lump in my throat grows, and I hear my swallow as I try to find the words to begin apologizing for everything I’ve fucked up with this woman.

“The last seven days were a fucking lifetime without you, Em.”

She tilts her head to one side but says nothing.

“I’m sorry, Em. About everything .”

Still silence from her.

“Look, if you want me to beg, Emerald, I will.”

Her response is immediate. “Okay. Go ahead.”

“Huh? Wait…what?”

“ Beg. I want to hear what you have to say, Saint.”

I examine her face, but there isn't the slightest hint of her sunshine smile. She’s fucking serious. Oh fuck.

“I’m waiting,” she says.

“Don’t you think that maybe you’re taking this a little too far, Emerald?” I grit out.

She just pierces me with her gaze.

I drag my hand through my hair. “Look, Emerald, if you want me to beg, I’ll beg. You’re the only woman I’ve ever wanted in my whole goddamn life, and I’ll do whatever it takes to get you back.”

She merely continues to stare at me.

Panic is rising in my throat.

But at least I prepared something. That’s me—always thinking ten steps ahead. Always with a plan. Always able to outsmart the other person. But this time, it’s about something a thousand times more important than some kill I’ve got to carry out.

I clear my throat. “I am unworthy of your attention, consideration, and love. I know that you'll probably never forgive me, but I could never live with myself if I didn't tell you today exactly how I feel. My heart has ached so much that I’ve felt like I was bleeding out and inching toward a slow, painful death. Your love is my lifeline. It’s my one and only anchor. It's what makes me breathe. I can't live without you. I’m like a sea without a wave. Oh, er, I mean a wave without, um, a sea?—”

She interrupts with a huff. “Did you get this from a book, Saint?”

“Um, so I’m also not going to lie to you anymore. So…yes, I did get it from a book.”

She narrows her gorgeous green eyes at me.

“Em, I don't apologize very often, so I didn't really know what to say. And as well as negotiating the boutique sale with that old bat, dealing with the district attorney, and bribing the cops, I also had to join a public library and spent ages leafing through God knows how many sappy romance books to find something that was good enough to say to you. I mean, me, Saint Veneti, in a fucking public library having to read goddamn romance novels ?—”

“Saint, here’s an idea. How about just telling me what you really feel ?”

I give my head a little shake as if to clear it. “Okay… So, this is even harder than I imagined. I’m not great at expressing my emotions, only at repressing them and pretending that they don’t happen to me. That’s why I bought you the boutique. That was the only way I could think to show you what you mean to me.”

I pause to take a deep inhale of breath.

“Em, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you after Ronnie’s death and that I was jealous. And I’m so sorry I didn’t stop you from walking out after I found out about the baby because I know I should have told you right there and then what you mean to me. You deserve so much better, and I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you needed from me. That’s totally on me. I’m a fucked up man. But I want to be a better man for you. A man who’s always there for you, for the kids, and for this baby. Because you’re all what matters to me. You’re all what makes me happy. And you’re all what helps me to be a little less fucked up. I’m sorry I made you think that you were only good enough to be my fake fiancée. That was never my intention, and I really messed up. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right at the start that I wasn’t a cop. And that I could play chess. And that I was stalking your chess games so that I could get an unfair advantage. And I’m sorry about stealing Jaspar’s Lucky Charms…”

Jesus, as I list it all, I realize how much I’ve fucked up over and over again.

She stays quiet.

“Do you, um, need me to be sorry for keying Ronnie’s car as well?”

“No, you don’t have to be sorry about that,” she clips in a tone that I can’t quite identify.

“Okay, good, because I would find it hard to be truly sorry for that after how he dumped you in such a cowardly way.” I take her hand. “Em, I’m sorry I mess up a lot. But I need you, and I’ll do whatever it takes to persuade you of that.” I take a deep breath. “A king on a chessboard is nothing without his queen. But with his queen by his side, he can achieve anything he wants, including love .” I gulp down another breath. “By the way, I didn’t get that from a book. I got it from here.” I tap on the left side of my chest.

She doesn’t react, and I can feel dread sinking through my stomach. Is it too little, too late?

