Chapter 12 #2
I mean, I know I’m not the sort of woman that men go for.
Since I’ve split from Geliy, two of my single girlfriends dragged me on a couple of girls’ nights out when Geliy was spending time with the children.
I went along more to keep my mind off how much I was missing the kids.
And even though I wasn’t interested in finding a new man, I couldn’t help noticing how men would flock around my girlfriends while completely ignoring me like I was invisible or something.
And I know it’s because of my curves—and I know it’s because I’m not skinny like my girlfriends.
Geliy always used to tell me that I was lucky he stayed with me and that most men would be put off by my body.
So, I know that Viktor can’t like me like that. I’m just reading too much into things. And I saw last night how many pretty women they have working at the compound as maids and in the kitchen, so I know there’s no reason he would ever give a girl like me a second glance.
Sofia pokes her head inside when it’s time for bed. Then Viktor brings in Leon—in his car seat which is an odd choice to carry a baby in.
“I’ll let you guys get changed into your pj’s,” Viktor says, looking away after he deposits Leon onto the bed by my legs. My brow puckers as he heads out quickly.
“Are you better, Mama?” Sofia asks.
“A little, baby, but you don’t have to worry. After you’re changed, go on and brush your teeth while I take care of your brother, okay? I’ll join you in a few minutes.”
As she moves to her bright-pink duffle bag, I turn my attention to Leon. Lifting him up, I coo at him, earning a small giggle before I settle him down on my lap.
I change Leon into his dinosaur pj’s. Balancing him on my hip, I slowly move toward the bathroom.
Sofia hums softly to herself, going through her meticulous bathroom routine.
At least that’s something she can do anywhere we go.
She’s changed into her pink pj’s, little rainbows decorating the shorts.
I stand beside her and help her with her teeth.
I hear the door to the room open, and I peer around the corner to spot Viktor once more.
I guide Sofia out of the bathroom once she’s finished. Silence greets us except for the gentle purring of Viktor’s cat where she nuzzles against his hand.
Viktor is standing before the window, his back to us. I swallow hard as I usher the kids into the bed, ignoring the way his black shirt tugs tight against his broad shoulders. Or the way my face heats from just staring at him.
I get back into bed, and Sofia snuggles down beside me while I perch Leon on my lap.
“Can you read to us, Mama?”
“Of course,” I reply to Sofia. It’s routine. And I wouldn’t dare break routine tonight. I know Sofia needs it. Maybe I do too. It’s some slice of normal when everything’s been so chaotic lately.
Viktor looks to us, brow crinkled, before he moves to a bookcase beside the window. “Here.”
I blink at the book he shoves in front of me. Its gilded edges give me pause. “It... Are you sure? It looks kind of expensive.”
Viktor pushes the book toward me again.
I take it, our fingers skimming just briefly.
His hand yanks back like I’ve bitten him, and I ignore the way my skin tingles from the brief contact.
A flush colors my cheeks as I examine the book a little closer. The gilded edges make way to a worn fabric cover. Alice in Wonderland. My fingers skim the embossed lettering. It looks well-loved. Worn down but still well taken care of.
“I’ll read. You need rest.”
I blink at his gruff words but nod. My throat feels raw as it is, and my eyes keep drooping. “Thanks.”
He sits on the bed beside us, adjusting himself against the pillows and headboard stiffly. A two-foot gap separates him and us. I want to tell him we don’t bite. That he can scoot closer. But we’re strangers. He’s just being respectful, right?
He clears his throat, looking at us from the corner of his eye before opening the book. A beautiful hand-drawn watercolor image greets us, and Sofia sits up to get a better look.
“Chapter One. Down the Rabbit Hole,” he reads, his voice deep and soothing.
I nestle into the pillows, cradling Leon as Viktor’s voice lulls me into a soft relaxed state. I must drift off slightly because the words of Lewis Carroll no longer sound around me, and instead, I hear Sofia’s voice.
“Is it an important book?” Sofia asks.
“It is,” Viktor answers.
“The pictures are very vibrant.”
“Babulya, my grandmother, gave it to me as a kid. I’ve read it a lot. The pictures were my favorite part.”
“The pictures are my favorite part too,” Sofia replies. “More books should have them.”
I open my heavy eyelids a little. Sofia looks absolutely captivated by the book’s pictures, and I swear I see a small smile tugging at the corner of Viktor’s lips.
