CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
LORENZO
She was gone.
I stood frozen in the middle of the room, the weight of her absence pressing down on my chest like a boulder. My heart was still hammering from the fight with Luca, but the real blow, the one that truly shattered me, had come from Maria.
“I can’t marry you.”
The words echoed in my skull, bouncing off the walls of my mind like a cruel joke. My fingers clenched into fists, my entire body trembling.
This was my fault. I had brought this upon myself. I let out a ragged breath, running a hand through my hair before slamming my fist against the desk. The pain barely registered. I welcomed it. I deserved it.
Dante warned me. I could still hear his voice.
“Tell her before she finds out on her own. The truth never stays buried, Lorenzo.”
But I hadn’t listened.
Would it have made a difference?
I gritted my teeth, the fury boiling inside me until it had nowhere to go. My arm lashed out, knocking the stack of papers off my desk. They scattered like fallen leaves, swirling in the air before landing in a chaotic mess on the floor.
The chair went next, crashing into the bookshelf. The sound of splintering wood filled the room, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t loud enough to drown out the ache in my chest.
My breathing was ragged, and my vision blurred. Maria was gone, and for the first time in years, I felt truly, utterly alone. A soft knock at the door barely registered in my haze of anger.
“Lorenzo.”
The voice was gentle and familiar.
My mother. I had gone back to get my mom after Maria left and brought her to my house. Something earlier on had reminded me of how I wanted her near me to keep a close eye on her and be closer to her. But right now, I couldn’t let her see me like this.
I turned away from the mess I had made, pressing the heels of my palms against my eyes. But it was too late. She stepped inside, her eyes sweeping over the destruction. She didn’t flinch. She had seen worse.
She had seen me worse. She walked toward me slowly, like she was approaching a wounded animal.
“You have never been one to handle pain well,” she mused, bending down to pick up one of the papers I had thrown. “You bottle it up until it eats you alive. Just like your father.”
I sucked in a sharp breath at the mention of him.
She sighed, placing the paper on the desk before looking at me. “I knew something was wrong. The moment I saw Maria’s face. I knew you had not told her the truth.”
I swallowed hard, my throat burning. “She left.”
“I know.”
My mother reached out, brushing a hand against my cheek. It was such a simple gesture, but it unraveled me. My jaw clenched, and I had to bite back the urge to break down completely.
“She loves you,” my mother whispered. “I have seen it in her eyes. The way she looks at you. The way she softens when she speaks about you.”
A bitter laugh escaped me. “Not anymore.”
“She is hurt.” My mother sighed. “But love does not vanish in a day, Lorenzo. It does not simply disappear because the truth was revealed.”
I turned away, my hands gripping the edge of the desk. “I don’t deserve her.”
“That is not for you to decide.”
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to explain the weight pressing down on my chest or the suffocating regret. I had spent years being Shade and living in the shadows, making choices that I told myself were necessary. And now, I was paying for them.
My mother stepped closer, her hand resting over mine.
“I have seen you change,” she murmured. “Slowly, piece by piece, you have become the man I always prayed you would be. And I will not let you throw that away.”
My throat tightened. “I don’t know how to fix this.”
“You fight.” Her voice was steady, unwavering. “You fight for what you love. You fight for the woman who has brought light back into your life.”
I closed my eyes, exhaling shakily. “And what if she never forgives me?”
She squeezed my hand. “Then, you will have to live with it. But you do not give up before you have even tried.”
I looked at her then, really looked at her. She looked tired, more tired than I had ever seen her.
Something shifted in my chest. “You look tired. Maybe you should go and rest.”
She smiled softly. “I never could hide things from you.”
The air in the room changed. I straightened, dread curling in my stomach. “You just need to rest. I will get you your medication.”
She hesitated. And that alone was enough to send my heart into my throat.
“My time is running out, Lorenzo. I will soon be gone.”
The words hit me like a punch to the gut.
I shook my head, stepping back. “Don’t—don’t say that.”
She smiled, but there was sadness in it. “I have known for some time.”
I felt like the ground had been ripped from beneath me. I had already lost so much. I couldn’t lose her, too. I know she had been fighting for years, but I had always thought we would beat this.
She cupped my face, her eyes glistening. “That is why I need you to be ready. I need you to be strong.”