“Em, I know I’ve got a long way to go to be perfect for you, but there’s no one I want more than you and our family. If it takes me buying a whole damn boutique or even a whole fucking shopping mall to show you I’m serious about this, then so be it. But I need you to hear me when I tell you this. You and me, Em, we’re real. And there’s nowhere you can go that I won’t find you. There’s no place you can run that I won’t follow. You, Emerald Fiorelli, are worth everything and more to me just the way you are.”

My thumb brushes away the tear that trickles from the corner of her eye.

But I press on. Even though my skin itches and I feel exposed and vulnerable. Even though my whole entire body is tense as if I’m pulling a limb from it. I push on because she needs to know this. “Em, I’m here for you. I should have been there for you for the baby news, for Ronnie’s death, for you being locked up in jail.” I pause before continuing. “I was an asshole about a lot of things, probably more than I care to admit. I’m still a fucking asshole. But I wasn’t there for you, and I won’t ever be sorry enough.” I grasp her face a little tighter, trying to show her how much this means to me. How much she means to me.

“Saint—”

“Not done yet, Em.” She huffs, and the corner of my lip twitches for a moment. These words feel like acid in my throat. Showing weakness , admitting I was wrong? It goes against everything I’ve learned over the years. But for Emerald, I’ll do anything. I’d even rip open my chest and show her the shriveled and broken parts of me that no one else can see. “I’m sorry I’m not a better man. I’m sorry I didn’t chase after you like I should have done when you stormed out of the house. I’m sorry you’ll have to help me understand all this emotional stuff. I’m sorry I’m probably getting this all wrong too. But I’m not sorry I’m in love with you . And if you need me to shout out loud to the whole world that I’m in love with you , I’ll do it . Just…will you please come back home with me?”

“Can I talk now?” she asks.

“Depends.”

“On?”

“Are you coming back with me, Em?”

The silence beats between us. “It’s not that simple, Saint.” She looks away. “I need time… And a shower and clean clothes.”

My eyes close, and I nod, stepping back from her and letting my hand fall from her cheek. I walk around to the driver’s side of the car and slip in without another word.

Of course, I’m too late .

I shoot her a glance as she buckles up. The tension is thick in the car as I try my hardest to think of a way to get her to stay. To give me another chance.

But by the time the house looms before us, Emerald still hasn’t said another word.

I park the car and look at her. I need her to realize I’m being as honest, open, and raw as I can be. “Please just stay the night, Em. And if you decide you need to leave, do it in the morning. It’s dark out now. You can stay in that other room if you need to. Just…stay. Please .”

Wordlessly, she exits the car and moves into the house, leaving me staring after her.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I know she still doesn’t believe me.

And I don’t know what else I can do.

I bailed her out of jail, bought a multi-million-dollar business to get charges dropped, even went to the library and read sappy romance novels, but none of it is enough to get her to forgive me.

I’ve totally blown it.

And it’s all my own fucking fault.

My fault for thinking that I could carry on being the same cold, aloof Saint Veneti. For thinking that I could keep just throwing her scraps of affection without really letting her into my heart.

I follow her, trying to rack my brain for how to fix this. How to get her to understand that she’s all I need and want.

She stands in the entry way, frozen.

“Emerald?”

She doesn’t answer, and I take a look around the place. The kids are back from their play date. Giulietta, complete with her wonky braids, and Jaspar are at the small table in the entry doing their homework. Even Milena is. The maid is dusting behind them, and there’s a small platter of fruit and vegetables I left for them in the fridge before I went to get Emerald.

“Emerald?”

“You… They’re doing their homework?”

“Yes?”

“All of them and without being told?” she murmurs.

“I asked them to get started on it before I came to get you. We’ve worked out a system this last week.”

“And who braided Giulietta’s hair? Milena hates doing it for her…plus, she does, um, much better braids than that when she actually does them.”

I shrug. “I learned to braid hair. And I’m telling you, Emerald, it’s fucking hard,” I say with a grimace.

She looks absolutely stunned at the scene in front of her.

And slowly, she turns around.

The expression on her face does something to me.

Fills some hole in me that’s Emerald-shaped.