“Say goodnight.”
Sofia moves closer to kiss my cheek. “Goodnight, Mama.”
“Where…”
“Just next door,” Viktor answers as he stands, tucking the book under his arm. “You need to sleep uninterrupted as per the doctor’s orders. I set up a guest room next door.”
“Oh, okay.” And I know I’ll be able to hear if Leon cries in the night or if Sofia needs me, although that mom guilt gets me a little again. I remind myself that I can’t afford a relapse, and I definitely can’t afford Child Protective Services taking the kids away from me.
Viktor swallows before he folds an extra blanket over his arm, gesturing for me to put Leon there.
I frown a little, but I gently lay the sleeping baby onto the blanket.
Viktor’s lip curls slightly. “Get some sleep,” he orders.
His voice sounds raspy, and that shouldn’t make my stomach flutter, but it does.
I shake the thought away as he guides Sofia and Leon out the door, leaving it just ajar.
Queenie pads over and nestles into the warm spot on the bed where Sofia was sitting a few moments ago, and my eyes flutter close.
Some time passes—a few minutes?—when heavy footsteps and a sharp voice hit my ears from where the door is ajar.
I jerk fully awake. My body tenses on reflex.
“For fuck’s sake!” The low tone is familiar. I realize it’s Grigory, the one who accused me of being a bad mother. My fingers curl into the comforter, the knuckles whitening. “Don’t fucking tell me Geliy and that woman dumped their kids on us again, Viktor.”
I strain to hear. “No. She didn’t dump her kids on anyone,” Viktor grits out.
“Then what the fuck are they doing here?” Grigory snarls.
“I offered them a place to stay.”
A long pause and then a Russian curse. “Why?” Grigory snaps.
“She’s sick…and needed the help.”
I swallow, bracing for Grigory to march in and tell me and the kids to get the hell out. I can’t blame him for being upset. Geliy’s way of parenting could make even the most gracious host irritated. There’s another long sigh, and I see a flicker of shadow from the door.
“You better not let it be a complete shitshow like the fucking last week, alright?” he hisses at Viktor.
Grigory’s heavy footsteps sound again, and I half expect them to head toward me, but then they pass and fade into the distance.
It could have been worse, I suppose. As I release the breath I’ve been holding, Viktor fills the threshold of the door.
For a moment, we just look at each other. Or rather, I look at him. He looks everywhere but my eyes, like he can’t quite hold eye contact.
“You heard?” he murmurs.
I nod.
“I…” He sighs, shifting his weight from foot to foot. “I’m sorry about Grigory.”
“It’s okay. Really.”
Again, he shifts his weight before moving into the room. His movements are jerky, stiff. I can’t tell if he’s agitated or uncomfortable. The expression on his face doesn’t tell me much either. “It’s not okay. And I’m sorry too for what he said when you first arrived.”
I suck in a sharp breath. When Grigory accused me of dumping the kids on them so that I could go gallivanting off on vacation, the words really stung. “Apology accepted.” A smile spreads across my face. “I guess given how he and I met, it could have been worse, right?”
Viktor blinks at me. “He shouldn’t have said it. You clearly care about your kids. You work hard to support them. Grigory was out of line.”
I pause, unsure what to say to that. I love my children. I’d do anything for them. Even if it means working myself to an early grave. They are my world and deserve it. “It’s water under the bridge now, really.” And I mean it—because I prefer to just move on from stuff like that and move forward.
Viktor gives a slight grunt as he stands awkwardly in the middle of the room.
With me taking over his room, I wonder where he’ll be sleeping tonight, but I don’t ask him.
He shifts on his feet again, and I try to tell myself it’s not because of me.
That his avoidance and shifting are just because he’s socially awkward with people. Not everyone is outgoing and vibrant.
“You should sleep,” he says, and he leaves, shutting the door behind him.
A pang of disappointment races through me, but I shove it away. There’s no reason to be disappointed that he’s leaving or that I don’t get to talk to him a little longer. He isn’t doing this because he likes me or the kids. This is a debt he’s repaying to Geliy. He’s made that very clear.
But…there was nothing making him apologize for what Grigory said. And I start wondering why he did that.
And that makes my stomach swirl slightly as I think about the story time tonight and everything else he’s done for us.
Because it’s sweet—and a stark contrast to the reticent ex-military man I met when I first arrived here.