Chapter 9
ELTON
When I'd invited Rafferty back to my place, I’d pictured us sitting at opposite ends of the couch, which would give us enough room we wouldn't accidentally touch each other. However, I didn’t take into account Rafferty’s enormous wolf shifter physique.
He'd leaned up against one arm of the couch, but when I brought him his beer, I could tell I’d have to pay attention to how I was sitting or we’d accidentally knock knees.
“Thanks for the beer.” Rafferty lifted his toward me in a toast. “Here's to finding out that magic still has surprises in store for us.”
“No kidding. I hope Manny gets comfortable enough with us to tell us his story one day.” I picked at the label on my beer bottle, unsure how to broach the subject of my impending surgery.
Rafferty shifted in his seat. “Can I ask you a personal question?”
I snorted. “I should hope so, if we're considering being mates.”
He gave me a faint smile. “A couple of times now, you've known things that most people couldn’t have known.” He started to reach a hand toward me, then dropped it. “Are you a telepath or something?”
Time to spill the beans. “Not a telepath. I can't read anyone's thoughts.” He hid it well, but I was watching for the subtle relaxation in his body. “I keep it pretty tamped down most of the time, but I'm an empath.”
“An empath? So you... feel what others are feeling?” His forehead was slightly scrunched up.
I opened my abilities briefly, checking to see how horrified or scared he might be.
I'd learned young to weed people out early before wasting a lot of time on them.
Rafferty, however, was emitting curiosity, caution, and worry.
Did I dare to be optimistic? What was the most interesting was the worry was for me, not for himself. That had never happened before.
“Yeah, it varies how much I get, depending on how close I am to the person, how strongly they are feeling whatever they're feeling, and of course whether I have my ability opened up or not.”
He nodded, continuing to meet my eyes although he was a little more tense now. “I'm guessing some people don't react well to knowing you can read their feelings.” Holy shit, protectiveness was coming off him in waves, like he wanted to punch anyone who’d hurt me.
I couldn't stop my affectionate smile. “Well, as you can imagine, I don't tell very many people about it. But you’re right. It hasn't gone well in the past.”
“Well, those people are narrow-minded and shitty.” I heard growling, separate from his voice.
“Is that growling sound your wolf?”
He startled. “You can hear him? We’re not even connected!” He looked down, as if checking to make sure we hadn’t accidentally created a connection without noticing.
“Could be something to do with my magic.”
He met my eyes again. “Or that we’re mates.”
“But we’re not mated yet.”
His slow smile was a combination of sly and delighted. “Yet. Does that mean you’re leaning toward agreeing to bond?”
I dropped my eyes to my beer bottle, focusing on picking at the label with my thumbnail. “Maybe. But only after my surgery.”
He waited a few seconds, probably expecting me to elaborate. “I won’t care if you don’t have testicles, Elton.”
I glanced up at him, then back down at my beer bottle. “Not having any balls means I might have trouble getting an erection.” I kept my magic locked up nice and tight. No need to feel the blowback from that bombshell.
“Elton, look at me.” I reluctantly raised my eyes to his. His smile seemed genuine at least. “Sex is only one part of a relationship. I want to be mated to you for you, not for your balls or your dick. Do you think my wolf cares whether you can get it up on the regular or not?”
“Uh, I have no idea.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “You’re not using your magic, are you? Fuck, Elton. Open it up and feel what I’m telling you. I’m not lying.”
“I—” I looked to the side before forcing myself to meet his gaze again. “What if you believe what you’re saying now, but over time it becomes a problem?”
He reached out a hand, then fisted it and slammed it down on his thigh.
“Dammit, I just want to fucking hold you.” He closed his eyes, pressing his lips together.
Even though my magic was shut down as much as I could get it to be, I still felt his frustration, his desire to reassure me.
Was he right? Could I feel him like this because we were meant to be mates?
His wolf was whining. I put my beer on the coffee table and wrapped my arms around myself.
Finally Rafferty met my gaze again. “Here’s a question for you, Elton. What if I’m in a horrible accident at a construction site, and my shifter healing saves my life, but my dick is permanently damaged and I can’t ever have sex again. Would you no longer want to be mated to me?”
“What? No, of course not. But that’s not the same!”
