Chapter 65
Emilia
Ilay there in the darkness of Giorgio’s bedroom and listened to the soft sounds of his breathing as he fell asleep.
It wasn’t quite as easy for me.
It wasn’t the early hour, either, that kept me awake. It was all the feelings crashing around inside me.
On the one hand, I was the happiest I’d ever been in my entire life.
When Giorgio said I love you while we were making love –
It had been the most beautiful thing, and the sexiest thing, I’d ever heard.
When I came, it had been an overwhelming feeling of love and joy I’d never experienced before.
But now that I was alone with my thoughts…
Other feelings started creeping in.
Darker ones.
I was afraid…
Terrified that I was being seduced to the dark side.
Everything about Giorgio seemed so good and so kind…
And yet, he was a mafioso.
His job was…
Well, God only knew what his job was.
Hurting people?
Killing people?
It didn’t seem real. The man I knew seemed the complete opposite of all that –
Until I remembered what he’d done to Maurizio.
Then it didn’t seem all that impossible.
But he did it for you, a voice inside me said. He did it because he was falling in love with you.
That made it better… much better, actually…
But it didn’t entirely erase my fears.
Maurizio deserved what he got.
But did everyone else who crossed Giorgio or his bosses deserve it?
Dread slowly crept through my body.
I resisted it…
But it still seeped through me like India ink through a linen tablecloth.
Giorgio was a kind, wonderful man who adored me…
And I was in love with him. There was no question of that.
I would have loved him if he was dirt poor.
But he wasn’t.
And that was what scared me most.
I’d had a fleeting thought as I looked around his apartment earlier:
I could get used to this.
The level of beauty and luxury he lived in was far beyond anything I could afford.
Not only that, but I saw what Bianca had.
Her own store.
Money.
A powerful husband.
And I liked her. I liked her a lot!
I liked Lucia, too – and Mei-ling, even though I’d only spent one afternoon with her.
All wives of mafiosos…
All women who could have whatever they wanted.
But what had they done – what had they given up – to get it?
I wasn’t religious. My family had only gone to church on major holidays. Christmas and Easter, mostly.
But I remembered certain Bible verses that our priest in Milan had quoted. His impassioned sermons had made a big impression on me at a very young age.
The words that kept reverberating in my mind right now were, What shall it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
Had Bianca, Lucia, and Mei-ling traded away a part of their souls for what they had?
Had Giorgio traded away a part of his?
And was I really considering doing the same?
For a man I was in love with, yes –
But was that enough?
I truly believed Giorgio was a good man.
I wouldn’t have fallen in love with him otherwise.
…right? I asked silently.
There was no answer except the soft sound of his breathing next to me.