Tears burned my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. “I can’t live without you. I need you. What did the doctor say?”
She didn’t answer.
And that was an answer in itself.
I inhaled sharply, turning away because I couldn’t look at her. “This isn’t fair.”
“No, it isn’t.” She exhaled softly. “But neither is love. Neither is life. And yet, we endure.”
I clenched my fists. “I don’t know how to do this without you.”
“You will.” Her voice was steady. “Because you are my son. And you are stronger than you think.”
I swallowed, my body trembling.
“You must promise me something,” she continued.
I didn’t speak. I wasn’t sure I could.
“Promise me you will fight for her.”
My breath hitched.
“Promise me you will not let fear stop you from living the life you deserve.”
I looked at her, my chest aching.
She was dying. She was slipping through my fingers, just like Maria had.
I had spent my whole life making decisions that I thought would protect me. And now, all I had left were the ruins of those choices.
I didn’t want to lose Maria, too. Not without trying. Not without a fight.
So, I nodded, and my mother smiled.
******
It had been three days. Three days of silence. Three days of running into walls. Three days of knowing that I had lost her.
I had tried calling Luca, but there was no answer. I tried again and again until my number was blocked. So, I used another number, and he blocked that too. I sent messages. Nothing. I even thought about writing a damn letter, something I hadn’t done since I was a kid. But I knew it wouldn’t make a difference.
Maria? She was worse. She didn’t just block my number; she disappeared. She had turned me into a ghost.
I would have gone to her house if I wasn’t sure Luca would put a bullet through my skull without hesitation. He had made it clear right before blocking me that if I came near Maria or Matteo, I wouldn’t live long enough to beg for forgiveness.
But I was running out of options. And desperation made men reckless.
So, I waited. I knew her schedule and knew where she went. And I knew she always dropped Matteo off at school in the mornings.
And that’s how I ended up parked a few cars away, watching her.
She didn’t see me. She was too focused on Matteo as she helped him out of the car. She knelt, fixing the collar of his jacket, smoothing his hair, and pressing a kiss to his forehead. He laughed, a bright sound, and my chest ached at how much he looked like her. How much he reminded me of myself and how much I wanted to keep being in his life and in her life.
She was a good mother.
She loved with her whole being. I had seen it in the way she held him, the way she spoke to him, and the way she protected him with everything she had. And I loved her for it. I loved her for all of it.
I had always loved her, even when I convinced myself I couldn’t and even when I buried myself in a world that had no space for love. I couldn’t let her go without a fight. As soon as she got back in the car, I moved.
She barely had time to shut the door before I was knocking on her window. Her eyes widened in shock, then narrowed in anger. She hesitated before rolling the window down just an inch.
“Maria—”
“I have nothing to say to you.”
“I know. But I have something to say to you.”
She let out a sharp breath, gripping the steering wheel like she wanted to strangle it instead of me.
“I’m late for an appointment,”
“I’ll make it quick.”
She gave me a look that screamed disbelief.
“Fine,” I relented. “I won’t. But, Maria, please just listen. Let me explain.”
Her fingers tapped against the steering wheel. She was thinking about it. The seconds ticked, and it felt like an eternity, like I was in court waiting for a verdict if I would be sentenced to death or exonerated.
Then she sighed. “I’ll stop by tonight.”
Relief washed over me so quickly, my knees nearly buckled. I nodded, stepping back as she rolled the window up and drove away.
Now, all I had to do was wait. And waiting felt like hell.
That night, I paced back and forth, back and forth. Every minute felt like an hour. Every sound outside made my heart jump into my throat.
What if she didn’t come? What if she had said it just to get rid of me? What if Luca talked her out of it?
No, Maria wasn’t like that. She did what she said. If she said she would come, she would. Right?
God, I was losing my damn mind.
I ran a hand through my hair, exhaling sharply.
I wasn’t a nervous man. I had faced worse things than this. But this wasn’t business. This wasn’t war. This was Maria. And Maria was the only person that could make me feel like I was floating and sinking at the same time.
Another minute passed. Another. And another. Then, finally, the bell rang. I froze. For a moment, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe.
Then, I did. I rushed to the door, yanked it open, and there she was. Standing at my doorstep. Maria.