She launches herself at me.

And I let out a soft grunt and catch my balance before we both topple over.

“Thank you, Saint!”

“Huh?”

Her voice is thick as she hugs me. “Thank you,” she repeats more softly, but there’s an edge to her voice. “I appreciate everything you did with buying the boutique…but a love story can’t be made out of a one-off grand gesture.”

This doesn’t sound good.

And my heart starts rapidly sinking.

“Saint, a real love story is when someone wants to do all the small things for you every single day . When a fierce man like you lets his guard down enough to take care of the kids for me. Doing all the mundane tasks that are what family life and love are really about. Being here for me when it really matters. Day in, day out. That’s what real love is.”

Her words make hope start to flare within me. “And is this what forever love is, Emerald?”

The silence beats between us.

I hold my breath as I wait for her answer.

“Yes,” she whispers. “It’s the love I want forever and ever.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

And I finally feel like I can breathe again.

“ You’re the only woman I want a love story with, Emerald . Only you . It’s only ever been you . You’re the one I love . And I love you so goddamn much . And I realize now by not telling you that, I was lying by omission. I was lying to myself and lying to you. And you deserve so much more than that.”

“You buying the boutique was amazing, Saint. But this , looking after the kids for me in this way, this means the whole world to me. You’re a much better man than you think.”

I shake my head. “No, Em. You make me a better man. Without you, it’s not possible. Because I’d do anything for you, Emerald. Get you out of jail. Buy a whole fucking boutique because there was no way the owner would drop the charges otherwise. Take care of your siblings. Learn to fucking French braid hair and fix lunch. Key the car of the guy who cheated on you. Commit coldblooded murder of a man who tried to touch you without your consent. There’s no line I wouldn’t cross to ensure you’re safe and happy . And I’ve never lied about that.”

She grins at me.

“Em, if you need support, back up, or whatever the hell you want to call it, I’m here. You need someone to bail you out of jail, I want to be your call. You need a ride to the casino, I’m the man. You need someone to challenge you in chess, it’s me. It’s only ever going to be me, Emerald. And I’m not going anywhere. You want me to go, you need to give me a damn good reason because it’ll be like cutting off a limb. Do you understand?”

“I can’t believe you actually learned how to braid hair,” she says slowly.

I chuckle, shaking my head. “Yeah, I’m a pro at the braiding now, and I even got the Giulietta stamp of approval and all.”

She holds me tighter, and those broken jagged pieces of my heart start to come together again.

I’m certain she can hear the thumping in my chest and the way everything feels like it’s spinning out of control, and yet, it’s the freefall I didn’t know I needed.

“You keep saying you’re terrible at this stuff, Saint. That you’re some coldhearted man. But look at what you’ve done for me. I’m just a girl you didn’t even like when you first met me. But all the stuff you’ve done since then.” She pulls back a little to look at me. “ No one who is unfeeling or coldhearted would do all that .”

“Only for you, Emerald,” I say softly. “Only for you. There isn’t a person on this planet I’d do any of that for but you. And for the record, I probably did like you when we first met.”

“Really…?”

“Yeah, Em. There was something about that moment when you wanted me to make a birthday wish…” I see the tears rimming her eyes. “Why are you crying, Em?”

She shrugs. “Can’t help it.”

“I know this won’t be enough, Em, but?—”

“ Yes, Saint .”

“Yes?”

“Yes, I’ll stay. And not just for the night…”

I think I’ve stopped breathing. My brain hasn’t caught up to what she just said, to the words that have just left her lips. “What?”

She gives a laugh, shaking her head. “I said, I’ll stay.”

I can’t help the smile that tugs up the corner of my mouth. “Okay. But Emerald?”

“Yes?”

“I’m not letting you go. Ever.”

She smiles at me. “Good.”

“I’ve been looking for a home all this time, Em. But I’ve been looking for the wrong thing. I’ve been looking for a place . But now I realize that home is actually a person . And I want you, Emerald, to be that. My person. My home. My love .” I tug her even closer before I claim her lips.

“You guys, get a room!” Milena giggles.