He got to his feet and glared at me. “It’s exactly the same!” His wolf howled. Rafferty loomed over me, and if he’d been anyone else, I would’ve felt threatened. But I knew he’d never hurt me. I knew he’d cherish me, care for me. Fuck, I knew he’d love me if I gave him the chance.
I got to my feet as well, forcing him to take a step back to avoid touching me. “I feel like you’d be getting damaged goods, and I don't want you to regret your choice when you could have someone whole.”
He sat down again, putting his elbows on his knees but with his head turned toward me. “I'm not going to regret it. You are whole. You’ll still be whole, even after the surgery. Your heart is whole, and that's the only part of you I need.”
My eyes felt hot, and my throat was tight. That was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever said to me. Rafferty's eyes were pleading, and when I opened my magic the tiniest bit, I was almost bowled over by the yearning and desperation coming from him.
“Okay.” I sniffled and swiped the back of my hand across my face.
“Okay?” He sat up and twisted his body to face me with a hopeful expression. “Does that mean you'll bond with me?”
I smiled. “I will. But I do want to wait until after the surgery. Just in case. What if my scent changes and your wolf doesn’t like it?”
He sighed, but he was smiling. “I won’t change my mind, and neither will my wolf.” I heard the wolf yip in agreement.
“Probably not, but it'll make me feel less guilty.”
He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before his shoulder slumped. “Fine. I don't want to cause you any more stress. But, fair warning, as soon as we get you home from the hospital, I’ll be pestering you to form a mating connection.”
I gave a sodden chuckle. “Lennon will be staying with me, but it'd be nice to be able to touch you.” I rubbed my face. “The doctor said it'll be two to four weeks before I can attempt to have an orgasm, so we can't finalize the bond until then.”
His eyebrows scrunched down. “Bonding can be completed without sex.”
“I know. But I'd like to at least try.” He nodded. I held up a finger. “And my hormones will be all over the place until they figure out my testosterone dosage. I don't know how pleasant I’ll be to spend time with.”
He grinned. “You can't be any crabbier than a wolf shifter in her eighth month of pregnancy, and I've been dealing with those one after the other for the past few years.”
I couldn't stop myself from smiling back. I was still getting nothing but positive feelings from Rafferty. Maybe he was right. Maybe things would work out between us. I watched the play of muscles in his throat as he swallowed some of his beer. How soft was his beard? A flash of heat went through my body. I took a sip of my own beer, then set the bottle back down with a pronounced click. “Lennon’s driving in from Austin tomorrow afternoon, so tonight is really my last free night with a working testicle.”
Rafferty froze, his beer bottle inches from his lips. Slowly, he placed it on the coffee table. “How do you suggest we commemorate that?”
I looked at him from under my eyelashes, toying with the top button on my shirt. “Well, we obviously can't touch each other without creating a mate connection, but nothing says we can't touch ourselves.”
He groaned, leaning back and putting his hands over his face. “You want to show me your naked body, only a few feet away, and I can’t touch you? I don't know if I'm strong enough.”
I got up and moved to the much less comfortable armchair across from the couch. Now six feet of space and the coffee table were between me and Rafferty. “Is this better?” I popped the button on my shirt I’d been teasing him with, then the next one.
“I’ll deal with it.” His voice was hoarse, and his eyes were trained on my chest as I slowly revealed my skin.
I wasn’t the most fit guy in the world. I definitely didn’t go to the gym regularly.
Rafferty, I found out after he whipped his long-sleeved t-shirt over his head, must work out a lot.
I swallowed. “I'm looking forward to getting my hands on all of that.” He had a thick pelt of chest hair I just knew would feel soft beneath my fingers.
Why were we waiting to touch each other again? I shook my head. Stick with the plan.
Tired of teasing him, I yanked the tails of my shirt out of my pants and pulled the whole thing over my head.
Rafferty sucked in a breath. I stood up and unbuckled my belt while toeing off my shoes.
Rafferty stood as well, his cock bulging under his jeans.
He unbuttoned them and unzipped his fly, then before I could see what kind of underwear he was wearing, he bent over to unlace his work boots.
I'd been about to protest that he should turn around so I could admire his ass, but the muscles in his back flexed under his skin, and I lost the ability to speak. When he stood upright again, freezing me in place with his heated stare, I managed a small moan.
“See something you like?” After he kicked off his boots, he yanked the sides of his fly apart to display silky black boxers.