Chapter 16 #2
“I won’t force him – I’ll pay him handsomely.”
“He has other patients – ”
“And you’re his most important one.”
I knew Dario meant well, but his words still made my chest tighten.
“But I have to go to the doctor’s office. I have to have an ultrasound – ”
“I’ve been thinking about that, too. I’m considering buying the necessary equipment and installing it here in the house. Like my father did for my mother.”
The tightness in my chest turned into a shiver of terror.
“Dario… your mother was dying,” I whispered. “I’m fine.”
“Of course you are,” he said hastily. “It was just a thought. To make things more convenient for you.”
“I’m fine with going to Florence.”
He paused, then smiled and nodded. “Then we will go to Florence.”
I knew better than to pursue the subject right now, so I just nodded and let it go.
He leaned over and kissed me… and his lips on mine temporarily banished all my fears.
When he held me, it made everything better.
It was only when he let me go that my fears returned.
“That was very nice,” I said with a smile after we finished kissing. “But was there something else you wanted to see me about?”
“Yes,” he said, and I could hear a note of unease in his voice. “Raffaelo came here for the meeting this morning. He had some unfortunate news from Florence.”
I frowned. “Oh?”
“It seems that small-time gangs are selling drugs on our streets, and that the drugs are tainted. A lot of young people are dying from overdoses.”
“That’s horrible,” I murmured, and I meant it.
“Yes,” he said gently. “Which is why we are considering getting back into the business of supplying Florence.”
His words were like a bucket of ice water over my head.
“What?!” I asked as I pulled away from him. “But you got out of selling drugs!”
“We wouldn’t turn a profit on it. We would only be doing it to save people’s lives.”
“How is selling drugs to people saving their lives?” I demanded.
“As I said, the drugs are tainted,” he said patiently. “That’s what’s causing the overdoses.”
The dark little voice in my head whispered, The wages of sin are death.
Guilt welled up in me like black poison.
But I didn’t want to face my own sins…
So I lashed out at the sins of others.
“If a bunch of people are taking drugs and something bad happens to them, that’s on them, not on you,” I said vehemently.
“It is if I can stop it from happening.”
“Then make the gangs stop selling drugs.”
“The only way to do that is with violence,” he said sternly. “Is that what you want?”
I hesitated.
Sin piled upon sin, until you’re buried alive.
“No,” I said, “but – ”
“Even if I could get rid of all the gangs, others would step in to take their place. And it won’t get rid of the demand. People will still seek out drugs. If they don’t get it from us, they’ll get it from other cities, other places – ”
“You said you were getting out!” I cried desperately. “You and Roberto said you were going legitimate in two years!”
“We are. It’s just that, after what happened in Hong Kong, it might take a bit longer than we originally thought.”
Bathsheba sinned, and her baby paid the price.
I married a mafioso.
Will my baby pay the price?
“You promised me, Dario,” I said, my voice rising. “You swore an oath to me – ”
“And I will fulfill it,” he insisted. “Our children will become doctors, or lawyers, or writers, or whatever they want to be. They will never follow in my footsteps – ”
“But you swore that they would be safe!” I cried angrily.
“They will be.”
“How will they be safe if you go back to selling drugs?!”
“I’m not selling drugs – ”
“No, you’re just ordering people to go out and do it for you!”
His brow furrowed. “I do this not because I want to, but because a lot more people are going to die if I don’t.”
“That’s a convenient excuse,” I snapped.
His eyes burned with anger.
You shouldn’t have said that! I thought frantically.
Ordinarily, I would have been frightened by his reaction –
But my fear for my baby was greater.
However, when he spoke, his voice was controlled.
Cold, but controlled.
“What would you have me do, Alessandra? Stand by and watch while people die because of my inaction?”
“It’s not going to stop with this,” I said, trying to control my own fear.
“If you get back into drugs, you’ll just be pulled into it deeper and deeper, and eventually more people will die because of it.
If people are going to die, then let them die because of what THEY do, not because of what you do. ”
He harrumphed, and one corner of his mouth turned up. “In matters of persuasion, you could give Niccolo a run for his money.”
“He’s the one who wants to do it, isn’t he,” I asked angrily.
“Not just him,” Dario said. “Everyone agreed it would be in our best interests.”
I stared at him in shock. “Bianca and Cat?”
“No, everyone in the meeting this morning.”
“So… your brothers. And Rachel and Sofia.”
“Yes.”
“People who have killed,” I said bitterly, “or worked for your uncle to try to kill you.”
Dario’s face went cold. “You’re quite judgmental for someone who married one of those killers.”
His words were like a dagger to my heart. My eyes welled up with tears.
Bathsheba sinned…
And her baby paid the price.
I turned to go, to run away –
But he grabbed my arm and pulled me back.
“Alessandra,” he said.
I fought him –
But his arms encircled me…
Protecting me…
Trapping me.
I wanted to run…
But I wanted more to stay.
To stay in the arms of the man I loved more than anything.
Even if it means God will punish your baby? that dark, accusing voice asked.
Before I could answer the voice, Dario spoke.
“I swear to you, amore mio, I will take the family legitimate. I promise upon my father’s soul. And our children will be safe. On that, I swear on my mother’s soul. Please… I just need a little more time than I originally thought.”
I broke down crying in his arms. “Please don’t get back into drugs.”
“I need you to trust me,” he murmured. “Please… can you do that? Can you trust me?”
I knew I shouldn’t.
I knew I should leave him.
I should flee –
But I couldn’t.
My body thirsted for him.
My heart hungered for him.
His touch… his voice… his love…
I craved him.
Like a drug, said the evil little voice in my head. And your baby will end up paying the price.
I ignored the voice. Shoved it down. Forced it into the shadows.
“Will you trust me?” Dario repeated gently.
“…yes,” I whispered.
But as I spoke, the candle of hope I had nurtured all those months…
My one ray of light in the darkness…
Went out.
I had made my choice.
I just prayed my child wouldn’t pay the price for it.