I laugh against Em’s lips, letting my forehead rest against hers, before pulling Emerald under my arm as we move into the house fully.

“You’re back!” Jaspar says, noticing me and jumping up, followed quickly by Giulietta.

“Yeah, I’m back, and I’ve missed you guys so much.”

“Did you bring us presents from the Bahamas?” Jaspar asks.

“Uh, no. Sorry…”

“Aw!” the younger kids whine, and I swallow down a laugh.

“You two have enough toys as it is,” I say as I hug Emerald into me even more. “Plus, I think both of you promised me you’d tidy those rooms of yours before you got any more toys, okay?”

“Okay!” they chorus.

I pull Emerald with me as I fall onto the couch, and we watch the kids carry on with their homework as they chatter away.

And for the first time in a whole week, it doesn’t feel like the world is off kilter. Because with Emerald here, it feels like the whole world’s fucking righted itself.

* * *

“Checkmate,” I declare with satisfaction.

Emerald groans. “I know I’m out of practice, but Jesus...”

I smile, righting the board as she sits back in her chair. “That’s three in a row. I think that counts as more than out of practice, Em.” She sticks her tongue out at me, but as she stands, I catch her hand, tugging her to me. “You don’t need to worry about Carmine.”

“What do you mean, Saint?”

“He’s dead.”

She blinks, and I feel her falter a little. I guide her to sit down on the edge of the bed beside me. “How? I mean, I thought he was too…”

I give her a shrug. “Turns out he wasn’t powerful enough to avoid judgment.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m going to tell you the truth about this even though my natural inclination is to lie to protect you. But I’m not going to lie to you anymore, Emerald. I found who was stealing the money from the casino to partner in a trafficking operation with the Croatians. It was Armando Barbieri, and I killed him. I don’t know how he managed to bury it so well, but he did. It took a while, but once I got on the right trail, I could finally see where the money was going. Christian gave me the go ahead to end him.”

“Okay. But I don’t get what that has to do with Carmine?”

“I planted evidence to make it look like he was also involved. And when I presented that to Christian, he gave me the go ahead to take out Carmine as well.”

She huffs out a breath. “You…did that for me?”

“ To keep you, the kids, and the baby safe . A better man wouldn’t have done what I did, but I don’t want you to have any misconceptions about my role here.”

She’s silent for a long while.

I purse my lips. “Say something, Em.”

“So, I don’t have to worry?”

“No, Emerald, you don’t have to worry. The bounty is gone.”

“Okay… So, there’s no need to have another wedding,” she murmurs.

“Wedding?”

“I mean, because the wedding was really just so I would be protected by being your wife.”

I laugh softly. “I still want a wedding. Even after you ran out on me. And I intend to actually marry you this time.”

And she gives me a pleased look before a frown settles on her face.

“Are you okay, Emerald?”

“The Carmine thing is a lot to process.”

I tug her legs over my lap, my thumb brushing her thigh as she looks at me.

“It’s a relief to know he’s dead. That I don’t have to worry about my family or look over my shoulder. But…”

“But it’s still unsettling?” I say.

She nods.

“This is how these things work in our world, Em.”

“I know,” she says quietly.

I tug her a little closer. “But I don’t want to spend the night talking about a dead man.”

“Oh?”

“Seems like a waste of our time, Em.”

“A little.” She smiles at me, leaning in closer. “I love you, Saint.”

“I love you too, Em.”

She quirks an eyebrow. “Even with my reputation?”

“You have to stop beating yourself up about stuff, Em. Life isn't black and white like a chessboard. There’s always going to be gray. Your mom was an escort, but she had her reasons, and it doesn't mean that you'll always be looked down upon. Even if people make comments, it's your self-worth that matters, not their opinions. And also, it’s love that matters—my love and the love of your family—because I love you, and I always will.”

She slowly smiles at me, and I can see that she understands me, who I am, and what she means to me.

And as I look at her and realize that I have her and her beautiful beaming smile back in my life, the gray clouds smothering my chest slowly start to disperse.

After so long in the gloom, so long drowning, it finally feels like I’ve managed to capture a huge lungful of happiness.

And it’s all because of Emerald…

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